The Dirty Divorce




Divorce. There is a high chance of this happening when you have been ensnared by one of our kind. You might think that a narcissist would want to hold on to a source of supply and would never instigate divorce proceedings against their intimate partner who is a primary source. This is not a concern to our kind at all, for the following reasons: –

  1. It is your fault. It is always your fault;
  2. If we want a divorce, we are entitled to divorce in accordance with our sense of entitlement;
  3. We have a new primary source who we may well want to bind to use through marriage, therefore you need to be divorced. (There will be some of our kind who won’t let a divorce stand in their way and will commit bigamy but that is a matter for a different topic.)
  4. If you are financially superior to the narcissist, it is a means of obtaining our share, because we are, of course, entitled;
  5. If you are financially inferior to the narcissist, it is a method of denying you getting your share. You deserve nothing because you have failed us.
  6. There is no concern on our part that we might well be regarded as a failure for having to engage in divorce proceedings. This is because it is your fault and we are never accountable.
  7. We like to get in first;
  8. Divorce proceedings provide us with a vast range of fuel opportunities, from provoking you, gaining sympathy from our supporters, admiration from others as to how we are handling it and so forth.

If you instigate divorce proceedings, then our attitude to proceedings is governed by: –

  1. A massive sense of injustice. We gave you so much during the golden period and this is how you treat us?
  2. It is never our fault. You are a greedy, nasty, horrible person who just cannot be satisfied;
  3. Your action amounts to a considerable criticism of us. This ignites our fury and this fury will drive our attitude and behaviour towards you during the divorce;
  4. We will look to cross-petition for divorce by demonstrating that it is your fault and not ours;
  5. We will defend your divorce petition, because we have done nothing wrong;
  6. Your awful behaviour towards us provides us with material to smear you, “how could he/she do this to me after all the things I have done for her/him?”
  7. It provides us with material to maintain our façade by showing how “noble” we are (to the outside world) under such provocation from you.

Divorce proceedings are another stage for us to appear on, to draw fuel, to exert control and to manipulate. There is so much material for us to use against you and to our advantage. It is a battlefield which we relish appearing on. This process will be covered in greater detail in the work Divorce and the Narcissist along with steps that you can take to handle the process.

Given these attitudes to whether we divorce you or whether you divorce us, what can you expect in the arena of divorce?

  1. The allegations in the divorce petition (or cross petition) will be trumped-up, outrageous and designed to provoke a huge reaction on your part. It does not matter if there is no evidence to support these allegations, from our perspective the allegations are true because of your treachery;
  2. If you are divorcing us and we expect it (e.g. you tell us, you are doing it) you can expect us to evade service of your proceedings to slow the process down and to frustrate you;
  3. There will be a tooth and nail battle over finances;
  4. There will be the hiding of assets, diminution of assets and accusations that you have done this, not us;
  5. Documentation will be hidden, altered and destroyed in order to protect our position;
  6. We will deny the provision of documents and letters to slow proceedings down
  7. We will fabricate documentation in order to support our position;
  8. There will be intransigence over the most minor of items;
  9. There will be a battle over the children. This is nothing to do with their interests but all about fuel. This behaviour will draw fuel from you and is designed to maintain a grip on the children for further fuel manipulation;
  10. You will face repeated accusations concerning your mental health, propensity to violence, drink/drug/other addictions, multiple partners and sluttish behaviour, your neglect of the children. Invariably this is all projection;
  11. There will be use of lieutenants in order to support the spurious allegations at point 10;
  12. We will place heavy reliance on the façade to demonstrate good character;
  13. There will be considerable propaganda concerning the divorce with you being subjected to savage smear campaigns;
  14. Court dates will be missed, appointments forgotten about and such like in order to slow the process and provoke you;
  15. There will be agreements to engage in mediation. This is a sham, there will be no attempt to settle. The mediation will be used to hoover you for fuel;
  16. Spurious applications will be made to cause delay, expense and frustration;
  17. Repeated tactics will be deployed which aim to wear you down;
  18. There will be sudden attempts at reconciliation which come out of nowhere, but are usually a result of us feeling that proceedings may not be going our way;
  19. It may appear that an agreement has been reached but we will change details at the last minute or refuse to agree;
  20. We will renege on agreements repeatedly forcing you to further court time and expense;
  21. There will be manipulation of lawyers, court staff, court officials, court appointed experts and judges. This is done to gain fuel, smear you and preserve the façade;
  22. Don’t expect our lawyer to bring any sense to bear. He or she will have been hoodwinked and charmed by us. We will try and charm your lawyer too;
  23. You will be subjected to malign follow-up hoovers if matters go against us;
  24. We will make applications against you for restraining orders on trumped-up evidence;
  25. Everything you have said and done will be twisted and used against you;
  26. There will be no concessions, even in the face of overwhelming evidence;
  27. Out of the blue there may be “white flag” waving asking for you and us to talk without others being involved. This is just a ruse to hoover you and delay proceedings;
  28. There will be misrepresentation to third parties about what is happening in the proceedings;
  29. We will engage in apparent reliance on others for financial support in order to deny you anything.

