5 Fears of the Narcissist
1. You will leave
You are our primary source of fuel, our life giver and without this precious fuel we are thrown into chaos, impending oblivion on the horizon. You signed an unwritten contract to supply us with potent and delicious fuel until we decide to the contrary. It is our decision. It is not yours. We know what we do to you, the repeated push and pull, the games, the abuse and whilst we rely on our significant powers of manipulation and your near indefatigable desire to heal, hang in there and make things work, there is always that slight doubt that perhaps this time we have gone too far? There is an iota of concern that this is the occasion where you put the pieces together and realise what you are dealing with and therefore you decide to escape us. Leaving us when we have not ensured your replacement is in place or that he or she is working to maximum efficiency places us in peril. If you leave our fuel supply has been fractured, maybe even cut off. If you leave you have wrested control away from us and this is not something that can ever countenance. If you leave you are telling us that we are not the superior being we maintain that we are, you are pouring scorn on our might and undermining our magnificence.
2. I am ignored
There are those for whom the spotlight of attention causes them to flush with embarrassment, that searing heat which makes them feel uncomfortable. That is not the case for us. Its light brings us warmth and power. We need the spotlight like plants need the sun. We bask in its brilliant blazing light and revel in the attention that comes with it as we drink deep of the fuel that is provided. Should you ever move that spotlight away from us, the icy chill of the cruel and desolate world we have been placed in becomes all too real and this wounds us. The removal of the light of attention criticises us and strikes at our core. All eyes should be directed on us, ears should be pinned back in appreciative listening of our oratory, attention should be focused on us. It is about us, not you. Whether it is just you or I, a group of friends in a bar,a family gathering or in a meeting, everyone should know that we are there and they should be reacting to our presence. We do not care how that reaction comes so long as it is laden with emotion. If you ignore us you are telling us that we are worthless and that takes us to a place that we have consigned in the depths of our minds. Never ignore us, we cannot stand for that to happen.
3. I am exposed
Whether it is the unmasking of us as a narcissist or the revelation of my abusive machinations when you do not know fully what you have become entangled with, the fear of exposure lurks within us. Of course we will react and fight against it, of course we will deny, deflect and withdraw from your treacherous behaviour in telling the world what we are. We will paint you as a liar, a crazy person and a fantasist even though, for those of us who are aware enough, the words you issue are arrows of truth that rain down upon us tearing and wounding. Whether it is exposure in terms of you, as a primary source, telling us what we are or the wider unmasking to our carefully constructed façade, we fear this happening because it hurts us, it burns and it wounds. We will fight back, we will seek our retribution against you for this most heinous act but this requires precious energy which we would much rather use in a more productive way. In the worst of cases, your revelations force us to new hunting grounds which means we must re-build our twisted empire afresh. It will rise again but we would rather not endure the agony that this entails or the effort required.
4. I grow weary
The mindset of the narcissist is one of coming as a god to walk this earth, a colossus astride this planet, leading and forging ahead as my massed ranks of admirers watch on in awe and wonder. I am omnipotent, immortal and unstoppable, my power endless as I seduce, abuse and recycle. There is so much fuel to drink up and I will never stop. Yet, occasionally that scintilla of concern manifests. What if I were to lose my powers? What if the ability to seduce started to wane? What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? What if I said the unsayable and admitted that I am tired of this endless routine? What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? What if I wanted to remove my demagogue’s crown and vacate the throne, my appetite diminished and senses dulled? What would I do then? I soon shake off these terrible considerations but they remain in the shadows, occasionally calling to me. I dispel them as quickly as the manifest but still they come every once in a while.
5. The creature escapes
What if as a consequence of all the above we can no longer keep the craven creature within the prison that we have constructed for it? What if one day it is able to breach the walls and emerge from the depths of is incarceration so that it surfaces, hissing and tormenting us, its once whispered threats becoming a reality. What if it takes us to the edge of the abyss and forces us to look into the great void, oblivion just a step away, the howling winds of desolation whipping around us. Sometimes and it is a rare occurrence, but when all is still and dark this thought forms in our vast minds, this awful, terrible thought as we feel the craven creature’s clawed hand against my back, ready to shove us over the edge……..
29 thoughts on “5 Fears of the Narcissist”
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I am the daughter of a narcissist, a not very smart on at that! My childhood was violent and emotionally abusive. Although it has only been in recent years we have become more educated on the subject, I did realise as a teenager, always in trouble for something perceived as wrong, that I could never do or say anything worse than what my mother was doing to herself. I had colleague who treated my badly and her subordinates questioned how I could be so kind and patient. My answer was the same, “nothing I do or say will ever be worse than what is happening in her head”. They later told me that I helped them get through the day, because they would always think about my answer.
And I had nightmares for several nights after listening to HG’s personal experience as a narcissist. It traumatised me, as on the one hand I could feel his pain but on the other hand it was disturbing to listen to the planning that went into hurting others to exact revenge on his nemesis.
Came across this video of ‘Depression Spoken Words poetry’ on YT.
