Game For A Laugh : The Narcissist and Humour




Where does a sense of humour fit into the make-up of the narcissist?

I am pleased to report I have an excellent sense of humour – when it suits me. As a consequence of being well-read, interested in the world (for the purposes of ensuring my place is firmly recognised within it) and the fact I am quick-witted, I am able to fashion wit out of many situations but only on the basis that is serves my purpose. Like nearly everything else, laughter and humour are tools that some of our kind are able to deploy for the purposes of furthering our aims. They are devices and conduits to achieving what we want and how our sense of humour is fashioned is very much dependent on the circumstances in which we find ourselves and our fuel needs.

Take for instance a Friday evening. I often attend a local bar with a number of my inner circle friends. In some of the bars which I frequent regularly I also know outer circle friends who will often be there at the same time and tertiary sources, people I might say hello to and little else.

This is an environment which allows me to hold court as I regale my eager listeners with my tales of corporate derring ‘do, mock the latest blunder of an intimate primary source, argue about politics in order to keep a secondary source in his place in the pecking order and so on. Humour always plays a part. I am well aware that by demonstrating  a keen sense of humour and drawing giggles, snorts and belly laughs this is all good positive fuel and aids in the maintenance of the façade to demonstrate that I am entertaining company, fun to be around and amusing. I always find my jokes and witty anecdotes amusing, obviously.

I also recognise that for the purposes of continuing to draw fuel and to maintain the façade that it is necessary for me to laugh at the comments and antics of others. This does not come naturally. If someone else is telling a joke, the spotlight is on them. I do not like that. It does not ignite my fury, far from it but I want the laughter to be because of my anecdote not say my friend Paul’s recollection of an incident at work.

I recognise that what he is saying is meant to be amusing and I know that other people will laugh, but I do not find it funny because it is not humour generated by me. Of course, if I see it as appropriate to maintain the façade and I often do, I will laugh and chortle and throw out a compliment such as ‘very funny’ or ‘good one’ before looking to trump it with my own joke or anecdote. I do not however find the comment amusing per se. I feign my amusement for the purposes of fitting in, maintaining the façade and in order to ensure people respond to my comments in a positive manner.

Of course there will be times when I deem it necessary to allow my lack of humour to manifest. This might be done with some cocky newcomer to the group who thinks that he can take centre stage. As he unleashes a joke or fire out some one liners, I remain unmoved. I can see other people may laugh, but I do not. This is not manufactured. I do not find what is said as funny because it is starving me of fuel and starving me of fuel is not a laughing matter.

I want this young turk to know that I am unamused and therefore I shall not laugh and instead comment about how I have heard it before, (if I have not already interrupted him and told the punchline before him) or that it is a sick joke, or it is racist or homophobic so as to gain the moral high ground (who me?!) and cut him down to size. I know that the Lieutenants in this gathering will see that I am unmoved. They will either wait to see if I laugh and follow suit or if they start laughing and see I am not, they will halt their own laughter. They value their positions in the group. Even if others in the group continue to laugh, there is a degree of discomfort since some of us have not laughed and that provides me with the fuel that I want. I have made it about me and wrested the spotlight away from this interloper.

Of course, when I dole out my observations, witty anecdotes and so forth, I am on sparkling form. I will raid the gags which I have heard elsewhere (all part of the trait acquisition) and whilst it is well-recognised that people re-tell other people’s jokes, I will claim to have invented the joke. Often my humour is spur of the moment and is a genuine pithy comment or witty remark which amuses. I truly relish the fuel that arises from doing so. I am able to allow my sparkling repartee and witty badinage to spread its wings so that those with me are howling with laughter.

Similarly, if I am watching a film or a television programme which is a comedy, I do not sit and laugh to myself. What is the point of that? There is no fuel to be gained. Instead, I might remark by text to a friend that there is a good stand-up performance so that he or she replies in a fuelling manner. If I am with somebody and they are laughing at the comedian on the television I am fighting to keep my fury under control.

I do not want their attention focussed on this gagmeister on the goggle box, I want them fuelling me. Thus, I will either, dependent on whether I am seducing or devaluing, sit frowning at the television and heckling the performer so that whoever is with me reacts and suggests watching something else or berates me for interrupting, I do not mind so long as the attention switches to me and I am gaining fuel. If it is seduction, I will allow my laughter to issue forth to show that I am a man of humour and that I enjoy watching the same comedy as you. I will also use it as a platform to tell my own jokes so that you laugh with me as well.

Mentioning the issue of laughing with me, I am of course content for you to do so, but I cannot stand to be laughed at. None of my kind can. If you laugh at me rather than with me then this is an almighty criticism and the fury is ignited immediately. We often struggle to contain our fury in such an instance and you will witness us lashing out, storming off or creating a scene in order to bring your mocking laugher to an abrupt halt and switch to annoyance, concern, fear or such like. Anything to stop the burning criticism arising from your laughing at us. We hate it. We have a complete sense of humour failure at being mocked in this manner and it will result in repercussions for those who are laughing at us.

