Sadistic Streak



You could be forgiven for thinking that all of our kind are sadists. From your perspective, much of our behaviour, if not all, makes no sense and therefore it could be argued that to behave in the manner that we do must mean that we are all sadists. That is an understandable proposition. After all, if one day a person is kind to you and then the next is nasty to you when you have given them no reason to behave like that, then surely such behaviour is sadistic is it not? The behaviour has no grounding in any logic, the nastiness is manifesting just for the hell of it, is it not? Are we then not deriving pleasure from your hurt and discomfort and therefore that must makes us sadists?

A true or pure sadist is one who derives pleasure from the sadistic act. This often manifests in a sexual arena in that the act of sadism is acted out in a sexual engagement or the sadist becomes sexually aroused from the sadistic act (which may not be sexual in nature). Accordingly, a sadist may derive sexual pleasure from flagellating a bound and gagged individual. Similarly, a sadist may become sexually aroused from murdering the pet kitten of someone else.

Those of you have familiarity with my works will understand that from the narcissistic perspective, what we do is not done solely for pleasure (indeed we do not experience pleasure in the way that you understand it.) but rather it is done for the purposes of gaining fuel. It is our need for fuel which is the driver behind all of our behaviours because the emotional response of another provides us with the validation that we desperately require to fill up the void which exists inside of us.

The acquisition of fuel occurs in many, many arenas. It might be gaining a smile from an appreciative stranger as get in a lift with them, from the tears of our partner who is crying after we have held them by the throat and described how much we hate them or from them ecstatic groans of our lover as we provide them with orgasmic relief. In each instance, fuel is what flows, fuel is the aim and fuel is what is required.

All of our kind receives fuel from the emotional response of others. We do not feel joy from inflicting pain on you because we do not feel joy. Your pained expression provides fuel. It could be tears, it could be a smile, it could be laughter. As long as there is an emotional response then we gain fuel.

When you are hurt from our manipulations this is a by product of our need to gain fuel. It is a collateral consequence. Our lack of empathy means that we do not care that you are hurt. However, it goes further than this. The reduced cognitive function of the Lesser (and to some degree the lower echelons of the Mid-Ranger) means that not only do they not care that you are being hurt, they do not know you are being hurt. They see an emotional reaction and that provides fuel (although of course they do not know the mechanics of that operation). They cannot recognise the pain. I appreciate this will be rather hard for some people to grasp – how can he not know I am hurt when I am telling him so and he sees my face twisted in pain and the tears spilling down my face? The fact is, those members of our brethren neither care nor know. Thus when you are manipulated it is done purely for the fuel, it is not done primarily to hurt you. This is cold comfort nevertheless as the outcome remains the same. You are hurt.

Where we have a sadistic streak (and this is more prevalent with the upper echelons of the Mid-Range and the Greater Narcissist) we know we are hurting you and we do not care. The knowledge of your hurt adds further fuel. Accordingly, your emotional response which we witness provides us with the fuel (in the same way as a Lesser or lower echelon Mid-Ranger would) but the knowledge you are being hurt and we are causing this, provides  us with extra potent fuel.

A sadist behaves in the way that he or she does purely for the sake of pleasure. We do not do it. If we have a sadistic streak then we deploy it in our machinations for two purposes:-

  1. The provision of extra-potent fuel as described above; and
  2. For the purposes of punishment and revenge.

Our aim, through this sadism, is not solely pleasure but rather the reinforcement of our superiority. Not all of our kind wish to punish, hence, they have no sadistic streak. The Mid-Ranger who has lost his primary source will feel fury for this transgression but he is far more likely to direct his energies to applying an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back and reinstate the golden period. He has no urge to punish you. Even if that IGH fails, he will then focus on recruiting a new primary source and he will leave you alone. There may be benign follow-up hoovers when he devalues the new primary source, but there is still no desire to punish you He may be looking to ‘win you back’ or just gain positive fuel. If this fails, he may not apply a malign hoover, but instead will leave you be before returning at a later juncture with another benign hoover (if conditions are right).

If you have been discarded by a Lesser but you keep trying to find out why he has discarded you, he will apply malign hoovers. This is not done as an act of revenge, but is rather done to make you stay away so he can focus on his new primary source and so you will not spoil this golden period by telling lies (the truth) about him to the new primary source. He wants you deleted and the malign hoovers are a response to your interference.

