Targetted

 

target

Targetted

I told you I loved you. That was not a lie. I meant it when I said it. I meant it every time that I said it, wrote it, messaged it, voice mailed it, gifted it and e-mailed it. I knew how to portray it. That wasn’t hard. There is so much material available for me to know what to say, how to say it, what to do and how to do it.

I have seen it when it has been directed at me time and time again. All I had to do was mirror it. I have had enough people fall under my spell and love me so that I recognise love when I see it. It became simple enough to replicate it. My intentions really were noble. I wanted to love you and I gave you the love that I knew that you wanted. I did enough to fathom out how you wanted to be loved.

Goodness knows I put in the spadework. I observed you and saw who you interacted with. I followed you to the places you frequented and noted what you ordered most often to eat and to drink. I sat behind you on the bus one time and saw the book that you read. I recognised the author so I went and bought three other of her titles and displayed them at home in readiness to show you and to let you borrow those which you had not read yet.

You were targetted.

I dispatched a Lieutenant to chat you up and gather more information for me to collate and consider. I trawled the internet looking for your footprints. I sat up late as my phone buzzed and pinged with the messages from other prospects that I was cultivating but I made them wait as I searched for you. I found you and using a reliable false profile in the name of a friend of the opposite sex to me I managed to secure your online friendship. I did not approach you directly, despite the cloak of anonymity.

I preferred to walk like a ghost through your cyber world, observing your photographs and establishing the places where they were taken. I noted who your friends were, I highlighted potential competitors and I discerned who your family are. I took in the YouTube postings and when they were timed which told me you enjoyed a few glasses of wine in the evening on your own as you posted musical memories from your teenage years. I walked through your posts and your comments, picking up snippets of information that detailed your devotion to romance, your love of small dogs and your dislike of the cold. Like a silent, vast machine I remained your unseen companion for a month as I sucked up as much information as I could in order to build a picture of you and how you wanted to be loved.

Each meme you posted gave me a clue. Every discussion with your friends added further layers as I created the person that would love you. I uploaded to him your interests and made them his. I bolted on the necessary skill sets which would please you. I furnished him with the choice phrases that you wanted to hear. I configured his actions, expressions, behaviours and more that would make him provide you with the love that you wanted to much and once all of this considerable preparatory work was complete I began my seduction.

You were targetted.

I loved you. I loved you with passion, desire, attentiveness, excitement, mystery and kindness. All created from the morass of information that I had gathered about you which was layered onto my existing experience from previous relationships and my knowledge of how love operates in the world. I know that it worked. You fell for me hook, line and sinker and you became enveloped in my creation where you flourished, you shone and you bloomed. Your happiness radiated from you like sunbeams, the pleasure you took in us being together was tangible and all of those around us commented as such. It was marvellous, spectacular, wonderful and perfect.

You had no idea that my love was a creation. Why would you when not only did it match your concept of love but driven by my excellence it exceeded it? Why would you challenge something that felt so golden and so glorious? You would not. I gave you this love and you returned it. It was a match made in heaven. It was a transaction that suited us both. You received my scintillating synthetic love and you gave me the love that sustains me, that emotion infused reaction which powers and sustains me. We both were winners.

Was it such a bad thing that what I gave you was a fabrication if it looked like the real thing? I might even go so far as to say that it was even better than the real thing. Am I to be regarded as a bad person for this fraudulent act. Is it not the case that my deceit pleased you? Yes, you did not know about this deceit, you had no awareness of the fabrication but that caused you no harm did it? You saw and you believed and seeing is believing surely?

When I took you in my arms, shielding you from the black day that you had emerged from and you looked into my eyes and saw the love, the devotion and the optimism that burned there, did it really matter that I was mirroring what you showed me so long as it made you happy, elated and feel loved? My optimistic eyes were your optimistic eyes.

You were targetted.

When I unleashed my hatred you could not and still do not understand how someone could treat you like that when that person kept saying that he loved you.

