It is fair to state somewhat euphemistically that death is an inconvenience for everyone. In respect of my kind and me, it causes all manner of problems and issues which are especially irksome. Death generally only affects people in two respects. Their own death and the death of other people. Our responses to those two aspects are far-removed from that of the reactions of ordinary people and especially those of an empathic nature.

First of all, how do we regard the death of someone else. The demise of a stranger causes to response from us unless we realise that in order to maintain the façade that it would be advantageous to say “the right things” and come out with those empty platitudes that people do so often when they read of a tragedy somewhere. When this happens and somebody makes mention of some loss of life, perhaps the drowning of a toddler who was not being properly supervised and fell into a bath or the consequence of an aeroplane crashing, I observe the reactions of the collective with interest. There are the expressions of shock, the declarations of horror and how this is such a terrible event. As I watch and listen I do wonder who the greater charlatans are in this event. Is it me who does not care and cannot care but pretends to do so in order to maintain my precious façade or is it those who claim to care about somebody they never knew and would never have known?

If the death of someone is closer to home, a friend or a family member then my reaction is no different save that it is laced with irritation and indeed often anger at the loss of someone who was a source of fuel for me. If that person forms a supplementary source, then there is irritation at this loss but this person can readily be replaced with a new member rising to form part of my coterie. If the person who has been lost to the hand of the grim reaper is a primary source of fuel, then I am consumed with fury. How could this person treat me in this fashion? I gave them everything and then they leave me in the most complete fashion, with no chance of that sweet, sweet restoration. This departure amounts to a criticism of me, a reminder that even someone as great and powerful as I was unable to prevent the removal of a potent source of fuel. Thus this criticism ignites my fury and I rage at the injustice of their death. Some who witness this might mistake this response for an outburst of grief at the taking of this person. It is not that. It is the explosion of wrath at someone who was so potent to me escaping me and thus denying me my rightful fuel and denying me the opportunity to put in place a replacement. I do not mourn their passing away. I rage at the passing of my fuel source.

Do not expect to see me attend the funerals of those that are regarded as supposedly close to me and where my attendance might otherwise be expected. I will not be there. I know there are those of our kind who revel in the drama and the high emotion that is attached to a funeral and regard it as a honey pot for the acquisition of fuel. There are those of our kind who will hijack the occasion and make it all about them, wailing and shedding those false tears in order to draw well-meant sympathy from the other attendees. There are those of our kind who will create a scene at the funeral, arriving late, arriving drunk, collapsing part way through the service, making a snide remark in a loud stage whisper in order to draw reactions from everyone else that is there. Yes, many of our kind will attend and exhibit their over-acted grief purely to draw attention to themselves and away from the person who is now lying in the cold, hard ground. Our kind will express their huge sense of loss, how the deceased was such a wonderful father, caring mother, beloved uncle or best friend. Such a shameless performance which is carefully choreographed in funereal black to maximise the opportunity to have the spotlight shine on them and thus drink up all the attendant fuel. A disagreement will be provoked with another family member and harsh words exchanged. Over the top blubbing will take place with cries of “Don’t leave me!” as the coffin is lowered. The occasion of death and the attended ceremony provides a wonderful stage to our kind to perform our sick routines to make it all about us, fashioned from the pretence of actually caring. We do not care. We cannot care. We resent the fact that this person has escaped us. We resent the fact that everybody is turning out to pay their respects to the deceased and not training their attention onto us which is where it should belong. Should you ever witness melodrama at a funeral do not mistake it for the exaggerating effects of grief and loss, you are observing one of our kind milking the moment for all it is worth.

That is the response of many of our kind to the loss of a “loved one” or a “close friend” who has passed away after a full life or taken too soon. It is not my response. I have only ever attended one funeral in my life and that was the funeral of my father. I only broke my own protocol to do this as a consequence of the diktat from my mother and also at the behest of my younger brother who begged me to accede to her request so that she would not erupt and undermine the occasion of our father’s death. I duly obliged, just the one, purely in order to satisfy my desires however. I wanted to rein in my mother’s theatrics and watch how she really responded to the death and subsequent committing to another place of my father. You may well have read elsewhere in my works of that particular day. That was the only time that I have attended a funeral and I did it to further my own understanding and in order to loathe in my own private way the way my mother was behaving. That gave me tremendous satisfaction.

Thus, I only broke my protocol of non-attendance once and shall not do so again. Why is it that I will not attend funerals when there is such a prime opportunity to take centre stage and draw greedily on all the available fuel? It is a simple reason enough. I will not attend funerals because I do not wish to be reminded of my own mortality. Like a medieval monarch who stayed away from funerals, even of the preceding monarch and his own wives and offspring, because it would cause others to contemplate the death of the current monarch, something which was treasonable, I too will not attend. I have no desire to contemplate my demise. I do not want to recognise that one day all of this must end for this offends my notion of omnipotence. I do not wish to linger at the edge of the abyss that is life, staring into the nothingness of oblivion. Such is the finality of the mortal end to one’s existence, it engenders and raises the very prospect of that extinction that I fight against each and every day through the acquisition of fuel to maintain my construct and keep myself from being consigned into oblivion. To contemplate a mortal death is to invite the horrifying reality of the extinguishing of who I wish to be and that which I must not let happen.

I do not fear my mortal death for I will have my legacy in place and thus I shall live on through that. No, what I would rather not be reminded of, through the occurrence of the passing of others and the subsequent surrounding ceremony, is that I sometimes teeter on the brink on annihilation. The thought of that fills me with despair, only for myself and therefore I choose not to engage in that which will so forcefully and rudely remind me of it.

I know death embraces all eventually. I am not a foolish man and that is why I have worked to secure my legacy so that I may out stride death.

I care not, save for the loss of my fuel, when its cold hand snuffs out the life of others. Our type does not mourn the death of others. We are unable to do so. We are not equipped to achieve this. Never expect any sincere mourning to ever be evidenced by our kind.

I care not to contemplate what mortal death signifies for me in my ongoing struggle to keep such annihilation at bay.

163 thoughts on “Death

  1. NarcAngel says:

    I don’t see this place as a platform for atheism nor one for belief. It is one of learning about narcissism, and part of that learning is understanding how narcissists view religion and how it can be used as a tool to manipulate and ensnare. This can often spur comment or discussion and (I believe) is allowed (within the rules of course) for purposes of examining how religion and personal belief might play into the narcissist/empath dynamic for some. Comments and opinions are given and they should be understood to be just that – comments and opinions that vary, but with no right or wrong assigned. I see no intent or sanction by HG to have this used as a platform for or against religion, or for purposes of conversion either way. Newcomers, or anyone for that matter need not be concerned.

    1. A Victor says:

      NA, I agree, for me it takes the focus off the reason I am here. I take what I learn away from here and fit it into my own belief system, whatever that may be, and make it work within that in my “real life”. I do see the need for HG to address religion, how narcissists can use and abuse it etc but it is only one aspect of the whole. I don’t have a problem with people sharing their beliefs but I draw the line at myself debating it here, it is too personal to me and also, I am not here for that. I will go to another blog of some sort to do that if it is what I want to do. This may be colored by my desire to avoid conflict but it is also colored by my desire to stay focused and not be in a position of someone trying to convince me of anything, nor do I want to do that to anyone else. If my position is out there, people can ask, if they want to, but I don’t want to discuss it beyond that, not in this place.

    2. Pamela says:

      How cosmopolitan of you. You must have gotten saved from reading the good book.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Heeeere´s Pammmyyy!!

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Woo Hoo!! Party time…..laughing.

        2. Pamela Swain says:

          The cliff fightback? I’m a Jesus girl.


          1. Asp Emp says:

            **Newsflash** Jesus is dead….

        3. Pamela Swain says:

          By the way, you look like a hairy yeti.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            And you look utterly deranged, but I can always shave my legs.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            “ but tomorrow I shall be sober, and you my dear …..”

        4. NarcAngel says:

          Heeeere´s Pammmyyy!!

          Yup. Part of the bakery.

          Highly dense.
          Chock full of nuts and soaked with spirits.
          Occasionally tries to hide it’s spotty and barely held together interior under a layer of icing but is instantly recognizable.
          Kept deep in the back of the kitchen because once a year is enough for most.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Nailed it.

        5. Fool Me 1 Time says:

          Oh HG please don’t shave those legs!!!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Of course not, just making a point to the epsilon semi moron.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Good to know, HG 🙂

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:

        “How cosmopolitan of you. (insult) You must have gotten saved from reading the good book.” (False piousness)

      3. Wendy says:

        Oh for the love of all things civil and “holy!” Please, let’s not insult each other with smart ass comments!

        As we say here in the south…God bless your heart! 😉🙏

        Can’t we all just focus on those hot legs of HG’s! Geez 😍
        Cheers 🥂

        1. Wendy says:

          My comment was directed at Pamela. I though I was gonna get ousted! Lol glad I didn’t.

      4. Violetta says:

        You got rid of the lighthouse gravatar! I’m so proud of you!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha!

