The Unbelievable Behaviour of the Narcissist (And What You Can Do About It)

 

 

Unbelievable

Narcissists have a different world view to you. Failing to understand this results in the behaviour which seems entirely appropriate from our perspective, being confusing, bewildering and utterly unbelievable from your perspective.

This results in the use of flawed logic, bad decisions and continued ensnarement with the narcissist.

To understand how the behaviour is unbelievable and importantly what you can do about it, use the link below.

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37 thoughts on “The Unbelievable Behaviour of the Narcissist (And What You Can Do About It)

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    HG. If someone you were intent on communicating with changed their number to be rid of you, can you honestly say you wouldn’t attempt to find it? You don’t seem to be the kind to give up that easily.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am not the kind to give up easily at all, but fortunately for nearly all readers, most narcissists are nowhere close to my level of pursuit, ability or resource. The majority of narcissists hoover because it is too easy for them to do so. For example, the victim remains on social media, does not change the telephone number, moves in social circles still where the narcissist moves, the victim tries to placate the narcissist by remaining “friends” and so forth. Most people fail at no contact because

      1. They actually do not understand how to do it properly because too much rubbish is written about narcissism by people who do not actually understand it. Read my work and apply my direction and you will understand it but moreover you will not make the elementary errors, and
      2. Emotional thinking scuppers the NCR and again most people do not know about ET and do not understand how it appears and operates. My work tackles this for you also.

      Most narcissists want the easy result which means if you make it reasonably difficult for a narcissist to contact you, the narcissist will be forced to look elsewhere and there are lots of accessible victims out there. Few narcissists have the ability, resources, the necessity or the inclination to pursue people to the ends of the earth, it just is not necessary in the majority of cases. The reason people are “pursued” is a combination of no contact failings and perception (e.g. falsely but honestly believing the narcissist is intent on your destruction). Of course narcissists ruin lives and cause many problems for people, but by using my work you are far from helpless. Those who are in a desperate position are those who have not accessed my work. Those that do, soon leave desperation behind.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I have used your work.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am pleased to see that that is the case.

  2. Leigh says:

    Mr. Tudor, why do so many narcissists, watch and lurk? Can you give an example of whats going on in there head when they do this? For instance, let’s say they are sitting in there car just watching you walk through the parking lot. What’s that about?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. That is an indirect physical hoover.
      2. Unconsciously it is done to assert control over the victim and in the expectation of drawing a response in order to gain fuel. The lurking (rather than a direct approach) is being done because the narcissism unconsciously deems that to be the bets approach, for instance in terms of reducing the risk of wounding (being rejected in person by a direct physical hoover) and also for the purposes of plausible deniability (“Why were you sat outside my home?” “I was on the phone to someone, I pulled over, I had not realised it was where you lived.”)
      3. Consciously, the narcissist might be thinking they just want to see you again because they miss you or that they just want to know what you are doing. It might be because they suspect you are with somebody else and want to check that fact. There are many different conscious reasons that the narcissism will allow the narcissist to think where the narcissist is Lesser or Mid-Range.

      1. Leigh says:

        Thank you for your thorough explanation, Mr. Tudor. As always, it’s greatly appreciated.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

  3. Leolita says:

    Message received through payment app in the form of: «I will come up today», after 2 months with NC (receiving calls from withheld number regularly, 5-15 each time, 1-3 weeks interval). How to handle that? Just not open door or leave house. Could be empty «threat» to force me to respond.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Change your number.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        HG, after trying to tell myself it will be alright I need to accept your absolute wisdom about this. I need to change my number. Period. 13 spoof calls in two days after I published the title of a project on a common work website. Almost three years later. I just can’t. This never ends!!!!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Have you now changed the number?

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I’m on it! This past week has been a nightmare, followed by a music hoover via public email address full of petty songs with lyrics such as “I never meant to let you go,” “don’t ever let me go” “I would kill for another chance.” I must say it is kind of comical and pathetic.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I have a question. I have a good friend on my WhatsApp list whose husband is really close to my narc. If I change my number she will get notified, plus I don’t want to lose her as a contact for many reasons including professional ones. If he realizes he doesn’t have my new phone he will surely ask her. And she knows nothing about us or that he is a narc. I can’t go and tell her “don’t share my new number.” I am fucked up.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            I didn´t see a question in your comment, SP. Change your number and come off WatsApp. Give the number to your friend and explain you have been receiving crank calls (but you do not know who) and she must not give the number out to anybody, even people she knows as you’ve been advised by the police to take this step to prevent the crank calls. If she is a good friend, she will not disclose it, if she does, she is not as good a friend as you think.

