No! You Are the Narcissist : Part 3




I wrote previously about the situation where you tell a lesser member of our kind that you know what they are and how they react to it. What then of the response of those of us who belong to the greater school of narcissism? How do we react when you tell us that you know exactly what we are?

Those of us in the greater school possess three attributes which are relevant to this matter. Awareness, intelligence and malice. We know what we do. We know that this is regarded as wrong by other people (although we are always able to justify our behaviour when considered from our perspective) and we know that our behaviour hurts people but again it is entirely acceptable because we matter and you do not. We are superior and our sense of entitlement allows us to do as we please. We also do not possess the burden of guilt, remorse or compassion and therefore the effects of our behaviour cause us no trouble. There is no moral compass to guide us or hinder us. We may also be aware of exactly what we are, a narcissist. This is not always the case but we do know that we do is considered as abusive. We are intelligent enough to realise that the accusations of abuse fit with what is regarded as abuse, but we are also intelligent enough to know that we must engage in this behaviour because it is necessary to the preservation of our existence. The inherent tension that might exist between choosing to abuse someone and the impact on our existence is one whereby the need to exist will always outweigh the downsides of abusing someone (which are few when looked at through our world view. You would feel “bad” for hurting someone, you would be concerned about how this would affect you relationship or your friendship, you would worry about how others would view you, you would be concerned if it involved the authorities, your employer, your church and so forth. These concerns are much reduced in our world).

You may not realise that we are a narcissist but you do know our behaviour is abusive. Should you label us as an abuser and in support of this contention list the various instances of our behaviour, how do we respond. Our reaction is not subconscious and immediate like those of our lesser kind. We do not respond in a knee jerk reaction. We know that we are abusive and your labelling of us as such initially has two reactions.

The first is that we fear that we are losing control. Control is hugely important to us because we want you doing everything that we want and nothing that we do not want in order to ensure that you provide us with fuel. Our machinations and manipulations are all designed to gain and maintain control. Much of this is achieved by you remaining oblivious to what is happening to you or mitigating its effect by blaming yourselves (which we aim to achieve) or making excuses for us (again, something we aim to bring about). If you do not truly understand what is happening to you, you remain paralysed in this confusion and you will not do anything about it. You will not challenge us, you will not try to escape us, you will not shut off the supply of fuel. Accordingly, we need to keep you bound to us and compliant. This requires control. If we think that our control is being challenged, is slipping or is being eroded then we must establish it and do so quickly. I will return to how this is done in a moment.

The second reaction is that your moment of enlightenment that we are an abuser (or even worse you actually know we are a narcissist) is one of wounding. You have found us out. You have seen through us. You have worked us out. The potential loss of control is troubling, this being found out is terrifying and damaging. You have wounded us because you have criticised us. By telling us that you know what we are, we have failed in maintaining the state of confusion, bewilderment and ignorance. You have pierced the veil. We are mightier than you, superior to you and better than you, how can it be that someone like you has managed to unravel what we are? What else are you capable of? Who might you tell? We have failed. We hate failing. It reminds us of things we have consigned to the darkest recesses of our mind and now you, you hateful, treacherous, disloyal bitch have done this on purpose. You have done this after everything that we have done for you, because you want to hurt us don’t you? This failure to keep you in the dark amounts to a massive criticism of us. This in turn ignites the churning fury that is always there beneath the surface. This ignited fury will mean we either withdraw, unleash cold fury or unleash heated fury.

Our awareness of what we are actually makes us more vulnerable to the accusation of “I know what you are, you are an abuser, a narcissist” than those of our lesser or mid-range brethren. We are far more susceptible to being wounded by this outing. Our awareness equates to a weakness.

All is not lost for us of course. Our intelligence means that whilst we know what we are and we are wounded by your awareness and accusation, we are not without the means of addressing it. Our intelligence allows us to deflect and deny. We will utilise these twins to fight back, applying our considerable minds to deny what you have said. We will challenge your evidence, deny its existence, twist it around, pull it apart, change the subject, focus on something different, blame-shift and project. Powered by our heated fury this onslaught will be brutal and sustained as we fight to regain control. We will batter you into submission so that you become frightened, upset, angry or frustrated and thus you will give us fuel. Our further manipulations will allow us to regain control as you shrink back from our vicious words. Everything will be thrown at you in order to stop the wounding, regain control and gain the required fuel to power this defence mechanism.