It was easy to switch to this vicious malevolence. It was easy to peel back the veneer that was the manufactured love. It was easy to switch off the creation that I made that provided you with this perfect love. A flick of a switch and he ceased to exist, leaving you with something else instead.

I did not lie when I said that I loved you.

I did not lie when I whispered that I loved you.

I did not lie when I shouted that I loved you.

I just did not tell you the truth.

The truth that I never felt love for you.

Because I cannot do that.

Instead you were targetted.

 

Understand the targetted here

57 thoughts on “Targetted

  1. Cup Cakes says:

    Great article.This whole article was what happened to me.

  2. BC30 says:

    “I loved you.” 😂😂😂😂😂😂

    1. Cup Cakes says:

      Exact words I heard for years.My in laws were narcs too.Im sure they all got FUEL seeing my reactions.It all now make sense too me.Thankfully I did GOSO with the in laws decade ago and did no contact with them.Control freaks on what kind of parent too be etc.I had refused to accept being verbal abused and manipulated by them.They obviously didnt like it and played victim with my ex.They would go bananas when there control was threatened.LMAO.
      I wasnt good enough afterwards as they could not get fuel.

      The whole family including my ex were narcs and all played the pitty play.All about them.All the attention for there needs only.
      Both in laws would provoke each other to both get fuel.It was the funniest thing to watch them and laugh.I remember my ex saying I hope you dont think Im like my parents and I really didnt.I never could judge my ex because of the way the in laws behaved.It was so sad too see such a disfunctional family environment.I felt so sorry for both of them.And eventually my ex colors all surfaced.I remember my ex grabbing a knife and threatened me that if I ever left they would commit suicide.I lived lots of bad moments with this person.I strongly assume that when my ex figured out that I had lost my interest in this marriage because of this behaviour thats when it was over as I stopped reacted and they got no fuel by me.Thats when the ex started playing victim and blameshifting.I very pleased this marriage has ended.Another time I had the police come too my door because the ex was slamming doors,screaming so loud,etc.That was the moment I said to myself that I cant live in this manner.There was times when I would go quiet only because I was afraid on what they would do next.

      1. A Victor says:

        Cup Cakes, thank you for sharing. I’m so sad that you had such difficulty but glad you’re here now. How long have you been here? And away from your ex?

        1. Cup Cakes says:

          Ive been here a little less than a year and away from my ex for a few years.

          1. A Victor says:

            Hi Cup Cakes, sorry for the delayed response, I just found your comment. Thank you for your reply. Haven’t seen you lately, hope all is well.

  3. December Infinity says:

    It makes me cringe knowing that we are only targetted for what we can provide to the narcissist, based on what they need in order to fulfill their quest for control and benefits. Reading ‘Sitting Target’ has provided ample information as to just how much targetting is done. Listening to friends go on about how they are trying to meet men on dating sites makes my skin crawl and I have had to stop the conversation at times, since I am not interested in going down that rabbit hole.

    1. A Victor says:

      December Infinity, I have the same reaction to the online dating thing. It’s creepy, especially knowing about the targeting.

  4. Cup Cakes says:

    HG

    When a parent thats not in good terms with there adult child and tells them they feel alone would that be manipulating?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Depends on a variety of factors.

      1. Cup Cakes says:

        Thank You

  5. Empath007 says:

    Is it emotional thinking to want to add some of my ex’s friends to social media so I can show off how dam good I look these days in hopes the message gets passed on the the narc ? Knowing that seeing me looking well will make him angry ?

    Let a girl have a little fun playing her own games… don’t just say no. He will get to see that I have not died without him… quite the opposite… and isn’t that a sweet bit of revenge ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes.

      1. Empath007 says:

        Fine.

    2. Witch says:

      Don’t do it,
      It may trigger a Hoover and lead to contact that you don’t need.
      Him and his goons are only going to take the piss out you with each other. It’s pointless
      Take your hot stuff else where

    3. NarcAngel says:

      E007
      He will either not care or it will result in a hoover. Neither is a good result for you. What it WILL show everyone (because it’s quite transparent) is that you are still thinking about HIM, and play into his narrative to others that you cannot get over him. Not what you thought to achieve I’m sure.

