The Empathic Supernova
What is the Empathic Supernova?
In order to detail this phenomenon, it is first necessary to consider when it might appear and what is behind its appearance.
The repeated application of our manipulations is deployed for the purposes of maintaining control over you. This control reinforces our notion of superiority, omnipotence and impregnability and enables us to draw fuel from our appliances and most of all you as our primary source.
I have made mention of the Empathic Group, the group which lies to the left of the empathic-narcissistic spectrum and within this group there are four schools of the empathic individual; the , the Standard Empath, the Co-Dependent, the Super Empath and the Contagion Empath.
The sustained application of the many and varied manipulations produces results for us. It also takes its toll on our victims. The Co-Dependent will cling on, desperate for the self-definition which manifests as a consequence of their ensnarement with us. They will soak up the abuse, the confusion and the control until they reach a point of breakdown. The cumulative effect of the silent treatments, the gas lighting, the physical abuse, the psychological trauma, financial mistreatment and sexual degradation eventually causes the limpet-like Co-Dependent to collapse into numbness, malfunction and potential hospitalisation. They gave and gave until suddenly they fell off the cliff and their fuel provision remained impressive on Monday and by Tuesday it had stopped. No longer capable of pumping out fuel, attending to our requirements and showering us with appropriate traits and residual benefits, this failure to function invariably brings about the discard of this individual. The disengaged from Co-Dependent, although distraught at the loss of the narcissist which they crave, is in no position to try to bring about the resumption of the relationship and thus, whilst we focus on their replacement primary source, they are allowed a period by which they can recover and once the lights switch back on again and the fuel starts to pump, the devaluation of their replacement has begun, so we come looking and hoovering for the Co-Dependent. Unable to resist, because of the nature of the hoovering and their own vulnerability, they are hoovered back in and the narcissistic cycle continues.
Whilst third parties may try to assist the Co-Dependent to see and understand what has happened to them, their own substantial need to connect with a narcissist means it is very hard to make them take notice and stay away from us. Unless physically removed and isolated, the Co-Dependent will drift back to us. If not the original narcissist, a replacement narcissist will invariably be found.
The empathic-narcissistic spectrum is a sliding scale that represents both empathic and narcissistic traits. On the far left the empathic traits are more numerous and stronger whilst the narcissistic traits are fewer and weaker. Move to the right and the empathic traits begin to lessen in number, their effects less evident and the narcissistic traits begin to increase and become more prevalent. Eventually, as one reaches the Narcissistic Group, on the right of this spectrum, the empathic traits have disappeared and all that remain are narcissistic traits which become more numerous and stronger the further right one goes within this Narcissistic Group.
Accordingly, with the Co-Dependent, he or she will have many empathic traits and they are strong in nature. Their devotion to love, their honesty, decency, excellent listening skills, positivity etc are most evident and contribute to create a highly empathic individual. The narcissistic traits are less extensive and the few that exist are generally weaker. Accordingly, this prevalence of empathic traits attracts and is attracted to the prevalence of extensive and strong narcissistic traits. They lock together, complementing one another and consequently the Co-Dependent is inexorably drawn to those within the Narcissistic Group, with next to nothing in terms of their own narcissistic traits to act as some kind of repellant.
The Standard Empath may also find themselves shutting down, but more usually they are prevented from reaching a position of complete numbing though the intervention of a third party. Sure enough the toll exacted on the Standard Empath is considerable and has damaging consequences, but, in general, they manage to avoid more often the fate of the Co-Dependent. Instead, rather than giving and giving until shut down occurs (as is the case with the Co-Dependent) the Standard Empath’s performance deteriorates in terms of fuel output in a more gradual fashion which means that when it dips below a threshold of acceptability for our kind, the Standard Empath is also disengaged from. Not so damaged as to be unable to function, the Standard Empath will endeavour to re-connect with our kind, having sufficient energy and ability to do so, but they will be shunned as part of this disengagement until it is time to hoover them. Unaware of what they have been ensnared by and with capabilities improved after a period of respite arising from the disengagement the Standard Empath is sucked back in by the narcissist and thus the narcissistic cycle continues.
The Standard Empath however may also realise that something is wrong, or assisted by third parties and more amenable to listening, takes notice of what these third parties are telling him or her. They have a moment of ‘awakening’ and with that realise that they must remain away from our grip, however hurtful and hard it may be and thus they eventually escape, putting distance between them and our kind.
The Standard Empath has numerous empathic traits and they are of strength but they are generally less in scale compared to the Co-Dependent. The Standard Empath will have numerous narcissistic traits but not especially strong in nature, but they will have more narcissistic traits than the Co-Dependent. Their status as a Standard Empath (along with the fact that there are more Standard Empaths than Co-Dependents) means that Standard Empaths become the bread and butter target for our kind. They too are attracted to us, not with the almost hopeless vulnerability of the Co-Dependent, but they remain not only attracted to our kind but a target.
