The Narcissist Corrupts : Honesty

THE-NARCISSIST-CORRUPTS_

 

There are many traits which are inherent to those who are of an empathic nature. You possess these traits; this is why you were picked by us. These traits are used by your emotional thinking and corrupted by the narcissist so they are used against you.

These traits are regarded, in your world, as laudable traits to have. These traits however make you vulnerable to us. They cause us to be attracted to you in the first instance and the existence of these characteristics means that they are ripe to to be exploited by us. These traits are good traits to have but because of us they become polluted, desecrated and exploited.

You cannot lose these traits. They are as much a part of you as your skin tone and eye colour. They define who you are. You may, unusually, try to rid yourself of them but you cannot. It would be like trying to rip out your own heart and still live. These traits are infused within you. For the most part you will be pleased you possess these characteristics, thankful that they assist you and define you, separate you from being one of us. You ought to be aware however of what these sins are so you know what it is that causes us to home in on you and furthermore how it is that we exploit these sins for our own benefit. With that knowledge you will be able to look to protect the relevant characteristic and ensure it remains intact and is not attacked, shredded or fed upon by us.

The first of these traits is the empathic sin of honesty. James E Faust said of honesty,

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living and truth loving.”

This aptly demonstrates how honesty is at the core of how an empath behaves. You utilise this honesty in everything that you do. It governs how you interact with people, how you speak to people and most of all how you conduct your intimate relationships. I am not suggesting that this empathic trait makes you a saint; you will not be above pocketing the excess change if the cashier hands you back too much money or refraining from telling a friend that the outfit they think is wonderful does not really do them too many favours. Your honesty is tempered with discretion and being circumspect when you identify that a lighter touch is required. You understand when being too honest with another is not appropriate. Nevertheless, honesty is of huge importance to you. You regard it as a fundamental factor of your character to act with honesty, both in terms of those you deal with and especially in respect of yourself. This core of honesty and its repeated application to your every day outlook in life makes it ripe for exploitation by us.

The exploitation commences at the seduction. When you engage with people, you have a tendency to allow your emotions and traits to be seen by all. You do not hide the way you feel. You do not operate from behind a mask (not like others you may know of) nor from behind a curtain. You do not cloud your dealings and operate in a shadowy manner but rather you exhibit who you are from the outset. This is of no consequence when you are dealing with your fellow empaths or even the normals but it becomes especially dangerous when you come into our sights. Not only do we have a heightened ability to sense the traits which matter to us, you aid this because your honesty means that you have all your characteristics on display. Just like a proud shopkeeper displaying his wares in a pristine shop window, you exhibit (but you do not flaunt) your inherent traits for the world to see. This means that your empathic and class traits which are so important to us when we target our victims are out in the open because of your honesty. You have an honest default setting. It is akin to having no privacy settings on your social media so that whoever takes an interest in you can see everything about you, everything that you have ever posted, where you live, where you have been, your photographs and so forth. This default setting is important to us as it makes our task of identifying you so much easier. When you are demonstrating those empathic traits through your honesty, they are highlighted, prominent and readily identifiable. Accordingly, if you keep wondering why you always seem to attract our kind, it is because your honesty is causing you to stand out to us.

Your honesty means that you engage with people without an agenda, without suspicion and providing them with the benefit of the doubt. This honesty of approach means that you fail to see those red flags which are fluttering during the seduction and that you fail to hear the blaring klaxons and see the flashing red lights which signal that something is amiss. You operate in an honest way and this causes your thinking to be framed so that you expect and assume that the person you are dealing with is honest towards you. This honesty takes you into the territory of gullibility. Add to this that we are of course not being truthful with you in the way we engage during the seduction and you have little chance of avoiding what we are doing; seducing you and doing so effectively.

The inherent honesty which you possess also means that you tell us how you feel and you will do so early in our interactions with you. Since we are engaged in love-bombing you at the outset it is nearly impossible to resist telling us how wonderful it feels and that you have fallen in love with us. Your early declarations in this regard are wanted and expected. Hearing this allows us, along with seeing the relevant indicators, to know that our seduction is proving successful and that you are being embedded. Gaining such knowledge is important for us in terms of ensuring that we have the level of fuel that we want but also in terms of allowing us to bind you closer to us, for instance by asking to borrow money or by moving in together. Your honesty results in your telling us what you are thinking and feeling, which in turn gives us the green lights we require.