I of course know when laughter is required and I decide whether I shall join in or not. Some of our kind are not as attuned and it takes them a little while before they realise that they should be laughing because the sense of humour is not there. Instead, they must realise that it would be appropriate to laugh and you will witness a pause before the laughter begins. Listen carefully and you will hear that it is hollow. Look to their eyes and you shall see that the eyes do not twinkle with amusement but remain fixed and hollow. This show of humour and amusement is an artifice and is part of the Mask Carousel which we operate.

Finally there are instances however which truly do amuse me and make me laugh. Whereas the supposed humour of others is either rejected or embraced all as part of the need to generate fuel, be it positive or negative and I make a decision as to what it will be rather than an instinctive response, there are occasions where I will laugh instinctively. Those are occasions where somebody else has suffered a misfortune, especially if it has been caused by me. Schadenfreude is a marvellous device and one which causes me to smile, to laugh and to bellow with laughter.

This accords with my perverted sense of humour which arises from gaining delight in the misfortune of others. Whereas with other people’s attempts at humour I have to decide whether I will remain nonplussed or feign hilarity for the sake of drawing fuel and the maintenance of the façade, when I see someone fail because I have hidden a report they need, I either break out into paroxysms of mirth behind my office door or if I know it would not look good to do so in front of the façade, I stifle my amusement and allow it to erupt when I am in the gent’s bathroom or with a lieutenant at lunch later.

The basis for my humour has been repeatedly touched on in my discussions with the good doctors over the past months and they have been interested to learn of this valve-like approach to exhibiting humour. They entirely understand that I use it as another device for the gathering of fuel.

They also recognise that my revelling in schadenfreude is related to the streak of sadism which runs through me, but we have discussed the origins of why I operate in this almost staccato like manner when it comes to matters of mirth. It appears that my almost completely regulated approach arises from the fact that I learned under the reign of MatriNarc that laughter was viewed as the voice of a fool and best kept silent. Thus like, as I have learnt and I am learning, much of my development has become warped, the creation of my sense of humour has been affected in much the same way, being seen as a product to be used rather than a natural consequence of matters arising, save for those where I witness the manufactured misery of another.

Some say that if they didn’t laugh they would cry.

I wasn’t allowed the luxury of either.

Thus I turned humour into another weapon; either to charm, to withhold or to belittle.

It really is no laughing matter.

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33 thoughts on “Game For A Laugh : The Narcissist and Humour

  1. Bubbles says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    My narcissistic side ”laughed’ when I read Meghan and Harry just won an award from the UK charity Population Matters because of their ‘enlightened decision’ to help the environment by ‘limiting’ their family to two children
    Where’s myyyyyyy award for having my two, plus an extra one for adding to diversity and awareness? 😂
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. Witch says:

      Bubbles!!! An award for breeding 🤣🤣
      They could have pulled out and adopted 5 kids if they wanted to really do their part

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Witch,
        I thought it was a joke when I read it
        There’s also ‘rumours’ Tom Cruise has his narc tentacles out trying to get Meghan into Scientology
        I can’t wait to see what’s next …..this just keeps getting better day by day
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Witch,
        Another day another update
        Apparently ………
        Harry n Meghan’s controversial Oprah interview has been nominated for an Emmy in the ‘Outstanding Hosted Nonfiction Series or Special category’

        This just gets more farcical by the minute 🤡
        I’d like to know who the hell nominated it …… Meghan ????? 😂
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Bubbles, it was either Meghan or Steve the seagull (the one who ‘decorated’ her dress!) 😉

  2. Asp Emp says:

    I thought I’d comment here on Gordon Ramsey. Just an hour ago, I turn on the TV while I am having late brunch (cos the footie is on later… excited about that)….. back to Gordon…. (I’m laughing before I even get started)….. he’s eating something served to him on a plate…..he says “This is not crab cake. This is crap cake. If I eat any more of it, I will be crapping for the next 105 years”…… then he is served a ‘cookie’ which is absolutely covered in icing sugar, LOL, he coughs because there was so much of it, then he blows on the top of this ‘cookie’ and white dust goes across in the air….. it’s the ‘attitude’ but, by god, he’s right.

    A couple days ago, he’s in a remote part of the world and he is still with the same ‘attitude’, so, what I am saying is, some personality traits do not change.

    God knows what I am going to be like as I age, gracefully, shall I say (giggling). What I do know is my ‘attitude’ will remain, such a respected & loved ‘trait’ by my friends.