If you find yourself in a situation where you know that your particular narcissist has a new primary source, you are doing nothing to enter the spheres of influence but your narcissist will not leave you alone and is applying malign hoovers against you, this is evidence of the sadistic streak. It manifests as a malicious obsession which causes you to enter the sixth sphere of influence (see the relevant section in What is Making Him Come Back? ) and then the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.

The relevant narcissist may not actually receive any Proximate Fuel from you as you are treated to these malign hoovers because he cannot see your reactions, so you may wonder, why would he do this? The reasons are as follows:-

  1. The sadistic streak means that he is willing to sacrifice the fuel he is gaining from the new primary source to carry out this sadistic, malign campaign against you. Usually, the narcissist will want to gorge on this positive fuel from the new primary source and keep his attention on this person, but where there is a sadistic streak, he is willing to use some of this fuel to power the malicious campaign against you as the discarded or escaped former primary source.
  2. The sadistic behaviour allows for the provision of Thought Fuel as the sadistic narcissist contemplates your terrified reactions and it is his perception of how you feel (even though he cannot see it and thus it is not Proximate Fuel) . Ordinarily, a non-sadistic narcissist would not bother to apply the energy to gain this weaker Thought Fuel but a sadistic narcissist will do so.
  3. Our superiority is maintained by doling out punishment and revenge. A non-sadistic narcissist would seek that reinforcement with a new primary source (because it is easier to gain that positive fuel from them and to focus on them solely). The demands of the sadistic narcissist are such that he requires this ratification and validation from both current primary source (positive fuel) and discarded former primary source (negative Thought Fuel and the power felt from the application of revenge).

Accordingly, when you are entangled with a narcissist, so that the Formal relationship is continuing and you are being devalued, and he exhibits sadistic behaviours towards you, this is for the purposes of gaining extra potent fuel. If the sadism occurs post escape or discard, this is done to punish you. If Proximate Fuel arises, so much the better but if it does not, this is not a massive concern to the sadistic narcissist because we are willing to sacrifice the fuel gained from another source in order to power our desire to achieve revenge over you.

Since you look at matters from your perspective and not ours, you may find it difficult to truly distinguish when sadistic behaviour is being used against you during the Formal Relationship. It is, however, at its most recognisable when you have escaped us or have been discarded. If you know we have a new primary source but there is a campaign of hurtful behaviour being used against you – slashing the tyres on your car, putting bricks through your windows, posting unsavoury comments about you online, handing outflyers accusing you of child abuse and such like – this is the sadism being manifested. This is not a smear because the smearing happens prior to your discard (so we have got in first) or if you have escaped, the smear will happen before we get another primary source. The key determining factor in knowing that you are facing a sadistic narcissist is that we have a new primary source and instead of relishing solely in the golden period with them, we are lashing out at you again and again.

29 thoughts on “Sadistic Streak

  1. Jaxie says:

    No matter how hard I try, I just cannot understand or figure out the thought processes described… abstract to me. Realizing that this had an actual name and happened to other people is like waking from the longest weird dream ever. How in the world can a mother behave this way….there has to come a moment when this clicks for me. I don’t get it.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    I was watching part of ’50 Shades Darker’ last night and there was a part where he admits to her that he is a sadist but is not a dominant. I still find myself thinking about films in a different way now that I have learned about narcissism.

    This time last year, I was in a very ‘dark’ place, mentally & emotionally. It’s now around 6 months since I found my way here (KTN site). In doing so, I have inadvertently ‘created’ some ‘milestone’ dates but it has occurred to me that I no longer need to look back and just concentrate on the present and the future – of which has now been re-shaped just by being part of KTN.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Why are you watching that shite?

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Well, there was fk all else on TV and it’s not as if I have anything else to do with my time at that time of night……. or is there?

        1. Witch says:

          Dust off the vibrator, talk to yourself, do star jumps, watch ASMR videos… anything, anything!

          1. Asp Emp says:

            (laughing)….. I don’t own a vibrator! Why would I use summat plastic or rubber?! I don’t own a video player either. I’d do the “anything”…… just let my fingers do the ‘talking’….. (laughing)

          2. Witch says:

            get a cheap wand from amazon and try it, you are unlikely to regret it.
            and also everyone, I recommend watching “the boys” on amazon prime – it’s about how superheroes would act in real life and most would be narcs of course. If you don’t have amazon prime get the free trial and cancel before the month is up if you don’t want to charged, no excuses!