Your honesty makes you transparent. You cannot hide anything from us and most importantly of all, you are unable to hide your feelings from us. Thus you will always struggle to hide you joy, your delight, your ecstasy, your pain, your tears, your annoyance and your agony from us. This emotional honesty is fundamental to why we engage with you. This means that the fuel you provide to us is purer that any which might come from another source. Yes, the “normals” will provide us with fuel through being happy to see us, through praising us or annoyed at being messed around by us. Even our own kind will provide fuel to another member of the brethren through exhibiting jealousy, annoyance or anger, but in both these cases there is an absence of emotional honesty which is prevalent with you as an empath. Your emotional honesty creates a fuel which is pure, free from toxins, devoid of pollutants. It is not masked, it has not been shrouded or clouded in some way, as is the case with normals and most certainly with our kind.

By being emotionally honest you ensure that your fuel is the best of all types and naturally this is why we are drawn to you, sink our teeth into you and start to drain you of all that sparkling and pure fuel.

Your honesty makes you a target to begin with, it makes you an easier target to latch onto and the reward of this pure fuel means we want to keep hold of you and keep returning to you to feed on it.

The matter does not of course end there. Your empathic sin of honesty generates further problems for you once the devaluation commences. We are dishonest. We are habitual liars, practitioners of deceit and operate through a skewed lens of fraudulent intent. When we engage in these dishonest practices it mortally offends your innate honesty with the consequence that you respond by providing yet more fuel. This offence to your honesty combined with your honesty drives you to want to make us see the lies that we so readily allow to fall from our deceitful mouths, to have us address our mendacity and recognise what we do. This only serves to bind you to us further.

The honesty you have with your self also means that you have a capacity to be introspective and the consequence of this is that you regularly self-flagellate by blaming yourself when you can find no other answer to our behaviour. The narcissistic perspective and our toxic logic, which are invariably a mystery to our victims means that you fail to understand why we do and say as we do. Your honesty causes you to look inwards and you blame yourself. This fulfils our desire to remain unaccountable and increases the weight of the burden of our engagement with you, upon you. Your honesty causes you to accept blame either where it does not lie with you or in a greater proportion that for which you are culpable.

Your honesty of dealings also prevents you often of speaking of the devaluing abuses outside of your relationship with us. At first, that may seem a contradiction, but you would feel dishonest if you spoke about them to others without informing us first of your intention to do so. You, by this stage, have learned that it is a safer course of action to suffer in silence rather than speak out to us and in turn you will not speak of what is happening to others, not until the pressure has become too great or more likely once you have been discarded by us.

The enduring love you experience for us, or more accurately, your addiction as a consequence of our infecting you, means that when those hoovers come post escape or discard, you are unable to shroud or hide how you truly feel and once more you light up like the brightest beacon. You signal to us that your love (addiction) remains and thus there is yet more fuel to gather and that you are so susceptible to our machinations to pull you back into our grasp once again, be that to extract fuel or to commence the Formal Relationship once again.

We know you are honest. It shines from you and we identify it from the way you conduct yourself and what you say when we target you at the outset. Not only is the identification of this trait confirmation that you possess one of the many traits that we look for, it also confirms that certain actions will succeed and certain responses will take place.

It is often stated that honesty is the best policy. It is certainly a policy that we endorse. It is an enduring trait of the empath and one which we will corrupt in order to control you and keep you controlled.

10 thoughts on “The Narcissist Corrupts : Honesty

  1. A Victor says:

    My honesty was compromised when I chose to hide the things that might make him look bad from people who love me. One of my good friends said, once it had all come out, that going forward, the things I don’t want to tell are the most important ones to tell, and to please tell those who care about me. She is a very good friend.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      She is indeed a very good friend, AV, and I know I’ve had an inclination to do the same. Hide things. We don’t want others to think badly of them as we are invested in the relationship, and often feel we are to blame because the narcissist makes us to blame. So we take it back on ourselves. At least that was my take. It’s also embarrassing to admit at times that we’ve let someone else treat us that way, or even that they have treated us that way in the first place. I think there is an element of shame attached to that. What makes them look bad makes us look bad, too. In part for accepting that kind of treatment. Your true friends, if you share with them, will likely have a more objective point of view. And that is why often the narcissist will try to separate you from them. So they can keep treat you whatever way they want in order to garner the fuel they need.

