Found In Translation
The way that our kind speaks is a language all of its own. Narcspeak appears at first to be a normal way of speaking, with the inferences, interpretations and connotations that one would ordinarily expect when hearing phrases such as ‘I love you’ and ‘I am sorry’. You will not grasp that there is a different meaning to much of what we say to you, at least not until it is too late. Once you have mastered Narcspeak however it becomes readily apparent what is actually being conveyed to you. Understand this form of double speak from us is a useful skill to achieve. Not only will it bring clarity to what has been said to you in the past and what was really meant, it will assist in understanding how to deal with the narcissist in your life going forward, if you have occasion to interact with him or her again.
Narcspeak arises because we operate in a different reality to you. We perceive the facts differently and therefore there will be an alternative interpretation attached to what we say. We know the context of what we are saying, so that it apparently fits with the situation and the discussion, but that is purely as a consequence of our ability to mimic and to convey what should be said. We know what we actually mean when we say these things. We mean something else.
This allows us to evade any culpability at a later juncture if you try to tell us that we said something. We may deny that we said it and if we do admit it, our admission is only ever in the context of what we intend it to mean. We use these words and phrases as a cloak to what we are actually saying to you and the sooner you begin to understand what we are really telling you, the sooner you will achieve a clarity of understanding which will remove the fog of confusion and enable you to decide how best to respond.
By way of example here are a number of phrases which you will always hear with our kind and beneath is what is really being said to you.
I don’t think that it suits you
You look absolutely ridiculous
I didn’t look at anyone else the whole time I was out.
I kissed several people. I have no idea who they were.
You must believe me.
I am telling you a lie.
What are you thinking?
I am not going to tell you anything until I have worked you out first so I know what will be the right things to say to you.
Don’t you trust me?
I find your insecurities both irritating and wonderful. I am annoyed that you think you can exert control over me. I am pleased that you are anxious and I make you that way.
I’m just going to tell you what you want to hear.
We will always be together.
You belong to me. I will pick you up and put you down as I see fit.
I cannot stop thinking about you.
You and her. Oh and her. Her as well.
You don’t understand me.
Everything I have told you is a lie so it is little wonder that you do not.
I like you.
You do what I want.
I need some time to myself.
I am spending the night with your best friend.
We are just friends.
We have slept together and we will again.
I am so confused.
I want someone else now.
We have nothing in common.
We never had, I just made it look that way.
You will always be special to me, no matter what happens.
Your fuel is well worth coming back for and that is why I have come back.
It was nothing serious.
Yes, we had sex.
I didn’t do it.
Oh yes I did.
I’d like to see you again.
You have more fuel to give me.
Let’s stay friends.
I want to establish a reason that seems credible to you for returning and hurting you.
I don’t really remember.
I know only too well, not that I am going to admit it to you.
I am broken.
I know saying this will sound good and I am feeling somewhat desperate at the moment to keep hold of you.
She meant nothing to me.
Her fuel meant everything to me. More than what yours means to me.
I must have been drunk.
I was drunk. I often am. I know what I did though because I wanted it to happen.
I am just speaking my mind.
You had better fucking listen to me.
I am not starting an argument here.
It’s fuel time
I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better.
I haven’t a clue and I don’t care.
I will change.
You are a fool.
I want to be a better person.
You are a bigger fool than I first thought.
You always make it all about you.
It should be all about me.
I’ve no idea who she is.
I have slept with her at least a half a dozen times.
I don’t recognise that number.
I do. Why is she calling me when I told her not to?
I’m not with anybody.
I am but that is not standing in the way tonight.
It is all rather complicated.
It is bullshit.
I didn’t mean for that to happen.
Oh yes I did and I will do it again.
You made me do it.
I am too weak to accept responsibility.
You don’t have to if you don’t want to.
I don’t know who I am sometimes.
That sounds deep. She will love that.
I love you.
I expect you to do what I want.
I love your fuel.