    If I may say so, I believe that HG’s own humour would not change either.

    1. Eternity says:

      ASP EMP, I enjoy watching Kitchen Nightmares. The look on Gordan Ramsey’s face when he gets served these disgusting dishes. His comments makes me die of laughter. He is so blunt. He can be very Narcissistic, but I think he is a Nornal.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Hiya Eternity! Yeah, Gordon is a sort, ain’t he? Does he remind you of anyone that we are aware of? 😉 I was laughing earlier, trying to eat as well. Mutli-tasking LOL. I did a little ‘look-see’ into Gordon, he is actually one of the ENTJ of the Myers-Briggs personality types. So, he comes across as ballsy, extrovert, no-holds-barred etc – basically what you see on the TV is the man himself. Bless him.

        1. Eternity says:

          His comments makes me laugh ! He is very blunt just like Simon Cowell. Maybe they are both in the same boat.
          Very critical.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Eternity, I don’t like Simon Cowell, can’t put my finger on it – maybe it’s the lack of humour? I would not put them in the same boat. That is just my opinion. I read Gordon’s book, laughing loudly, much to the chagrin of the aeroplane passenger next to me LOL.

          2. Eternity says:

            Ha ha your are hilarious ASP EMP you are hilarious! Love your comments ❤

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you, Eternity. Well, at least the passenger was stuck with me 😉 (laughing)

          4. Eternity says:

            Asp Emp, at least you didn’t get a miserable one sitting beside you. Safe travels.

      2. NarcAngel says:

        I would never take Ramsey as a normal, but there’s a way to find out.

        1. Eternity says:

          NA, since Gordan Ramsay is a candidate for possibly being a Narc? perhaps HG can put him in one his expensive ovens and roast him! That would put him up in flames !

          1. Witch says:

            Gordon Ramsay will come out the oven and shout that he’s “fucking rrraaawwww!!”

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Whaaaattsss thaaaaat?!!!

          3. Asp Emp says:

            It’s Gordon Gecko, HG…… laughing.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            You misunderstand.

          5. Eternity says:

            Gordon Ramsay will cross contaminate the whole God dam place !

          6. Asp Emp says:

            Witch, actually Gordon would say summat like “What the fk! The fkg oven’s not hot enough!”…….

          7. HG Tudor says:

            That’s enough of this cooking discussion.

          8. Asp Emp says:

            Apologies HG

        2. Alexissmith2016 says:

          I strongly suspect he is an N. I’d love him to be put under the Tudor scope too.

          When caught cheating instead of either confessing or simply denying it, he was quoted as saying, “ Come on though, if I was really going to cheat it wouldn’t be with a complete slapper”.

          Definitely not normal or empath at the very least narcissistic but not an N. But I suspect N.

          Would also be interesting to have some who are narcissistic but not narcissists put under the scope to help us In our differentiation IRL.

          Would it be possible to do that HG? Pleeeeaaassee xxxxx

  3. Asp Emp says:

    I certainly am. Giggling as I typed that.

    There are times when I have shocked people with my sense of humour. Maybe a number of them were, in fact, 404’s from narcissists, ah, bless, they don’t know what they are, their problem. Laughing, the number of times my “humour” turned out to be, as I now understand, ‘empath’s grenades’. Ah, wonderful. I had that ‘in-built’ and unknown to me, the natural ‘shoot them down with an empath grenade’, even in jest.

    That is power. In itself. Yup, I agree. It is a weapon. Even more so, now that I know about narcissism and can really impart them grenades. Giggling, mischievously. I’m delighted, to know what I know now and I can take the piss, aimed at narcissists in the future, when it is absolutely ‘warranted’. Ah, no. No-one can take that away from me either. It’s in-built. There is some brain-wiring that cannot be changed.

    I am so grateful for my sense of humour, it kept me going, even during my ‘darkest times’. No narcissist can ever take away a person’s natural sense of humour, they can ‘dim’ it, but never can ‘destroy’ it altogether.

    I can be a ‘goody-two-shoes’ but why should I? I am Me.

    1. Eternity says:

      ASP EMP, never change who you are! As the song goes. ” I Gotta Be Me”

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Absolutely, Eternity. Thank you! 🙂

        1. Eternity says:

          Anytime! Asp Emp.

  4. Paul says:

    I understand your needs and am cool with it. Don’t worry.

  5. Eliza says:

    Laughter and Humor are such a delightful part of life. This post is a lesson and reminds me to be Grateful for the gift of a light heart.

    1. A Victor says:

      Laughter is also the best medicine, someone unexpectedly reminded me of that today, it was a good reminder.

      1. Eliza says:

        Isn’t THAT the Truth !!! ??? Laughing keeps me sane in this age of up is down and down is up 🤪

        1. A Victor says:


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