Why Does the Narcissist Compartmentalise Appliances?
As narcissists we often engage in compartmentalisation. This articles concerns how and why we compartmentalise various appliances in our fuel matrices.
We view our lives as a series of compartments. The compartments are linked and there is an archway from one compartment to another but this archway has been bricked up by us and only we know the secret word that will open up the archway and admit us to the next compartment. You will try and search for an opening so that you may move from one compartment to another but your search will be fruitless. You will rhyme off all the passwords you can think of from ‘open sesame’ through to ‘abracadabra’ but none of them will work. There is a simple reason for that. We want you to stay in your compartment until we come back to it. We do not want you interacting with any of our other compartments because then it makes each area harder for us to control. A greater need for control mean more energy expenditure which will mean that there is less available for me to use to gather fuel and that is not something I can allow to happen.
A blissful domestic set-up will be in one compartment where I play the role of doting husband and caring father. To the external observer who looks in on the scene through the Perspex it appears to be a picture of harmony and good relations. Yet the observer cannot hear the shouting nor listen to your sobs as you are on the receiving end of another tirade. The fearful cries and the scathing admonishments fail to air beyond this compartment. You are not able to escape to another place and reveal what is really going on in this compartment. As soon as I depart to the next one then the brickwork closes behind me with lightning quick speed, trapping you where I want you. Of course I will tell you all about what is happening in the other compartments when I return, so that you will be subjected to tales of my magnificence in the work place and anecdotes about the new ‘friend’ I have in order to create some triangulated jealousy from you.
My work compartment show me as all conquering and masterful yet those that have been subjected to my brutal put downs and suffered from my repeated dumping of work on them as I breeze around town are forbidden from escaping this compartment to pollute the carefully constructed image that I have made for myself.
The members at the golf club who find my boasting odious and have seen me mark down a lower score than that which I had achieved on my score card are unable to blacken my name to my admirers beyond this particular place. Instead I depart the golf club and scurry to the bar where I regale my hangers-on with another story of my five under par round which won the competition. They coo over my success oblivious to what has actually gone on.
Home life, work life, mistress, friends, club, family and more are allotted these compartments. In each one I am a god. I rule supreme able to do as I please so that I can carry forth my stories of heroism into another compartment and there drink deep of their admiring fuel.
I spend much of my time ensuring that the inhabitants of each compartment know about one another, to multiply my fuel of course, but rarely shall I ever allow them to cross paths. This might lead to someone squaring the circle and working out what is behind my carefully orchestrated campaigns of divide and conquer. A must never speak to B who must not be allowed to tell C what really happened. I must maintain my constructed world where these people are little more than dolls in a huge segregated dolls’ house. I put them in poses and play with them so that I can create a scenario by which I can brag to others in the next room about. If they ever escaped and managed to follow me through these archways so they could compare what I have said with what has actually happened I would be truly finished. Sometimes this happens and then the compartment must be set ablaze, scorched from the record and denied an existence. Next time this compartment will be refurbished, repainted and with new dolls put in place. I must control everything around me. Everyone in their place and a place for everyone.
3 thoughts on “Why Does the Narcissist Compartmentalise Appliances?”
One of the things I can be thankful from my N mom was her training me to be critical of men. One of the things I have always been judgmental of men is if I felt that I was being compartmentalized. In my home country there is a cultural saying about how men treat women differently: some women are for the wedding altar (the respectable women) while other women are only for bed (the women they don’t respect). I have always had a problem with that cultural perspective especially because I was the secret love child, I felt that I was not able to choose my situation from my parents but I can choose to not allow any man to make me a secret part of his life. I have also always been very judgmental of men with their words not matching their actions especially in front of other people. When someone flatters me privately and yet disrespects me publicly in front of other people because he either doesn’t want to associate with me in public or I am not accepted by his friends etc. it shows me that this person has no integrity and is very shallow and that is a major turn off. I would even be thankful that I learned about this guy’s true colors before I invest more of myself to him. A narcissist tried to groom me to be a DLS once and these are the main reasons I didn’t get ensnared more than just the crush and admiration I felt for him. So thankful I learned critical thinking from my N mom and I was able to apply it in a healthy and constructive way in my life.
Commenting on this article last time – part of my comment was “So I have learned a lot about myself and why I react the way I do…. lack of protection and lack of faith in other people that I will not be hurt, or let down….. because of this – I also “compartmentalise” people too. There’s less than 5 people in the box marked “Trust”…..”.
I used to trust too easily and quickly.
The ‘epiphany’ moment came to me last night as I typed my comment on ‘Don’t Fail Me’. All day, today, I reflected on this ‘epiphany’ moment. I also thought about how I have “changed” – it is not the correct word to use because I am the same individual yet my mind / emotions have been ‘re-conditioned’ (in effect, ‘unconditioning’ or ‘undoing’ the affects of mother’s ‘influence’ – her narcissism). I also felt emotional all day – at the realisation that I had removed so many layers of s**t (the abuse over the years) which enabled me to seek ‘deeper’ into myself (with more understanding about me and the various aspects of myself). When I say ‘removed’ – in some way – each narcissist / traumatic experiences were actually ‘compartmentalised’ (layers). Now my mind is no longer ‘cluttered’ with misunderstood s**t, it leads to inner peace (not 100%, it never will be but, it is damned & hell of a lot quieter today).
Since starting on my ‘therapy’ on KTN site, I had noticed as time went by, learning more about myself and understanding my past better, I began to feel calmer – as if I had been sedated but I am not actually taking any prescriptions ie Prozac. I had refused the offer of such – it was not the answer for me and I was right.
I really look forward to being able to see my trusted confidantes in person when lockdown is lifted & safe to meet. It will be so good to catch up and be ‘me’ with those ‘selected’ and I am so glad to have them in my life.
I now understand the the reason I remember one of the Ns “fondly” at least to the extent I never hated him was because he never lied. I knew he was a snake the entire time. He is an UMR and VERY handsome, there was no shortage of gorgeous women, pole dancers and yoga instructors among us. Nothing was hidden from the IPSSs.
OTHO the reason I loathe MMR is the depraved depth of the lies cooked up to keep me from escaping. Toward the end it was pathetic non-sensical bullshit. That N lives in distinct worlds that never cross. Never.