17 thoughts on “Found In Translation”
I read the ‘6 Communication truths that everyone should know’ (16:28 minutes) by Antoni Lacinai. What they said was interesting. People have less attention spans (shocking info here) these days and effectively miss body language ‘cues’. I would suggest that this is another valid reason for the existence of HG’s work because he shares information about facial expressions, the stance of the body, the tone of the voice and so on. These are skills that people are not necessarily making the ‘link’ to in relation to understanding people as a whole. So much has been ‘lost’ due to the increased use of technology. Even children are also missing out on these important communication ‘skills’. In this respect, I am thankful for my disability and having learned the observation ‘skills’. It highlights the lessening of social interaction all around too. And possibly a contributing factor when it comes to the written language, children learning and using ‘text-speak’. Will it actually come to the point where the great historial literature works are not understood because of the language that is used? How much the human brain has changed.
A true yet sad reality. The fact that as humans, we appear to have gone backwards where ‘relations’ with other people are concerned. They need to bring back into schools and start all over again. And maybe use some of HG’s ‘Treasure Trove’ videos.
Thank you for ‘10 ways to have a better conversation’ by Celeste Headlee. Interesting to see a mixed age range of people in the audience. Actually it was very good to read that. HG’s ‘Never Mirror the Narcissist’ and ‘The Mockery of Mimicry’ spring to my mind.
Thank you, HG for your time.
AspEmp, lots of interesting thoughts you have shared and the video was valuable, too. While becoming more connected (via technology) we have become more disconnected (in terms of attention/awareness) in some ways. Your hearing issues will have cause you to become more observant of body language, I’m sure, and you will have a heightened awareness around that. Where a visual is not possible, like the rest of us, you would need to take your cues from the written word and how things are being expressed. I thought his point was interesting about how each person there would put their own interpretation on what he was saying. It’s true! Multiple different perspectives and very individual as well. There is much room for misunderstanding and misinterpretation and one of our videos also mentioned clarity. You and I have had multiple conversations now with much ‘toing and froing’ which all helps to aid clarity. We don’t need to agree, but it is possible for us to still understand. Conversation in that sense can be a bit of an art form. Much like literature is an art form and may well be misunderstood by future generations as it is being misunderstood to some extent now. The focus is not on the artistic nature of the written word, but on a very base interpretation of the words themselves. Expression requires words, both spoken and written, and this is the basis of communication. If we cannot express ourselves then we are in danger of losing the ability to communicate and I feel we are in a downward spiral in that sense right now. You are right, it does feel like we are going backwards and some people are trying to pull it back like this guy.
Thanks for pointing me to a couple more of HG’s articles and this one, too. Very important to understand how we communicate and where we sometimes can go wrong xox
LET, thank you for your response. You are right, I have been more “reliant” on the body language since the ‘rules’ about wearing masks – lip-reading was nigh on high impossible 😉 I noticed people’s eyes more too LOL. It makes for interesting experiences shall we say 😉
These videos do give good insight into the various means / methods of communication.
What people do not necessarily realise that if someone writes ‘bus’ on paper, it is meaningless to me, a bus is a bus. If you add time, bus number, location of bus stop, colour of bus is a bonus ‘point’ (additional info for the ‘visual’ learner) – that is probably enough information if the verbal ‘version’ (spoken) is not ‘available’.
Totally – we (you and me) do well to communicate, and healthily debate. Conversation can be an ‘art’ form, absolutely 🙂 Including the ‘tuits’ 😉 (LOL).
Yes, the art of communication is getting ‘lost’. RE: literature, how and what history (ie Roman; Egyptian) is being taught in schools now would be a large factor in ‘understanding’ the language of these works.
Even though ‘subtitling’ was not available on tv in my early years, I loved Tom & Jerry because it was ‘expressive’ in itself. Same with the older version of Batman (Adam West) and the ‘kapow!’, ‘crash!’, ‘bang!’, ‘wallop!’ pop-art (LOL).
Today’s child may not know what ‘kapow’ is.
I agree, and have learned so much in relation to communication and it is not always as straight-forward as we both know. Add ‘Narcspeak’ into the mix, another language it itself! Who knows, it could eventually be on school curriculums in future.
