A Letter to the Narcissist : No. 31


I sit here with tears falling wondering why?
Why the lies? Why are you twisting the truth?
If I could go back to that moment at your house I would not say what I did, when you whispered in my ear you will regret that, something just changed. For the first tiime I feared you. I needed to know if what you said was true.
I remember the feeling that morning of betrayal, I knew you had seen the comment. How and why didn’t matter, yet it told me you were watching my every moment. I always knew yet never cared,  I loved you and had nothing to hide.
I sit here wondering why this girl whom I have never met or spoken to is telling *****I will sleep with her husband and your telling ****** I spend my money on pills, why?
Why is ****** messaging me telling me she is your girlfriend and you’re moving in together?
Why did you tell them I was abusing you? Why did you tell them I would your children, when all I have ever done was be there for you and them?
Why did you tell your mother she could no longer speak to me?
Why did you tell my employer I was a thief and violent?
Everytime I am turning around something else is happening.
******told me what you told them, I was stalking you and you feared for yours and your children’s life.
I came by once and sent one email, your reply was if I contacted you again you were calling the police.

I loved you, I trusted you.
Right now I don’t even know what to think.
My mind is a mess. I go to places we spent time at just to be with you. I sit on the pier watching the water remembering the last time we were there. I look at the things you gave me, the feather when we were hunting, and the time we found the fawn. I can’t stop the tears, I walk in the woods at night wishing something anything would come and kill the pain, the tears fall. I can’t stop them. Why? Why? My pillow is drenched and stained. I feel like I am drowning in the pain.

I found out today I have something to look forward to, I have to go on yet a part of me always belongs to you….

8 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist : No. 31

  1. Duchessbea says:

    Excellent article HG. Have you got something on the best way for an Empath to handle the betrayal of everyone who choose to believe the narcissist? Thank you HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean as a consequence of being smeared by the narcissist?

      1. Duchessbea says:

        Yes, very much so. Why friends close to me choose to believe his lies and rhetoric even though they knew me better and longer. I have had to get rid of all of those friends. That’s not an easy thing to do, but when I realised I had to go full no contact I felt it was best. If they were that quick to believe his lies about a lifelong friend, that made it clear to me that I had more invested in those friendships than they did. But the betrayal is what hurts the most. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for them and the first sign of the smear campaign and they jumped on his band wagon. I know empathically, I was the one with the strongest empathic traits amongst our group of friends. But that still doesn’t make it any easier knowing they are all his friends now, and choose to believe his lies. I try not to let emotional thinking get in the way, but I’m female and seeing photographs and things given as gifts in happier times from them, brings back memories. I’ll be honest, yeah, that hurts the most.
        HG, any advice on the best way to deal with a betrayal because of a smear campaign, would be most welcome and I would be very grateful.
        Thank you HG. 💗

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Hi Duchessbea

          Sometimes we consider people as friends when if looked at in the hard light of day they were really just acquaintances. I wouldn’t think true friends would so easily abandon, so although it might not feel like it now, you’re likely better off now not investing any more into them. Have you read HG’s articles on the smear? If you put smear in the search box they will come up. They explain how it is done but also touch on how our behaviour can play into it and against us. There is also a Smear product in the Knowledge Vault that likely goes into more depth.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    This is a good letter, thank you for sharing it.

  3. A Victor says:

    What a bittersweet letter. Heart-wrenching and exactly where I am at this time. It helps to know others have been here and survived, thank you to Twilight for sharing. I am wanting that part back from him right now but realize it is not possible. Therefore, it is going forward with this knowledge that must happen, and, going forward is the only option. I am fighting that right now, there has to be another way. Damn him.

  4. Lee says:

    I will not allow this to be me. Getting out NOW. Thank GOD i found this site.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

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