          1. Wendy says:

            HG! You are showing your “human, emotional side” with that “haha” whether you know it or not you still belong to this beautiful human race. Fuck your disorder! You are one of us and not a monster! It was never your fault you ended up like this! You are loved and appreciated by so many! Remember that! 🤗💕

          2. Violetta says:


            Pamsy Wamsy is a recurring visitor, known for squawk-splat fly-bys. She has popped up under other names, but still used that tired lighthouse gravatar from some early version of Windows. After flouncing around, shedding moulting feathers and other less printable things, she squawks back out again, invariably promising never to return.

      5. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Here’s Shamela again.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They never go away. Remember that.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            She chose the right blog entry for her reappearing act, aka:The Night of the Living Dead.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            SP, LOL.

        2. Wensical says:

          Violetta, thanks for the heads up. I was hoping I didn’t get a little miffed at a regular who was just joking around. Lol

          1. Wendy says:

            Also, I don’t know where the heck that display came from above that I made about HG being human! Although, it’s very true, that had to be the Prosecco talking! Omg! I really need a life! 😂🥂

  2. Wendy says:

    AV, I’m sure I’m older than HG too but for some reason he seems older to me only because of the wisdom that he has. Def not judging by the sexy legs in his profile picture! If those are actually his, Lol

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They are my legs.

      1. A Victor says:

        This was one of the things I saw debated about you on Quora last night! It made me giggle since your legs and this photo have been a subject of conversation here also. I could tell them you claim they are yours but the naysayers would just say you’re lying again so…there are more important things to discuss I feel. But it was funny to see that mentioned!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They are mine, it is not a claim.

          1. A Victor says:

            Oh dear! I didn’t mean it like that!! I was simply saying I have no proof but what you have said is that they are yours! I, personally, do believe you! And I agree with the common assessment here that they are indeed sexy! I mean, whew, hot sexy!! 😍

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Good recovery

          3. A Victor says:


          4. Asp Emp says:

            And they are nice legs too, HG.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            I know. Thank you. They are my greatest supporters.

          6. Asp Emp says:

            Yes, I know they are too 🙂

          7. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            Hahahahaha AV, pfieuw, that was close!

          8. A Victor says:

            I know! Thought I was toast there for a minute!!

          9. Violetta says:


            And firmly you stand by them.

          10. Duchessbea says:

            Very much agree with the overall opinion here, they are indeed very impressive and incredibly sexy legs.
            We could all do with a little bit more impressing. Any chance the camera could pan at an angle going further upwards. Think of all those delicious comments HG. Your fabulous torso, your gorgeous muscular physique, a deeper look at those edible thighs. We demand more. You cannot tease us like this. Positively salivating here thinking about it. You know you want to.

            PS: this is meant in a friendly manner, as HG knows he teases us all with his beautiful legs on the daily, and is not meant in a sexist or degrading manner towards HG.

          11. HG Tudor says:


          12. Diana Strickland says:

            HG, I don’t doubt that you have amazing, sexy legs. However, you are ever so candid and matter-of-fact about your propensity to lie, lie, lie and protect your anonymity. Therefore, I’m inclined to believe that you’re far too careful to risk posting on a public forum, such far-too-easily recognizable legs and feet. These would be dead giveaways to anyone who knows you in real life. I’m thinking, “What about all those people in that running club you spoke of in your book Revenge?” They surely marveled over your glorious legs and I’m sure there are countless others who’d recognize them. Too risky I’m going to have to call malarky on this one. I think you’re yanking our chains and being cheeky with us. I think you’re hilarious and brilliant. Respect.

          13. HG Tudor says:

            Wrong. Nobody would look at that picture and recognise my legs.

          14. diana7777777777 says:

            I was under the assumption that the HG leg oglers were clicking on the thumbnail and opening a full size image or images. Perhaps my assumption is incorrect. If so, then I see your point.

          15. HG Tudor says:

            There is no image of anything more than the famous HG legs.

          16. A Victor says:

            Diana7777777777, as a full on HG famous legs ogler, believe me when I say that if there was more, we couldn’t handle it!

          17. Truthseeker6157 says:

            “..the famous HG legs.”

            Your legs are famous? Do your legs model?

            I knew a hand model once. He did a lot of hand work.

          18. HG Tudor says:

            No, they do not model, but they could if I so chose.

          19. Asp Emp says:

            Laughing…… I can imagine your legs doing a twirl or two LOL

          20. Truthseeker6157 says:


            Glad you took my comment in the way it was intended. You’re a good sport.

          21. Duchessbea says:

            You spoilsport. Even a little peak at your fabulous torso would satisfy us all. I’m thinking of doing a silent treatment in protest.

          22. HG Tudor says:

            Sulk all you like, you only get given when I decide.

          23. Bubbles says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            How about a new avatar

            your eyes only 👀…. 007 🤣

            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          24. HG Tudor says:

            What are you offering me?

          25. A Victor says:

            Seriously?! Ladies, we need to start a fund!!

          26. Asp Emp says:


          27. Asp Emp says:


          28. Bubbles says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            A challenge
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          29. Asp Emp says:

            Bubbles, that made me laugh…….hmmm, I wonder what you’d ‘devise’;-)

          30. Joa says:

            “Sulk all you like, you only get given when I decide.” – as if I heard “my N”. Well, I can’t just, it turns me internally to these texts! The damn, was immediately clear to me and I made it a point of honor to lead to a situation in which he will writhe and fawn!!! And even though I know it served his purpose, it still takes me on. Aaaaa!!!


            Very nice legs. I don’t like skinny sticks.

            “My N” sent me a lot of pictures of his legs, it seems it was the part of his body he photographed most (he has similar legs). I probably have an overview of most of his panties and pants, also the color HG has, but the blue with white flowers surprised me the most 🙂 My God, I could do the “Men’s Underwear 2020-2021” photo exhibition, ha ha ha 🙂

          31. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Asp Emp,
            Guess we will never know now
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. Wendy says:

        HG, you do realize I only said that to get you to respond. It worked! Lol. I was pretty sure those were your legs. Very nice! 😉

        1. A Victor says:

          And I got in trouble over it! Hahaha!!!

          1. Wendy says:

            AV, too funny!! Do you get the feeling that we are “walking on eggshells” here? Lol! Not with a narcissist! ( said with respect HG)

            And the comment HG just made about his legs. “they are my greatest supporters” too freaking funny! The wit is excellent!

            You’re not in trouble AV. I’m sure my comment to him about purposefully wanting him to respond to me will no doubt leave me without future responses! Lol
            It’s just too good. I need the laughs! Love this place. Thank y’all! Lol

          2. A Victor says:

            Hahaha, “walking on eggshells”, very good! And yes, the wit around here is excellent! I have laughed much since I arrived!

            No, I meant in trouble with HG, he’s way more scary than you are. But, you may be correct, he may give you a silent treatment for a while! 🙄🤣

          3. wensical says:

            Av, lol. Actually, I think HG only gives a silent treatment to those that “ matter” to him so I should be ok. Lol.
            I think he should thank me for sparking all of this positive fuel he is getting about his sexy legs! 😂

          4. A Victor says:

            Oh yes, you are correct about the silent treatments, lucky you!!

            I think he would reserve the credit for those legs and any fuel they might bring his way? Btw, since he has confirmed that they are his, they are his! Everywhere I go, I will state it in this affirmative way, so there is no confusion!

      3. Pamela says:

        Yes, and tan.

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dear Pamela,
          Is that his natural tan or his ethnicity ? …… hmmm mmm 🤔
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    2. A Victor says:

      Haha, every time I think about that image I picture NA crawling up from the toes! You’ll have to look back at some old comments to understand that one probably. But it makes me giggle every time! They are sexy, gotta give him that!!

    3. Joa says:

      Wendy, it is completely irrelevant if you are over 30+ years old.

      As narcissist number 1 told me recently when he was playing a young man and I reminded him that he too had grown old for 17 years: “An old guy is always better than an old woman” Ha ha ha They are insolent 😊

      1. Wendy says:

        Joa,I could just hear my ex saying the same thing. In fact, true story. We were talking one day about the future and for some reason the question was asked “ So, would you stay with me if my physical appearance changed?” I asked him. His response “ don’t get fat and don’t let your face get too wrinkled or scarred, then I probably won’t leave.” Lolol. He then proceeded to tell me I should fill the bathroom with all kinds of face creams and body lotions to avoid that from happening. He also said “ not because I think you look bad but it will only be trouble for me because younger women will be hitting on me.” Red freaking flag number 25!! Still stayed! Ugh 🤦‍♀️ Ya just can’t make this stuff up. Lol

        1. Joa says:

          Wendy, terrible! The first narcissist sometimes spoke similarly when we were together. At the same time, he also spoke the opposite. Ble, I feel disgusted.

          If I could get to this point with a second N…

          I would be free. But he’s smarter. Unfortunately. He knows he has to run instead of chasing me.


          HG legs topic – great! I laughed 🙂 Thank you 🙂

          1. Wendy says:

            Joa, glad you laughed! 😊

  3. Kel says:


    I meant to mention in my first reply to you just a couple of more things.

    I’ve always said that HG was a Godsend to me. He may not see it that way, but he was an answer to my prayers because I was trying for years to figure out the Narc I was with, and HG gave me the answers. He opened my eyes to a world I didn’t know existed. He has also summed up what 2 Matthews 3 said, “Have nothing to do with those people “, with his compact “GOSO”.