      1. Empath007 says:

        Those are good points. In all fairness he is correct to assume I have not gotten over him yet, since I obviously haven’t. Besides, I’m sure word of how I look has already been passed on to him as his coteries still work with me and see me occasionally. And I think you’re right… he wouldnt care.
        He probably laughs at all of his victims trying to get some attention from
        Him still.

        1. Alexissmith2016 says:

          Oh yer and wounds E007. I’ve never been an IPPS so any wounding would be more fleeting I would imagine. Still far better you reach the point In not caring.

    4. Alexissmith2016 says:

      E007

      We all experience what you’re feeling. We want them to see what they’re missing out on. That feeling passes, I promise you x

      What you have to remember is as empaths we regret things, we self flagellate over what we’ve done and what we haven’t done. What we’ve lost or missed out on. But the N doesn’t.

      The N may in a split second moment may feel that, but it is so transient it’s not worth the bother. Because if something wounds them they have to heal that wound abs quickly and one way they do that is by telling themselves that our replacement is far better anyway. They just aren’t really capable of experiencing what we want them to feel. He will take a look, if he then hoovers it’s not because of regret (even if he falsely claims this), it’s because he sees some fuel on offer. And if they fuel isn’t forthcoming well then he’ll just obtain it somewhere else.

      If I want to buy a Cadbury’s crunchie at my local shop but they’ve sold out, I’ll either select another chocolate alternative or go to my next nearest shop to get what I want. I won’t give it any more thought than that. And because Ns don’t experience the same emotions as we do and have no attachment that’s how they will view it. Sorry to be so blunt but the N won’t see his fuel choices any differently either. I found it really helpful in my recovery to think this way. To see that it makes no difference if I’m doing really well, look really good or whatever. Save it for those who care about you. Fuck the N! Not literally though hey! The N and his pathetic little life don’t matter at all, you matter tonnes xxx

      1. Empath007 says:

        So true. After all this time of learning and trying to understand the narcisssim on an intellectual level… I still can’t put myself in their mindset. All of you are right … he doesn’t give a shit.

        God. I can’t wait for the day I stop talking about Him 😂

      2. Empath007 says:

        I will say though I’ve experienced a
        “Jealous is your contentment” moment in the past… expect back then I didn’t know what it was. So I reacted to his manipulatonns to get a rise out of me.

        This time. I know exactly what it is. And won’t react. And watching him be jealous will be sweet sweet justice 😂

        1. lisk says:

          But there is no justice when it comes to narcs.

      3. A Victor says:

        Alexissmith, interesting that it’s common to feel this way, good to know. And that it passes though, not sure when. I’ve been divorced from my first ex for 33 years and just saw him at our grandson’s birthday party on Sat and actually put on makeup! I would never get back with him but I still wanted to look good, lol!

        1. Alexissmith2016 says:

          It did take some time for it to pass. But when it did I literally couldn’t care about him or any other narcs view. Sometimes I pretend to them that I do if it suits my purposes.

          I’m glad you wouldn’t ever get back with him AV and we all like to look good too x

      4. Witch says:

        HG will correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe I did read in “revenge” that the narc does feel wounded when there is evidence that you’re living your best life without them as it signals to the narc that you do not need them which will challenge their sense of superiority. So whilst they don’t care about you, they still view you as their possession and therefore if they do spy on your social media accounts certain posts will wound them, as long as the post is not about them.
        However, adding the narcs friends on social media to attempt to achieve this won’t wound the narc because they will know you’re doing it deliberately to get their attention and you’re entering their sphere of influence which could backfire on you

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, I would never use that awful phrase “living your best life”. However if you are doing well and getting on with your life, this will wound a narcissist should they become aware of it.

          1. Witch says:

            Thank you H.G.
            I was paraphrasing obviously…
            But there is your answer 007, be spiteful and live your best life. The universe is yours!

