Utopia
Utopia. You want it. We give it to you. What you may not realise is that you are the spark of inspiration for this utopia, we are not. We allow you to design this ideal world. Interestingly, your utopias are strikingly similar. It is a place where you are loved, protected and made to feel safe. For some of you it involves the trappings of comfort and prestige. The impressive residence which has been tastefully furnished inside and is laden with the benefit of society’s technological advances. It may manifest as a wardrobe that is bursting with the beautiful and eye-catching. It may hold the sensational from the art world or the most luxurious materials that the world has created over millions of years. In other instances it may be the presentation of a cup of tea on your night stand each morning that forms part of their perfect world.
Some of you reject the material and prefer to build this utopia on a foundation which you regard as more fulfilling, more deep-seated and nourishing. A land where mutual respect is a given, the simple pleasure of a stunning sunset evoking more delight and satisfaction than anything made by Bvlgari or Bentley. You want to be cherished, desired and listened to. For some it might be the intense passion of athletic love-making before the caress of soft hands lulls you into an all-encompassing slumber. Your utopia is a place where there is no anger, no tears and peace of mind. A place where one hand fits perfectly into another and will never let it go, a hand hold that says that it is okay to be frightened but you need not be because I will always be here. It is the knowledge that if you start to fall you will be caught. The wolf will always be kept from the door and nothing lurks in the darkness. It is a halcyon world where the scent of dill onion bread, or bacon or pancakes signifies that we are together and you never want that fragrance to ever diffuse. So many of you offer different interpretations of what constitutes your utopia yet so many themes remain the same. Love, happiness, smiles, warmth, contentment, caring, laughter and passion are recurrent.
You build this utopia. The bricks are in the words that you say when you first meet us. Those sentences over dinner become walls that create these magnificent buildings that rise upwards into the azure sky. Those whispered desires the metal girders that criss cross as the monument to our relationship takes form. The desire in your eyes creates the undulating countryside and crafts the clear rivers that run through the beautiful meadows and fields that form in your utopia. Your touch causes ripples across the landscape, creating and nurturing as the idyll forms. Everything you say and do, every expression and every glance, every thought and act is charged with such massive potential and it is all for the greater good. It is all to build utopia. You provide us with the plans and the materials and we set to, building this perfect world. You direct us and explain what utopia looks like, smells like and feels like. We are beholden to your instruction as we merely reflect what you want. You want to be called sweetheart every time we kiss you on the cheek? We do it. You want to dance through the night to the slowest of ballads? It is done. You want to receive a loving note through your letterbox? Consider it achieved. Each and every constituent part of this utopia is created by you, all we do is take what you want and make it happen. This is what we do. We are the facilitators of your dreams. We pay such close attention to the way you design this world, taking note of what should be excluded, what must be included and ensuring that every detail is executed.
We are so dedicated in our desire to build this perfect world for you that we spend as much time as we can with you, watching and observing, so that even your mannerisms begin to be included in this grand design. We are so skilled that we absorb everything about you, every hope, every desire and every dream and weave them into this utopia so that soon it begins to form and you marvel with an open mouth at how wonderful it is. It as if every breath you exhale creates another segment of this amazing place. Each heart beat thrusts life into it, every step you take transfers energy into this wonderland, your thoughts appear as if they were being written down as we somehow interpret them and cause them to become reality. You are the architect and we are merely the construction workers who endeavour to give you what you want and boy do we deliver. Nobody can create your utopia like us. Nobody has the skill or the dedication to bring this paradise to life. Does it matter that it is a construct, made from thoughts, dreams and wishes? Of course not, it is as real to you as the screen you now stare at and the fluttering sensation in your stomach. You can see it, taste, smell it, hear it and touch it. You are amazed at how perfect it is, it almost seems too incredible but it is not because you inspired it. You provided the drawings and plans and we brought it to life.
This is utopia.
This is all that you have ever wanted.
Now we have built it for you.
Does it matter that it is an illusion?
If so, well, you started it.
23 thoughts on “Utopia”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Our unhealed pain or trauma will always attract a narcissist hence utopia will always appeal !
Narcs gain by zapping all our beautiful energy then turn utopia into hell
We have the power to heal and create our own real utopia ……. narcs don’t and can’t !
Great article !