    Also in that scripture quoted in my first reply, in Matthew it says, “having a form of Godliness, but denying its power” – that’s referring to the narcissists and others who are fakes in the Church, who are there for their own facade and preying- not praying- and who misrepresent God and steer people away from him.

    When I was with my Narc, I was so immersed in thoughts about him that even when I prayed, my mind would wonder to him and I would include him in my prayers. Narcissists do distract us from God.

    I’m still dealing with narcissists in the world, there’s really nowhere you can go where it gets any better, but having the knowledge from this site is adequate protection against the new coworkers you have now and all the new ones you meet after you Goso the original ones. Viva this site because it’s always nice to come back to it for a refresher.

    1. Empath007 says:

      Hello Kel. Thanks for your thoughtful reply, sorry I am only seeing this now. Yes narcissits have a way of evading our senses at every level. I’m thankful for HG as well ! I’m also thankful I was intelligent and brave enough to see the truth for what it actually is and not what I had previously believed/ or wanted it to be. I think we all deserve credit on this site for understanding sometimes things aren’t as they seem – and for having the courage to use the tools provided to us. All the best in your healing journey and if God helps give you strength I think everyone should use what works well for them !

    2. Wendy says:

      Hi Kel,

      Thank you for saying this and it is exactly how I felt when I was with the narcissist. I honestly very soon into it knew that he was attempting to portray his own form of godliness and the scripture you mention is so accurate in the warning of these types of people.

      I attempted to talk to him several times about my faith and why I believe the way I did and this angered him not because he thought I was trying to convert him (which I wasn’t) but because he could not have the same power that God had. His response to me was “if you tell me He is my God and father then why did He make me lower than him!” That is not a good father and He is not welcome here!”

      It angered him that he was not on the level as the creator of the universe! 😳

      He “knew” there was a creator he just “denied” the power and authority and subsequently rejected Him out of pride, envy, and arrogance.

      Sound familiar? “ Proverbs 16:18 declares, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

      Lucifer was the brightest and most beautiful of the angels. The love he had for himself was so great that he believed he should be equal to God. My ex’s statement pretty much the same!

      I agree that HG is a Godsend! God uses the most interesting of situations and the least likely people sometimes to bring us discernment of a situation for our own protection and to be a help to others!

      HG may not believe in a creator but that doesn’t mean he isn’t being used to do mighty and wonderful things for the creator’s own purposes. What has been used for evil is now being used for good and whether or not HG “cares” if we are being helped or not is irrelevant to God, lol. If that is not beautiful irony nothing is. It is an amazing thing!

      Thanks again for your comments and thank you HG for being a help to so many in need of the knowledge and truth about narcissism because you really cannot find it elsewhere. Thanks also for allowing us to communicate thru your blog!! I’m grateful! 😊🙏

      1. Kel says:

        Hi Wendy,

        You are spot on! Thank you so much for your comments. It’s nice to read and hear from someone else who sees the truth, and who has such a positive outlook on everything.

        It’s important for readers to separate the gratefulness we have and the likability of HG from the fact that he is a self-proclaimed psychopathic narcissist after all. He’s done a lot of bad things and told us about it, and I don’t remember reading that he’s ever stopped doing them. Learn from him, enjoy his wittiness, but don’t agree with his perspective all the time, I’m sure none of us want to be or think like a psychopath narcissist. Ted Bundys GF and daughter living with him, had no idea he wasn’t a nice, great guy.

        To believe or not to believe really is a choice we all make either consciously or by default from our lifestyle. I do think narcissists know what they are down deep, and just overlook it- sweep it under the rug- out of sight, out of mind, and it’s so hard for them to humble themselves to anyone, let alone to God. I kind of think there are narcissists who, though they can’t change themselves, believe in God and purposely manage to follow Him. If it’s that they feel they are more special to God than others or if they truly believe in His ways and strive to follow Him. I really wonder if Mr Rogers was one, as his wife said he wasn’t an angel at home, but I think he strived to fight his narcissism, and his last words were, Am I a sheep? I could be wrong, but I saw some flags in his personal life that made me wonder. If it’s true, it would make him that much more remarkable.

        I’m glad you’re on this site, letting your light shine, this world would be dark without that. Best wishes!

        1. Wendy says:

          Kel, thank you! I’m glad you are here also! I’m gonna keep my response short and sweet to your nice response.

          My sister in Christ: : Amen and Amen! ! Hallelujah and praise be to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob! To His name be the glory forever and ever amen! 🤗💕🙏🙏😊

        2. k mac says:

          What? Not Mr Rogers 😔

          1. A Victor says:

            That’s what I said too. 🙁

      2. Kel says:


        Just reading my reply to you, and finding it a bit boring, especially next to the HG’s legs funny comments. I wrote it quickly one morning just before racing off to work, and had been wondering- what was that I said about HG and mentioning Ted Bundy – lol, I’m not sure what that was about. Apologies to HG for that.

        I don’t want to come off as overly religious sounding either, and know there’s many readers here who believe, and are smart and savvy about this site. Apologies to the readers if I sounded authoritative. Mr Rogers was just always an interesting thought to me, but didn’t belong on this comment.

        Anyway, thanks for your kind comments, and I am glad you’re on this site adding your positive perspective.

      3. A Victor says:

        My mother used that verse, along with others, in her abuse of us, and in her inflation of herself. I think it is where her Victim showed back then, she was the ever humble, perfect but put-upon person. The rest of us of course were prideful. I am so thankful for the Super element that I have, I believe it is what saved me from buying into her lies.

  4. Wendy says:

    Truthseeker615 and Empath007, I love both of your comments and it is such a good conversation to have with civility and with love/respect. We are all a creation by someone or something and our beliefs and thoughts are precious and should be valued by all I believe. Whether we call ourselves religious, spiritual, or whatever else we want, we are still valuable and magnificent in design.

    I hope that I did not make anyone feel like I was being judgmental or unkind. I am not in any position to be that towards another human! I believe in the God of the Bible because my understanding of this faith gives me hope and makes the most sense to me. None of us really know without a doubt what the afterlife will be and the truth is that one day after we take our last breath the mystery will be solved.

    Truth seeker, I can see why you call yourself that!! Your thoughts on the subject are very interesting and thought provoking for me! See how each of us have that ability to take things to another level of thought and inquisition? It’s a good thing and I’m happy to learn the views of others on this platform.

    Empath007, I do not find you to be cold at all. You are who you are and your beliefs are yours and should be respected. Thanks for your comments.

    Also, in response to contagious: I have the same heart that you do about the narcissist. My heart still even after all of it, goes back and mourns for this man that I feel is broken and in need of something that as a human I could never give or be able to fix. Nor was it ever my place to fix. My heart will break for him until the day I die! And for all narcissists for that matter.

    I feel like a just gave a Grammy thank you speech! 😂

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:


      Thank you for your response. Your Grammy comment made me chuckle!

      Couldn’t agree more. It is lovely to share personal thoughts and ideas and have them considered by others in a respectful way. Not at all, I didn’t read anything judgemental in your comment at all, just someone expressing beliefs they hold dear.

      The thing with faith is that it is personal and anything so personal should be respected in its honesty as you say. I enjoyed reading your comments. People who do have faith have a self assurance about them, which I find comforting, calming, something I admire.


      1. Wendy says:

        TS6157, thank you. 😊💕

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:


          Thank you too 😘


          1. wensical says:


      2. psychologyandworldaffairs says:

        TS, I had to go and look up Sikhism = wow explains some of my dreams. Kinda comforting to know I am not isolated in my thoughts 😉 haha my ears are burning…

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:


          Thank you for looking it up, that’s really nice! It’s a really interesting religion. It appears to me to be very much about treating people as equals. A case of “I don’t care where you come from, I don’t care which religion you subscribe to, I’m just glad you are here.” The interconnectedness aspect of it really appeals to me also.


          1. WiserNow says:

            TS6157 and Psychology,

            I saw your conversation about Sikhism as a religion and wanted to add some of my own experiences to it. Hope you don’t mind me doing that 🙂

            The men who follow Sikhism wear turbans and are usually from Indian or Sri Lankan descent etc. They wear turbans to cover their hair, because they don’t cut their hair or shave, due to a belief that by not cutting their hair, they are respecting what their ‘God’ has created. (On a side note, I can imagine what HG would think about that, seeing that he gets a haircut every three weeks! haha)

            It could be that not all men who follow the Sikh religion adhere to this particular aspect of it, however, the wearing of a turban makes it easy to spot any men who do.

            In my country, there are various starkly different examples that can be seen regarding this particular group in society – and it’s fairly easy to see who they are because of their turbans.

            On one side, there have been groups of Sikh people in the community who have banded together to donate and help distribute food and other essentials to people in remote areas who could not travel far because of lockdown restrictions and other hardships during Covid19. These Sikh groups have been regarded as truly helpful and valued members of their communities.

            On the other hand, there are plenty of doctors and dentists etc, wearing turbans while driving luxury cars and living in wealthy areas. I actually went to such a dentist about ten years ago or so. He tried to convince me I needed a root canal and crown on a tooth that wasn’t painful and hasn’t bothered me to this day.

