The Porn Supremacy

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There is a significant correlation between our kind and the use of pornographic material. Once upon a time, one might imagine that the size of a person’s porn stash might have been a rough and ready indicator of their reliance on porn and their potential for being one of our kind. Nowadays the availability of porn through the internet means that millions of images and videos are available at the click of the mouse. No longer is it necessary for people to buy top-shelf magazines, visit an “adult sex shop” to purchase videos or DVDs, or import some hardcore material from another jurisdiction.

It is far easier to go online and obtain a porn fix there instead. If you have been entangled with our kind, it is highly likely that porn featured on the agenda. Initially, it will have been used as an aperitif to sexual activity, watching a film together or surfing for some interesting snippets in order to get us both in the mood or enhance the mood further.

It would provide a basis for discussion between us as to ascertaining sexual mores and appetites. During seduction we would garner from you what worked for you, what turned you off and what intrigued you. Some of that knowledge would be put to use as part of the seduction and some of it would be stored away for later use. Porn would be used in an effective and healthy manner.

Our true use of porn would be suspended by the needs arising from effecting the seduction, embedding you and extracting your positive fuel.

Porn appeals to each cadre of narcissist as a consequence of its availability and ubiquity. I will detail below a host of reasons why narcissists of all cadres and schools utilise porn, especially during the devaluation period, but to begin with, a brief mention as to why porn is specifically appealing to these groups.

The Victim Narcissist – with low energy levels and often a low libido, porn provides an easy and available option. Some Victim Narcissists also suffer sexual dysfunction and therefore watching porn is an easy substitute for something they are less able to do.

The Somatic Narcissist – porn is his playground. His obsessions with body and performance come together in a glittering array of writhing and gyrating bodies. Porn is the cradle of the somatic.

The Cerebral – whilst he may have less interest in the sex act, he still wants to know plenty about it and watching extensive amounts of porn, understanding techniques, observing scenarios and so forth enables the Cerebral Narcissist to stockpile his sexual arsenal for later use through spoken and written communication.

The Elite – quite obviously a combination of the reasons that attract the Somatic and the Cerebral means that the Elite finds much to relish in the world of pornography.

The Lesser –  the power and control which come with porn appeal to the lesser. His lack of imagination is also catered for by watching such a massive array of porn.

The Mid-Range –  acquisition of knowledge about porn enables him to portray himself as more capable than he is and enables him to talk a good game.

The Greater – the access to depravity and humiliation appeals especially to the Greater. Whilst such actions will also be evidenced in the Lesser and Mid-Range, it is the Greater who makes more extensive use of porn in this fashion.

Accordingly, porn provides some kind of use to each school and each cadre of our kind. If your narcissist did not appear to access porn, then it is probably the case that you just never caught them doing so. Secrecy is a significant part of the narcissistic lifestyle and secret tablets, activity in the bolthole and password locked devices will invariably be masking a use of porn.

Why do our kind make such extensive use of porn? The use of porn naturally is nor per se a bad thing and many victims enjoy viewing porn as a stimulating and vibrant addition to sexual activity. Those reasons are for stimulation, increasing knowledge and technique in order to please themselves and their partner and in essence for reasons which would be regarded by many people as “good”. Our reasons are far more varied.

