In our engagement with our appliances and especially with our primary sources, we are repeatedly seeking to extract fuel. We have been designed to draw those fuel providers into our grasp, from the colleagues that we work with, the relevant family members and friends so that rather than surround ourselves with appliances of limited function we ensure that all those who are attached to us are likely to provide us with fuel. As I have explained before, we like to preserve our energy and operate in an efficient and effective fashion. As part of that approach we like to ascertain if we can scent fuel in our interactions with you, in the same way that a shark smells blood in the ocean and knows that a bigger prize awaits. There are certain responses that you provide that immediately tell us that there is more fuel ready to be extracted. Just as how a tiny nick on your leg may cause droplets of blood to fall and be smelt by the predatory shark, there are certain things that you will say to us that tells us that we should dive straight in and seize the advantage. There are comments that you will make which indicates to us that you are holding a reservoir of fuel just under the surface and all we need to do is slice you open and gorge on that waiting fuel. Your response tells us that your emotion is there, just a few moments away from being extracted, seized and gathered, so that rather than attend to something else we are best served by focusing our efforts on you.
It is akin to staring at a vast body of water behind a glass partition. We want that body of water to come gushing forward, engulfing us and cascading over us. We do not wish to dedicate the time to hammering away at this toughened glass in the hope of eventually making it crack. We do not want to expend our energy chiselling and drilling but instead we want to find the weak spot. We want to identify that flaw, that weakness, that opening, which means that with the careful application of pressure, the edifice will shatter and the water will come surging over us in an instant. You are no different. You are filled with fuel. That is why we chose you. You might be a co-dependent super tanker of fuel that requires the hull to be holed, you may be a super empathic fuel well which just needs to be drilled or an empathic fuel pump where one pinprick in the hose will allow the fuel to spurt out. You are a walking fuel depot and at times we can do just one thing, say one thing and the fuel will come fountaining from you, shooting out of you, gushing from you, ready for us to suck it all up, gorging on your delicious and potent fuel and drinking deep of your vast resources.
It is you that gives us the indication that you are ready to flow with fuel, that the dam can easily be breached and once you provide that indication to us, it only takes a small amount of pressure, a modicum of application and the most straightforward of manipulations to cause you to burst and we gain so much fuel. You are teetering on the brink of providing the fuel, it is almost spilling over there is so much of it and you tell us that it is there, often in just one sentence and then we apply the pressure and the geyser erupts.
These indications are applicable to both positive fuel and negative fuel. The comments in themselves will provide some slight amount of fuel but they are indicators, gateways telling us that in that moment there is a whole host of additional fuel ready to be tapped and it is easy to do so. This is why when you provide us with the positive indicators we dive in and invite you to expand on the point that you have made, the comments that you have shared because we know that there is more behind what you have said and we want it. It becomes even more evident when with the negative indicators. These really are a green light for us to satiate our fuel lust in the way that a pugilist would satisfy his bloodlust. You have waved the key in front of us through your comment and we will focus on that comment and what it signifies in order to get at the fuel that is hoarded behind it.
Should you say them to us you should be aware that you have just telegraphed that there is fuel to be gained and whatever we might have been doing will be forgotten as we turn and fix our eyes on you. Like the cruising shark, the scent of blood has been detected and easy and satisfying prey is well within reach. Our cold jaws will be clenched around you as we puncture you and begin to slurp on the surfeit of fuel. What then are these indicators, what should you be aware of what is it that you say which tells us that there is fuel ready and waiting to be extracted, exploited and consumed?
The Positive Indicators
- I love you
- How did you manage to do that?
- There is nobody like you.
- Where did you get that shirt from?
- That was amazing.
- That is an outstanding result.
- I could listen to you talk for hours.
- I could kiss you forever.
- I would die for you.
- I cannot imagine being anywhere else right now other than with you.
- I have finally found what I have been searching for.
- If I died now, it would not matter.
- I don’t know what I would do without you.
- I would do anything for you.
- I belong to you.
The Negative Indicators
- Where have you been?
- I hate you right now.
- Don’t leave me.
- Why must you hurt me like this?
- Who is she?
- I just need to feel loved.
- I miss you still.
- Is that it?
- What about me?
- You are being unfair.
- Please listen to me.
- Don’t shout at me.
- I don’t understand.
- Please talk to me.
- Please stop.
- I need to sleep.
- Please be reasonable.
- It is my birthday.
- Please, for my sake, just do it.
- You are scaring me now.
Let the feeding frenzy commence.
16 thoughts on “Scenting Blood”
I said a few of those things for sure. I thought I was careful bc I would not say the You are amazing or I miss you or I love you until after he did. 😩 I’m thinking I was clearly worn down by other narcs in my life so the sweetness of one comment weighed more than it should have.
The two most common positive ones with “my” narcissist:
– I love you.