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Laughing, laughing……. I’ll stick to what I know best, thank you (laughing)…. save money on batteries too 😉

          4. A Victor says:

            Witch, thanks for “the Boys” tip, I’ll check it out. Always looking for narcissist shows nowadays.

          5. Witch says:

            @A victor
            No worries, for some reason Homelander reminds me of a shitty version of HG … like if HG had a narc brother who was American and a lot dumber

          6. lickemtomorrow says:

            My eldest daughter encouraged me to watch the first episode of “The Boys” with her on the weekend. I was in utter shock during the first episode, for a number of reasons, and thought it was a very worthwhile watch. It has the potential for opening up discussion around a number of topics. Don’t want to add any spoilers, but would recommend.

          7. A Victor says:

            Hahahaha!!! Witch, you’ve still got it!!! Thank you!! Best giggle I’ve had all day!

          8. Witch says:


            After I started watching the show, I realised that I flicked through the comic in a shop when I was with the narc and regarding the rape incident the narc said something like “well yeah if you were a superhero of course you’ll act like that”

            Like….What do you mean “of course”??? 👀

          9. lickemtomorrow says:

            Totally get the double take on *of course*, Witch. Wow. No empathy there.

            I don’t know if it was more impactful watching it with my daughter, but I felt every bit of Starlight’s reaction to the manipulation she was forced to undergo in that first episode. She had the fight in her and the right with her, but she was still unable to avoid the narcissist’s ploy. It was so sickening, and she was so innocent and vulnerable. Just wanting to do good and then finding out that what looks good on the surface has a very dark underbelly indeed. You reporting on the series here is encouraging me to watch further episodes. And how weird that you actually flicked through the comic book when you were with the narc and got their reaction to it.

            I think the initial suckerpunch was the death that occurred in the first episode, and how that happened. OMG. I was in shock. And couldn’t understand what had happened at first. Of course, it all becomes clear within a short space of time but it literally takes your breath away. My daughter has primed me for the next episode, and I’m already drawn in, so I guess I’m going to be watching that soon!

          10. BC30 says:

            The Boys– TBH It caught my attention, but it had waned by Ep. 3 and was just playing in the background at that point.

            Narcy action aplenty tho!

            There are many, many snacks in the show. Meow. But, IMHO Homelander is not one of them. I may be in the minority on that one.

            What are your thoughts?

          11. A Victor says:

            BC30, I’m with you regarding Homelander, he’s not my type. And his behavior is disgusting, which also makes me not care for him. But he does add some comic relief once in a while.

        2. BC30 says:

          ASP — Please, if anything, get body-safe silicone.

          Witch — I’ve Prime and will watch tonight. I’m bored with my latest binge.

          1. Witch says:

            Let me know what you think of it BC30

          2. Asp Emp says:

            I couldn’t really care less at the moment, whatever I use, it does not need batteries or electricity….. my “methods” work…… but I will find a better way in the long term….. a longer term ‘answer’ and I will decide – for myself…… thank you for your suggestion. Either way, it will not be a “fake” anything.

    2. Eternity says:

      All those Fifty Shades movies are awful including the books. You should watch 365 the movie, It is not really good but the guy is way hotter !

      1. Asp Emp says:

        When it comes to films & books – I still prefer the real thing (the guy in person). Hands down…..

        1. Eternity says:

          Obviously, same here.:)

  3. Francine says:

    HG, do you consider murder and killing the same? If not what are the differences to you? Ty

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Murder is an unlawful killing. Not all killing is unlawful.

      1. Francine says:

        By whose’s laws would be your standard. Government laws, laws of a country or the laws inside a narcissist head. The Laws don’t apply to a narcissist they think they are entitled.or above the law. Therefore murder for me may well be killing for you …can you address this. TY

      2. Francine says:

        If our post do not make it through moderation I’m guessing because It was a violation of the blog rules. In order to review the rules I can’t seem to connect to a menu bar? I’m clicking around and can’t seem to find the rules although I’m sure it was available when I originally signed up. Can you please clarify how I can get to a list of the rules Thank you

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Go to “Formal Information” the rules are in the drop down menu, not difficult to locate.

  4. lindseymarie says:

    Interesting. I needed to read this. Thank you.

  5. A Victor says:

    Well, at least my ex isn’t sadistic. I would’ve said he was but this clarifies it. Glad to know it, thank you HG.

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