  1. Objectification. I have explained previously how we regard people as objects because they are our appliances. This is even more so when we watch porn. Our grandiosity and sense of omnipotence means that these objects are performing for our benefit. We sit before glowing screen akin to a director as these objects interact at our say so. If we want to watch two women and a man together – click, we find the video. If we want anal – click, we find the video. She males, enemas, bondage – whatever we decide the objects should do, we just click and the relevant objects appear to do what we want. We consider ourselves as commanding them to do our bidding.
  2. Lack of intimacy. Our inability to feel many emotions means that intimacy is abhorrent to us. Yes, it will be faked during seduction because of the greater aim that exists but once there is no need for this, it is readily jettisoned. You may (not always admittedly) seek intimacy in your sexual union with us. We will not want that during devaluation and therefore this will result in an ignited fury response. In order to avoid such a scenario arising we take refuge in the world of porn where there is no intimacy. It is cold, clinical and two or more objects performing as we decree.
  3. Control of the environment. We do not want the environment to control us. We must control the environment. This is why control ranks so highly in our day to day dealings. In the arena of pornography, we are in complete control of the environment. We transport ourselves into the scenario as god-like we control it, directing people to place this here and that there, do this, do that, take this, take that. Porn is the ultimate place for us to be able to control the environment.
  4. Reflection. We do not exist save by reflection. This is why we have such an incredible need for external approval and why we seek fuel from everything that we interact with. Your emotional responses (good or bad) provide us with validation that we exist, that we matter and that we are important. We also take your characteristics to use as our own in order to further our construct of what we want to be. Porn facilitates this also. The supreme Olympic performances of those in the videos that we watch, we consider to be us. Therefore, we take those characteristics for ourselves. We also regard the reaction of those in the videos, their orgasmic screams of delight, their groans of pleasure, even the harsh words issued by a dominatrix to be directed as emotional reactions to us and thus fuel is gained and we receive validation by these people recognising us. We become a participant in the porn. If the video is a POV (point of view) production the effect is heightened.
  5. Withdrawal. By choosing to spend our time watching porn rather than being in bed with you we gain fuel from your response. Sometimes it will be Thought Fuel as we think of you lying there in a lonely bed upset and wondering why we spend so long locked in our bolthole and other times it will be Proximate Fuel as you berate us for watching porn or become upset when we reject your advances and head for the study instead. Our extensive use of porn is utilised to belittle you, thus drawing fuel and reinforce our superiority over you.
  6. Lack of challenge. We hate being challenged, after all, we are superior beings and you are inferior therefore any challenge you may issue to us in the sexual arena is unwelcome during devaluation. You are not allowed to make demands on us, have sexual needs which require fulfilment and the like. Those on the screen do not challenge us. Instead they comply with us and facilitate what we want and thus they are preferred.
  7. On tap. We require repeated validation and recognition of our importance and what better way than to receive it from a medium which is always there, always delivers and does so in spades? It does not feel tired; it does not have a period nor does it have a headache. It does not baulk at a certain demand or resist a depraved act. It performs when want it to and it provides us with what we need. This is how our appliances should operate and how we expect them to operate.
  8. Uniqueness. By delving into deviancy and taboo activities online this reinforces our sense of being unique, special and above everyone else. Vanilla sex is available for everyone but we are not everyone. Watching the more deviant and kink sexual activities is not done in order to gain a sexual kick from doing so (although one will be present) the main aim is to reinforce our sense of being unique because we watch (and by extension engage in) such activity.
  9. Triangulation. We will use the watching of porn to triangulate with you. Either through withdrawing from sexual activity with you or using what we have viewed as the basis for insisting on you engaging in similar activities and telling you why we want you to do this. This allows fuel to be obtained and enables our superiority to be reinforced.
  10. Social media. Our porn habits during devaluation are usually solitary activities in our boltholes where we are also able to reach out and gain fuel from a wide range of appliances through social media at the same time. This creates a heady brew of fuel from our porn viewing and our interaction with appliances through social media. This is highly edifying for us and by combining the two we feel especially powerful. We receive fuel but we are also god-like as we command the people on screen to do our bidding as we pull the strings of those we message and text.

 

Accordingly, porn is something which appeals considerably to our kind.

Sex and the Narcissist

Will the Sex Tape Be Used Against Me?

94 thoughts on “The Porn Supremacy

  1. mollyb5 says:

    Man…I had to search the rules. Found them finally 🙂

  2. mollyb5 says:

    Oh and he also liked my voice so …that’s another story , HG . I’m sure you’ve seen and heard it all .

  3. mollyb5 says:

    I have a story to tell . I was single for a few years and I did some online dating ..HG what type of guy would want me to send him my underwear with other men’s cum in it ? He was offering quite a bit money too … Lol. I won’t tell whether I did it or not . But what is the actual excitement from smelling another mans cum …where did that fetish cum from LOL

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A narcissist might do this, a narcissist may not do this. A normal man may do this, a normal man may not do this. A narcissistic man may do this, a narcissistic man may not do this. An empathic man would not do this. One would need to determine the type of individual you are dealing with and then analyse this particular behaviour through the appropriate prism.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        A very good answer, HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you.

      2. mollyb5 says:

        Yeh ..I didn’t think it was abnormal. I also encountered a few that wanted to be cuckold. I have no problems talking and thinking sexually. I had spent such a long time with a narc who only wanted me to be one way …he would not experiment at all. So when you talk about narcs and what they will do it’s very confusing that he won’t do anything new with me, at the time. And whenever I talked about it he would yell and think that’s what I did with others so therefore he won’t do that with me.

        I think he is into a completely “innocent” acting person who knows nothing about sex at all. I think he prefers teenagers with no experience . He wants to be the one to bring the experience to the girl . Is that behavior Narcissistic ? It seems it is to me. He doesn’t care about the person it’s all about how it makes him feel . Just like rape is about power and control. I figured he enjoys a cam girl because of thought and image she is alone with only a vibrator not another man. This way he can think he will be the one to win her over and be the one to actually penetrate her. Plus other visual factors . His thoughts . Iam empathic and I am very intuitive. I can sense what people think when they are near , men and women.