          2. lisk says:

            Oprah clearly doesn’t live here!

          3. alexissmith2016 says:

            reminds me of this

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3zrk4Krj9U

            hahah

        2. Empath007 says:

          Will do Witch !

          I will say that often narcissist simply assume we are jealous of them because of their own grandoise and magical thinking. When really… no one is jealous. No one actually cares about them and their endeveours anymore then they do anyone else’s.

          My life is my life. As much as I would love to seek validation. I already have so much more then the narc…. I needed to remind myself of that today.

          1. lisk says:

            Your validation needs to be internal.

          2. Violetta says:

            Sometimes I envy their apparent lack of insecurity and ambivalence.

          3. Witch says:

            @007
            It is a challenging and sometimes painful process. I’ve had dreams about the ex-narcs years later.
            I also don’t believe it’s possible for us to mentally survive with only internal validation. That’s why I offer encouragement when I come across comments like this even if I end up sounding like Oprah or a tampax advert lol! We do need external validation- yes, it’s not in our best interest to deliberately seek it from a narc but we do need it.
            I’m sure you look great and you’re doing the best with what you have. One day you won’t yearn for validation from the ex-narc and will look back and think “why did I even give it a second though eeewww”

          4. Empath007 says:

            Hi Witch. I agree that every human on earth craves external validation.. regardless of gender, race, socio economic status etc we all seek it on one level or another. This is the reason why social media outlets are so successful… if people are being truly honest with themselves… it’s because they are seeking validation. And even if they don’t have social media… they will seek it in their own life.

            With that said I don’t really need to try and purposely get it from one individual. But it isn’t necessarily a sad and pathetic thing to crave it either (I’m not implying anyone called me sad and pathetic). I just mean… I don’t see anything wrong with me wanting him to see years later that …. I did it without him. I’ve taken on new projects, I’ve lost weight, I’ve taken on new opportunities etc. I don’t want him to see all this because I want him to come running back to me… I want him to see it so he can see that his victims don’t need him. In fact… we are all better off without him. Without him we “live our best life”.

            So if I let my emotions run me every now and then… I don’t see it as me being some looser in a competition.

            I’m just human. That’s all.

          5. Witch says:

            @007
            I agree with you, from the moment we shoot down the birth canal and come out unable to fend for ourselves we need validation. A toddler will laugh when an adult laughs even when he doesn’t know what the hell is going on because he can’t understand what is being said, but the other person’s reaction will still affect him. Most of what we do is based on how we interact with other people.
            If our partners or friends never wished us well, never complimented us or supported us or took any interest in our interests, we wouldn’t want to know them. We will even change jobs for the validation we feel from greater pay and status.

            That is how the narc is able to get their foot through the door by exploiting our need for validation.

            Validation makes life a little less shit and we all need it. The external validation helps us to regulate the internal validation.

            I felt great when I read revenge and found out that my social media posts wounded the narc. I didn’t realise I got some revenge but when I found out I did, it felt good.
            This also explains why my mother blocked me on Instagram. She must have seen my account and felt wounded then blocked me.
            I don’t think it makes you a looser to want to know that you had some kind of negative impact on the narc, considering what they put us all through and it’s likely you may have wounded the narc already

          6. Empath007 says:

            Absolutely Witch, they have a way of catching us at our weak moments/finding our weak spots and exploiting them. It is not just the empath, the narcissit are seeking validation as well, and if you’ve ever witnessed a narc seducing a narc they use the same Tactics and they work just the same.