            There are Sikh temples here too and the custom is that on particular weekends, the temples provide hot meals to those who visit. I’m not sure exactly how or why or who is ‘invited’ because I’ve never actually attended myself. I believe the theory is based on inclusiveness and charity for anyone who needs a meal and/or company, which is an altruistic ideal.

            I wouldn’t be surprised though, if quite a few of the visitors to these temple feasts are wealthy men who want to socialise with their male friends while the ‘little woman’ is at home looking after the kids and cleaning the house.

            In some cases, this could be because – generally – the social customs in regions such as India and Sri Lanka have a ‘social caste’ mentality where wealth signifies ‘superiority’, which means that there logically follows a need for someone else in an inferior or ‘servant’ role. These beliefs may not show up when these people live in other foreign societies as an obvious or blatant attitude, however, I think it is still there even if it’s subtle or even denied.

            Sikhism, like any religion, does have admirable and socially altruistic beliefs, however, the reality of what the followers actually do or don’t do in real life is still the same as any other religion.

            I found your conversation interesting in relation to religion and wanted to add some of my own observations.

    2. Empath007 says:

      Sorry I’m only seeing this now Wendy ! Thank you for your kind reply. I completely agree that we can accept each other’s differences of opinions without belittling the other persons opinion. I think if the church provides someone with something that benefits their life then they should absolutely do that ! And with the same token, I think it’s OK that I don’t subscribe to it to live my life.

      I wish you all the best on your healing journey from the abuse your narc put you through. We are all in the same
      Boat here, the same team !

      1. Wendy says:

        Empath007, absolutely the same team! The winning team! 🤗💕

  5. Chihuahuamum says:

    Narcissist’s are atheists because they’re their own god. They don’t believe in a higher power because that’d be giving up control. That’s not to say all athiests are narcissists. The narcissists that claim to believe in a higher power don’t. It’s all a facade.
    I respect people’s right to their beliefs. I do believe in an afterlife and a higher power.

    1. A Victor says:

      Thank you for this comment Chihuahuamum, I’m just seeing it now but I think I agree and I think I needed to see it in black and white like this.

  6. Joe Rogan says:

    I had some long and lengthy thoughts on a different article … but something wasn’t working properly in Chrome, then I realized how many cookies your tracking…. which seems kind of unnecessary, but it’s been awhile since I’ve programmed a website.

    Definitely makes me contemplate charging for my thoughts.. lol

    You do a good job dangling the carrot, while we just put the contents of our brain on your platter. A Narcissist will be a Narcissist I suppose.

    Thanks HG
    Definitely got the brain thinking

  7. mike tyson says:

    What if I told you, no one really dies?

    Then what if I asked you… what’s worse, dying or never dying?

  8. Liza says:

    I got the occasion to witness the reaction of a narcissist to the death of their IPPS, and it was ugly. Last year my maternal uncle died from a heart attack, at a relatively young age, and his wife who is your typical midrange narcissist; dramatic, manipulative, always the victim, always hard done to, and lies as easily as she breathes, mad a spectacle i’v never seen before.

    I understand that losing a husband and especially in such an unexpected way, is shocking and traumatic, even if she is a narcissist and doesn’t love him in the conventional meaning of the word, from her perspective, losing her main source of fuel must have been very painful, I totally get that, and by no means am I trying to invalidate her pain, what I just can’t forgive her, is how she reacted in front of her 4 years old daughter.

    When I arrived there, it was the 2nd day since my uncle dyed, and she was crying and screaming and in a crazy fashion, and her 4 years old daughter was in her lap, she didn’t get what is happening and was visibly terified. With my cousin, we were literally begging her for nearly an hour to let us take the child away, but she was gripping her and screaming ” i want her to see, i want her to remember” when she finally let us take her out, the poor child was livid, we spent the whole afternoon trying to make her play or smile but she was completely unresponsive until very late in the evening. I know it is presumptuous of me to decide that i have the right to blame or forgive her, but i can’t help it, i blame her for that particular point, I can understand that she was shocked, but I can’t understand that she wanted a 4 years old little girl to witness such a moment.

  9. Violetta says:

    “I have not written my will yet; and how to leave my property I cannot determine. I wish I could annihilate it from the face of the earth.” – Emily Bronte

    Where have you described your father’s funeral, HG?

  10. Bubbles says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    My mum constantly looks like ‘death warmed up’
    She’s always dressed in either ‘turd brown’ 😂 (thanks Mr Tudor) or ’50 shades of grey’ with scarey red bloodshot eyes (she keeps forgetting to use her eye drops)
    Mum has wardrobes and wardrobes full of clothes and colours and alternates between the two most drab colours. Go figure !
    Whenever I’ve tried to ‘enhance’ her, she reverts back to morbidsville ……I stopped trying.
    Mum talks of death….. on one hand, “just gimme a pill to end it “, then in her next breath… “I plan to live to 100”
    Sheesh, you just cant win !!!!!! 🤣
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  11. Wendy says:

    You will attend another funeral, your own. I don’t like them either and do not attend most of them because I cannot bear to see the person that I knew once so vibrant with life and feeling, lifeless and cold. It is something very strange to see a lifeless body no longer filled with animation and feelings. It brings about a bit of horror actually. Contemplating what it will be like to draw that last breathe is very unsettling. It brings me to a place of finality that I do not want to accept. Except for the hope that I have for my afterlife and the belief that although my body will die to this existence I have a soul that will transcend this natural world. A belief in an eternity that I believe will no doubt continue after I draw the last physical breath. I believe in God. The eternal infinite creator and giver of life. My body will die but the soul that is who I really am will be set free into an everlasting eternal existence. So, death to me is of my physical body but my soul will never know death. It cannot, because my God has promised me everlasting life in Him. I pray and wish everyone knew and accepted this truth. But, they don’t and will not. We all will travel that road one day and we will all either discover death to be permanent and the end or we will discover it is just the beginning of a new life everlasting and eternal. I place my hope in the latter.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I won’t attend my funeral, my body will be in space and those that remain will do as prescribed down below.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        That’s why I believe it’s so important to enjoy the life we’re living now. It would suck hard to miss out on many of life’s experiences due to fear of judgement only to discover it didn’t matter and we’ve all come to the same end.

      2. NarcAngel says:

        Do you anticipate that you will experience being in space prior to your death?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do, NA. I have been close previously but not quite what is defined as space.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            Having been made aware of your interest in the celestial from the Knowing HG series, I thought of you during the recent Branson/Bezos space flights. More specifically, how exciting the thought and possibility now that you might experience it in your life time. I hope that you do.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you, tasty piece of ever presence there NA!

      3. Wendy says:

        Are you sending your body into space?! Wow, cool! If you go before us we will keep an eye out for you up there and try to send up some fuel for the master ultra! 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I will be keeping an eye on all of you from above, thus no change from normal.

          1. Wendy says:

            That is comforting! Please keep us away from any more narcissist encounters other than yours. You can haunt us, we won’t mind! Lol

          2. Violetta says:

            Just don’t make us follow your beckoning spectre to Top Withens. Too much ankle-deep sheep poo and knee-deep bogs. Also, insects flying up one’s nose. So romantic.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            You will be neck deep in doo doo where I am taking you.

          4. Violetta says:

            HG: neck deep in doo-doo? Are you affiliated with Miss Minchin’s Select Seminary for Young Yuppies? Or Wannabe Playuh-Narc?

          5. k mac says:

            Looking down on us from above you mean? 🤭

      4. WiserNow says:


        “I won’t attend my funeral, my body will be in space and those that remain will do as prescribed down below.”

        I’m curious, can you please explain what you mean by “my body will be in space”?

        Also, what will be prescribed to those ‘down below’ and who will do the prescribing?

        I swear HG, these cryptic comments you tend to make wreak havoc on my truthseeker trait …

      5. Empath007 says:

        That sounds like you believe you will go to heaven.., and naturally dethrone the almighty …. but you never struck me as a religious man HG.

        Most people think I’m cold when I state my opinion on death – but truthfully I have no problem with the fact I will either rot or be burned – gone and forgotten. We live then we die- No heaven, no hell, no reincarnation- humans just make up these things to help ease the anxiety of death and believe they will live on – they won’t.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I can be religious if I need to be, however the fact is when our physical form stops functioning, that is it. Game over.

          1. Empath007 says:

            I’ve always been able to insert myself in religious groups as well –
            Mostly because I view their beliefs as so unrealistic they do not offend me – and I don’t mind if people need to believe in something, I just personally do not have that need. I agree it’s game over once we’re dead. Legacy is possible though – that’s an achievable goal. It’s just (for me personally) I don’t feel as though I need to leave one. That’s not to say my life will have had no meaning – but it’s meaning will live on in those who truly loved me.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Fair comment.