  4. mollyb5 says:

    Asp Emp …I don’t mean to imply I’m a 5 yr old when I say mollyb5. :(. I’m the fifth out of eight siblings. But, I do want to say something about porn and narcs . I know a little something .. I do not speak for all women. I speak for myself and only share a small amount on here , but women do watch porn. Women do masterbate. Maybe , you aren’t into it and that is fine .What is hurtful to “some” women when it comes to their partner and his porn addiction , habit , or whatever you want to call it …(while in relationship) is this …..If the man stops touching his partner , stops complimenting , stops being attracted to their partner and seems to not communicate even a hello , or a how are you doing , and turns their partners advances down , multiple times and yells at them and says they are not attracted and says to her that women on porn are more attractive , and they actually pay for cam girls multiple times and while they are working interacting with cam girls that is triangulation …that is painful for women to be rejected multiple times . Women do have a sex drive other than wanting to be a mother . Women do have testosterone levels , and men do have , progesterone , and estrogen levels . Everyone is different and yes our hormones can be affected if we are depressed , if we have surgery , when we have children and multiple other health situations . Men usually want to be in a relationship with a woman they are attracted to so , it can be hurtful if his porn habit escalates and he withdraws from sharing any communication as to why and / or what can be done to help matters. I feel personally it’s normal for a woman to masterbate also …whether she watches porn or uses her own imagination to get herself off is up to her . I’m not concerned with the percentage of people who do or not . I’m pretty sure it’s higher than we all know, because people lie about sensitive personal issues or if they feel shamed for doing it .

    I don’t feel shame and I am really hormonally pretty normal for my age …I may have higher testosterone levels ..I’ve been told by a endocrinologist .

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Hi Mollyb5, thank you for your response to my comment. I actually like wanking and I do it (but didn’t feel like it for a long time – cos of depression and lower ‘libido’ – since that depression has lessened a lot – the libido comes back). I totally understand what you say in relation to women being ‘hurt’ when it appears their guy has ‘gone off’ them. I know exactly how it feels, I was cheated on my a few of my ex’s in the past – first one being when I was 20 years old. Also I have had my own life experiences that has changed my ‘mind-set’ over the years….. Thank you for sharing your views, interesting for me to read.

  5. leelasfuelstinks says:

    So, what were the sock and the talk powder for? Did we reach a conclusion in the previous discussion?

    I think the sock could be for shooting his mess into the sock but the talk powder?

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      I think we concluded the need for talcum powder was related to friction … don’t want ‘sock burn’ 😛

      Once again, focused on the mechanics and innocent of any first hand knowledge of such shenanigans!

    2. A Victor says:

      My understanding is that the talcum powder is for reduction of friction. It goes inside the sock. Talcum powder is known to cause ovarian cancer. Good thing guys don’t have ovaries.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Leela, LET & AV – my reckoning on the talcum powder – yup, for less friction against the sock….. and to also to “contain” the ‘cum’ so that it solidifies into the sock so that there is less talcum powder to “explain for” when it comes to putting the sock into the laundry basket – I have absolutely no fucking idea because I don’t fucking know…. laughing….. so if you are doing the washing, FFS, don’t wash their fucking socks by hand…. ok?! No wonder there is the odd sock, cos the other one is that THEY threw into the bin…. bloody right too an all. You will find it is usually a WHITE sock that goes fucking missing…… fk me, I’ll have a fucking Supanova if I ever find one behind the fucking settee…… that is a message for the future ‘guy’, should there ever be one….

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Yes, last time we thought we solved the mystery of why there are always so many odd socks and you can’t find the matching one 😛 Wonder if that guy has a sock drawer in the kitchen?

          1. Asp Emp says:

            LET, the thought of used socks in a kitchen drawer….. ugh.

          2. A Victor says:

            I’m just wondering about the “WHITE” now, is this a known preference??😂😂🤣

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Laughing…… I seriously have no idea…. I think you need to ask a few guys to find out….. no, just Google it and you might find the answer (laughing)….

          4. A Victor says:

            Asp Emp, this will go into my forever never to reconsider pile file now…hahaha! The one labeled “Need to Never Know”!

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            Definitely an ‘ugh’ to the idea of used socks in any drawer, AspEmp 😉

          6. Asp Emp says:

            Laughing….. especially in the kitchen, LET.

        2. A Victor says:

          Note to self…do not wash socks by hand…thank you Asp Emp! Laughing!!!

          1. Asp Emp says:

            To AV, laughing…. can you imagine the ‘crackling’ sound…. laughing….

          2. leelasfuelstinks says:

            I asked my husband if he has an idea, but no! He only brought up the idea of shooting his mess into the sock.

            And the talcum (not talk, lol, sorry guys, not native English speaker) powder is for less friction we agreed on – so, he´s wanking with the sock on his dick?

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Laughing….. I think you have finally worked it out…. laughing……

          4. A Victor says:

            Asp Emp, yuck! I was trying NOT to think about that! Hahaha!!

          5. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Neither did I. But hey, cool! We finally solved the sock puzzle! 😀 Weee! 😀

  6. Eternity says:

    I hope no one walks in to get something from the fridge and see this guy with his mouth open wide. He could of picked another room in the house for gods sake but then again he is a Narcissist.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      Yes, I was hoping he’d be out of the damn kitchen by now, too!