I thought about it as I was reading it and it occurred to me – if people who know / understand about narcissism could consider applying how the ‘darkness’ affects narcissists and I thought that this video describes it very well. It is about ‘translating’ this into how a narcissist could instinctively yet unconsciously (Lessers / MRNs) and the Greaters (consciously aware of what they are) ‘experience’ because of their ‘creature’…..
Dear Mr. HG Tudor:
When was the last time you saw the creature?
What made it appear? If the answer to this question is lack of fuel, a loss of fuel, or a fuel crisis, what was the cause of the fuel crisis?
Thank you.
You do not see it.
Felt it then, when was the last time you felt the creature HG?
How often would the average mid-range feel it?
You feel it…
Then, when was the last time you felt the creature? When was the last time it appeared? What made it appear?
This morning.
The absence of fuel.
It was soon vanquished.
It must have been a difficult moment, HG, it’s good that it was suppressed.
Not at all. I obtained fuel, job done.
That sucks.
Glad to hear it was vanquished.
Sorry to know it will happen again.
Does not bother me. It will never win.
No! Oh my goodness. I didn’t expect that answer.
So regardless of your fuel matrix the creature appears every morning? I thought with your substantial matrix the creature was kept at bay for extended periods?
I’m sorry to hear that. I feel compassion for you.
No.
It is.
Why? You did not cause it.
Why? Because I care about you. Many people here do.
May I ask you to explain why the creature appeared this morning, or why you had an absence of fuel to the point that the creature appeared?
I appreciate the sentiment but it is unnecessary, I am perfectly capable of looking after my own defences. If you with to do anything for me, applying my work and spreading knowledge of its existence far and repeatedly would be appreciated.
I am currently in the field and largely isolated from individuals, meaning my fuel levels dropped prior to sleep. They naturally drop through the interruption of slumber and were low enough on awakening for its presence to made known to me. It was soon dispelled. It does not occur every morning for reasons articulated elsewhere.
Thank you for your response. Very interesting.
I understand you are extremely capable of looking after yourself. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. I also understand that you don’t need my compassion, but my compassion for you, and others, comes from within me. I can’t stop it, and it’s not necessarily based upon the subject’s need or capabilities. Although if you weren’t so capable I would feel it more deeply. I even feel compassion for my father. Dick that he is.
Yes, I do recommend your website to others. I don’t know if they have visited or not.
Oh, boy. Look who I’m telling about the emotions in me! Duh.
I feel compassion for all narcissists, to be honest. Also, empaths.
In general, I feel compassion for all people’s suffering, regardless of their own capabilities to help themselves. Although, admittedly, depending on the circumstance, if they are too mentally weak to help themselves, my compassion turns to intermittent disgust. Not very compassionate of me, I know.
Have to say HG, you are an impressive man. To be out in the field, moderating the blog and posting YouTube material too. Christ you work hard. You deserve your success in my book.
Make sure you’re well rested at least!
A laptop in the rear of a motor vehicle suffices.
HG, I feel compassion for you. I know I did not cause it, but just knowing that it causes you pain, is not a nice thought. It really is terrible that your kind don’t experience feelings in the true sense of the word. That’s my emotional thinking in full, just for you. Remember HG, for all the incredible advice you give to myself and everyone on this site and on YouTube, you are a brilliant guy. Thank you HG.
Now back to logical thinking…
HG, is sleep, with the drop in fuel, the reason that narcissists often don’t seem to need a lot of sleep? Or is it more related to the need to accomplish, which I suppose is related to fuel…
Why am I now imagining you bouncing round in the back of an armoured Hummer? Maybe a blacked out Escalade…..
“1. You will leave” – that is my one fear in future relationship.
It is not just narcissists that have ‘fears’.
Everybody has the need for ‘reassurance’. I suppose, from my past, I have ‘been let down’ – narcissist mother, father died, no other adults around to ‘be there’ when I was a child. So, in this aspect, I can understand a narcissist’s fears.
Asp Emp,
I totally understand your sentiments. I think most narc’s know that we are afraid they will leave, so that’s why they are able to get away with so much. I have been with 2 narc’s now and it’s taken it’s toll; even though alone for now, I am grateful for the peace, no push and pull, not walking on egg shells, no retributions or word salads. I am reading all HG writes as well as consultations with him so I don’t fall prey to another one or at least can recognize when I do.
Hello Victoria, I don’t actually ‘defend’ narcissist’s behaviours – just saying that I can relate. Yes, I know what you mean about the ‘manipulations’ and it is difficult when you don’t know what it is about or why it is happening. It is good that you are informing yourself so that you can recognise things for yourself in the future. Thank you for your words 🙂
Asp Emp, I have fears too, probably many of which were brought on or exacerbated by having narcissists around me all my life. Same for you the way it sounds. Thank you for sharing, sharing makes the fears easier to face sometimes.
Oops, I didn’t fill out my thought well, you sharing makes it easier for me to share and thus we can help each other face them. Hehe.
Ah, thank you & no worries. You are right – past experiences cause ‘fears’ – some are more easily understood & overcome compared to others. I suppose, eventually the majority of ‘fears’ do go.