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
This article is on point. It describes perfectly the sort of world I want to live in with a significant other. That’s probably the kid in me that never grew up. I believe that only a narcissist can show us this world, even if it is just an illusion. A non-narcissist will not build this utopia because it IS a utopia – it does not exist anywhere. It will not happen with a non-narcissist, either as an illusion or as a reality.
And there’s the rub: having to give up any relationship with a narcissist means having to give up what I will always long for and dream of. I know, I know, the pain is excruciating after the fall, but for a long time, not really knowing about narcissism, I deluded myself that I was strong enough to take that pain and that all in all, it was worth it in view of the absolute high of the utopia! As Beaudelaire (a French poet who went through quite a few highs and lows) wrote: “Enfer ou ciel, qu’importe?” (Hell or heaven, what does it matter?). I know that deep down I would rather experience passion (i.e, suffering) than lukewarm – and therefore ‘boring’ (from my perspective) – relationships, in which I feel no elation, no absolute certainty that I can move mountains for that person – and for the whole world, while I’m at it, haha!
Now, with the last narc I learnt the hard way that I was not strong enough to take the pain. So I have accepted that I need to reject all narcissists in real life, as it is a question of survival and keeping my sanity.
But I will forever long for that paradise lost: the utopia.
I could really relate to your comment, Fiddleress <3
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this one x
LET
Thank you for what you wrote.
I remember very distinctly that as a teenager at some point I decided I needed to harden myself up, it would be a question of survival (one effect of having narc parents, as you probably understand yourself). The only way to go through life meant becoming capable of putting up with anything, taking any kind of abuse and not be destroyed. Then apparently I rushed headlong into situations that I more or less sensed were not good for me, maybe as a way of testing my strength in order to acquire the certainty that I would not be destroyed come what may. And then there was this familiarity with stormy relationships, aka the addiction.
Nothing to do with masochism (loving the pain), but everything to do with the trauma bond (loving the person that delivers the pain).
Fiddleress, your are welcome and I appreciate you giving expression to thoughts I can identify with so well <3
I often wonder if the hardening yourself up is because you have no choice, rather than you are making a choice to do so. It seems you were very clear in your own mind this is what you needed to do to survive. Things must have been really bad for this memory to be so distinct 🙁 That you also decided to test your strength by engaging in situations you knew were not good for you was probably the "self destruct" mechanism which narcissistic parents also seem to have the ability to install. They are not just destroying you (by making you an extension and a puppet of theirs), but they are also, at times, creating settings which cause you to want to destroy yourself. I don't know if that makes sense, and it's the first time the thought has come to mind for me, but their total lack of seeing you, and acknowledging you as a separate individual with your own needs, creates this sense you are not worthy, and makes it much easier to step into situations where you devalue yourself. Or you take chances that a person who truly valued themselves would not take. They make you worthless and you act that way.
The familiarity with what we have known, and being drawn to it time and again, is very much to do with the trauma bond. And while it might appear masochistic, it is another area in which we have been programmed to "self-destruct" in a sense. The eternal loop created by narcissism which we now have the opportunity to escape xox
I'm really glad you shared more of your thoughts around this Fiddleress. The sharing of understanding goes such a long way towards the healing, too.
LET, in fact the bit I didn’t explain is that although I decided (or wanted) to toughen up, it did not work, at all ! I agree that when you do manage to toughen up, it is because you have no choice. And it seems I have no choice but to remain a big softie, haha. And accept it, so that I know what situations to avoid.
What you said about N parents creating situations which cause you to want to destroy yourself makes perfect sense! Thank you for pointing this out. It reminded me of what a friend of mine calls it: “remaining loyal to your parents’ design for you”. Thanks to what you wrote, I have also just remembered something I learnt (in a course about troubled teens): a trauma creates something like a knot in your brain; the brain being designed to solve problems, it will cause you to put yourself through similar situations to the traumatic one time and time again, until you work out a way of unravelling the knot so that you can move on. This is done unconsciously, and that is why for instance some girls (and maybe boys too) who have been sexually abused will then put themselves in situations of sexual abuse, not because they ‘like’ it as is sometimes heard (how horrible!), but because something in them tells them that if they can get through this one, the matter can be put to rest and they’ll be able to move on. Problem is, it doesn’t work this way.
Good team work here LET, isn’t it? :))
This is one of the things I love here, the fact that one person writes something, and someone else adds their thoughts, which in turn helps to think of other aspects, and it may help yet others too!