            It’s a fact about humanity, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

          7. Witch says:

            @007
            Yes, I remember trying to explain to a friend (before I knew what narcissism was) that there is an addictive quality to feeling love/ being in love. And she disagreed with me.
            But now she can’t let go of her ugly narc boyfriend after several years, even though he’s ugly and terrible at sex.
            Admitting that I was vulnerable in some ways allowed me to learn how to gain control. Denying reality doesn’t help you.
            This idea that you can get to a point where you don’t need anyone and you don’t care what anyone thinks, it’s a lie, and a lie that is sometimes promoted by social media influencers, but why are they “influencers” in the first place? Because they do care what people think, and validation or fuel (in the case of a narcissist) is the underlining motivation

      5. LG says:

        Alex, thank you SO MUCH for articulating the “Cadbury’s crunchie” analogy… for SUCH a long time, i wondered why i felt no more important to him than a morsel of fast food… something to be consumed then simply forgotten… then i came here and have learned SO MUCH from Mr. Tudor. But thank you for the analogy… it will help me remember what i really am to him, as i am still fighting my emotional thinking.

        1. Alexissmith2016 says:

          No worries LG. It’s tough at first to realise that we’re no more important than that. As HG says we’re appliances which is incredibly accurate. We all provide a function for them.

          Chocolate is my absolutely favourite thing in the world hahah

          The more LT you use the less head space there is for ET. It takes time and I guess you keep building on it until one day LT becomes entirely natural. Probably like learning a new language really.

    5. lisk says:

      Definitely emotional thinking. Stay off social media!

      1. Empath007 says:

        I can’t argue with your last sentence. But I’m weak. Social media is a stronger drug then the narcissist 😉 even narcissists are controlled by it and they don’t even see it.

        1. lisk says:

          Addiction is a choice.

          1. Empath007 says:

            That seems a bit simplistic. Almost like saying narcissism is a choice. Addiction is a choice to an extent but there are many other factors involved that create addiction.

            As for social media it is my personal opinion anyone with an account who claims they are not addicted are simply in denial and lying to themselves. Social media is an industry and a very affective one. People place a lot of value in social media, far more then they would probably like to admit.

            Take a look at this site as an example. People will want to congratulate when x amount of hits happen… why ? Because place value on social media tactics.

            I was simply being honest about my own reasons for using… and yes… I have considered getting rid of it… but like getting rid of a
            Narcissist…. it may take a few tries.

            Hope you’re doing well Lisk !

          2. lisk says:

            No, it is not simplistic. It is matter of fact.

            I am doing well. Your passive-aggression is not appreciated.

          3. Empath007 says:

            I’m not really sure why you’re upset. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was stating my opinion about addiction and social media. If you think I was being passive aggressive that is certianly your right. I thought I was being rather straight forward.

            I don’t really have anything else to say. I have my opinion about social media and you have yours.

          4. lisk says:

            Yes, that is obvious.

            Please do not characterize my response as “upset.” I did not accuse you of being rude. I only described your behavior and told you that I did not appreciate it.

            Simply reread your post to see what I am talking about in terms of passive-aggression. Hint: it has nothing to do with our difference in opinion.

    6. Asp Emp says:

      Hello E007, I hope you are doing ok. I saw your question in relation to show your ex narcissist a thing or two.

      Don’t bother doing anything like that. You are only dragging yourself down to the narcissist’s ‘level’. You have already said he does not care. Why do that to yourself? What will you really achieve? Do not let your ‘narcissistic streaks’ take over your empathy within yourself. You are better than that. If you know you look good, great. Your ex narcissist doesn’t need to know that. That is hid fkg problem.

      BUT you are making it a problem for yourself by even thinking in that way. If you have friends that are ‘normals’ – what will they think? Are you prepared to ‘risk’ that?

      I do not use social media much at all. Only this blog – yes – I rant and rant and rant. But I still do not directly or indirectly contact narcissists of my past – they are all blocked. I do not even really post on Facebook.

      So, please, do not ‘give’ in. Do it for yourself. Come on, I know you better than that. You are better than that.

  6. Cup Cakes says:

    I was in a fake marriage for years.I was targeted and forced into marriage with pregnancy.It was interesting to look back now at what a fool I was.Ive always known my ex was a liar and new about the narcissistic behaviours but I was never able to clarify that it was called narcisist.I rememeber how much of a rush they were to get married to me.As the years went by I was able to get therapy for the verbal abusement and I remember my psyciatrist saying to me that I was involved with an individual that doesnt really care about you.It all made sense at the end and I still stayed in the marriage for the sake of my children too make sure there were safe mentally.Finally when the ex was out of my life I have met an amazing person which has brought me so much happiness.Words cant express how happy Ive been.