Finally, there is the Super Empath. The Super Empath is an excellent provider of fuel also and comes with a confidence and a fieriness which proves most tempting to our kind. The Super Empath sees his or her role as helping, fixing, healing and brining goodness to those around them. They have considerable energy, they are capable and their capacity for sustaining our abuses also makes them a considerably attractive prospect. The Co-Dependent can sustain considerable abuse until suddenly, like a light being extinguished, that is it. The Standard Empath also can sustain our manipulations but their slide is slower and more gradual. The Super Empath, blessed with a vast capacity for empathy and goodness is also somebody who can sustain a lengthy campaign of abuse. There is no slide downwards with this individual like the Standard Empath. There is no sudden collapse like the Co-Dependent. Instead the Super Empath goes in to Supernova mode.
The trait make-up of the Super Empath is different from their cousins in the Empathic Group. Whereas the Co-Dependent has strong and many empathic traits with few and low narcissistic traits and the Standard Empath has a greater number of narcissistic traits and fairly low narcissistic traits but more and quite strong empathic traits, the Super Empath has a different constitution.
The Super Empath has very strong and numerous empathic traits. He or she also has a significant number of narcissistic traits (more than the Co-Dependent and the Standard Empath but not as many as the Narcissistic Group) and they are stronger in nature than those experienced by the Co-Dependent and the Standard Empath.
This arrangement is not problematic. Liken the Super Empath’s narcissistic make-up to the light from a candle and their empathic make-up the light from a spotlight. The intensity of the spotlight is so bright that the candle light is barely noticed. Accordingly, the narcissistic element to the Super Empath does not appear. The Super Empath behaves in an empathic way and thus is a target for our kind.
There comes a time however when the sustained abuse and the awareness of the Super Empath reaches a critical point. Rather than switch off or slide into decline, the Super Empath will decide that enough is enough. In some instances, this means that the Super Empath will escape and follow a similar route to that of the Empath and distance themselves from the narcissist.
On other occasions they enter into Supernova mode. When this happens, the Super Empath will dim their empathic traits. This can only be dimming. The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna. Moreover, this dimming can only continue for a period of time and is not permanent. The naturally strong empathic nature of the Super Empath means that it will blaze bright again.
However, when this dimming takes places, the gap between empathy and narcissism in the Super Empath lessens so that the narcissistic traits are more prevalent. They do not dominate nor do they take over, but they are allowed to ‘shine’. However, whereas in our kind the application of our narcissistic traits is unfettered since we have no empathic traits and thus these traits are directed in a malevolent, harmful and destructive manner, the Super Empath uses these unleashed narcissistic traits for ‘good’.
This means that they will fight back against our kind and remain in the relationship with us. They will shut off the fuel provision, they will engage in manipulation of us, having learned how to effect it form their accompanying journey with out kind. The Super Empath will wound and wound, striking blow upon blow against the narcissist. It is worth pointing out that the Super Empath does not necessarily know that they are with a narcissist (they may only realise this later) but rather they know that something is very wrong in the relationship and it must no longer continue.
Thus when some people ask the question
“Can you become a narcissist from being with a narcissist?”
“Can I pick up narcissistic traits from my experience of being entangled with a narcissist?”
The answer remains no.
But, if you find that you are exhibiting such traits and you are deploying them against the narcissist, what has happened is that you are allowing your inherent narcissistic traits to have greater prominence. You keep them under control and you are not allowing them to harm or hurt innocent parties, but rather you are applying them against the narcissist in order to strike back. You always had these traits, you have not gained them by being with us, but what you have learned is how to manipulate from being with us and now you are turning those manipulations against us.
The effect against us is varied.
The Lesser Narcissist will discard immediately with a display of ignited fury as he seeks to escape the turning of the tables. He will need to get away from this empowered Super Empath and find a new primary source straight away. He wants to shrink from this blazing supernova of power which is causing him considerable difficulty through the cessation of fuel and the wounding from repeated criticism.
The Mid-Range Narcissist will find himself in a tormented loop as he tries to assert control. He will not comprehend truly what is happening. He will not want to lose the Super Empath owing to the fuel provision, but he is finding that his ability to manipulate and the reasonable degree of calculation that he has, is being sorely tested. He will try to assert his control through passive aggressive means, even pleading with the Super Empath to stop and ‘why can’t you be good to me again’? He will roll out the pity plays and sympathy cards in order to try to achieve superiority again. However, either the Super Empath decides to escape and leaves the Mid-Ranger in a confused and bewildered state or the Mid-Ranger slinks away and discards,unable to sustain the fight and needing a new and far more compliant primary source.
