Secondary Sources and No Contact

12 thoughts on “Secondary Sources and No Contact

  1. John Dough says:

    Hi HG,
    My narcissist kept me on the shelf a lot recently only contacting me for favours. Once completed she disappeared again and made up bullshit excuses as to why she could not hang out or just ignored my messages. I found it mentally exhausting so I told her to lose my number. What will happen now? Will she try to hoover me or forget I exist because I was just a shelf IPSS?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If you do nothing, you will be hoovered again. I recommend you establish that you are dealing with a narcissist and also that you speak with me so I can advise you more fully.

      1. Anna says:

        What about if the hoover is done with a dyson instead? is there a better chance of being cleaner and less messy?

  2. BC30 says:

    There were frantic email communications, each more pitiful than the last, but no physical hoovers. This toaster had been replaced, so there was no need. However…

    The bloom is off the rose!! Hahaha— because this toaster got hoovered.

    I have since taken further steps to evade another hoover attempt.

  3. Fieke says:

    Thank you for this mr. HG Tudor. It is so fitting with my developing progress. 💐🌸

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  4. Asp Emp says:

    When I read this – it made me think and I found this to be totally apt……

    Sun Tzu “Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer.”

    So many times over the years, continuously let down by people who pretended to be a “friend”. There are so very few that remain and are the “tried and tested” and genuine friends. Everyone else were ‘struck off’ – usually instinctive reaction on my part and I have no regrets on that.

    Since learning hell of a lot about narcissism has, in some way, made it worse – if this can be understood.

    At this present moment in time, I’m wondering if I actually have any emotions left!

    1. Anna says:

      Asp Emp. I am sorry to hear this.

      I survived by lowering the bar so to speak
      I expect nothing from human beings
      I learned to love myself, enjoy time alone. Activities alone. As soon as I was happy with myself, if someone let me down or was mean. It did not bother me as I did not expect anything else!

      I also noticed that my happier self attracted more positivity from people.

      Learn to love yourself
      Be kind to yourself.


      1. Asp Emp says:

        Thank you, Anna. Nearly 2.5 years since I wrote those words. My instincts prior to KTN knowledge were not always wrong. Now, I can apply what I have learned and utilise my instincts / intuition better by recognising potential external stressors, if any. I embrace what I am now because I understand myself 🙂

    2. Alexis says:

      I did exactly the same ASP. Culled my friend group absolutely massively. I only have a handful of friends now. But I know they’re all good people and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can get on with most of the narcs when I have to but there are some I’m literally unable to bring myself to do this with. Life is much calmer and more comfortable. Even when I e had to ditch several groups of three of four people just because there was one N. Some friends remain others don’t understand why I won’t meet up with those groups any more.

      It’s much healthier! Like breathing in carbon monoxide otherwise.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Alexis, yes, I did my “culling” each time I changed my number, around 3 to 4 times since ‘escape’ without carrying forward the contacts. Yes, one narcissist may lead to / result in cutting off several people. There are very few people who would understand why and also would not share ‘information’, it is a lot easier and I agree with you, ‘calmer’. In saying that, one school bully was used as an “example” of her narcissistic behaviours (as a teenager and as an adult) so that my long term genuine friends can see that as an ‘example’. One of my friends had to have ANC because of their children going to the same school when they were younger! Those that listen to you and trust your judgement are worth keeping in your life. Good to hear from you 🙂

  5. Sweetest Perfection says:

    I can attest this information is 100% accurate. I have experienced exactly every single step you explain here, including the desperate physical attempts to hoover when realizing electronic communication didn’t work. Btw, second and third assertions of control: “The Fox and the Grapes” much?

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