      1. Eternity says:

        Maybe put a banana in his mouth from the fruit bowl that ought to stop him from what he is doing.

        1. njfilly says:

          Ha ha! Put a banana into that wide open mouth like that and it will slide right down his throat! (or so I have heard).

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            He’s likely to choke on it so be prepared with your first aid skills.

            Unless you want him out your kitchen permanently!

          2. Eternity says:

            Ha ha good one! We don’t want him throwing up everywhere either.

      2. leelasfuelstinks says:

        As long as it´s not OUR kitchens 😉

  7. A Victor says:

    Is it safe to assume that narcissists do engage in porn even if you never “catch” them or find evidence of it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Most do, not all do.

  8. mollyb5 says:

    Does a narc feel is what I meant.

  9. mollyb5 says:

    HG …Does narcs feel more entitled to rape after viewing porn so often ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No. That entitlement will already be there, whether it is used depends on issues appertaining to control, school of narcissist, facade and other matters.

      1. mollyb5 says:

        HG ..”that entitlement” ? The rape thoughts …so all narcs have those thoughts ? It’s just if they have control over or maintaining their good boy facade ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, not all narcissists harbour thoughts of raping people, some do, some threaten it but do not do it, some do it and do not see it as rape.

        2. A Victor says:

          Hi mollyb5, about 32 years ago my then boyfriend had sleep sex with me, one time. The fact that he’d done it and that it had bothered me was nothing to him, the fact that I told my friend he’d done it was huge and made him quite angry. He never did it again. At the time, though I felt quite violated, I didn’t call it “rape”. So HG did a narc detector on him over this holiday season and it turns out that he’s a MMRAS. HG called it rape, that startled me. I think it has been a bit of my discouragement in the couple of days since. Why didn’t I see it that way and run way back then? Anyway, my ex saw nothing wrong with what he did, his facade was more important, which may have been what restrained him for the following 20 plus years we were together. The summer narc, also confirmed over the holidays but a different school, told me I would sleep naked, so he would have free access, even up to saying sex while I was asleep. He may not have ever done anything had we ever actually slept together but he talked about it all the time and believed I would enjoy it. Sadly I allowed him to speak to me in this way. Now, after being here, I am seeing these things much differently. It is amazing that we can be so blinded to what is acceptable and what might be questionable.

          1. njfilly says:

            A Victor:

            I’m just curious about your opinion – “It is amazing that we can be so blinded to what is acceptable and what might be questionable.”

            Wouldn’t what is acceptable be a matter of personal individual choice in each matter? Particularly related to sex?

          2. Renarde says:

            nj

            No, there is no choice. You cannot consent when you are incapacitated through drink, drugs, sleep and also altered states.

            Positive, affirmative, informed consent.

            You are quite rightly arguing the ‘normal’ POV. However, it is possible that rape survivours have already been abused and very possibly have PTSD. It’s now the body and the mind. Discerning boundaries. The boiling frog. All boiling frogs explode. (Metaphorically speaking).

            I would argue that what is colloquially known as, ‘sleep interference’ is far more widespread than society believes. I would further argue, that it is largely a male on female crime perpetrated by male narcs on female empaths. It is largely a middle class (white collar) crime and it is very difficult to understand unless you know the trauma bond. I know you do.

            I just think it can manifest in many, many ways.

          3. njfilly says:

            No comment.

          4. njfilly says:

            I’m sorry, Renarde. I wasn’t trying to be rude with my previous comment.

            I have some issues related to sex that I have spoken about on the blog ad naseum. In fact, most of my issues are related to sex. I don’t think I will be able to solve them or change at this point.

          5. Renarde says:

            nj

            No offence taken. At all. I actually welcome your openness and frankness.

            Can I just interject? I personally believe that ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’ are interchangeable. Or indeed, ‘I don’t think I can’.

            Anything is possible?

            I profess to have some expertise in some areas regarding human sexuality but not all. Not when by half.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            There is a clear distinction.

            Cannot means the individual lacks the ability to do something. A blind person cannot see.
            Will not means the individual has the ability but will not exercise it. “I am able to see but I choose not to.”

            Sometime people mistake one for the other. They think they cannot, but it is actually will not.

          7. Renarde says:

            Hg

            There is and I completely screwed that one up! Thank you for clarifying.

            I think I must have been a bit giddy about the thought of a certain football match today!

            I’m really quite shocked at the result!

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Field kids, get beat, simple really.

          9. Renarde says:

            Hg

            City play Brum tomorrow don’t they?

            Today has been a double triumph. Someone I knew (who made my life hell in school), supported the ‘field boys’.

            To say there was more than a passing resemblence between her and James Corden both in temperament and looks…well it was uncanny.

            Last thing I was told is that the family had scurried away to the Field Boy mothership. Never to be seen or heard of again.

