When the Narcissist Realises They Have Played Themselves

15 thoughts on “When the Narcissist Realises They Have Played Themselves

  1. ava101 says:

    On and off, ‘d been trying to point out to the narcs in my life, incl my mother, the meaning of cause and effect”, and in really is an impossible task.
    It’s simply not.
    HG, sorry for mentioning this again, but I’ve been following that unbelievable Sam Bankman-fried story now for 2 weeks or so. All he had to say was “What happened”, and in the latest interview a lot of more unbelievable stuff, like… really not getting that his actions weren’t okay, and, realising his current situation (I mean not realising, he, seems delusional), and then admitting!! that his effective altruism persona was fake, that ethics is for him to win.
    He truly doesn’t seem to get it, how is that possible, don’t missing billions speak for themselves? He literally lost millions, nobody knows where they are, literally… but all he did wrong in his mind was not being able to calculate a total sum?
    His, parents are law professors, omg. I think I’d disown him if he was my son.
    Vut I’ve seen that type of millennial narcissism often in real life.

  2. ava101 says:

    What about narcs that have majorly fucked up? Like, big scale, criminal? And find themselves in court, having to justify their actions, and find themselves in jail? That famous killer who defended himself in court – did he believe it himself?

  3. Confused but learning. says:

    I’m confused now. The narcissist in my life openly admitted he messed up his last relationship by messing with someone else. He takes full responsibility for it. He says he messed up the best relationship he ever had and he’s an idiot for not controlling his behaviour. He says he knows it’s his fault and regrets it and at least appears to still be sad about it. He’s since got new primary supply so it’s not an attempt to get that. He displays many signs of being a narcissist probably middle range (lower or mid im not sure) and I don’t doubt he is. Previously he’s always either blamed the partner for the break up, or admitted a mistake but claimed the partner pushed him to it with their behaviour, or said nothing at all. So why is he admitting this time, if they don’t normally. No excuses given at all, just full on it’s my own fault. Could be pity play I guess but I have no way of knowing the truth if he’d lied and said she’d been the one causing problems which would surely gain him more sympathy. He doesn’t usually take responsibility for his actions and blames others but not this time. Any suggestions as to why he’d do this.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      False Contrition and Pity Play, it’s not genuine.

      1. Confused but learning. says:

        Ok thanks. Slowly learning to see the truth and finally starting to understand thanks to this site.

    2. Joa says:

      1. Mirror. If you are a person who can’t talk about other people, doesn’t participate in casting shadows on other people, if you prefer to take the blame rather than blame others – then the Narcissus will imitate you. He will adapt.

      2. When Narcissus confesses to the dirty things he has done – he counts on your reciprocate (that you will admit sins) and counts on attention and absolution (I understand you, it’s because…, you are not so bad, I see so much potential in you…, everyone is responsible for themselves, I will help you, comfort you, love you, etc. etc.). Fuel in one word.


      Sometimes I feel like a fucking confessor.

      1. Confused but learning. says:

        Number one would fit except I know he’s said the same to many people this time not just to me. Number two fits though, I guess that’s what I did and so others probably did too. Thanks.

    3. JB says:

      Confused but learning,

      Like HG says, it’s not genuine. Clever though, hey? I have experienced a similar situation; now, if he had blamed everything on his ex, I would have run a mile at the start, thinking “Yeah yeah, it’s never your fault, ok..!” But he didn’t. In fact, he was pleasant about his ex, despite the fact that she had gone off with somebody else, and I thought that was a good sign! Of course, it worked a treat at getting sympathy/extra fuel..until I let myself down somewhat by looking at both sides of the story and attempting conflict – then he turned and I started to realise that things weren’t all they had initially seemed!

    4. jasmin says:

      Maybe it’s the case that in his other relationships no scandal came out but that in just one case the infidelity became known and couldn’t be denied?

    5. ava101 says:

      That’s what Sam Bankman-fried said. 😅

    6. JB says:

      Confused but learning,

      Correction – I missed a word out from my original comment. It should read ‘conflict resolution’! Sorry!

  4. karmicoverload says:

    Really helpful video, H.G. Timed very well during no contact, when my ET is running high. I thought he had realised he’d played himself, due to a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, DBT and an overhaul of his life. Perhaps this is not a complete realisation of his issues, then, but merely an attempt to control what he can? With the added bonus of being able to talk about how he’s a “changed man” to his flying monkeys? Is that possible?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Those are just further manipulations.

      1. karmicoverload says:

        Thank you.

  5. vandenboss says:

    The downside and poor outcome of their behavior is there in the form that they always think its someone else’s fault,its even worse then always blaming yourself. And of course the ones that always blame themselves have at least a chance of improving,and even a chance to wake up and really improve.

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