The Greater Narcissist will rail against this insurrection and fight back. He will draw on fuel from alternative sources (usually the IPSS or IPSSs he has in the wings along with fuel form those NISS who are his inner and outer circle friends). He will relish the challenge shown by the Super Empath and a real battle of wills ensues as each combatant deploys manipulation after manipulation against one another. This hammer and tongs clash of the titans sees the Super Empath applying what they have learned, similar to the apprentice turning on his or her master, as the old hand seeks to slap down the irreverent upstart. The Super Empath may withdraw and escape, satisfied that they have made their mark and scarred the Greater. The Greater may ultimately recognise that only a stalemate (for now) can ensue and breaks off, discarding the Super Empath and focusses on the acquisition of a new primary source (or more likely the promotion of an already ensnared IPSS). The Greater however will not leave matters there. A note will be made to rejoin battle in due course and bring the Super Empath to heel.
Thus the Empathic Supernova is when the Super Empath determines that enough is enough and he or she reduces their empathic traits, allowing the narcissistic traits to come to the fore and in so doing he or she trains their sights on making life difficult, miserable and awkward for the narcissist. This is why our kind proceed with caution with the Super Empath. Their capacity for sucking up the abusive devaluation and their impressive fuel provision is tempting indeed, but reaching the critical point and causing the ignition of the Empathic Supernova can have dire consequences for our kind.
Not for me of course. I relish the challenge and the assertion of hegemonic dominance. Obviously.
31 thoughts on “The Empathic Supernova”
I’m afraid i went bit supernova on HG by proxi instead or the narcissist I was involved with. Huge mistake of course. One of which I’m truly sorry. He helped me in a way therapists or victim blogs ever could. For that I am eternally grateful. ❤
What happens when a magnet empath goes supernova ? is it any difference ? or is it only how big is the narc side that was awakened ?
I’ve been reading and watching for some weeks now. First it was great to have a name and understanding for what I am dealing with in the workplace. Although I don’t consider myself a super empath, I know I’m on the empath side of the scale. For this issue in the workplace, I’ve done things like – knowing the co-worker was relaying everything I said to the Boss – I controlled the message. Knowing that when the co-worker felt empowered by his relationship with the boss, he became nasty to those who reported to him, I drove a wedge between him and the Boss – not in a dishonest way, I created opportunities for them to see each other more clearly.
I don’t want no-contact, I have a good job and great friends I work with. I wondered why I can’t continue to have contact as long as I understand that these 2 are not my friends. I can enjoy a good laugh with them as I would listening to a comedian on TV. I can turn away when their behaviour dictates it. If they give me the silent treatment I can enjoy the peace and spend more time talking to my friends. I don’t speak about anything personal. When they try gaslighting or word salads or control statements I ask logical questions in an impersonal way to show that they are unable to qualify what they are saying. I’m learning as I go, what works and what doesn’t. Based on this post, I wonder if this is okay. Thanks for sharing your work HG and creating a safe place for discussion.
You are welcome. You will gain the answers here.
Having just watched a BBC drama on Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, I wondered if Burton was an Empathic Supernova and Taylor a Narcissist? Famous for their on/off stormy relationship and addiction to each other. I could see many empathic traits in Burton but when pushed by Taylor strong narcissitic traits come out.
No, two narcissists colliding.
Seriously describes the family dynamics of my current situation.
I imagine a lot of us here have entered Supernova mode at some point!
What’s wrong with Celine Dion, HG? She’s not my cup of tea either, but she has a strong voice, I’ll give her that! I think you should change the CD-related punishment to Champagne Supernova, by Oasis. I can’t read these articles without having that song permanently on loop in my head afterwards..drives me nuts!
Everybody has a limit whether they shut down, leave or fight back. A person can be: nice, helpful, caring and wanting to help.The narc only wants control and fuel by any means necessary. In my situation, I didn’t know he was a narc, only the minds games were being played frequently and something had to be done for my own protection . My time limit was up. I became in a destructive mode. Even though ,he had stop talking(not silent treatment) I kept it going to knock, pull and tear him down in any possible way.( not physically)Very true H.G. I threw in some of his tricks. I had no clue of what I was dealing with until I began reading your blog.
I would love to know how a Super Emp is created. Why those strong narcissistic traits? Where do they come from? Is it because many, or maybe all, of our kind are ACONs?
If you haven’t already seen the latest interview with HG and Doug then I encourage you to do so!
Which one? Where can I find it?
Dazed but not Confuzed.on YT. You will love it!