If the situation is one where we cannot risk heated fury then we will issue a flat denial and engage cold fury by subjecting you to an icy and prolonged silent treatment, either of the present or absent variety.

If really necessary and this is of the last resort, we will withdraw to escape your wounding and find solace with another who will provide us fuel to repair the gaping wound that you have ripped in us. We will remain away from you for some time as we recover and enjoy the fuel from other sources as we recuperate. We will return of course because there is a score to settle and more fuel to draw from you, but for now that will have to wait.

We will also engage our energies, once we have gained more fuel (either from you if we unleash our heated fury, from you and others if we unleash cold fury and from others if we withdraw) in rolling out a smear campaign against you. Now you know what we are and we know you know, we need to ensure that this pollution does not spread elsewhere. We will up our seduction of other sources so that they like us all the more and ensure we spread poison about you so you are not believed if you try to tell other people that you know what we are.

Finally, the third attribute comes into play. Malice. The mid-range of our kind would withdraw and seek fuel elsewhere and be done with you for some time until a hoover of positive fuel through a Benign Hoover takes place. The mid-range of our kind would unleash heated fury or cold fury to stabilise the position but then would engage a Respite Hoover or a Preventative Hoover aimed at playing down what you know, restoring the golden period for a while so you focus on that and not this new knowledge or to prevent you leaving us armed with this new knowledge. The mid-range narcissist would do all of this to try and diffuse the situation and prevent it being brought up again. This does not apply to those of us who are of the greater variety. You must be punished for your terrible offence against us. Your transgression must be addressed. Your treachery must meet with a consequence. Once we have established control again and recovered from your awful wounding of us then you will be subject to a malign and brutal campaign as punishment for what you have done. This will happen if you remain with us in a relationship. It will happen if you have tried to escape us. We want to rain hell fire down on you in order to punish you for your disgusting behaviour. This is our right. This is our entitlement. This is how we respond.

You may know what we are, but if you are dealing with the greater of our kind, you may reflect on whether you really ought to make it known to us.

20 thoughts on “No! You Are the Narcissist : Part 3

  1. Bibi says:

    HG, I listened to some of your YT vids while getting a pedicure. I really enjoyed all of them but the ones that struck me was The Vulnerable/Grandiose Narcissist. I have some recent narcissist observations of my own to share.

    My job is shit, (Not a pity play) but I had a horrible, overworked week and there is this supervisor who is a micromanaging/meddling sort. She is not my supervisor but one in another dept. She likes to come into the lab and see if we are wearing our PPE. She will come in and search for people to see if they are wearing their lab goggles and when we are not, she says, ‘Put your lab goggles on.’

    We are busy as fuck as this is what she worries about. Last week she told me twice to do it, even though I had one time on my forehead and the other time I was wiping away tears (I was crying b/c of the job stress). In midst my tears she exhibits no empathy and says, ‘Put your lab goggles on.’

    She told another guy on his LAST DAY ON THE JOB to put them on. C’mon, bitch.

    Fuck me. Another problem is that he goggles, coupled with face mask, fog, thus making it difficult to see. Then I get a note from my empath boss saying, ‘Mid Range Narc said she had to tell you twice to wear your goggles. Is there something else that might be better? Would a face shield help with the fogging?’

    Empathy. I explained that I was also crying. But bitchface would not have said that (and it is possible she is so oblivious to others’ feelings to that extent that she would not have noticed). She doesn’t give a shit about ‘our safety.’ It’s about exercising her control over us.

    And me, being rebellious, doesn’t want to wear the glasses now just out of spite. (I will do it) but she comes in and looks us over and when she sees me in them she is going to get a dollop of fuel believing she exerted control over me.

    I was so angry that at home I went all ghetto giving middle fingers to the bathroom mirror.

    This is my own narcissism manifesting. I don’t like being bossed around and spoken to like a child.

    Also, I and some others complained to our empath supervisor (not bitchface) about the UMR. I called him a ‘bully’ in private.

    In the past week we have all noticed a drastic shift in his behavior. He has offered to help, he thanked me publicly for something, he feigned an apology over something (which wasn’t his fault). Someone spoke to him. In fear of job loss/repercussions, he is now back to the Golden Period in small doses. I know it won’t last.