          3. Kel says:

            It is true HG as you said that when the physical form stops functioning, that’s it, it’s game over. Those who don’t believe in God, don’t seek Him or want Him, it’s true that for them it will be game over, that’s it.
            I remember years ago you said on the blog that contrary to popular belief you actually did believe there was a God, and it was better to cover all bases for afterlife, lol.
            But you also said you believe God created you to test our faith in Him.
            Nevertheless, you’re right, if you don’t believe or find Him, it is game over. I honestly think God should obliterate us all, mankind seems to be a failed experiment. But I’m grateful to have found God, and I long to be lucky enough to live in a world someday that has no narcissism in it. I’m not saying a narcissist wouldn’t make it to Heaven, but I do think narcissism in Heaven is what started all of this saga of time and this life on Earth. It would be so much more interesting to see what life would be like in a world that didn’t have distorted narcissism, gaslighting, smearing, hating, raging – and without us having to understand what’s wrong with this person and having to tiptoe around them and goso. So yes, at the end of life, some will goso for good – by their own choice. God’s very much alive and active, and it’s true – seek and ye shall find- it’s that simple- but just because you don’t know Him, because you never wanted to find Him, doesn’t mean He’s not there. In the end, you’re either a sheep or a goat, maybe wolves get special attention, lol. When you don’t have a conscience, but God still likes you, maybe he gives you a heart and sends you to Heaven. Those of us who do have a conscience, do we have more responsibility for our actions or do we get to blame it on the narcissists in the world that distracted us from God and drove us crazy?

          4. Violetta says:


            It’s the Beowulf method: you kill Grendels and dragons while you’re alive, settle feuds so people don’t off each other the minute you’re cold, and your tomb is a lighthouse to keep your sailors safe long after you’re dead.
            Unfortunately, in Beowulf’s case, his people fuck it all up, but at least he has his reputation, via a single manuscript.
            But what about all the people whose stories we never know?
            I need there to be a God, to keep track of all the unsung heroes. Even more than to punish the villains who got away with it. How can we stay moral when nobody gives a shit? Aren’t the people with consciences fools and suckers?
            Look at the presumed suicide of Major General Matthew Holmes. In addition to his military exploits, his men say he was kind to ordinary Afghanis. But without his position and his marriage, he probably felt like a failure.

          5. psychologyandworldaffairs says:

            Interesting – I am spiritual but not religious. I would say agnostic. I believe in everything but nothing. I like travelling the thought highways to infinite possibilities. I love how it spurs my creativeness.

            Maybe it is game over – or maybe our energy transcends into a different plane of existence – just as our atoms scatter to forge into others lifeforms….

            Always found the subject fascinating 😉

        2. Wendy says:

          Empath007 good thought and I will add that humans also choose to believe that when they die it is the end to help ease the anxiety that if the Bible is true then they will have to stand before an almighty just God who will indeed judge each one of us according to His rules and standards not our own. I personally think you have to have more faith to be an atheist than a Christian or any other faith. The proof for atheism is much less than Christianity. But, we all have the choice and I think it’s great we all have our opinions and beliefs. It makes us all unique and diverse. We can all agree to disagree. 😊

          1. Wendy says:

            Kel, well said!! 👏“Narcissism in heaven IS what started all of this saga of time and this life on earth.” I completely agree with your view. Like I said in my comment, I believe it takes more faith to be an unbeliever because the evidence for creation outweighs the other “ theories” so I will place my bet on creation and a loving God! But, saying this I do not disrespect as I’m sure you do not either, anyone’s alternative views. We all have that right still ( I think!) And the actions of a person and how they live speak volumes more than words! It’s the daily living not the “ Bible thumping” because even Satan knows the Bible! There is also a big difference in NOT believing in God altogether and knowing in your heart He exists but then rejecting Him like my ex narc did. He also had a fascination with the celestial and would play those videos every night before going to sleep. To me, looking out into the most amazing solar system with everything there is to see so wonderfully and magnificent there is no way I don’t believe in God! Thanks for your comments it was really appreciated. 🙏😊

          2. Empath007 says:

            Thanks for sharing Wendy – I have no anxiety about meeting God or the Devil, I also don’t consider myself an atheist due to the fact I do not hate the church or would put any time or energy into trying to make people not be religous. I am not a spiritual being in any sense. I believe it’s simple – we live then we die. I see it as a fact. I know I come across as cold, most people think my opinion is strange – but I don’t have a hate of religion, I have many religious friends. Occasionally my religous friends can not accept that I’m not religous, and that’s OK. Loosing their friendship won’t make me chase religion. They are able to do as they wish and so am I.

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi Wendy,

            I am not religious. If I was going to subscribe to a faith, I would choose Sikhism. I identify closest with those teachings. No other faith or culture is left out in the cold. One God, God being present in everyone, give to charity but honestly, not as means to score points, all are welcome in the gurudwara. Giving features strongly but in a non materialistic way. There is an interconnectedness that runs through that faith, to each other, animals, nature and god. The practices reflect that. So, on balance I can relate closely to that particular religion.

            I still struggle with the concept of a god or a creator as such, yet can’t quite rule it out. There is too much detail in the world for it all to have evolved by chance. As far as what happens when we die, I don’t believe in a pre created heaven or hell. You get in or you don’t get in, you go up or you go down. Good deeds and bad deeds placed in a balance whilst an unknown being judges us worthy or unworthy against a set of balancing criteria known only to him. That sounds very narcissistic to me. In fact, I think you would struggle to find something more narcissistic. The cynic in me isn’t surprised by that. It’s likely that the individuals that created and drew up these teachings to control the masses would indeed be narcissists. Or psychopaths. Or both. So I have an issue with the concept of God as a judge and jury. I think if God is anywhere or anything, he’s likely my own conscience.

            I don’t believe that’s it when we die though. So here I kind of contradict myself. I believe I am more than a physical body of cells, blood and bones. That’s not what makes me me. The body is a physical representation or carrier of the important part. The spirit or the soul that is me. If medical science could replace every single part of me that went wrong with a mechanical replacement, at what point would I cease to be me and become man made? I think part of that would be based on my ability to interact with my environment and the way that environment interacted with me. My ability to connect. What am I connecting to exactly?

            I’m not solely my body. I’m my mind / soul / spirit in a body. I am more like energy than matter. Energy isn’t destroyed, it just converts. Would destroying my body destroy my energy too? I don’t think it would. Most energy is invisible apart from the visible part of light. If my soul is invisible or, not tangible, that doesn’t mean that that energy doesn’t exist. Chinese medicine is based on energy as well as biology. People who experience childhood trauma are three times more likely to experience poor health in adulthood. If the mind is in distress then the body also shows signs of stress. There is a provable link. So we have to be more than biological matter. I think the soul, spirit, essence of us is energy that links in to the physical body, surroundings, other people, other creatures and the environment. A collective consciousness in a way.

            Empaths are a prime example of that. We are affected by world events, natural disasters. We take comfort in nature, tend towards connecting with others and with animals. Energy that is of itself that also connects outside of itself.

            Narcissists are fully impacted by environment and the energy of others. Words are just words. It isn’t words the narcissist is after. Proximate fuel has less potency than text or non proximate fuel. Why? It has to be energy. The emotion is the same. The words could be written and carry the same sentiment as if they were spoken face to face. They don’t though, because the energy can’t be felt by the narcissist. He doesn’t interpret and convert that sentiment into energy in the same way that we as empaths might.

            Emotions are non tangible, you can’t see them, many of them we can’t even fully describe, so you have to feel them. Emotions therefore must carry energy. Empaths describe a feeling of being ‘drained’ (of energy) through negative world events or sometimes other people. You could argue that the narcissist doesn’t need kind words, kind gestures, harsh words, harsh gestures. The narcissist needs energy, positive or negative, either works. The empath needs energy too but takes it from alternative sources, seemingly she has more connections. In this sense the reference to narcissists as energy vampires is correct in many ways. Vampires is unfair. Energy deficient might be more accurate. “Narcissism is very adept at conserving energy.” That would make sense, if an individual was unable to self power / self fuel from alternative sources other than direct interaction with other people / energy sources.

            I appear to have wandered off again! In terms of belief I can’t say I have it figured out. There’s enough for me to believe that it isn’t quite game over when we die though. What dies is simply biological. No one knows what happens to the energy that is the soul, essence, that makes us who we are.

          4. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Correction. *Proximate fuel has more potency than non proximate fuel or text.* I knew there was something up with the comment just didn’t spit it on the first pass!

          5. Joa says:

            TS, it’s amazing. It’s a similarity.

            It’s so stupid to me keep writing this, your thoughts are so similar to mine.

            I could subscribe to your words.

            Energy. Circulating, wandering energy – people, animals, plants, perhaps also objects. We are all energy. This thought is closest to me. One energy broken into quadrillions existences.

            Funny that a few months ago we talked about the same with “my” narcissist 🙂

          6. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Joa,

            Yes, we do seem to be very aligned in the way we look at things, particularly the more intuitive ideas. I get a very clear sense of you when you write, like we are tuned in to the same channel. I think we might share a Contagion element. 😊


          7. Joa says:

            TS, you’re starting to open up, right? I can see after you write. I’m very happy about this. Step by step. Don’t be afraid of wounds. They are part of life. This is the life. Every moment of happiness, every smile, are worth the bills issued afterwards (Although, narcissists issue really enormous bills. What courage! What an exorbitant valuation! :)). Even if it was a scam, your happiness was real.