          10. njfilly says:

            Well, I don’t think I can change my sexual preferences but I’m not sure I have to.

          11. A Victor says:

            njfilly, yes but I believe it needs to be consensual and in the case of my ex it was not. I believed it was with regard to the summer narc though it really caught me off guard when it first happened, but I was having so much fun and the interaction was so constant that there was no time to process my feelings about it, let alone a desire to process them. Looking back, if a man talks to me in that way again I will (hopefully) view it as a red flag unless we are in a healthy relationship where trust has been established, I know he’s not a narcissist and it is consensual. If those things are in place, anything goes.

          12. njfilly says:

            A Victor:

            Yes I see that it was done to you without consent and I’m sorry you experienced that.

          13. A Victor says:

            njfilly, it’s ok. It was decades ago and it doesn’t affect me except as this last week. I don’t even think about it generally. I only supplied the examples because of mollyb5’s questions, they are experiences with 2 different narcissists and are pretty different but both involved rape or talk of it. I was actually much more fun than my ex, I now believe it was a way he controlled. He also had that whole Madonna/whore thing going on, it was ridiculous and pretty horrible. And I hope going forward that I will be able to pick up on any abuse and get away, I just didn’t understand what it was until now.

          14. Eternity says:

            A Victor, I am so sorry you had to go through that . We as women sometimes do not understand what is normal and not normal.. The point now is it is not acceptable and HG did point it out. Some men are just disgusting pigs that don’t understand womens needs and are selfish ,no boundary recognition,a sense of entitlement, no emotional empathy. I feel for you so much.
            Stay strong my love.
            .

          15. A Victor says:

            Thank you Eternity, I’m okay, it was long ago, but I do appreciate knowing how I should’ve viewed it. I have a hard time with this because I was not allowed to have boundaries as a child, due to my narc mother, so have been learning about boundaries as an adult. It is interesting how that can still affect me so many years later. But it is like HG says in some of the videos, no one tells you about these people and what they do, so you can counteract it, get away from it if possible, early on. As a child it would not have been possible to get away from her but I could’ve at least understood that healthy people do have boundaries and do implement them firmly, no questions asked. It is just another thing that I did not learn growing up, among many others. It was almost as if I was raised to become a victim. Thank you for your sweet comment.

            On another note, I have been wanting to thank you, you were the first person who replied to me on the blog, I was a bit nervous when I first interacted and I think came across defensively but you reached out anyway and I really appreciated that. It helped me become less defensive, you made me feel welcomed! <3

          16. Eternity says:

            A Victor , you are very welcome! It was my pleasure to do that from the bottom of my heart ❤ you made my day :)with your kind comment. We are all here for each other in every possible way, and we Empaths can all get through this I know we all will it takes time. We need to stick together we are more powerful than we think we are . It is ok to cry and let out our emotions we have them so we use them that is how we were created. There is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing ourselves and feelings. If we need to get defensive that is ok too. We have come a long way because it brought us to this place.
            Big hug to you sweetheart !

          17. Cup Cakes says:

            Of course

          18. NarcAngel says:

            AV
            It strikes me that you say the sleep rape was years ago and doesn’t affect you. You said it bothered you at the time and you felt violated but did not call it rape. Do you think that might possibly have had bearing on your not addressing this latest violation in him suggesting it could happen and assertion that you would enjoy it over discussion and seeking your consent? Silence can mean consent to the wrong people. I’m not looking for you to answer, it’s just something I thought you might consider moving forward in your relationships. My thought is that if you’re afraid to address a suggestion because it might have adverse affect on the relationship it is a huge red flag that you are in an unhealthy and likely dangerous relationship and should get out.

          19. A Victor says:

            Hi NA, it doesn’t bother me unless I think about it and I don’t usually think about it. Being here is bringing up all kinds of stuff that I had pretty much left behind. I think I have a huge issue knowing appropriate boundaries to set for myself with other people and a huge issue enforcing them if I do set them. I have known this is a struggle for me for a very long time, I think it stems from fear. Fear of offending another and fear of repercussions. I have listened to Fear and the Empath, that is good but it doesn’t really address this particular issue. This issue is one that I haven’t come across help for yet, except HG stating plainly that it was rape, that I understand and know is unacceptable. I wasn’t silent in the situation with my ex so there was that at least.

            I definitely believe all of this affected my reaction to the more recent situation. In addition the fact of being 1600 miles apart, it wasn’t a real concern, certainly gave me some new ideas regarding sex, I don’t know if I would enjoy them or not but I do know that it would have to be with someone I knew I could trust. With the summer narc it was just for fun and yet I didn’t feel good about it and knew my boundaries were being crossed but it was fun and I didn’t know how to stop it. It was a mixed bag for sure, quite a conglomeration of emotions going on. How do I get to a point of trust with someone when I don’t recognize when my boundaries are being crossed or know how to stop it? Or I can be so easily sucked in by humor or charm? I don’t know. I’m not asking for answers really but I am open if people have thoughts.