And now I also got the answer to my question, whether Super Empaths are mostly or even always ACONs. As far as I understood it (not native English speaker): The Super Empath was on the road to become a Standard Empath or Co-Dependent and then this stopped and the narcissistic traits came as self-defense or something like this? At least I remember exactly having that “Hey wait a minute! Something´s fishy here”-moment as a child.
Yeah, I caught that and it makes perfect sense. See my comment to Leela.
Name if Dougs channel is ‘dazed but not confused’
Got it. Listened. And of course H.G. is accurate as always. I indeed had this “Wait a minute! Something is not right here”-moment as a child. Don´´t remember exactly at which age, but I just remember this: “Hey, something´s fishy here in my family. My dad is very strange”.
I had a moment when I thought -“I can’t get along with someone who doesn’t want to get along” at about 8 years old in relation to my stepdad.
Jasmin, can you post a link here? I would like to here is interview as well.
Now it’s here on the blog! 🤗
Yes, I saw Mr. Tudor posted it. Thank you! This was another great interview. Thank you Mr. Tudor.
It explains why I am a Standard with Strong Majority Super…
who was raised in a loving, mostly stable home by two Empaths….
but one hadn’t come to grips with the reality of their sexuality and had an addiction problem…
so there was a lack of control, but I had to fix everything because I was the oldest child.
And it explains why I´m Super. I carry the empathy gene and grew up in a total lack of control environment with an NPD-father and a probably co-dependent mother. I do not know what my mother is but she is not seeking fuel, she´s just Patri Narcs 24/7-servant. She turns a blind eye on everything which is inconvenient for her and she did not help me when Patri Narc abused me. Just yesterday, I had the thought, that I was only born because they needed a scapegoat whom they can criticize and belittle all the time: ME!
Leela, I only just saw this. It’s terrible what our parents have done to so many of us. You might have been a scapegoat to them but you are so much more than that to all of us. You are an important contributor to this blog and I’m sure you’re important to many in your personal amd work life as well. Hugs to you!
Thank you very much, Leigh! 💖 We ALL contribute good stuff to H.G.s blog. And yes, I was the scapegoat and was constantly put down. This may also be an important factor by the way: whether you are scapegoat, invisible child or the golden child? Many golden children became narcissists themselves, while scapegoats become Co-D or Super?
Leela, I was the golden child for both my parents and I’m a standard empath. I don’t know if its necessarily true that the golden child becomes the narcissist. Although, even though I was the golden child though, I was still abused. I could do no wrong but still suffered my father’s wrath. He was a lesser and his heated fury would ignite all the time. He would grab whoever was in front of him. It didn’t matter if I was the perpetrator or not. If I was closest, I got the beating. One time I threw my sibling in front of me. I only did that once. I felt horrible afterwards. I eventually learned to stop crying when it happened and so he went after me less often. Unwittingly, I stopped giving him him fuel.
Is any of your siblings a narcissist? I know your daughter is one, was really sorry to hear that she inherited it 😔 It´s running in the family of my MMRA, too. Grandmother, mother and BOTH: himself and his sibling´s got it. 😔He was the Golden Child.
I was the black sheep. The scapegoat. Not nice either. Didn´t get really hard beating, but the full horror of emotional and verbal abuse from my Upper Mid Range Patri Narc. 😣
Its very rare that I talk to my younger brother.
My older brother I speak to more often but still not alot. I’m going to say I think my older brother is an empath. He definitely exhibits empathy. He’s developmentally disabled but he always tried to protect me. He was my mother’s scapegoat. She was awful to him. My younger brother might be a narcissist. He was my father’s scapegoat. I don’t remember alot of my childhood and so I can’t recollect alot of his behaviors. There was something always off about him, though. I just had this intense wave of emotion. I’m thinking about Mr. Tudor’s article, “Peculiar Placement.” That was my brother. He was so odd. We were always like, “what’s wrong with you.” Well, now I know.
Hi Leela, the only way a Golden Child can become a narcissist is if they have that gene, and maybe if it’s dominant, as we’ve talked about elsewhere. I was the GC to one consistently, who was by and large, considering he was a narcissist, decent to me, and the GC at the whim of the other parent, who either ignored or abused us. I think it depends a lot on the genes overall and when it comes to these variables. My sister was the scapegoat for my dad, she is a narcissist I believe. Who knows. Except HG! 🙂
In trying to figure out what this looks like, I think I have been over-thinking it. I think it may have been all those times I stood up to him and said no. And proceeded to withdraw his fuel supply in some way. “…they know that something is very wrong in the relationship and it must no longer continue.”-this line has always stood out, it was exactly the thinking I had at those times when I stood up to him. Those times became fewer as time went on, it just wasn’t worth it except when it was worth it. But, I think it may have been this.