The Key To Entry

 

THE-KEY-TO-ENTRY

 

With the brief injunction from my mother to ensure I spoke up or suffer the consequences I returned to the consulting room of Dr M. We took our seats and he smiled before adjusting his suit trousers, pulling them up at the thigh. I cast a quick glance to his nether regions but no hole had yet emerged.

“Now Mr Tudor, we did not make much progress last week. It is of no concern. I wondered if you perhaps felt more amenable to speaking with me on this occasion?”

I started to nod and then spoke.

“Very well.”

“Excellent. What would you like to talk about?” he asked.

“Why am I here as in why am I sat in your consulting room,” I clarified before he started providing me with some smart alec response as to the meaning of my existence. I knew why my family had insisted that I see Dr M and more recently underline the necessity of speaking to him, but I wanted to know what he thought. That way I would be better prepared to deflect him.

“Why do you think you are here with me?” he answered casually. Marvellous. He was one of those people who answered a question with another question.

“I asked first,” I pointed out. He nodded.

“Your family are concerned about you.” I snorted which seemed to take him by surprise.

“Those bastards only care about themselves.”

“Why do you say that?” asked Dr M seizing on my remark.

“It does not matter, go on, you were saying.”

“Your family are concerned about you. I met with them and they provided me with background information. I am aware that you are a high achiever and have always been so. Your family are concerned however that you stop at nothing to get what you want, that you have disdain for most people and you leave a trail of carnage in your wake. I think that is a succinct way of putting it. They want me to discuss this with you and to receive my opinion.” he explained.

“It’s bullshit all of it,” I remarked. My voice was low but the venom was tangible. Dr M remained silent.

“I have no idea what they are talking about. I stop at nothing to get what I want? They have never complained about my achievements before. They don’t like it that I am outshining them. That is the problem here. They always do this. Try and make their problems my problems, I am sick and tired of it. I have forged my own path and done bloody well too and all they want to do is bring me down. It is jealousy. That’s why I have little to do with them. Did they tell you that? I bet they tried to make out that I am aloof and never attend family gatherings didn’t they? They never invite me to them. I keep in touch most with my younger brother and he tells me about these gatherings and I always find out after the event. Did my younger brother speak to you?”

Dr M nodded.

“Who else?” I asked.

“Both your parents, your sister, your younger brother and your cousin, Charlotte.”

“Huh, the usual cabal. All of them are liars. Do you have any idea what it is like having to put up with all of them? My god it is a wonder that I am a success. My mother is always trying to pin the blame for her shortcomings on me. She would love to plant a microchip in my head and control me. That would be ideal for her. She has controlled my father for years. He isn’t a bad fellow really but he fell under her spell and believes anything she says and if he dares not to well let’s just say he has suffered the consequences too many times before so he has learned his lesson. It’s weak of him and I hate him for being like that. He should stand up to her rather than be her metaphorical punching bag. Always tries to keep the peace at first and then takes her side. He is brainwashed and my sister is just as bad. Jesus she always defers to my mother, but then she could never make a decision for herself. So Charlie has weighed in as well has she? Do you know why doctor M? It is because she wants me for herself and I won’t let that happen. Bet they did not tell you that did they? She is totally in love with me and because I have rejected her this is how she goes about paying me back by making up lies about me. I would not put it past that harpy to try and section me you know. You don’t want to believe anything that lot say to you.”

Dr M was jotting down the odd note as I spoke. Yes, make some notes Dr M and you can tell them what I think of them. How dare they? How bastard dare they make out like I am the one with the problem. I should be used to it by now but it still infuriates me. I stood up, agitated at this unwarranted attack on me.

“This is what they always do doctor. I am the one who was suffered at their hands. Years of it but they twist it around and try to pin the blame on me. I have made the best of a bad hand and they cannot stand to see me doing well so they conjure up this. Liars the lot of them.”

I was pacing up and down in front of the fireplace and fighting to resist the urge to grab one of the logs and hurl it at the large mirror which hung above the fireplace.

“I wish they were all dead doctor, you have no idea. The times I have wished that they would get wiped out in some car accident or a building falls on them when they are inside. They have made my life hell and just as I am pulling free of them they pull this stunt. I hate them. I am surprised at my brother joining in with this as well, I thought he had some sense.”

“Your brother expressed considerable concern about you and wants to help you,” offered Dr M.