            In fact, each of us is alone. It is not worth running away from this thought, it must be tamed. We can only “touch”, we can only intertwine. Sometimes it’s so close. So close…

            I still have to wait, but I have no doubts, that I will go into it again, much harder and harder. If it is possible, it is almost crazy 🙂

            I am not afraid of bills for this happiness. When I feel lucky, life pulses through my veins. When I feel unhappy, life runs through my veins. I fly and take inspiration, and everything is radiant.

            Malaise, emptiness – this is the end of the road. Death in life. Unfortunately, I basked in it for a while. Dead.

            “My” narcissist told me: “Nothing is forever. I am now. Take advantage of it.” I think the same. So I took advantage. And I am grateful for this moment of repetition, for this reminder, for this resurrection … for this farewell 🙁 (Even if there is contact, I do not think we will be able to “touch” yet, there will only be dead washings, rotting feces, I’ll finally get it out of my yard).

            Now I have a taste for more and a little longer 🙂 I will worry about the possible bill later 🙂 It’s great, if you could do without bills on both sides.

            Meanwhile, I intertwine with the people around me 🙂

          8. Truthseeker6157 says:


            Opening up, that’s a real tough one for me. I have opened up here on this blog far more than I would do ordinarily. There are many reasons for that. Primarily, the people here understand. The empaths get it, HG gets it if he reads into our thoughts, which I don’t think he does always, due to time constraints, but when he does, he definitely recognises where the thoughts originate. Sheer exposure to us all I think!

            In real life, I don’t think many people do get me, so I tend not to bother confiding or trying to explain my feelings. There’s just no point. There is an element of raising walls too though. I’ll admit that. If I’m upset, confused, hurt, the walls come up immediately. Similar to HG’s fortress, though mine look more like a dome. Me in the centre, everyone else outside. Sometimes raising the walls is conscious, I visualise a lot, can almost see the thick glass colour itself in around me. Other times it’s automatic, instinctive, I just realise they are up.

            I have had a bad couple of days. A trip that should have been good turned bad. My walls are up now. I carry on, I’m worried, saddened and now have more things to think about and more decisions to make, but no one would know. On the outside, all is well, flawless. I’m struggling on the inside. So, opening up, yes and no.

            I recognise that melancholic side in you. The idea that it’s better to feel, even if it hurts, than to simply exist and feel nothing at all. I can’t disagree with you there. I’ve mentioned elsewhere on the blog that on days where interactions have been mundane or simply transactional I’ll often use a playlist of music to dip my mood. I am very sensitive to music ( Contagion element) so I can use it to feel something if everything seems bland. I very much understand what you mean by being willing to pay a bill for feeling a connection or feeling happiness.

            It irritates me though that the connection with the narcissist that we think we feel, isn’t real. It’s a need in us that works through the addiction to feed in to an illusion. They put in the bare bones, the real illusion comes through us, powered by that desire to connect and to feel. We create, the beauty comes from us not the narcissist, they just provide the canvas. That’s it, that’s all they got. So for me, they aren’t worth the bill. What they are selling isn’t tangible, flaky paint covering rotting wood. If I am to feel something, I want it to be real.

            I do remember the taste of the addiction to my narcissist. I recall the pull in my chest. It’s very very real. The emotions were real, my laughter was real and my sadness was real. All of it was real apart from one part. The narcissist.

            I do see what you mean, I do remember how it feels. I am just not willing to allow my emotions to be used anymore.


          9. Leigh says:

            TS, I’m sorry to hear your trip wasn’t a good one and your subsequent sadness about it. I’m also sorry you find yourself in a place where you have to make some decisions. I know how difficult that can be. I don’t believe in God or religion either. I do believe in the power of positive thoughts though. Although that’s probably that pesky “hope” thing that empaths carry. I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you and hoping that the decision comes easy for you.

            I wanted to also jump in about my wall. My wall its a brick wall. Sometimes it shoots up high sometimes its a brick here and brick there. Even before I found Mr. Tudor and learned about narcissism, I had a brick wall. Every once in a while, one of the bricks would crack and the narcissist would get back in. On another thread, they are talking about attachment styles. It almost coincides with this thread. The wall helps us to avoid attachment. At least, for me it does.

          10. NarcAngel says:

            “It’s a need in us that works through the addiction to feed in to an illusion. They put in the bare bones, the real illusion comes through us, powered by that desire to connect and to feel. We create, the beauty comes from us not the narcissist, they just provide the canvas.”

            Yup. That’s why I believe and previously gave my (unpopular to some) opinion that we have choice. We can choose to examine the illusion honestly for any part we may have (unconsciously) played in it in order to learn from the experience and avoid it in future, or we can continue to feed into the illusion by choosing to believe that we were/are powerless to some magical power and hold they have over us and hope for change. If we find we have contributed then it stands to reason that we can learn to withdraw those (previously unconscious) contributions. I refuse to give narcissists all the credit. I don’t see identifying any part I had in it as accepting blame. I see it as empowerment and choosing to seize that power for change.

            I’m sorry to read that you are experiencing some bad days due to a recent trip. May they be quickly overtaken by thoughts of a pleasant (and yet to be taken) subsequent trip of your planning.

          11. Joa says:

            TS, people here are no different than in the real world. If you lower your guard, they lower theirs. If you give yourself, they give back the same and even more.

            Once, I also had thick walls, I ran away into fiction. I still think, it’s a great defense system to have a beautiful, stable world of my own. But everything in moderation, so as not to lose yourself … in yourself.

            Now, on the contrary, I throw my guts out, invite you to contact me or attack, I know immediately who I am dealing with. When someone attacks, I often agree with them or open up even more. They are completely lost in it, they are surprised, they are losing ground. I like to watch it. As if they were trying to sniff me, but couldn’t sense, as if they couldn’t believe it was real, so then they come up with caution, kindness. Some people soak in immediately or after a short time and we catch the wave 😊 Contrary to appearances, complete honesty is a better form of defense than building walls. It completely confuses the insincere. They don’t know what to attack. They are afraid, it will backfire again.

            Too much confiding in or dragging out your feelings doesn’t really make sense. Everyone has their listening endurance. Everyone also has their own dose of selfishness and their own phrase to say. I dose myself in portions, adjusting the content of portions to the interests of the listener and the degree of his endurance.

            Glass walls and a central position – very typical of narcissists. That’s why I’m drawn to you 😊 I like to smash and dig those damn walls and domes so much.

            Journey – it happens, especially when you have expectations and hopes. Bad – sometimes it all depends on perception, well-being. What seems bad to you now, you can fondly remember in 3 years. What initially seemed beautiful turns out to be bitter.

            Perhaps because of my masochistic tendencies – I feel such strong emotions in suffering, that the fact of this intensity, after some time brings with it some bizarre kind of happiness, and sometimes even euphoria – an energy bomb. Or maybe it’s the fact, that I know that if I am at the bottom, there is a strong rebound and I fly again 😊

            I have the impression that narcissus provides me with much more than just a canvas – also brushes, paints, landscapes and myself as a model. He forces me to paint 😊

            I still disagree with that. What I feel is real. What I experienced was beautiful. It is a pity that it has been torn down, but I will not regret it forever and despair. I am happy with what was great FOR ME. The rest becomes irrelevant in retrospect.
            I catch happy moments. The rest to the capsule and circulate in the distance.

            Oh yeah, chest pull – I can still feel it as soon as I delve into the memories. Then I crush my back as if I wanted to stop and I often cross my arms. Sometimes I yell: “Aaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!” ha ha ha 😊 I’m not kidding, I am writing for real. It helps, but you have to take a good look around to make sure there is no one there and no one will hear you. The best is a car and an empty road. I recommend 😊

            On the contrary. I am happy to express my emotions. I want them to be used. As much as possible. I don’t want to strangle them.
            I am very happy to release. I’d go crazy, if I had this inside me. Even if they are badly worn or damaged, it’s ok. I don’t care about the loss of overproduction 😊

            Using me doesn’t scare me. I am sad that the other side does not reflect, does not resonate, that it does not feel it ☹ It is the engine of life.

            I guess I started taking life less seriously. I accept, what it brings. I don’t despair so much for what disappears anymore. Sad, but I have no influence on it, so I go on. Guess, who taught me this? 😊


            And now the most important thing! What song do you like best in your happy moments and what do you use for misfortune? I’m curious 😊

          12. psychologyandworldaffairs says:

            Hi TS,

            Wanted to say your thoughts resonate with me also – could very well be my own. Thank you for sharing 🙂

          13. Truthseeker6157 says:


            I totally agree. I look at it very similarly. You have summed up my thoughts during a conversation I was having with K mac on the Victim or Volunteer thread this morning. I don’t see myself as either, not now. I described myself as unaware before this blog but fully aware now.

            Aware suggests that I don’t have to allow a repeat of the past, but instead I am provided with the understanding of how to move forward. Empowerment is exactly what it is.

            To your point about my trip. Thank you. You have a knack of knowing exactly what to say to me.


          14. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Psychology,

            I’m glad my thoughts resonated with you. Thank you for reading and considering them.


          15. Truthseeker6157 says:


            Thank you for your thoughts, I am a little cloudy today and would like to consider them some more before responding. X

            Haha yes, I considered my protective dome as being quite narcissistic too! I saw a comment from Fiddleress earlier where she points out that narcissists and empaths share similarities.