– I belong to you
Funny, nothing has changed, ha ha ha. Even as I go on, a part of me will always love him. Despite all the evil, I can see how much he has brought to my life. He gave me a lot, he helped me a lot (but he gave me almost nothing) although it was absolutely not his goal. I was shy, unsure of myself, my worth – he changed that. Apparently that was THAT I needed. I’m doing my homework well.
Likewise, my first narcissist has a place in my heart (albeit much smaller). I also owe him a lot. It was a beautiful relationship.
My heart is very capacious, new people keep coming, but nobody dies in it 😊
– Please, don’t hurt me.
– I miss you.
– I’m worried about you.
– Come back, when you calm down.
– I’ll be back, but stop attacking.
– Stop scaring me. Your mini scares do not make any impression on me.
– Bzzzz What do you want pushy housefly again?
– It’s not my fault, that only hatred and anger are real with you.
– Another woman shows up and I disappears. Adieu.
– You have to be relatively happy. That’s an order!
And many, many more 😊
I flashed a smile at a man this morning. Okay, this is very excitingfor me since I haven’t done that in like 35 years. He’s probably not even someone I want to date. But I did it! I am back I the game!! Yay! And going forward with my new knowledge, I am super excited!! I won’t rush into anything but I smiled! Baby steps!!
AV, I smiled while reading 🙂
I am happy with your joy. As much smile as possible !!!
I often smile at people, including strangers, women, men and children. I just like people. It’s so nice when they smile back 🙂
A smile can work wonders 🙂
Thank you Joa! I surprised myself!! It felt really good!
Your smile made me smile AV xx
Narcissists have a gift for sensing when you are at your weakest. There’s a timing element involved. Timing is everything. When we are already at a low ebb, emotions already high, this to me is the blood in the water. They sense it, we in turn are more susceptible to the illusion. The trick has to be for us to self check. If we know we are under stress, if we feel low or unusually emotional then we are already bleeding into the water. I think we need to recognise that. Any new arrivals at this point have to be viewed as suspicious and kept firmly at arms length.
Looking at the list, during ensnarement I used only one positive indicator “I’d be lost without you.” That was true. I was lost. I was lost with him and I was lost without him.
Negative indicators, I used a couple more of those. “Why aren’t you talking to me?” “I need to sleep.” “I miss you.” “You’re scaring me now.”
In addition, “Did I say something to offend you?” “You aren’t making sense. I thought men were supposed to be logical.” “You are misinterpreting what I said.” “ That isn’t what I said.”
Looking back, he did try to gaslight quite a lot. Fortunately I didn’t fall for that. I remember conversations verbatim. I knew exactly what I had said and not said. He got his teeth into me through my truthseeker trait instead. My strongest trait, funny that I chose that as my screen name before I even knew. I just couldn’t work him out. I stuck around far too long trying to make sense of him.
There is absolutely no way for me to hide, amend, or even tone down my TS trait. I know it’s on display front and centre in every interaction. Good. Suck it up from a distance then. I see them now and distance is all any of them will ever get.
For me, the weakest / strongest * point is the need to protect, understand and help (and when someone is on their own feet, I let them go further).
The heavier the case, the better. Challenge. Everything that is empathetic and narcissistic at the same time activates in me. Depending on what works for your case, I can be tender and understanding, but I can also apply shock therapy.
If I have a choice of two men:
A) Normal, caring male partner. Comfortable life.
B) A twisted narcissus. Continuous unknown.
I will choose B.
If I have a choice:
A) Narcissus with less developed personality traits.
B) Narcissus 100%, dark and dark.
I’m afraid I’ll choose B again… Unfortunately…
I will ALWAYS turn to the person, who needs me more.
As you wrote – drawn on the forehead. Hopelessness 😊
* In empaths, as in narcissists – the strongest points may become the weakest – they can be used.
I think you are spot on with this ( “Any new arrivals at this point have to be viewed as suspicious and kept firmly at arm’s length.”)!
“Did I say something to offend you?” – ah yes, that one sounds very familiar!
I think it’s a good thing that you can’t change your TS trait. You shouldn’t have to change or amend who you are. That is one of the best lessons for me from this blog. When I first came here, I thought maybe I should try and hide who I was in some way, as maybe it was acting as some kind of ‘come and get me’ banner! Now, I think differently. It’s not us that need to change. And they can’t, and maybe neither can we, so I guess it’s all about the recognising the signals (theirs and ours) and then not getting involved!
I love your last comment (“Distance is all any of them will ever get.” ! Somehow makes me feel stronger. Xx
I didn’t get the notification for this, so sorry I didn’t see it!
Yes, me too, I thought the same, “Fine, I’ll just tone myself down a bit!” It doesn’t work and as you say and HG says repeatedly, we can’t hide who we are.
I step outside myself a lot these days now that I have more mental space to think, and I see myself do all kinds of things that highlight me as being an empath. Honestly, it runs through pretty much every interaction we have and even when not interacting with someone, our general behaviour gives us away.