            I had a couple of friends from the site I met the summer narc on, so I was talking to them throughout that time. They’d both had experiences with narcissists. Once it was all done, one said to me, just keep talking, tell the stuff you don’t want to tell, that’s the dangerous stuff. She was right, I’d hidden things because I didn’t want to see it until I was ready to see it.

            And the last thought I had with regard to your wise comment, I was visiting a friend two days ago, she’s divorcing a narc so I keep trying to introduce her to HG’s work, she has been unwilling so far. But as a result, I was talking to her about the NDC for my husband and how it had affected me. She asked me why, after all these years, I was interested in looking at it again. I had a decade away from any romantic relationship and I ended up with a narcissist. I have to figure this out, it is why I’m revisiting. The rape itself doesn’t affect me now but the underlying reason that it didn’t more at the time needs to be addressed. Thank you for your very thought provoking comment, I really appreciate it, it is helpful to my processing.

          20. A Victor says:

            Renarde, I just looked up PTSD, never have before. Many things make so much more sense right this moment. I had no idea. Thank you for your comment.

          21. Renarde says:

            A Victor

            My pleasure. I can only speak from my own experience. In the matter of PTSD

            It can be your best friend and your own worst enemy.

          22. NarcAngel says:

            Much like some people mistake the difference between their experiences and expertise.

          23. HG Tudor says:

            Nailed on.

          24. A Victor says:

            Hi NA, I am confused by your comment? I mean, you are correct but I don’t see the connection…I apologize, I am feeling a little silly asking, but can you expand?

          25. A Victor says:

            Ok, maybe I figured it out, are you referring to my friends? They both told me to end it and get away from the summer narc. But they both also realized I might not take that advice and if so, keep talking, don’t start hiding things. Is this what you were referring to?

  10. Jaana says:

    Boom!! This is spot on. His addiction to various pornsites.
    Not to mention his arousal issues! He couldn’t get it working without viagra and a cook ring!! Poor thing..he even went on talking about having surgery. A device that pumps it up.. the more I read your articles the more I shake my head.

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Apologies for being “naive”…… is the ‘cook’ ring from the gas hob? (laughing).

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dearest Asp Emp,
        Yes sweetheart, when the cook rings, the Viagra falls, however always keep a pump on standby to inflate the balls
        🤣
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. Asp Emp says:

          To Bubbles,
          Laughing. I have absolutely no experiences with ‘toys’. Is that a bicycle pump you are referring to? 😉

        2. Renarde says:

          Madame Bubbles!

          Oh that was funny! Oh myy geerrdd!!

        3. Renarde says:

          Can. Not. Resist

          There was an old man who streamed Porn Hub

          Watching for hours, then out he would rub

          In bed with the missus

          It was all love and kisses

          No viagra! Then the edifice came down with a thud!

  11. Asp Emp says:

    Ah, bloody hell. This is not the talcum powder and sock conversation again? It is normal. Bloody normal for a man to have a need to wank over porn. Whether it’s ‘triangulated’ or not. It seems to be a ‘man’ thing. It’s not an emotional attachment. It’s a ‘primal’ thing. That has existed since ‘cave’ man first came into ‘being’. It’s a Neanderthal existence. It’s always been there. It’s animalistic.

    In today’s “terms” it is not “normal”. But FFS. It’s a primal thing. All animals do it. They fuck. They get their release. They do it to mate. They do it because they need to. It is not necessarily a ‘personal’ thing.

    That is what is more often than not, a ‘man’ thing. Women do not normally do it because of the “mothering” and the fact they are different from the male species.

    It is ‘human nature’. But it isn’t. FFS. What on earth has society done to humanity? What has society done to human nature? What has society done to nature?

    Just applying lateral thinking here. Humans have allowed emotions to get involved, as they evolved. FFS.

    1. mollyb5 says:

      ASP EMP , I don’t normally comment on other comments ….but …Women don’t normally do it because of the mothering ?? I’m confused .

      That’s news to me . I think it’s pretty normal for women also. Some just have a low sex drive , maybe .

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Men and women are different. Hormones wise. Brain-wired differently. I am not ‘into’ porn because I have not really ‘looked’ into it. I am not a mother. My friends are. They don’t “do” porn. They “do” sex. There is a difference.

        Low sex drives occur when depression sets in within people. Once a person’s ‘depression’ lifts (or is “understood”) – the ‘hormones’ within a person can change to the point where they are more ‘into’ the ‘sexual’ hormones. I am trying to explain it in a way so that you can understand……. I, somehow, lost ‘interest’ in sex because of what happened to me…… but since I learned to understand myself more, I somehow, gained the ‘libido’, with the ‘depression’ not as strong as it was…..

        1. Renarde says:

          AE

          Having a giggle, you clearly haven’t seen my internet browser history, I watch all sorts! Have done for years.