            When it comes to the more melancholic side, I think there is a greater depth to our sadness than our happiness. At least that’s how I view my own emotional scale. I considered this in terms of Fuel for the narcissist. Yes it’s easier to draw positive than negative fuel but I do wonder if the potency of that negative fuel is linked to the depth of emotion behind it also. I certainly seem to feel more when I’m down than when I’m up. So your comment again makes sense to me.

            I’ll think a little more about your view on being more open and get back to you on that part if I may.

            You made me smile by asking for songs from my play list. I think I might know the reason behind that question haha! Musical taste can be revealing, which is likely why I already feel out of my comfort zone 😜

            Firstly, the dark playlist. Well, how long have you got? Haha! No shortage of choice here. I think I listen to these two songs most when in that frame of mind and wanting to dip down.



            Secondly, the light playlist. I don’t have one! I don’t really have a list of happy songs. I do however have songs that I use to bring out the fight in me and I use this one when I’m running to raise my pace. It raises my mood and I’m playing it a lot at the moment.


            Can’t tell you how tough that was for me to do. I’ve posted various songs on the blog for different reasons but no one gets to see the dark playlist!!


          16. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Leigh,

            Thank you for your kind thoughts, I really appreciate them. Usually I know what to do, I might not want to do it, but I know what to do. Here, I don’t know what to do at all, I’m out of my depth, but I’m required to do something, I can’t let it ride. Sod’s law it should all come to a head on a trip away. I’ll figure it out. X

            Brick walls make more sense don’t they? Haha. If you are going to build a wall, it should be built of stern stuff. I blame my dome on a fascination with snow globes. I love them. There’s something ethereal about a snow globe, a nice one.

            How are you doing Leigh? You have been quieter of late, are you ok in yourself?


          17. Leigh says:

            Hi TS, I like the dome idea too. Especially now knowing about narcissism. I could definitely see me thinking to myself, “Ha, ha! You see me but you can’t touch me.”

            TS,I have to laugh, I was kind of hoping people wouldn’t notice that I wasn’t commenting as much. Its for a very specific reason. I have to keep my responses more generic. I don’t want anyone to figure out who I am. There’s someone on the blog who needs to be here right now so I’ve had to back off a little bit. Its ok. I’m still here in the background and will comment when its not specific to me.

          18. Truthseeker6157 says:


            Haha, gotcha, ‘nuff said 😉

            As for noticing. I’m like a sheep dog. I herd. I like to know everyone is ok and notice when someone is quieter.

            I’m glad all is well.


          19. Joa says:

            TS, I hope you feel better now? You write in different places on blog, so I suspect it’s not too bad? (When I reach the valley, I disappear for 2-3 days from most areas of life and I have to be alone).

            Do you feel uncomfortable sharing your music? This is an amazing statement for me. Unbelievable! I thought, I was blocked…

            I like the first track. I wrote it down.
            The first two are very much in my daughter’s style, I sent her right away 😊

            I know energetic, but I prefer much more madness and power 😊

            Your music is very soft. Very delicate. I hug you tightly.

            I have one for you too. I’ve been listening obsessively for 3 days. It can be sad and optimistic at the same time, it is related to HG (Depeche Mode remix – a softer version of the original), I like the hypnotic atmosphere and you can rock you fun 😊


            PS Okay, okay, don’t make such a reservation 😊 I’m glad that you showed your own 😊 I associate music with people – when I reach the first track, it will remind me of you 😊 Strange, right? Maybe I’ll be better in melancholic moments 😊 Thank you.

          20. Truthseeker6157 says:


            You really make me smile. I’m not even sure why in this instance, there was just a real warmth behind your comment. Thank you for that xx.

            I’m doing ok thank you. At the moment I’m keeping my mind full. I don’t want to have space to think about too much just now. I do also go to my corner occasionally like you. Lay low for a few days before coming back out. This time I opted for keeping my mind busy!

            Haha! Honestly, I’m a weird fish I think, yes, I did find it tricky to share the first song from the dark playlist. I think people in general, are used to mainstream happy music, my playlist is a real mix of different styles and genres and I think it’s quite revealing, so I’ll tend to shy away from showing too much. Someone should hand me a fancy paper fan, then I can peek over it seductively!

            I like your approach of just throwing your thoughts out there and let people question what they want to question, or pick fault if they choose. In many respects, I think I am so used to being the listener, the fixer and advisor for people who confide in me, that I simply fell out of the habit of telling people what was going on with me. Part of that is also down to location moves. I moved so often that friends were always new friends. When asked I gave very top line answers.

            I do also recall making a conscious decision at one point not to confide. My mother would use what I confided against me at a later stage. At around 11, I remember being in the car and thinking, “I will never confide anything again. We’re done here.” I never have since that day. I flicked the switch, and once that’s done, then it’s done. I give top line information, nothing more. If you don’t confide in your mum, then who can you confide in? Who is ever really wholeheartedly on your side? No skin in the game, no personal gain to be had from advising one way or another. My mum tries to push for further information sometimes. When she does, I can feel the anger rise in my stomach, I sidestep, sidestep again and if she persists, then I make my excuses and leave. Strange really. Im not entirely sure if my behaviour is justified, but even if I wanted to change it now I couldn’t.

            That’s not to say Im a loner. Im not. People gravitate towards me, I make them feel better or I entertain, or I start the discussion. At parties I find a person I connect with, end up sitting down with them and one by one people seem to drift over and join. So what starts as two people ends up being a group huddled together surrounded by empty bottles ! I definitely don’t enter with a fanfare like the narcs would do. So, I’ll talk to anyone in any situation and Im in my element when Im doing that, I just won’t confide my problems. I did with the online narc, to a degree at least, more than is usual for me. Yeah, that went well I thought! Haha!

            I’m glad you liked the songs Joa. I associate people with songs too. People, places, times etc. That’s the beauty of music. I envy HG being able to play the piano well. I think that must be lovely. Fiddleress is very musical too. I’m chatting with LET about music and how it effects us on the ‘interview with HG Tudor’ thread. You’ll like that discussion I think.

            Thank you for sharing the song you are obsessed with currently. It’s very hypnotic. The kind of song you listen to as your mind drifts. I like it. Although now I imagine you with horns. Haha! I’m joking!

            Thank you for the hug. I’m big on hugs. Xx

        3. Empath007 says:

          Hi Kel – I don’t want to get to into it, but, I don’t view the church as the ruler of morality (that’s just my opinion, it does not bother me if others don’t share that opinion). In fact – I believe the church is rooted in narcissist teachings – I believe it is nothing more then manipulation and fear tactics scaring people into acting a certain way- much the same way a narcissist will expect their victim to perform in certain ways. A religous person acts no or less moral then the non religous person. Religious groups have narcissits and empaths in them as do non religous groups. I see no value in the church or it’s teachings and the thought of death does not frighten me because I know I will not live eternal, and if I do i’ll Deal with that when I’m dead but won’t spend my waking moments concerned about it.

          This is simply my perspective. I respect others do not see it this way and that’s perfectly OK by me.We all have to have our beliefs and I don’t see anything wrong with religion. I just don’t personally need it.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            E007,……you made me laugh with “I don’t want to get to into it, but….”. Nuf said 😉

            I read the rest of your comment with interest – especially in relation to “the church is rooted in narcissist teachings”. Applying HG’s video ‘Woke – the Rise of Narcissism from the Left’ was very informative. In my view, narcissism has probably existed for thousands of years, it could be argued that it existed and was in ‘effect’ during the Roman times and during Egyptian times – the history reeks of it. Yet, it is only really in the last 100 years (give or take), especially in the last 6 years (because of our delectable HG) that narcissism is being made aware with more understanding about it, so we can now, also go back in time and ‘rewrite history’ so to speak…..

          2. Empath007 says:

            Hi Asp Emp, haha, I meant I have no interest in starting a heated debate with my comments.I enjoy hearing others interpretations/opinions but think heated debate is unnecessary because no one can change my mind and I don’t wish to change anyone else’s mind.

            I’ve always said if Jesus was a real person he was a very charasmatic narcissit.The church (in my view) is rooted in manipulation (much like narcissim). The church and many of it’s leaders are concerned with power and control over people (like narcissim). Once again – that’s my opinion – I’m happy to hear other peoples opinions but do not care to have an argument.

            I can respect that some people find comfort in it. And that it works for them and their faith brings them happiness.

            I don’t need faith. Don’t crave it and am not worried about the outcome of not having it. I am responsible for my life and it’s outcomes. That my view. I have faked faith to some degree solely for the purpose of making others feel more comfortable and avoiding conflict.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            E007, thank you for your response. I totally get what you are saying. I stopped believing in God / Jesus when I was 9 or 10 years old. I cannot be ‘brainwashed’ to ‘reverse’ that.