“I don’t need any help. I suggest you fill your sessions with them. You will have plenty of material for your shrink times or whatever publication you write for. My mother is a control freak with a drink problem,my father is spineless, my sister is a professional victim oh yes, ask her about her failed marriage but make sure you have the bleeding heart and violins to hand. My cousin, well as I said, she is a lecherous nymphomaniac and as for my brother, he has gone down in my estimation joining this cabal of perfidy.”

I spat the words out as I waved my arms around, windmilling through the air. I felt a little better for this explosion of annoyance and I returned to my seat and sat down. Dr M was still writing.

“So Dr M there really is nothing to see here. I know you will want to make some money from us and I respect that, you are like me, you see an opportunity and exploit it. Nothing wrong with that. Let me give you a tip. You need to suggest working with those liars and parking your involvement with me. You have nothing to achieve here but as for them, well you will make a fortune sorting out the quagmire that is their lives.”

I sat back and smiled as Dr M continued to write. I had spoken up just as she had urged. I had done as I was told. Again. This time though I was fighting back.

11 thoughts on “The Key To Entry

  1. Truthseeker6157 says:

    “He should stand up to her, rather than be her metaphorical punching bag.”

    This is the opposite of what you would tell us to do when in a romantic entanglement with a narcissist. It’s interesting that this was your starting point with it also. The ‘Stand up and fight for Christ’s sake’ mentality.

    I wonder if this wasn’t almost the child in you talking. The adult HG knows this approach would be pointless. Either that, or the conversation was a manipulation in its entirety. (More likely). Difficult to draw someone in if your hatred is directed at every family member. Ring fence father and brother and you appear more rational. It suggests mother is the problem and every shrink wants to jump on the mother bandwagon don’t they?

    My view of these conversations with the good doctors is changing. I see manipulation now, whereas when I arrived I felt only sympathetic. Protective almost. Quite honestly I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I think you would say it’s a good thing. I’m not sure I feel the same. Is my softer side disappearing? Or am I just wisening up?

    1. FoolMe1Time says:

      TS,

      Your soft side is still there for the right circumstances. I wouldn’t say wisening up, I’d say you are an excellent student and have been listening. Xx

    2. lickemtomorrow says:

      Hi TS, I thought your comment was very interesting. I was actually glad when HG said those things. They were things I thought about HGs father as I wondered why he didn’t do more to protect HG. Was it an honest assessment or just a ploy for the doctor? Knowing the narcissist it could be either. In this case, I’m giving it to the honest assessment side of things. Even though we know as a narcissist HG will manipulate, I think occasionally we also see glimpses of a fair assessment from his perspective. His assessment of his father is not a manipulation. It rings true even from a non-narcissistic perspective. Maybe not giving his father the benefit of the doubt, but putting him squarely under the microscope as a duped empath and one who did not defend HG. “Spineless”. In feeling the pain this must have engendered in HG, adding to his sense of injustice and fury, I sense the truth in what he is saying. I also sense there are parts of his father HG has bolted onto his facade. These are the parts we as empaths can relate to as the cognitive empathy shines through. I see much of HGs father in HG at times.

  2. Jaygal says:

    Wow HG!!! I love the way you write, your words choices are hilarious. Its a bit unsettling for me to admire or like a something about a narcissist because I understand how your kind can devastate people.
    At the same time I willing to learn from your story. I like how you say you shd expect their attacks by now but it still infuriates you. This is my story. I need to be unaffected.

    I too have an entire family cabal of narcissists and an innocent sister who gets ensnared by them and joins them occasionally just like your brother.

    Thanks for writing all this and helping the rest of us(believe me I am so afraid to thank you cos I think I am giving you fuel). But thanks though! thanks very much!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  3. WiserNow says:

    HG,
    It has been several years now since you started the consultations with the good Doctors. How do you think the sessions have affected you? Do you think your behaviour or motivations have changed over that time?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They have provided me with what I require.

      1. WiserNow says:

        …and what is that HG?

      2. Sue says:

        New ways to manipulate?

  4. Gaby says:

    Hi HG, I am new to your site and have been watching many of your videos. I do have a question…have you imposed a no contact regime with your mother? This is the first article I have read where you speak of her. ( going through the ones on your blog now) thanks.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, it suit my purposes to not do so, but I do not have much to do with her as it is.

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