  7. lickemtomorrow says:

    I find this the hardest thing to get my head around. I want to rail at the narcissist for conning me and yet I can’t because they don’t know that they conned me as well as themselves. My penchant for justice really flounders on the rocks of narcissistic ignorance – as to what they are and the harm they do. I want to hold them accountable, which of course we know will never happen. I’m frustrating myself! It’s one of the things that makes me feel even more shitty about narcissism than I already do. There is no justice!

    And the targeting part is super creepy. To think they were lining us up in their sights for the ‘kill’.

    It’s our turn to do the homework now.

  8. JW says:

    Hi H.G. A question, if I may.

    What, roughly, is the maximum age at which one can become a narcissist? As I understand from your work it’s 7-9.
    But suppose you were victimised by narcs from an early age until 30 or so? For example, you had empathic parents who were ensnared by a narcissist as a friend. And the narcissist child of said parent ensnared you. And you learn later that this child, your so-called best friend, lied to and manipulated you.

    By 30, you have had your empathy eroded by abuse. You basically have become a misanthrope.

    But then, aged 30ish, one discovers your work, and learns about narcissism.

    A person who knows much of his childhood was a lie. Ready to take on assassins revenge .It’s like you have no emotional empathy for the narcissist left. You would do anything to strike back.
    I feel like I am a narcissist for one individual but not the rest of the world. Is that possible?

    Thank you for your work.

    J.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      “But suppose you were victimised by narcs from an early age until 30 or so?”

      What is an early age? Narcissism forms between 0 and 9.

  9. A Victor says:

    The targeting part is super creepy. Also, I don’t understand how telling us the “loving” things is not a lie, it’s straight up lies to me. Except that unaware narcissists think it’s the truth, it’s their truth at that moment. So, I suppose that makes sense…

    1. Eternity says:

      A Victor they actually believe it that’s what makes it hard to understand. Freaky

    2. Cup Cakes says:

      Its troubling…
      Ive heard how much I was loved all the time.Just fake people and two faced individuals!!!
      THEY ARE GREAT IN ACTING!

      1. Asp Emp says:

        CC, yes, maybe you were ‘obsessed’ over (which in the mind of a of a narcissist is ‘love’). From your perception, it is ‘love’.

        Alas, we, empaths did not know this until we came here. I no longer feel angry about thinking in the same way as your reaction – in fact in the summer of 2019, I was ranting and posting on Facebook about narcissists and fake people. I found KTN over a year later…… so I was not wrong about the narcissists at work and I am glad I survived – just – mentally / emotionally over the experiences. It is the intimate relationships that is the hardest to comprehend because it seemed so real to us – in fact it was. In the eyes of a narcissist and also in our eyes but different distortions of looking through the same lens….. we are all human and have different views / perceptions of life. However, KTN has three main goals – educating people and empowering people and meeting others to share experiences (in my view).

        1. Cup Cakes says:

          I totally agree with you on this one. Ive never felt so happy in my life since my ex narcissist is not in my life anymore.I had mentioned to my ex in the past about the inappropriate behaviour and verbal abuse and mentioned that I dont want to live with a person that doesnt care about me.My ex was capable of saying and claimed how much I was loved etc but nothing indicated this with actions.I was able to move on with the help of H.G’s articles and consultations but also with a psychiatrist which helped me heal the verbal abusement I had dealt with for years. I have met a different partner which is amazing and so easy to communicate with and I can honestly say Ive never experienced such happiness in my life before.Its a bonus for me as my adult children are very pleased with my new partner and get along well together.Never give up, there’s always some form of light at the end of the tunnel.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            CC, thank you for sharing your experiences, interesting to read. Good that you found someone you can be ‘yourself’ with. Yes, I agree with you on your last sentence.

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