“Glow worm”

From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.

  1. It is done to appear  endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
  1. You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
  1. We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
  1. We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
  1. By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
  1. As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
  1. In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,

“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”

You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.

  1. In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
  1. We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
  1. We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.

The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.

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7 thoughts on “Pet

  1. Asp Emp says:

    I think there is another indication of a narcissist being around you is when they stop using your personal name on occasion, especially at work. They may start referring you as the girl in accounts, for example, and could emphasise that by saying “What is her name again?”, either by triangulation or deflecting. Or emphasise your name before going into a ‘blame-shifting mode’. It may appear that the narcissists do this deliberately, yet it is the narcissism that is causing this to happen.

    I do recall being given a nickname, ‘Spitfire’ while being in a close yet platonic relationship when I was in my late teens. Maybe he was not a narcissist. However, it indicates some of my personality around that time (LOL).

    RE: the MRN, I recall asking him why he had stopped calling / referring the ‘pet’ name he had used for me. He did not even answer the question. It was not a ‘404’ moment. It was as if I had not asked the question at all.

    I wonder, does the narcissist change the numbers around when they’re ‘shifting’ their fuel matrix around and changing it back again after a while?

    1. jasminmagnusson says:

      Hi Asp Emp!
      As you ask about your ‘pet’ name, I guess that you liked it – is that correct?
      It is your experience and you know the situation better then me but my guess would be that the pet name was used in the golden period as you were painted white and was then withdrawn when you entered devaluation and became painted black.
      When you asked him why he stopped call you this pet name – that would be criticism, challenging and a threat to control, no? As a MR his response is passive aggressive i.e. silent treatment.
      Best regards

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Hi Jasmin, RE: pet name? Bet he used the same one to every other woman in every ‘port’ as I called it when I asked him about this affair that went public (years before I met him). No I didn’t really appreciate it because it is not really that “unique” is it? However, ‘Spitfire’ is less common and suited me very well! I was ‘sweet sixteen’ at the time too…..the MR stopped using the ‘pet’ name around 4 months before I exploded – so yeah, it was continuously used for 5 years. His wife ‘painted’ me black. She can fkg talk. She was fkg around with some guy a year before her husband’s affair went public…..RE: his wife’s lover (probably still is, hence partly why I am not in ‘touch’ if you like) – I knew him around 2 years (through work) before she met him……he asked me out first and I said no. Laughing…..he had to “downgrade” (not sure if he is narcissist, but you don’t go round asking “Are you married yet?”, do you?).

        1. jasminmagnusson says:

          Yes, they use it with others but if you don’t know about it..
          Well, with all the oxytocin flowing I liked my pet name even if it wasn’t anything special. Actually he made it special because he asked how you say it in my language and it became the first word he learned. I think the fact that he named me in my native language although he didn’t speak it added value to the word (even though it wasn’t unice) and that made me feel special. Smart! I had never thought about that before.
          Have I comprehend it correct that you were never in I a formal relationship with that guy but he was intressted and tried to seduce you?
          I like a nickname that’s build on my character and I dislike that made of looks. ‘Spitfire’ that’s unique. If you think that suits you then that’s good one! 😉

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Jasmin, thank you for sharing your story. RE: your question – I was 16. We were friends, got on very well – it was near the end of school life so it never progressed any further than that, we didn’t keep in contact either. I have no regrets 🙂 Yes, that ‘pet’ name suited me (LOL) 🙂

  2. Jasmin says:

    Hello narcsite readers!
    I wonder how many of you have experienced that the narcissist/s in your life gave their intimate parts a pet name and if yes, what was it?
    My ex called his d*** Kaiser (German Emperor and King of Prussia)

  3. Asp Emp says:


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