          However, I have every sympathy and empathy regarding your situation as I lived that life for 15 years. Looking back, I would not say I was clinically depressed but I certainly had a low mood which translated into a low libido precisely because of a chronic overuse of porn on his part. This eventually led me to trying myriad ADs, which never worked.

          I’ll never forget the feelings of desperation, of being trapped. Feeling there was no way out. Feeling ugly, unlovable.

          I tried desperately to get us both into therapy to sort it out. Managed it once and directly afterwards, it was clear he had lied both to me and the therapist in session. That was that.

          The positives are is that I changed and I am where I am now.

          Certainly as a mother of two, young children I was exhausted most of the time so sex was the last thing on my mind. It then started to seep into other areas and I began to not watch anything on tv that was remotely sexual. It took me ages to get into Game of Thrones for precisely that reason.

          The other really positive thing I’ve witnessed in society generally over the past 15 years or so, are woman gradually accepting that firstly, pretty much all men watch porn. Secondly, that women are now starting to admit to watching porn itself.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you Renarde, for your input. I’ll have to admit that I’ve not really had conversations with others in relation to porn. So I have no idea if any of my friends do watch it themselves. I knew more about sex than the MRN I was with, he was not very ‘adventurous’ so I am a bit ‘naive’ in that field but it is not too late to learn & experience more. I am just not the type to sleep around (ie one night stands) etc. I’ve abstained for 5 years now.

          2. mollyb5 says:

            Right on ! Spot on, Renarde !

          3. mollyb5 says:

            HG ..What ? Aren’t you putting my other response ? If it sucks …understand

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Read the rules.

          5. mollyb5 says:

            HG ? Where are the rules ?

          6. HG Tudor says:

            In the menu bar.

          7. njfilly says:

            Renarde:

            I don’t believe that all men watch porn, but I would agree it is a majority, particularly amongst younger men. I know many men who I believe don’t watch porn. I know these men personally and it doesn’t seem to be in their nature. Some of them are religious and are church going men. They are not interested in that. However, I believe there are many church going men who do watch porn. Of course we will never know for sure.

            I also know men that don’t watch it as they don’t have access to the internet and don’t care to have internet, and we have discussed it. Possibly they look at magazines, I don’t really know.

            I don’t watch porn. Never have and never will. I rarely watch TV and movies and one of the many reasons is the oversexualization of it. Game of Thrones being a prime example, although I have watched several episodes of it out of curiosity.

            I believe the oversexualization of culture and porn to be a negative on society, not a positive. It degrades sex and society, causes unrealistic expectations, and influences the way people connect emotionally with each other. Particularly young people. Porn teaches nothing about real life and how to have successful loving relationships, yet people believe they are “learning” about sex from porn. I disagree there is anything at all to be learned from porn.

            I’m not judging you or other women who do watch it. I’m just giving you my opinion on porn because it differs from yours despite my highly sexualized nature. It’s a bit of a strange contrast I have.

          8. Renarde says:

            nj

            I dont feel judged at all. This is a fascinating conversation!

            I think one of the problems is that certainly when it comes to matters of sex, sexuality, kink and gender there really isn’t ‘one size fits all’, so it becomes incredibly difficult to argue points with resorting to generalisation.

            I have always struggled with the, ‘some men don’t watch porn (or buy mags or dvds).’ I just think it’s highly unlikely.

            It’s the same argument as to whether females masturbate? Of course we do. However, I agree that there will be a very small minority who do neither. It cannot he representative of the whole.

            Now perhaps the question should be, ‘Why do people lie?’ I’d argue a sense of misguided shame on both counts. It’s much less hassle to go with the flow.

            I do take your point on oversexulisation of culture though. I wound tend towards of women but I can also see it will be affecting the mindset of others.

            Final point, unrealistic ideas of sex by viewing porn.

            You know what I think? I think for those people, you could tell them the sky is blue/pink with yellow dots and they’d believe it. Simply because they lack ability to critically think. Or to tell fantasy from reality. In which case, that cannot be an anti-porn argument as opposed to an ‘idiots’ charter’.

            I personally do think there is a lot to be learned from pornography, in every medium and nearly every genre. (I shouldn’t have to say this but I will, EXCEPTING paraphilias) although I appreciate others’ do not feel the same way

            I’ve often wondered the business model on porn mags. I’m guessing there are a load of ‘old school’ out there to justify demand. Certainly, the millenials probably wouldn’t bother. The VPN has been a joy to them!

            I find your last statement intrestimg and intriguing? Seems to me with a clearly agreeing on how we are but disagreeing on the concept of pirn itself?

            With that being stated, what would you say to me to challenge the way I think?

            Loving this, by the way! X

          9. AE says:

            I don’t think that watching / accepting watching porn is a positive thing.

            There are many reasons for not watching porn.

            Most porn is humiliating for women, pulling hair, choke, cum in her face, all seems to be the norm.

