Evil : Imagine Greater



You put yourselves into the position of others. We put others into ourselves. You do it as a matter of choice in order to fulfil one of the roles you see for yourselves. Admittedly, you are struck by a considerable compulsion but you still retain the ability to decide if you will do so. We do not. We must do it. We have no choice if we wish to survive. I would invite you to exercise that ability of yours.

Imagine being wounded by the words and actions of others. Imagine that injurious sensation arising because of the deliberate and treacherous behaviour of someone who we have come to rely on. From minion to colleague, from friend to lover, the slight that is occasioned by them stings, hurts and pains. Imagine suffering that agony even if the transgressor claims not to have intended such injury and pleads innocence of all wrongdoing. Imagine that you recognise that they are right in their protestation but it still does not take away what they have done.

Imagine being of ability, brilliance and talent yet within an instant being laid low by the turn of the back or the failure of acknowledgement. Imagine being beholden to such a tortuous response and hating being chained in this way. Imagine the desire to rail against the offender, mocking them for their shortcomings, their pale comparison and diminished abilities yet that same pathetic specimen has the ability to wound in such a grievous manner. Imagine the shame of despising that individual for their behaviour yet knowing that in their hands they hold such a power. Imagine those moments of genuine horror when it is contemplated that if that competitor only realised what they could truly do and that the consignment to oblivion might be moments away.

Imagine the anguish of knowing that your well-being and capacity to function is reliant on a whole host of others who have no inkling as to the part they play. Imagine how such ignorance is regarded as a blessing and that each and every day, thanks is given that they remain shrouded in such ignorance for if they became armed with knowledge, what destruction they might wreak. Imagine knowing you are chained to the one thing that generates such contempt and bilious hatred, the need to strain against those binding chains until they split, rupture and fall away with the arrival of another. Imagine the hope, the expectation and the desire for the new arrival to prove to be the saviour. Imagine always searching for that one true acolyte that will remove the ills, eradicate the risk of annihilation and instead will prevent the necessity of the imposition of those heavy oh so heavy chains. Imagine the fervent endeavour to acquire that new arrival and the sense of delicious anticipation as they begin to function in accordance with the expected and hoped for desire.

Imagine the soaring power that arises from this saviour, the promised one, the perfect one. Imagine that sense of surging, blazing power, the sweeping majesty of knowing that the needs are now catered for, that all is and will be well, that function and form can rely on this spectacular provision. Imagine the possibilities as being super-charged from this significant, this most significant other and that worlds will collide, empires will rise and the intended endless dynasty will be created.

Imagine the horror, the disappointment, the envy and the fury as that perfect one turns out to be a seditious charlatan who has lied, conned and connived. Imagine the incandescent rage that seeks escape. Imagine knowing of the consequences of such treachery and the reckless application of such blind fury. Imagine knowing that control must be exerted in order to preserve so much that has been built. Imagine straining to keep the beast within its confined place, the shackles so perfectly formed and seemingly impervious to weakness or fragility that now appear weak, rusted and not fit for purpose. Imagine the contemplation of becoming nothing. Imagine that which you wish the world to see being steadily dismantled and by a traitor’s hand. Imagine the sense of injustice, unfairness and bitterness to be undone by the very thing which promised the ultimate salvation. Imagine hearing that craven whisper that signifies that which should not be entertained or occasioned. Imagine the icy terror of that mocking, lisping voice and the frantic need to silence it. Imagine the whirlwind of necessity to rebuild, to acquire and to conquer once again. Imagine the Herculean effort required to reassert one’s place in this cruel and feckless world.

Imagine in such times of being reminded of what once was and what you swore would never be again. That which you have sought to bury deep and keep buried, locked away, hidden and rarely contemplated. Imagine the tormentors that come like shades to pull and drag towards that time again. That time which ought to have been banished yet still somehow rises time and time again. Imagine trying to bury it dead but knowing it will not allow this and instead when the obscene and scandalous plans of our opponents, our competitors and our enemies weaken that which ought not be seen as weak, that the corpse breathes once again and seeks to rise, its fetid words travelling from near-forgotten times to resurrect them and bring us down.

Imagine striking out left, right and centre in order to bring control and order back. Imagine that it can only be from the external chaos that order is enforced within and that the suffering of others is the glue, the mortar and the binding which creates that prison once more. Imagine reliance on the agony and suffering to re-build and re-create so that the voice is silenced and decorum established once more.

Imagine that whirring mind which must always assess, evaluate and calculate. Planning, plotting and scheming. A marvellous frenzied activity which devises and develops in order to always drive forward. Imagine knowing that stillness is not an option. Imagine the knowledge that taking such a step would only result in that slow descent and instead momentum is required at all times, onwards, upwards, forwards with never a backward glance, a moment of retrospect or the time to pause and consider. Always consuming, always extracting, always gathering, garnering, purloining, taking, sucking, draining, hunting, claiming, conquering. A ceaseless behemoth that draws the light from stars, the good from the benevolent, the love from the decent and the soul from everything. Imagine that and so, so much more.

Can you imagine it?

Can you be it.

I can.

I have to.

6 thoughts on “Evil : Imagine Greater

  1. thinkaboutitawhile says:

    This is so accurate to me, right now this very minute and yes I can imagine. I didn’t know what to imagine and now, this rainy summer evening, thanks to the words so comprehensively written, I get it.
    Now finally I understand the actions of my ex. He was aware of his lifelong misery and therefore he was unable to accept my request for freedom. He couldn’t explain to me but I saw or better say felt, sensed he had the answers. I felt like his choice to keep the truth from me was a cruel act..Now I know he just hoped that my ignorance would be his lifeline. I feel an understanding and also respect for him since I can imagine. And to live to survive with the incomparable pain, fear and stress as described in this post is a unimaginable life exploit, achievement and company.
    It is a terror knowing that the implementation of this in him is for life. And no matter what he will do it is not going to be any salvation from me or anyone.
    I can imagine, I understand, yet sorrow is the feeling, not relief because I find it difficult to accept the unfairness of whom of the people on this planet this may hit. And whoever becomes a narcissist never deserves it.

    Thank you for this to me deep and necessary post. For me, right now this day, the words meaning in the post truly met my need for knowledge.

    Thank you so much. It makes a huge difference in a positive way though, as I already mentioned, it is a extremely saddening truth.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  2. A Victor says:

    I have tried to imagine this and I can’t. It helps me understand Ex Machina better though. I know you say it’s not tiring but it sounds tiring. It sounds absolutely exhausting and challenging.

  3. ℅ Mara Light says:

    The Empath always believes there is a way to heal the demons and the damage inflicted on humans, no matter how great they are. Even if it would be called a miracle.

  4. LG says:

    HG, thank you for sharing yourself with us. What courage it takes to reveal your innermost thoughts, fears, and needs. What strength! Thank you.

  5. Duchessbea says:

    HG, I read this and the only thing I think is that I feel sorry for you. I know that will mean nothing to you as you have never known any other way of feeling. But, if there was one thing I could say to you, it would be to not have such high expectations about other people. No one will ever function the way you want them to all the time. Likewise for them, you will not act and behave like they would like you to all the time. I know you said your Mother is like this but are other family members also like you and your Mother. Your maternal Grandfather or Grandmother, Aunts, Uncle’s, cousins, brother are all of them also of the same thinking as you or is it only a few people in the family that are like you? Your sister sounds like a lovely person and your Dad. I can’t say or comment on what it must be like to be you. But what I will say is, if I could give you true feelings, just for a day, to experience what it was like, I would do that for you. But knowing you, you probably wouldn’t want that.
    Great article. Thank you HG.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.