          4. Kel says:

            Hi Empath007,

            I don’t actually come to Narcsite much anymore , it’s like I’ve graduated from the University and have gone off to journey the world on my own, much the wiser now. I’m still fascinated with the existence of narcissism though, and watch news crimes and shows on them just amazed with the minds of these people. To me, the fact that narcissism exists is so much more bizarre than that God exists. It’s so unbelievable that we live in a world of narcissists, raised by them, in love with them, work with them, or that such a lower was ever president of our great nation is all so beyond belief, and yet it’s true.
            I popped back to narcsite to see if HG had posted about Gabby Petito just once or twice, in fact I just popped here tonight to see if there was a comment about Brian’s death, and saw there was a comment posted under Death- and that’s how I saw your comment to me.
            Actually when I posted the original comment about God, I had no reason to want to go to narcsite that day, but something in me said to go take a peek at it, and I’m starting to listen to my thoughts more often these days, and so when I went on, there it was happening again. It’s funny that HG will have no set opinions about so many issues, even of Politics and that ridiculous lower Narc even, but he will defiantly state there’s no afterlife and no God. That’s not fact speaking because no one knows factually what happens after life, it is a mystery and not proven by the living. So it’s opinion from him and you and me what happens afterlife. God is not someone I choose to believe in, He’s an existence I’ve come to experience personally, and He’s not something that can be proven to another.

            My point in my original comment was that I’m always concerned about the new people coming on to this site who are religious, because I want them to be here and learn about narcissism, and I don’t want them to be turned off by the atheist and people trying to lead everyone astray from God. I want those people to know there are people on this site who are believers, and I don’t mind saying, knowers.
            I was not addressing your posts but was addressing HG. I’m not trying to convert you or anyone. I didn’t mention morals I don’t believe. Narcissists often do very good things, but it never outweighs the bad they do. It’s important to understand that their motives are completely different from ours.

            This sounds a lot like Narcissism, doesn’t it, and a lot like the world now, and was written around AD 64:
            2 Timothy 3:
            “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.(A) 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money,(B) boastful, proud,(C) abusive,(D) disobedient to their parents,(E) ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous,(F) rash, conceited,(G) lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness(H) but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.(I)

            6 They are the kind who worm their way(J) into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7 always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.”

            “Narrow is the gate to Heaven and broad is the road to distruction.”
            As I stated in my post- it’s your own choice. I don’t believe or love God trying to save my life, I love Him because I believe in the things He believes in. If you don’t, then why would it matter to me?

            But I do want newcomers and others to know this is not a place that should be a platform for atheism, but should be a place where everyone comes to learn about the most bizarre existence of narcissism.

          5. Empath007 says:

            Hi Kel – I find myself here less often then I used to be too, it feels nice to “graduate” as you say – but I also find coming here to be a similar need that an AA meeting would be to an alcoholic, always good to keep myself in check and get some logic if I start to feel myself go the other direction.

            I definitely always appreciate your insight in the conversation and did not at all get the impression you were trying to start a debate or anything like that. I have seen it happen on other threads in the past which is why I was trying to say that wasn’t my intent with my comments.

            I agree all
            Should feel welcome with their beliefs and should I be religous I’m sure I’d appreciate a long time reader like yourself chiming in and giving your own insights.

    2. A Victor says:

      Hi Wendy, thank you for sharing this. I choose to believe much as you do, I find it, in part, infinitely and intimately comforting in times of unrest, personal, on a worldwide scale and everything in between. Some see this as weak, that’s their prerogative. I am weak, in many ways, and I don’t mind admitting that. If it turns out in the end that I’m wrong, well, at that point it won’t make any difference.

      My daughter who worked at the care home has seen much death, they were all old and/or sick. She would come to love them many times but they would always pass eventually. She would be sad but also so glad for having known them. This is how I hope to leave people someday, especially those closest to me.

      1. Wendy says:

        Hi AV, I agree with you. I find a lot of comfort from my faith. I have experience too many things that in no way could be described as coincidence. It is also not weak to have faith in something and I would say it is actually very courageous to profess our faith in this day and age that is so antichrist! I respect everyone’s right to believe in what they want but I also expect the same. Your daughter is very special to be able to care for the elderly especially at the end of life. It is not an easy thing to do. We do get very attached to them. Most are so very appreciative of even the slightest gesture of care and kindness and many are all alone at the end. Happy she had that experience and I’m glad you share my belief in God. 😊🙏

        1. A Victor says:

          Hi Wendy, I have had many experiences also, I don’t believe in coincidence. Or luck. I don’t believe I am weak for having faith, I am weak in other ways though, for me having faith is not a weak or strong thing, for me it just is. I don’t talk about it here on the blog much, out of respect for HG’s stance on it, as the blog owner. I haven’t found it a problem not to discuss it, I agree with you, mutual respect is important. But I also don’t hide it, it’s just there.

          Yes, my daughter is happy to have had that experience, she loves older people! She has much more empathy for my mother right now than I do. It is good, she helps me realize they actually do need help with things, it’s not just my mom being a victim, at least not all the time. She moved out of our home after my dad passed away last Nov, I really miss her being here. But I still have a lot of contact with her and she enjoys discussing narcissism, so that is really fun!

          1. Wendy says:

            AV, I agree! Mutual respect is the key. And I don’t hide mine either. I am also weak in other ways, trust me! Lol
            I think we should request that before HG passes into the next realm of space he should invite all his bloggers to his home for a big soiree and finally out himself! Do you think that has a snowball’s chance in hell? Lol, doesn’t hurt to ask! Can you imagine?! 😊

          2. A Victor says:

            Haha, yes a giant soiree! Sadly for me, it is very likely, due to my assumed age difference with HG, that I will already be long gone when he get to that party! So, I will likely never get to know who he actually is. But I’m okay with that, not knowing is my preference for a variety of reasons. Though, if he did reveal, my curiosity would win out! 😂

          3. Joa says:

            Real faith gives strength. I saw that.
            It is easier to live when you believe. Rock. Shelter.

            Unfortunately, I can’t.

          4. A Victor says:

            Hi Joa, it’s that “easier to live when you believe” part that people often view as a weakness, I think. But I don’t let it bother me, I am a Savior Empath first and foremost!! 😁

          5. Contagious says:

            I too have great Faith snd experiences as you know that cannot be explained. I shared them once with an atheist who is a bio scientist and she said “some things cannot be explained” I respect all religions and feel God exists in those who do not believe. To me “ evil” is a disconnect from God. But to turn this back to narcissists, the more educated I become, the calmer I am but I feel profound sadness and hopelessness as I see and feel the broken child. I see and feel the impulses and rage like a tantrum, the silent treatment as the child holding his breath, the need for fuel as an unwanted child demanding to be seen and wanting attention to prove they matter, the inability to accept responsibility and lies and gaslights “ I didn’t do it. He did it” as the child who is afraid if caught taking the cookie out of the cookie jar, the word salad as a child not being mature enough to express himself, the smearing as a bully on the playground who needs followers, and the triangulation as learned by parents who used him as the middle man to avoid talking to each other “ tell mom the keys are on the table.” I feel the tension … the constant needs… that is why I feel better when he l leaves and I engage in indifference (but further truth seeking as I want to heal the pain, I want hope) but the more I understand, the sadder I get. As it feels like only God and death will help ease their pain. That kissing the boo boos and love and nurture are just band aids on wounds. Why I don’t feel sorry for me? I feel I grew. Why did I have to learn this? Know what narcissism is? I don’t know. If you can’t help, it is just sad. The more I learn, the more I feel somethings cannot be fixed and only God can help the broken child in the man and woman. I want to be wrong. What do you think? HG?

          6. A Victor says:

            Hi Contagious, I just found your comment, I apologize! I also went through a profound sadness as I came to understand that they cannot change, they cannot truly believe in God because they cannot see any need to. It was a rough time, my dad had died and for a several months it was a lot. It took some very straightforward looking at it, studying HG’s materials, the reality of how narcissists are, how narcissism functions, to really begin to wrap my head around it. I believe in miracles but, as HG said on an interview once, I do not believe I need to be abused while I wait for one, especially one that may never happen. I finally decided it is not my concern, I cannot allow it to be my concern, and it was a hard decision. But, once I made the decision and let it go, it has not bothered me significantly since. It was an acceptance.

            I too see the broken and hurting child that my parents and my ex were once, but then, for me, I see also myself as a broken and hurting child, and adult, and at their hands. Those bygone children kept me in place for far too long. I have come to terms with the idea that it is okay to separate from them and not feel any need for anything beyond that.

            It has been like a curve for me also, going through the education of all that narcissism entails, and I feel like the more I learn, the less I know sometimes. But, I am very comfortable now, 99% of the time anyway, with the idea that they cannot change and I need to stay away for myself. If God wants to do anything with or in them, He doesn’t need me to accomplish it. I would love to learn we are wrong, that a “cure” has been found but then, they would have to acknowledge they need a cure and they would have to accept the cure, neither of which their narcissism will allow. So on it goes. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and again sorry for the delayed reply.

  12. Asp Emp says:

    Hmm. Death. Annihilation.

    Again, a big difference in between the two words and the meanings as described in this article.

    Yes, maybe, just maybe, I have experienced ‘nearly’. On both accounts. From my perspective. I don’t need to explain what I mean, because I already have explained. That is why I do not fear ’death’ in the sense of the word. Yet, I know, from personal experience that Life Is Short.

    So, in my view and opinion. I understand the difference. Annihilation or Death, I know what I would choose, if given the option. It’s a no-brainer.

    1. BC30 says:

      Every single once of us will be annihilated someday.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Err, yes, I suppose so, depends from what perception……

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