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            HG, thanks so much. I will certainly do that.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Also, I followed your advice in the package of dealing with a narc at work in my latest interactions with my worknarc. You saved my sanity!!! So thanks for that too!

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Always good to read. My work, works.

          8. Sweetest Perfection says:

            It does. Phone number changed ✌🏽

          9. HG Tudor says:

            Well done. HG approves.

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Oh, and it’s true I didn’t make an explicit question haha! The question was: what the fuck can I do to get rid of this leech!??? But you already answered it.

          11. Renarde says:

            SP

            I think what bothers me is you saying, ‘I can’t tell her not to disclose your new number.’

            Of course you can! It’s your number!

            Also, I’d query why the Hoovers are getting through?

            Finally, and if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. It bothers me when people use the ‘possesive’ when referring to the Narc.

            I think you are worth more than this.

          12. HG Tudor says:

            They were getting through because the number remained the same and the narcissist knew the number, so even when he was blocked, he would shift to a different number, hence why SP was advised to change the number as per my earlier comment.

          13. Renarde says:

            Hg

            Understood.

          14. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Exactly. He was using spoof calling. Most of the numbers that called started with my first 3 digits. He also hoovers me through my email which is public and I can’t do anything about it apart from marking his own email as spam, but he’s not that stupid even though he’s a Lesser. He uses other addresses.

          15. HG Tudor says:

            He is Upper Lesser if I recall correctly, which does not necessarily mean the narcissist is dim. Re email :-

            1. Can you utilise a gate keeper?
            2. Each time an email from him arrives as soon as you know it is him, read no further and set to spam.
            3. By ensuring you remain out of all arenas with this narcissist (and others – Cross Pollution) , the occasional email which is “snuffed out” as per 2 will not cause significant problems for you. It will fall within the “headroom” afforded by very low ET, but you have to get to that point and maintain it.

          16. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Correct, Upper Lesser. There are many other things I learned from your work apart from cyber security lessons. For example, as you explain below, very few narcissists have the perseverance and motivation to pursue a target that is not easily accessible. I also learned about the different types of hoover trigger. I knew I was creating a hoover trigger recently but I had to do that because it is linked to my career promotion, so at least it wasn’t a surprise, I was ready. Ultimately, I also learned that we can never control the narc’s actions but we can control ours and our ET. My ET went a little bananas when I saw the titles of the songs, but I did what HG advises: go for a run, get distracted, make a quiche, invite a few friends to have a social-distance gathering in my garden while we chat and laugh, and move past that temporary instance of addiction withdrawal with my dignity intact. I didn’t react, didn’t move an eyelash, and more importantly, didn’t contact him back or unblock him. Because he is an UL, as we also learned here, he will lose interest when he realizes my phone is not an open route any longer. We hope!

          17. Sweetest Perfection says:

            PS: no cross pollution here. All the narc’s contacts have been blocked as well. I have turned down proposals to collaborate with some of his colleagues, and my husband finally removed him from his social media based on the narc’s own merits. I also purchased “20 ways to delete the narc,” which helped me see I was going in the right direction but also made me wonder, HG is not really an empath? Some of the recommendations were cute and made me giggle.

          18. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Oh haha I didn’t see the possessive. True true. But in my case, “my narc” is code for “that somatic moron that I happened to have an affair with, you already know who I’m talking about.”

        2. 1jaded1 says:

          For your sanity, I hope changing your number works.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Thanks 1jade1! For his own sanity I also hope that, because I’m not one that gives in easily.

        3. NarcAngel says:

          SP
          Congratulations on your promotion.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Ahhh, thank you NA, but I’m
            working on it. I am director of two different events that needed to be advertised publicly and will eventually lead to that goal, hence the hover trigger. But I’m very proud of those already on their own so I appreciate your comment! ❤️

      2. blackcoffee30 says:

        I was going to ask if I should change my personal email, but think I know what you’re going to advise. But the N has got my work email, and due to my profession, can always find me. So why bother?

      3. Leolita says:

        No need to. I can take it, and he has proven that it was just empty words, like all his words are. They have nothing to do with reality. Just desperation from his side. I like my number.

  4. Eternity says:

    I feel like the lady in the picture when I listened to this audio. Mouth wide open because of The Narcissist behaviour.

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