You Say No, We Hear Yes
I make repeated mention of how the key to gaining freedom is to understand. One of the central principles to understand with our kind is the fact that our perspective is very different from yours. You gauge our responses, our actions and our words through the lens of your world view. That is understandable, but it will only lead to you becoming mired in confusion, frustration and bewilderment, trapped in the quagmire of emotion which of course is where we want you to always be. We do not want you applying cool, hard logic to prise yourself free from our grip. We want you embroiled in emotion.
Of course we prefer to make it seem that you engage in double speak. Our private paranoia causes us to twist what you say in order to use it to our advantage, but then we always do this. We always seek to profit from fabricated misunderstanding and false inferences, but the reality is we do also actually hear something completely different from what you say to us because of our existence in a different reality.
Accordingly, you need to understand that we operate in a different world view to you and once you ascertain that world view, you are unlikely to like what you see there, but you will begin to make sense of what we say and do. As part of this understanding, you should appreciate that when you say certain things to us, we hear something else. Here are ten examples, to assist your comprehension of our kind.
- The dinner you made was lovely
The dinner you made was better than anything I have ever tasted before. Your skills in the kitchen are beyond compare. You are truly talented and gifted. I am so fortunate that someone as brilliant as you made something so tasty and delicious as that meal for someone like me. I am amazed and astounded by your talent and thank my personal god every day that you are in my life.
- I don’t know what I would do without you
You are my everything. My beginning and end. I am nothing without you. I would not function without your skilful operation of me. I have now submitted to your total control of me, I am in your hands, do with me what you will.
- I love you
I don’t just love you, I love you with everything that I have, every fibre of my being and every molecule inside me because you are so magnificent that I am compelled to provide you with this astonishing and amazing love. I cannot find the words to express the extent of my love for you but it is beyond anything I have ever experienced before because you made me feel this way.
- I hate you
I am ungrateful. I am a traitor. I am unkind. I am unfair. My hate is misplaced and is borne out of my envy at your brilliance. If I had any shred of decency I would recognise that I have deserved what you have done to me but because I am so selfish and cruel, I have to blame you when you have done nothing wrong. I must now be put in my place and justifiably admonished for the audacity I exhibit in incorrectly expressing such misplaced hatred.
- I don’t understand you
I am stupid and weak. If I wasn’t I would understand wouldn’t I. This is a frustrated admission on my part that I pale by comparison to you. You are a colossus, a behemoth who is far better than me and I can only look on in rapt awe as you forge your way through life. I don’t understand you but I wish I could be like you.
- Please stop hurting me
I am weak and not to be trusted. I deserve to be punished. You are right to hurt me. I should not have caused such grave offence towards you, but please will you be so gracious and benevolent as to end this pain. I am now under your control and I am submissive and bow to your superiority.
I am trying to stand up to you but we both know that cannot happen. I am just a wretch compared to you, but I try to think otherwise, but I am doing this for you. I am saying this to invite you to exert your authority over me and to punish me for my insolence. I want you to do so because I know this is what my role is, a conduit for you to achieve what you want, so I say it so you can open the door to yes.
- I just want to be happy
I am a selfish person who as usual is putting my needs before yours which is completely wrong so you must correct me, teach me and make me learn my lesson in the way only you can do.
- I am sorry
I am utterly useless and pathetic. I ought to have known better but as usual I just decided to do what I wanted and forgot how that might impact on you. You are generous and kind and I beg your forgiveness in the knowledge that I deserve none. If you choose to make an example of me for my frequent erring and repeated apologies, then so be it. You know best.
- You are wrong
I want to destroy you. I am wounding you. I know how to weaken you and I have done this to bring you to your knees. Yes, I am a traitor, a treacherous betrayer of your magnanimous nature but I do not care. Does it hurt? Does it burn? Good. I want to see you weaken, shrivel and cease to exist.
3 thoughts on “You Say No, We Hear Yes”
Today I felt a new emotion for my narc – genuine contempt. Not anger at what happened, or frustration with his behaviour – but true and genuine contempt – next stop , indifference 🙌🏻
Reading this article reminds me of a number of pieces of your work, such as ‘Found in Translation’, ‘Decipher’, ‘Toxic Logic’, ‘A Matter of Perception’, ‘Why Can’t You Resolve An Argument With A Narcissist?’.
In some way, it also reminds me of ‘Shade’.
It is about understanding how, what, when narcissists have different views from what we may see, what other people may see, even narcissists themselves. It is more likely to end up in ‘collisions’ of understanding, either mentally, verbally, emotionally, and sometimes, physically.
This article is such an eye-opener.