But Not Tonight : The Greater Narcissist Manipulates
A demonstration of how a Greater Narcissist undertakes the manipulation of two intimate appliances, how it is done and what occurs.
9 thoughts on “But Not Tonight : The Greater Narcissist Manipulates”
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Oh dear….
If I am married, my husband has to drive me to the restaurant. I would not meet him anywhere. He has to collect me and drive me to the restaurant.
I have met various ex boyfriends or lovers at bars or restaurants. I give them 15 minutes. Then a call or a text. If they do not respond, or stand me up. It’s over. I will hook up with someone else either in the bar or somewhere else.
This kind of behaviour would be for me the end of any relationship.
So if I see a married woman alone at a nice upscale bar sitting and waiting with her phone and getting visibly frustrated and drinking more and more , suspect she is involved with a new lover narc or a spousal narc. I would never want to meet man at a bar, I would be too leery of this scenario . He would have to come pick me up , always . HG tell more of these scenarios. They tell a lot .
I think the analogy with spinning plates and keeping them spinning is a good one. This is how I imagine it, too
It takes great skill, of the darkest kind, to manage multiple manipulations of others.
I remember saying to my narc-ex that the person we both knew and who I had described to him as a narcissist must be a “fucking genius”. The reason I said that was because she had what I would describe as fingers in many pies, was obviously compartmentalizing them, and at the same time was able to maintain these many and various options and fuel lines without anyone, for the most part, suspecting her of those manipulations. It was remarkable to me looking at it from the outside how she was able to do this. All the while positing an element of charm to the ignorant who remained that way. It truly beggared belief. She was not a greater, she was a Mid Ranger. So her reach was not as great. But she made sure it went as far as it could go.
LET, your comment here was interesting to read. Oh, I note (with amusement 😉 ) the two words beginning with F and ending in S.
I may suggest that empaths also ‘compartmentalise’ without realising they do it.
Would you suggest that the woman you describe here uses the same manipulations as a male MRN? Or are there variations?
AspEmp, taking me for a trip down memory lane again? Haha, I love to revisit some of my previous posts, if just to see how far I have come, or sometimes how far I still have to go <3 Sometimes even so I can continue to apply the wisdom I have acquired.
The two words you are referring to I think are "fucking genius" 😛
Good question on the difference between male and female and might I suggest women are more about talk where men might be more about action. Men tend to prefer action as a go to option for solving problems or getting things done (even nefarious things), whereas women will have a tendency to rely on potentially less aggressive means – not discounting 'passive-aggressive', of course.
What do I mean by that?
My understanding and experience is that MR narcissists can be very underhand, passive-aggressive, pity playing, facade managing, silent assassinating, backhand complimenting creatures – that goes for men and women.
They will also all compartmentalise, as my last narc did along with this nemesis.
One of the differences is that she would base her narc tactics on what we would see as typical feminine characteristics and wiles – such as caring, concern, flirting, etc.
He would base his manipulations on charm, future faking options, talk of achievements, bravado, etc.
Interestingly, she was more overtly aggressive, in terms of trying to poke me for a reaction. He was more covertly aggressive, as in excluding me for a reaction. That might relate to the fact I'd figured her out and distanced myself, so the only way to get a response when I came up on her radar was a direct assertion of control. His withdrawal as a means of control was much more effective while I was still invested in the relationship.
If I base my answer on my understanding that men and women are different, then that is how I saw some of the differences in my most recent entanglement.
Both narcs were spinning plates effectively, the difference being I was blinded to one of them.
LET, 🙂 Reading your first sentence and combining it with ‘The Narcissist and Feelings’ article took me down a memory lane of my own…..there is a photograph of me running down a path in the countryside, with a red balloon – it is with the ‘heading’ – Easter with the year and location of where my aunt lived at that time, I was 4 years old.
You think?! Ah, fucking genius to have worked that out 😉
Thank you for answering the question – I’d suggest that you are right – why did I think of ‘all talk and no trousers’ when I read your answer?
I understood exactly what you meant before reading your question “What do I mean by that?”.
I liked that you labelled some of the behaviours (manipulations) of one school of narcissists using your own experiences, and then giving examples of the M/F differences in how one school of narcissists may ‘apply’ their machinations.
I appreciate your answers, LET, thank you 🙂
No problem, AspEmp 🙂 Happy to be of help and never really thought of the breakdown in that context, but I’m glad you asked. It’s given me more food for thought!
IPSS #1, this is the moment! Block, block, GOSO!! I was suffering for her, this is so cruel…
Very interesting indeed!