That’s Not Important Right Now
Our sense of entitlement, lack of consideration and our failure to recognise and respect boundaries means that we are important and you are not. Our need is an emergency. Your needs are secondary. Our requirements are fundamental. Your wants are irrelevant. If we want something it must be done and you must drop everything else, cancel your plans and ensure we are provided for and catered to otherwise all hell breaks loose.
Fail to do something we want and when we want (even if we haven’t told you what it is) is regarded by us a criticism and our fury is ignited. We may impose a cold furious silent treatment or lambast you with our heated fury but either way we are important and you are not.
We show no appreciation of your situation, no consideration of your position and scant regard for what you might need or have to contend with. It is predictable all about us. Any situation, any time and any moment we will trample all over what you are doing in order to get what we want done.
Whatever you may have organised, planned or whatever you are doing is minutiae and utterly inconsequential to the massively important event, occurrence or happening that we have decreed. Expect interruptions, abrasive treatment and a complete lack of manners and consideration. This mind-set that what you are doing is not important appears often and repeated and is symptomatic of so many of our narcissistic traits. Here are twenty instances you may recognise where what you are doing is not important right now.
- Talking over you.
- Changing channel on the television when you are clearly watching something.
- Switching off music that you are listening to.
- Playing music loudly when you are relaxing.
- Thrusting a newspaper under your nose when you are reading a book and saying “look at this”
- Talking to you when you are on the telephone.
- Calling you at work and raising a trivial matter and demanding that you do something about it.
- Asking you to pass something that is in reach when you are doing some other task.
- Saying la la la when you are trying to explain something.
- Making you late because we needed you to straighten our tie several times first.
- Calling you indoors from an outdoors task just to point out something on the television which is irrelevant.
- Calling you and asking where something is when it is easy to find.
- Calling you when you are socialising and demanding that you return home to deal with an emergency – such as the blinds are stuck or we have run out of peanut butter
- Demanding you prepare our evening meal when you are trying to get ready to go out.
- Feigning a greater illness when you are unwell.
- Waking you up to tell you something pointless.
- Ringing the landline from our mobile (withholding the number) and insisting you answer when you are trying to eat and then hanging up.
- Demanding to be picked up or given a lift irrespective of what you might be doing.
- Using items you need to complete a task.
- Thrusting a tablet under your nose as you are trying to do something and telling you to “watch this” only to see a video of a man falling down some stairs.
It does not matter how trivial, ridiculous or childish the behaviour is as long as it disrupts you and thrusts your attention onto us, even if it is to react in a negative way, we will always behave in such a way.
One thought on “That’s Not Important Right Now”
I laughed. This is what “my” narcissist is like. Adult, nasty child 🙂
With one amendment, instead of “la la la” there is “tra la la” 🙂
Work narcissists also require you to quit everything immediately, even when I’m working FOR THEM on a much more important thing.
I am going to a place 50 km from the company on business – never mind, I have to turn back and be in the office in 10 minutes … to hear the question: “Do you remember the meeting tomorrow at 10.00?”
Sick leave, caring for a small child, 40 degrees fever? Irrelevant. I’m supposed to be in a super important meeting in an hour (outside of office hours). My presence is indispensable! Then it turns out that the boss wanted to talk to his audience and reminisce 🙂
Hospital? A child in a very bad condition in the hematology department? But this report must be ready for tomorrow! (The doctor on duty in the hospital lent me his duty room so that I could hook up a laptop and work all night, and at the same time watch over the baby).
Thousands of such cases. And I have never failed. It was a crazy time. I had no choice. I had to prove myself.
But there is a plus. As reliable, I started slicing off coupons. Now I don’t have to tense up so much anymore, and I can even let go. As a valued “workman”, I was admitted to the circle. I am important in a different context – matrix, facade – also for the company. I can slow down the pace. I know what and with whom I can afford and what I cannot do.
I am close, but not too close. Good position. Secure. I am under protection, I avoid attacks that fall on others. I’m staying calm.
Everything has its time.
It is essential to feel the needs of a narcissist. Needs differ in the intensity of features and nuances. Then the cooperation goes well. Satisfactory for both parties.