Divorce is regularly described as a stressful and upsetting experience. What people fail to realise is that those divorces are the ones which involve our kind, it is just that nobody has spotted that that is the case.

Get weaponised

Divorcing the Narcissist – What To Expect

How to Deal With the Narcissist At Court

Why is Divorce So Hard?

17 thoughts on “The Dirty Divorce

  1. A Victor says:

    A bit of encouraging news. I have a friend who is currently going through a divorce from a narcissist. It is the typical hell, I keep encouraging her to check out HG’s material but have met with resistance. That aside, following her attorney’s initial meeting with the soon to be ex, she said “Holy crap!” and proceeded to tell my friend, very carefully, that she and the other professionals involved with the meeting had all had training in narcissism, identifying it and handling it within the legal system! I was so glad to know they’re actually seeing it as a serious enough thing, finally, to be doing this kind of training! My friend was (pleasantly) shocked but so happy to have this validated and feels much safer going forward.

    1. Asp Emp says:

      AV, “I keep encouraging her to check out HG’s material but have met with resistance” – is my answer to your question on ‘The March Of The Love Frauds’.

      I did share / mention KTN site on my FB last summer – one guy personal messaged me shortly after my FB post……. laughing at the memory because I realised why when HG posted the article ‘The Online Somatic’……

      I spoke with a couple of people face to face (two were basically ‘freaking’ and one was very accepting). Some people will NOT look beyond the mention of ‘psychopath’ and that alone saddens me because HG is who he is and the work he does is unmeasurable. I would rather talk more about KTN and HG’s work in person and not via social media. Because I have already tried that route.

      1. A Victor says:

        Asp Emp, I understand. I do not share it online, there are too few people in my life that I would be comfortable exposing that much of myself to. I do it in person and choose carefully who. But every person has another circle of influence, so it still spreads. Your second paragraph made me giggle, the really are predators!

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Yes, the guy in question – I was at school with! His partner is a psychologist. He never mentioned whether he knows about the narcissism. He’d had therapy though. Also said to me “do not give them oxygen”.

          1. A Victor says:

            Wow, weird! I hope you got away from him in a hurry!! Laughing??

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Laughing. Well this convo took place at start of my joining KTN and I had not learned enough by this time. I’m laughing at the fact that the convo took place after my posting on FB – so maybe there was some paranoia on his part? Oh, knowledge is power…….

    2. NarcAngel says:

      It is encouraging that it has been confirmed to your friend by professionals that you were steering her in the right direction all along. I hope she heeds your advice and checks out The Ultra videos on Youtube. Would serve the professionals as well to be properly trained by being exposed to HG’s work there.

      1. A Victor says:

        Hi NA, I didn’t tell my friend her husband was a narcissist, I would not be so bold as I do not feel qualified, but she’d been told by a professional a couple of years ago. She could still benefit from HG’s material, I even offered to buy some of it for her, but she isn’t ready. I agree about getting his information into the hands of, and into the training of, professionals, that would be best. But I was encouraged that it’s on their radars at all, the fine-tuning can happen in time.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Hi AV
          I didn’t mean that you told your friend that her husband was a narcissist, just that you steering her toward HG’s work has been confirmed to be advantageous in moving forward. People may resist at first (at least face to face), but curiosity can get the better of them and they may check it out privately. That’s why it’s still good to mention HG’s work despite the initial reaction. There is the chance that they will go looking for information at some point, and when they do, they have been given the very best reference. You’re a good friend.

          1. A Victor says:

            NA, thank you. I understand now. I initially put her off because I forwarded an article about how the narcissist views their children. It really upset her and I felt terrible, I didn’t expect that reaction. But I learned in hindsight not to approach people in that manner with HG’s work, so have talked with others more carefully. I see his followers on YT growing daily! It’s great to see!

  2. Mary says:

    Holy cow, HG, your article was my checklist, right down the line.

  3. Michelle says:

    Well, you certainly know what you are talking about since that’s how my divorce went. Forgeries, false charges against me, restraining orders against me to keep me from my property, stolen identification, smear campaign personally and professionally. Ok I should’ve seen it coming. But now I have evidence, so what do I do with it. How can I turn the tables?

    1. Anm says:

      Michelle, first thing is first, If you are in USA, you would want to make sure that your evidence doesn’t fall under matters that the courts would been Res Judicata, also known as claim preclusion. But if this is ongoing behavior by the narc, and there are matters still to be litigated, than yes, be very calculated how you present this. As the Narc has already got in first. HG is good with this type of strategy though.

  4. Asp Emp says:

    This is an article I have not seen before and it was interesting to read it. I now have a better idea of what my two friends would have had to deal with when they were going through the process – article ‘Divorcing A Narcissist’.

    Having said that, I can also see why a couple of other friends that I know – their marriages work because the persons involved have an understanding of each other – not necessarily because they are aware of a narcissist in the marriage yet they may have learned to understand each other (by getting to know each other’s personalities & traits) throughout the years (20 plus years) – similar to HG’s article ‘ Why Are The Arguments Never Resolved?’.

  5. Candy says:

    Can the narcissistic person change

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A narcissist cannot change.

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