Don’t Fail Me

I have exacting standards. It is important to do so in order to achieve success and make my mark on the world. Owing to this, I hate being let down. If you tell me that we are meeting for lunch at 1pm then I expect you there at 1pm. Punctuality is the politeness of kings. If you are late you are telling me that you do not value my time. That is unacceptable. If you explain that you can deliver the product I want, the way I want it and in the colour I have chosen, I expect you to adhere to that. I am not interested in excuses. I will exert my influence as far as I can to ensure that what I have been promised is provided. I will cajole, coerce, persuade and harass to ensure the outcome is as was confirmed to me. Hotels, restaurants, shops, online providers, sporting venues, bars, people, products – all of them have been subjected to my precision and desire for high standards. I provide excellence in my profession (of course aided by a legion of underlings but it is at my direction). Nobody likes to things to be wrong do they? Nobody wants a blue car when they asked for black. Nobody wants the wrong name or age on their birthday cake. I am sure I am not alone in my desire to achieve error-free services, goods and people. That is a laudable sentiment. Should I fail to deliver on my promises then it will be because I have been let down first. I have an aversion to disappointment and my failing can only arise as a consequence of the neglect and negligence of another. Each and every day I strive to ensure that I am not left flailing in the wind, as dejection cuts through me as a consequence of having been let down. It cannot happen again. Where does this demand for delivery and high standards come from? It comes from my dread and fear of being let down. I cannot stand it. It breaks me in two and rips open a wound that has never properly healed. Being let down undermines me, makes me feel unwanted, unnoticed and unappreciated. All things which are anathema to me. He let me down all those years ago. I relied on him. Well, we relied on one another. It was, or at least it was as I thought, an unbreakable bond. I looked to him and admired how he carried on, when all hope seemed to have gone. The towering waves of misfortune and misery would crash against him but he was always unbroken and unbowed. He said that he would always look after me. He told me that he would protect me against those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I knew the world was a dangerous place, a cruel domain which showed no mercy and took no prisoners. I had seen with my own eyes what this place had done and could do. I was under no illusion as to the harshness of the vagaries of treading along the mortal path. He listened to my hopes and fears and he understood them like no other. He made me feels safe and wanted. I hung on his every word, mimicked what he did and pledged my unswerving loyalty. He accepted my fealty with open, gracious arms and I fell into them, safe in the knowledge that nothing could tear us apart. He promised me that, “I will never let you down.” I still hear his voice saying those words. But he did. He left. He let me down. To understand more of what this means and in particular to use it to decipher clues about HG Tudor, access this Knowing HG 1-3

6 thoughts on “Don’t Fail Me

  1. Intriguingly Curious says:

    I will always continue to fail you HG

  2. Eternity says:

    Sad. Nobody ever wants to be let down Unfortunately life sucks and we all go through it and have to deal with it. The Knowing HG series is definitely worth purchasing to understand more.

  3. lickemtomorrow says:

    “He accepted my fealty with open, gracious arms and I fell into them, safe in the knowledge that nothing could tear us apart. He promised me that, “I will never let you down.”

    This is an act of ultimate trust. “I fell into them, safe in the knowledge that nothing could tear us apart.”

    And an act of ultimate betrayal. “But he did. He left. He let me down.”

    It is an egregious wound. And one from which you appear to have never recovered.

    I wonder did he leave willingly or under duress? Did he know how broken he would leave you?

    Was he the one who could have saved you from your fate?

    It is sad to think the narcissistic defence could have been avoided if you had just been able to rest there.

  4. withinreason says:

    It does suck to be let down…for anyone I’m sure. Nobody likes it. Usually I’m ok if a person lets me down and it’s not their fault or it’s for a good reason. (Which happens) not lying excuses but if they are telling the truth. So I am forgiving if it’s not their fault or they are being honest for good reason. I mean we all let someone down at some point. Come on none of us are immune at letting someone down we are only human and we are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. I do believe it’s good and noble to strive for perfection but we will never arrive 100% perfect. Not going to happen ever ever ever. However the people that get on my nerves are the ones who purposely let you down to either hurt you or be mean. The ones who always make it a practice to let others down again and again. Sometimes for myself when I am trying very hard to not let someone down or be perfect at something…that is when I will get nervous and mess up. Not every time but sometimes. It’s a pressure to be perfect that can actually sabotage perfection. At least that has been my experience. When someone doesn’t expect me to be perfect or demand it…I almost always am successful in my strive for perfection but when someone is warning me and demanding me perfection…it’s like I can almost promise them it will not happen.

  5. Asp Emp says:

    It was interesting for me to read this and at the same time, it provoked my thinking (also memories but I am not feeling my ET ‘rise’). Yet, it was hard to read it. I can almost see myself as I read along, so I understand and can process the overall article. It provoked ‘sadness’ – a hole in my life that was never filled again.

    I noticed the words, “my dread and fear of being let down” – this is one thing I have certainly ‘experienced’ since I was a child. Society continue to let me down. The ‘system’ continue to let me down. Part of my ‘trust’ remained broken on this.

    I have not let another person down and would not.

    There is one thing for sure, my father would not have allowed me to go through what I have. He didn’t let me down. He died. He wanted me to go to the school that I did attend. He wanted me to obtain the right education. He wanted me to have access to resources that were not necessarily available via ‘public funding’. He genuinely cared about me and cared about my well-being. It was not ‘conditional’ on his part.

    I believe my father would have also allowed me to become the person I was born to be.

    That was not to be.

  6. Intriguingly Curious says:

    I am sorry you were let down HG. It makes me sad.
    Sad because I know what that feels like. Truly.

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