Picking something up for someone as they drop it and we happen to be walking by. Putting things back in the right place in the store, if we change our mind. I caught myself doing that the other day. I changed my mind on a pair of jeans but didn’t just put them back on any old rail. No no, not I ! I went to the rail I got them from and put them back into the size order so someone else could find their size. Haha. Normals would just pop them on a rail. The narcissist would hand them to the shop assistant to put back! I’m joking, but you know what I mean. We can’t help ourselves. Empathic traits run through us. I often don’t think about it at the time, I think about it afterwards and I realise that someone with a mind to look for us could find us easily.
We do now have the balance tilted more in our favour though. They see us, but now, we also see them! Game on! Haha!
The nicest thing though, now I also spot others like us. Or, at least, I spot other people demonstrating empathic behaviours. That part is lovely. I smile to myself and it gives me a warm hopeful feeling. My eyes really are open these days. I notice so much more about people than I did before, and I was no slouch to begin with. Now I can frame the behaviours I’m seeing and make faster sense of them. A new level of awareness that I absolutely love.
I understand what HG notices when he scans a room. I notice similar things now too. Maybe not quite as much perhaps, but I’m right on his heels I think. (narcy trait of pride lighting up there, go narcy trait!). The knowledge we gain here grows with us as we move through different stages of recovery. I really appreciate the new skills I’ve learned. I think I’m starting to understand what it means to be ‘weaponised’. He’s all right that HG character! Haha, praise indeed!
TS, everything you say here I agree with. The understanding what HG notices when he scans a room, etc. I know exactly what you mean by this. It’s seeing everything clearly for the first time. And once you see, you can’t ‘unsee’! I am still blown away by it all, to be honest. I am so, so grateful to HG for showing me this. He is truly unique. And ‘my’ narcissist, I can’t help but feel a degree of warmth towards him for coming into my life and leading me here. Warmth, mixed in with pity, knowing I have evolved through the whole thing, while he remains stuck in his torment. Though bizarrely, I don’t feel the same way about my dad. I still just feel let down and disenchanted by him xx
I know what you mean. For me, it’s not that I feel warmth towards ‘my’ narcissist, more that I don’t have regrets if that makes sense? Essentially, the feeling that I gained more than I lost overall. Not an experience I want to repeat though! I get more angered or upset by the ensnarements of other empaths now than I do about my own. To think about all the lovely people on this blog being hurt in a myriad of different ways gets to me sometimes, not a single one deserved what they got.
I can understand why you feel more let down by your narcissist father than by ‘your narc’. That’s a whole different level of betrayal. Dads are supposed to look after, protect and cherish their daughters, it’s just what they are supposed to do. A sacred bond. You feel let down and you should feel let down, that’s exactly what happened. There are no excuses whatsoever, NPD included. Your dad should be your greatest protector, period. I’m truly sorry yours wasn’t JB. The fact you are still standing and here to share your story and your thoughts is real testimony to your determination to reconcile things and look forward. It’s something I very much admire about the ACON’s here. True grit. You might not always see that in yourselves but it’s definitely there.
Yes that does make sense.
Thank you for what you said about my father. It’s nice to be able to talk to such kind and understanding people such as yourself xxx
Scanning gives me nothing. I have had this ability forever.
The addiction is still huge.
But I started to group my observations more efficiently (according to HG terminology). Better understand the causes of the other party’s behavior. Very valuable.
That’s interesting that you have always scanned. I haven’t.
I’m a very accurate people reader, but I do it when face to face and talking to someone. If I’m in front of a person I get the feel of them very quickly. I can tell if the words don’t match the ‘feel’. It has caused arguments in the past where my partner would tell me how wrong I was, what a nice person the new individual was etc. I’d just say “Nope, insincere, not to be trusted” or whatever it was I felt. I was correct each and every time, my gut feel would be proven right sooner or sometimes later. I think many empaths can reach and get an accurate feel for someone. The problem for me is that I need to get a full conversation, preferably one on one.
To my knowledge, the only time I’ve ever been conned was by the online narc. I was already heavily addicted by the time I met him. I felt what I expected to feel.
If interacting with a new narcissist I think we have a very narrow window to get an accurate feel for them before the addiction starts to cloud our view. The MMRA I dated, my original feel was that he was both awkward and self absorbed. Ordinarily those wouldn’t go together but now in the context of the false self and a somatic narcissist as he was, it was an accurate first read. So I wasn’t interested at first. He just wore me down in the end! Persistent. That’s unusual in itself. Usually, once I make my mind up I don’t change it, which points to the addiction steadily gaining influence over my judgement.
If observing actively / scanning gives me more information before I engage in conversation then this has to be a good thing. The window is open a little longer. I relied solely on the spoken interaction before now. Concentrated only on the words and the feel and next to nothing on actions. Now that I’m primed to be more aware of behaviours, I just have more to work with. I can place what I feel from a person in some semblance of context.
Indeed they do