            Think about the reasons why a woman goes into porn. No empath wants her/his daughter to become a pornstar.
            These are mostly vulnerable women, girls.

            Most porn is without using condoms, imagine all STDs spread.
            Imagine the producers of most porn, most of them smell like narcissist.

          10. Renarde says:

            AE

            Now we are going to have to respectfully disagree to disagree. This bothers me because there are quite a few arguments in the main chunk of your writing where we wildly vary.

            Most porn is humiliating to women.

            Could you explain the qualifier here? Humiliation? Or rather, do you feel personally it’s humiliating which is utterly acceptable vs the women who indulge either on or off camera who not only find it acceptable but actually seek out those kind of scenarios?

            I’d also draw question on ‘most porn’. What does that mean? I’d agree there is a small, chunk of extreme hardcore where it is ‘forced’ for the camera. Most of the stuff I’ve seen is where women aren’t restrained.

            Next statement. ‘Think about the reasons why women go into porn?”

            There are many reasons. I became my own pornographer because it suited me in that period of time. No coercion. I simply wanted to do it. Others may have more material needs, being abused etc. Therfore, the concept of coercion must be considered.

            “No empath wants their daughter to go into porn”. Hmm. Why daughter and not son? You are careful to say the Empath can be male or female (good) but ONLY the pornstar is female? Frankly, as long as my children are emotionally and psychologically healthy; that is important.

            On condoms. All pro porn is shot without protection. However, it is a legitimate industry where actors are required to test and regularly so. The med certs. Indeed, testing positive can shut down the production.

            It wouldn’t be too hard a stretch to imagine the majority of producers are narcs. But equally, that could be argued against any leaders of industry.

            Bottom line. What someone may percieve as to be humiliating may not be humiliating for an external viewer.

          11. WhoCares says:

            Njfilly,

            “I’m just giving you my opinion on porn because it differs from yours despite my highly sexualized nature. It’s a bit of a strange contrast I have.”

            I also thought that was interesting about you. Thanks for sharing.

        2. Cup Cakes says:

          Thats exactly what happened to me

    2. Empath007 says:

      This was one positive thing I received from
      My relationship with the narc : An empowering sense of my own sexuality.

      Before him, I was with another man for approx 15 years. I did not enjoy sex. It felt like chore and something I had to do for him. I never orgasimed for the first 7/8 years we were together. I never watched any porn. I tried to pleasure myself but had absolutely no idea where to even start. I couldn’t even have steamy sexual fantasies. In part because I did not find my own sex life steamy.

      Sex with my narc was far from “perfect” because… he’s a narc, naturally it came with all kinds of mind games. However, he was willing to listen to me about what I liked. He’d compliment me (something my other partner wouldn’t do). He’d act like he worshipped my body (also.. not something my x did). He’d flirt with me during the day and the build up was immaculate… suddenly I felt
      More like… myself.

      I enjoyed it.
      I wanted to do it.
      This was all new to me.

      After the split I started watching porn because I need something haha. And for this first time in my life I can fantasize. And now I know what I like.

      Women can get there. We just need to right partner.

      In terms of it being naturual. Yes
      Of course it is to an extent. But there is an element of addiction when it comes to porn, and like any addiction out there (like an empaths addiction to a narc) there is a destructive nature to it. So I disagree that’s its just naturual and that women should just let “boys be boys”… not if doing so creates a sense of shame and mistrust with their partner. Not if their partner is making them feel uncomfortable with their porn use. Or putting their partner to unrealistic expectations of what sex is supposed to be or look like.

      I’ve learnt to loosen up my own perceptions of porn through my relationship with the narc. I no longer think it’s “bad” and I happily have discoverers I’m allowed to have my own feelings and preferences about my own sexualy and I can enjoy myself and men. But not at the expense of my own boundaries.

      That’s my two cents.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Empath007, thank you for your response. Interesting to read what you have to say.

        “Women can get there. We just need to right partner” – totally agree with you.

        1. Empath007 says:

          Yes. The guy I was with was a “nice” guy. I felt I had no right to complain. But he treated my body like a blow up sex toy. His idea of foreplay was to get undressed. I don’t believe he was a narcissist. But the narcissist was WAY better at connecting in bed then him. Whether it was fake or not I don’t even care. Because now I finally understand why people enjoy sex. There needs to be that chemistry between two people.

          And what more toxic mixture could blow up a lab more then a empath and a narcissist?

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Seriously, getting undressed as foreplay?! Yes, there has to be chemistry between two people. A narcissist and an empath? Ah, that would be nuclear……

          2. Empath007 says:

            He was very socially awkward. Could not understand social cues well.

            He lacked empathy although was not a game player. Just very passive aggressive.

            I purchased games, toys, tried to have a million conversations.

            Nothing helped.

  12. Bibi says:

    I am LOLing at these open mouthed men.

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