      1. A Victor says:

        Yes LET, elements of much of that as well as the thinking that no one else knows him like I do and this can’t see the big picture, what a great person he actually is. Ha, more ET. He had not begin to blame me for a lot, too early I think, but otherwise spot on.

        My daughter’s reaction to him saying he’d been abused was what initially made me stop talking, her reaction being very strong and decisive. I had not known that abusers often claim to have been abused. It’s all been a learning curve.

        Thanks for your response, it helps to know I’m not the only one who’s been affected this way.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Hey AV, you’re definitely not the only one to be affected that way and I was happy to respond. So interesting your daughter raised the red flag for you. She also has your back <3 It's amazing what insight children have if we are willing to listen to them. I'm glad you did. I can also relate to the 'nobody knows him like I do'. How could they? The narc lets you into their secret places – or so you think – and you are privy to knowing them in a way no one else does. You become eachother's confidantes and share those deep and meaningful conversations. The sense becomes that no one knows you like the narcissist either. I definitely experienced that. Only because he created a space for me to be myself and encouraged my sharing. In so many ways it was turned back on me. That's what I wasn't expecting. While I would, and still do, respect what he shared with me, he twisted what I had shared with him to use against me. Those things were shaped into weapons by him. HG has a great article on this, but I can't think of the name of it right now. I'll do my best to remember and try to find it for you x

          1. A Victor says:

            LET, I would love to read that article, thanks! You again described exactly my experience, him making a “safe” place etc. Ugh. At the time I would say to him, please keep this between us, knowing it was stuff not shared with anyone but feeling so “close” to him that I took the risk. I’ve had to let go of some pride, if those secrets are told, I will survive, but it has put me back from allowing people close again. Good if it’s a narcissist, not so good if it’s a regular person just wanting to be a friend.

            Like you, I do and will respect what he told me in confidence, though now I believe much of it was twisted or straight up lies. Doesn’t matter. But, I have not hidden the pattern of the relationship from women I remain friends with from the site, 3 of the 4 have been in relationships with narcs and told me what had happened, once I had ended it and they got the bigger picture from me. Two of them still go on the site and will alert me if there is any slander so I can address it as appropriate. I don’t expect any, unless I were to go back on there, but I have no desire to do so.

            It makes me sick that I made a decision, to go to online dating sites, and now as a result I will ever have to be aware of this person potentially coming back. (He told me at one point that he collects people, I didn’t realize then how accurate this was). I mean, it was 6 months ago and so much has changed in my life just due to that one decision. But, it did lead me to learn some things about my mother that I feel are helpful. Always a silver lining, right. Ha.

            That daughter, third of 3, is a young adult. She lived with a young man for 2 years who, it turned out, was beating her mercilessly and severely. She hid it well but, after we learned of it and were able to get her free of him, she took it on herself to learn and has a very well developed radar for such things now. Her reaction when I told her about the narc’s abuse by his ex was visible, immediate and very strong. I am so thankful for her. I hope I never see that ex of hers again, he needs to hope to never see me again.

            My son, who turned 18 in Sept., was quick to point out that the narcissist was not necessarily as smart as he portrayed, saying “he could be sitting there Googling this stuff in real time, you don’t know…”

            My second daughter told me at the end that she was glad I ended it, he was dangerous and made a list of things she’d seen. Keeping it broken off has been easier with this list.

            All of them were happy at the beginning, seeing how happy I was and saying how he seemed good for me. They were overall more objective, thankfully, and have helped me keep my no contact and take steps to strengthen it further.

  2. Eternity says:

    HG, are we as Empaths generally more honest than most Normals? How can you tell the difference if we are ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      In general terms, yes. Your empathic trait of honesty is more prevalent.

      1. Eternity says:

        Thank you HG!

    2. Witch says:

      I tread on toes with my honesty and I don’t know how to stop

      1. Eternity says:

        Same here Witch . I always need to know the truth that some people say that I am nosey, but in fact I can sense if someone is lying.

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