    It was just interesting to hear you reiterate what I observed this past week, more or less.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for sharing this Bibi and it stacks up. Just one point, you do not have narcissism, you have narcissistic traits. I have narcissism, you do not.

      1. JB says:

        HG, when Bibi said “I don’t like being bossed around and spoken to like a child” I could see myself. But generally I see myself in the empath descriptions. Is it possible to be an empath but still exhibit some narcissistic traits when treated badly?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          See “Why Am I Behaving Like A Narcissist’

          1. JB says:

            Thanks, HG.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

  2. TheEmpatheticNarc says:

    Mr. Tudor,

    I’ve been reading your blog for about 4 months now, after an entanglement with a “friend” who might be a Greater. My guess is that I was a wild card or maybe even an intended DLS. I have tremendous awareness about myself so I went supernova at the first signs of backhanded compliments.

    Your blog has been most helpful and has caused me to further increase my self awareness and that of others as well. I believe that one can never stop learning, so my journey continues.

    I hope your ongoing interaction with the doctors is helping you figure out means of getting fuel in ways that maybe less hurtful to those in your spheres.

    As I settle down with my newfound knowledge, here’s a song that IMHO describes your kind.

    Thanks for all your time!

    When the days are cold
    And the cards all fold
    And the saints we see
    Are all made of gold
    When your dreams all fail
    And the ones we hail
    Are the worst of all
    And the blood’s run stale
    I wanna hide the truth
    I wanna shelter you
    But with the beast inside
    There’s nowhere we can hide
    No matter what we breed
    We still are made of greed
    This is my kingdom come
    This is my kingdom come
    When you feel my heat
    Look into my eyes
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide
    Don’t get too close
    It’s dark inside
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide
    At the curtain’s call
    It’s the last of all
    When the lights fade out
    All the sinners crawl
    So they dug your grave
    And the masquerade
    Will come calling out
    At the mess you’ve made
    Don’t wanna let you down
    But I am hellbound
    Though this is all for you
    Don’t wanna hide the truth
    No matter what we breed
    We still are made of greed
    This is my kingdom come
    This is my kingdom come
    When you feel my heat
    Look into my eyes
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide
    Don’t get too close
    It’s dark inside
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide
    They say it’s what you make
    I say it’s up to fate
    It’s woven in my soul
    I need to let you go
    Your eyes, they shine so bright
    I wanna save that light
    I can’t escape this now
    Unless you show me how
    When you feel my heat
    Look into my eyes
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide
    Don’t get too close
    It’s dark inside
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide

    -Demons by Imagine Dragons

  3. Asp Emp says:

    It’s a big world with almost 7.8 billion people and around 5% of them being Greater narcissists yet when it is calculated in sums, that is around 39 million……. uhoh.

    Should any empath becomes aware of being involved with a Greater narcissist, I would suggest that the empath does NOT make it known to the Greater narcissist, never mind anyone else. From what HG, The Ultra, has said about the Greaters, they are dangerous narcissists. GOSO.

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Asp Emp says:

        Is that all? Thank you for letting me know 🙂

      2. lickemtomorrow says:

        What is the calculation for the Ultra?

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. lickemtomorrow says:


            I count eight 0’s and no competitors.

            You are one in nearly 8 billion, HG 🙂

          2. HG Tudor says:


          3. Asp Emp says:

            hysterically laughing….. (NOT in a patronising way) – the fact that you have produced an accurate calculation – it’s absolutely brilliant (still laughing

          4. Whitney says:

            You are the greatest in all human history HG, not just on this planet right now.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Well observed.

          6. Whitney says:

            Yes. You have the only accurate classification system for human personality. Nothing similar in human history. It’s fascinating and incredible how your brain works. How you do it. Utterly creative, brilliant, and unique. Genius is an understatement. It’s a shame your time is wasted with blog comments.
            Excited to learn more HG.

          7. A Victor says:

            HG, do you feel your time is wasted with blog comments? I thought you chose to moderate and interact because you felt it was a good use of time, whatever you’re reasons, though I have wondered why at times. I am grateful for it of course.

          8. HG Tudor says:

            I do not do anything which is a waste of my time.

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