XX
Read *toughen (not harden) myself up.
It reads the same to me in English, Fiddleress – toughening yourself up is the same as hardening yourself up- at least to me <3
Haha, thanks LET, good to know. It’s just that as I was typing, I wasn’t sure about “harden” but couldn’t think of the other verb, and after hitting send I thought damn, it’s “toughen” I wanted. I wasn’t sure about “harden” as it is a literal translation from the French.
Fiddleress, the way you said this is exactly how I feel. It seems so beautiful and the passion makes me feel alive. But they will only hurt us. Thank you, your comment gives me resolve.
What’s wrong with that? Not a thing. It’s our heaven on earth with someone. It’s a shame the other is often a narc, who will eventually tear it apart for us. Takes a long minute for us to understand that, and an even longer minute to heal the heartbreak. But many of us do and go n.c. with the narc. And some of us even find the real thing, while the narc is still stuck looking for fuel elsewhere.
HG my God
I don’t like being smoothered by the Narcissist. It was my dream at one point.
I feel so free, happy, and peaceful by myself HG.
“Love, happiness, smiles, warmth, contentment, caring, laughter and passion are recurrent.”
These are some things most people want. These are possible, just not with a narcissist.
You will find it too AV
Thank you for that Alexissmith. I hope you are correct.
A Victor,
It is possible you need to have hope. Seriously there is someone out there for you and for me . We need to have faith. One day we will find it both and it will be wonderful!
Eternity, I can’t have hope yet. I have to learn more first, become stronger. You are likely okay to have hope, you’ve been here longer I’m pretty sure. I look forward to the day I can hope again, although I haven’t heard the last word from HG on if that’s ever actually possible, or healthy, for an empath. But, I do agree with you that there is someone out there for both you and me and that if it happens and the person is normal or an empath, it really will be wonderful! Is faith the same as hope? Can I have faith? I am in the process of reorienting my thinking about what makes a good, healthy relationship, what it looks like, it is coming along but it may take a while as the wrong way has been ingrained for so long. I will be so happy for you if you find a nice man to be with!
Hi A Victor,
You can have hope!,and you are learning so much here which actually is making you a lot stronger without even realizing. Yes, for me faith is the same as hope. I do believe in a higher power and I pray every single day for happiness ,because each and every one of us deserves it including you. The wrong will turn into the right way,it just takes time. Let’s stay positive and let all the negativity will soon disappear into thin air.
I’m sorry Eternity, I hadn’t seen your comment until just now. I’ve had a very busy week and am far behind on my email notifications and HG’s YouTube videos. Hoping to catch up this weekend. Anyway, you are so encouraging, I am truly grateful. I have faith as well but for me it is a bit different from hope, the aim is different I think. I agree with staying positive, for sure! It helps everything be better! Thank you again Eternity!
Dearest Eternity,
Happiness doesn’t come knocking on your door, you have to find your OWN inner happiness ! The wrong, (the narc), will never ever change !
You can’t change or fix people, but you can change and fix yourself
Everything begins and ends with you and only you !
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Just wanted to make a comment/observation. It is somewhat off topic to ‘Utopia,’ though still relevant, and has to do with love bombing. I have been in contact with some organizations that others might consider cults. They talk about love all of the time, everyone says they love each other (but they are strangers), there is lots of physical contact and hugging. Lately all I can think is that it is love bombing and there seems to be some pyramid financial agenda underneath it all. This might be a good question for Ask HG. I am curious to know HG’s thoughts on this. Where can we submit questions to Ask HG? Thanks again.
You may ask questions here. If you have detailed ones and/or ones pertaining your personal circumstances please use the consultations option, that is what it is there for.
Hi Jen, and welcome to the site 🙂
I am curious about your question to HG and your contact with these organizations. You say others might consider them cults, so I’m just wondering how and why you became involved with them. We do know from previous information HG has shared that cults are often (or usually) led by narcissists, and it wouldn’t surprise me if what you are seeing is the effect of love bombing or “seduction”. It’s no doubt a way to draw people in and the pyramid financial agenda underneath it all seems particularly worrying. HG has a video on Keith Raniere and NXIVM which I will link here for you:
https://youtu.be/9KuF8Nx7LpQ
It’s good you are asking questions and I hope you will keep doing so as we all learn from eachother here as well as from HGs expertise.