The Narcissist and Money

Money is one of the most obvious ways in which one can demonstrate one’s power. Money provides options, it reveals opportunities and provides chances where none might have existed previously. Money equates to power and power equates to money. We have a healthy attitude to the question of money. What we create is ours. Yours is ours also. I have written previously how the successful of our kind exhibit our success and our power through the accumulation of money. It may be the creation of a successful business, the climbing of the corporate ladder into well-paid positions of responsibility and it might be the production of items and services that others require. There are of course those of our kind who have not grasped the concept that there is an unique opportunity afforded by the way that we are to be successful and in turn earn substantial amounts of money. Those of our kin who have not harnessed our special attributes in that manner are quite frankly a disappointment and they shall forever remain lesser narcs. Yes they are narcs but quite frankly they are not in my league or that of my high-achieving counterparts. I must admit to having nothing but contempt for those our kind who have failed to apply our abilities in this manner. They are letting the side down. That, however, is a topic for another day. What our less able kind and those of us who have embraced success do have in common is the unfailing ability to drain you of your financial health. How does this manifest? Perhaps some of the following will be familiar to you?
  • Never paying for drinks and meals when out together
  • Never contributing to joint expenses and then spending a small fortune on something for ourselves
  • Borrowing money repeatedly with a convincing tale of woe attached. The money is never re-paid.
  • Taking out loans in your name which you only find about some time later when they are in default
  • Learning the house has been mortgaged to the hilt and the advanced funds have been frittered away
  • Expensive addictions to drink, drugs, prostitutes and/or gambling which we expect you to bail us out of
  • Straight forward theft
  • Failing to honour maintenance and child support arrangements
  • Selling your possessions
Why does this happen? Sometimes it is about instant gratification. We want something and we want it immediately. We have always been used to getting our own way so whyshould it be any different when it comes to the question of money? We do not recogniseany boundary that says we should not have your money. It is in play and up for grabs.We want something and you can pay for it. This of course reinforces our control overyou by seizing your finances and goods we have you beholden to what we want to do.We show that we are in control and of course we anticipate horror, howls or protest andanger when you learn of our activity. All of which is good fuel. There is also an elementof retribution. We may have been denied something and this in turn offends our sense ofentitlement. We feel criticised and we want to get rid of that sensation. One method is to assert our power by taking what belongs to you and using it to our benefit. Sometimeswe do this an expend your financial resource in a totally excessive fashion which justwastes the money. To us however there is no waste in such a step. It underlines ourimportance, it affirms our power and it keeps you under out control.The scale by which our kind engages in this sequestration of the money and assets ofothers can vary hugely in scale, even when perpetrated by the same person. In that veinI am reminded of the late Robert Maxwell. For those of you who are unfamiliar with thename, Maxwell was a Czech born media mogul who operated a publishing empire in the United Kingdom. He fell off his yacht in 1991 and drowned. There is little doubt that hewas one of our kind – plenty has been written about the man and his behaviours whichconfirms that. Maxwell plundered the company pension scheme stealing hundreds ofmillions of pounds from the pensions of the employees leaving thousands of people infinancial difficulty. There was the misappropriation of the money of others on a massivescale. Maxwell was also found on Christmas morning by his wife and childrensurrounded by torn wrapping paper. He had wanted to know what had been bought forthe children. Rather than ask his wife, he went ahead and opened all the wrapped gifts.He did not take the gifts but he certainly trampled over a boundary and appropriated thesurprise that was meant for his children. Nobody is beyond our sense of entitlement when it comes to money or assets.

Money is used as an Assertion of Control

An appliance controlled through money

3 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Money

  1. Whitney says:

    My lovely God HG, I don’t have any money right now. He knows I feel guilty. Takes me to expensive dinners, like lobster. I keep objecting. Apologetic, grateful. He likes to feel above me. Fuel.

  2. SParham says:

    Grrrr to selling possessions of mine. It’s happened too many times and I always regret my agreements under narc pressure. There is a near constant purchasing of expensive items, cars for example, with no regard to the fit just pitched after my purchasing something inexpensive. Hiding money is a big one, there’s no way the stash is gonna be shared. Early in the relationship I was stolen from several times. Both my past relationship and longass current one used my credit and left me with the debt.

    The more time I spend reading/listening, thinking and typing the more I feel like a dumbass in many ways. I accept that it’s ET but logically it’s ridiculous for making the narcissist a giant and wasting time trying to please them. I abhor the word victim when it’s applied to me, I’d rather be called a bitch any day. Like narcissism, the word victim is used way too much. When I release experiences with a narcissist it looks like I am a victim. ET overload! It’s not my intent to sound like I’m a wilted flower at all. Those in real and normal social media life would never get this part of me. 💐

  3. December Infinity says:

    Originally when I read this article a while back it triggered me. Now that I have reread this article today, I don’t miss the constant financial distress I was in when the narcissists were around. It took a miracle to keep the bills paid, with zero help from them. I had things stolen from me (who knows what was done with those items), had to bail out the narcissists from all sorts of situations they had caused, lost plenty of overtime wages and money for things I needed. I couldn’t do anything I required. They made sure that zero money was available for me. It took some doing to begin to rebuild my credit from the damage they had done. It has taken over a year for things to improve. I can finally have the money I earn for myself. What is more important though is the narcissist is out of the picture. I had to take a financial hit last year after things went south.

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