I know you are not a grandmother yet. However, people of this age group, I would suggest, are the ‘link’ between the language of the 70’s / 80’s to now. How many parents do bed-time stories? Going back to Batman of the 70’s – would today’s grandparents ask grandchildren’s views – the 70’s version, or the most recent version, which they prefer? Hence my suggestion as grandparents of today being the ‘link’ if you can understand.
Technology has changed society and the home (family) ‘connections’. People don’t realise, or remember, or don’t know because it’s down to technology ‘programming’. So, maybe, the “necessities” of empaths within society actually has more relevance and importance. It cannot be fully ‘appreciated’ as yet by the ‘masses’. One day, the ‘masses’ will value empaths more (LOL). With HG’s work, weaponised empaths are a ‘force’ to be reckoned with and they are lucky to ‘choose’ (LOL).
Ok, I’ll send this before it gets too long 🙂 xx
(thank you, HG xx).
AspEmp, currently under time restraints, but my children were read bedtime stories and also enjoyed TV time before technology ran fully rampant. I don’t know how many mothers I see now pushing prams while busily viewing their phones. It’s both the parents and children being overtaken by technology. In some way it’s a sad state of affairs and I swing between seeing both the benefits and the drawbacks. I think it will be the empaths who will be motivated and motivate to a less narcissistic society and we can only hope we will be valued more in that sense. Right now it appears black and white thinking is taking over and empathic traits are being left for dead. HG’s work is the answer to some of that and we will be a force to be reckoned with indeed.
Enjoyed reading your thoughts again, AspEmp 🙂 x
LET, thank you for your comment. As I read it, I recalled being read bed-time stories (the ladybird fairy stories series – grey covers) by my grandmother when we stayed with her. Muvver never did – no wonder there was no “bonding” with her. I did read to my nephews when I was staying with them, they’d choose the book. I agree RE: drawbacks / benefits about technology. People can read about empathy and empaths, understand it via HG’s work and our contributions to the blog / YT comments. It was good to read your comment too, LET, thank you 🙂
PS it’s white outside now! Thick flakes falling, I’ll have to venture out before long to get some supplies of milk etc 🙂
Ooh yeah! Thank you HG. I certainly read better than I used to.
I will have to allow emotions for some time to be true. I will consciously have to throw myself into a whirlwind of confusion.
But your reader has been coded by me and will be pulled out frequently. Thank you 🙂
“Can’t you do anything alone, you always cling to me”
“Why you don’t talk to me anymore?”
“If I had been unfaithful I would have thrown myself from a balcony”
And here´s the (Super)Empaths speak:
“I´m sorry, I totally forgot”
No, I haven´t. I just didn´t feel like doing it.
“I will do it tomorrow.”
Never! And I hope you will have forgotten about it tomorrow. 😇
“Aw really? Tell me more about it”
I don´t give a shit, but I wanna be polite.
“Oops, you wanted me to do [this]? Oh, I thought I should do [that]”
I didn´t want to do what you want and need an excuse for it.
“No, I wasn´t annoyed at all, I was just thinking about what you said. That was a really interesting point!”
Yes I was totally annoyed. And thanks goodness, you have no empathy, so I can lie my way out. 😇
Leela, this is very well worded. I loved it. Had me laughing. The ‘attitood’ of the Super Empaths…..rolling with it! LOL.
😂🤣😂🤣 OMG Leela! I love it!!!
“You´re my best friend” (MMRA)
You´re a great source of fuel!
“Just trust me and everything will be fine” (MMRA)
Just believe my lies and shut the fuck up!
“Listen to me and you will do fine” (UMR)
Just do what I want.
“We as your parents know what´s good for you” (UMR)
Just do what I want, I don´t give a shit what´s really good for you.
“You´re THE One for me” (ULA)
What a great fuel source you are. You shall become my IPPS.
“I would never do that, that´s morally wrong” (MMRA)
I don´t do it because it servers me no purpose, but I know what you Empaths want to hear.
Their interpretations can be very shitty and are a red flag! When i’m not ignoring…then shitty interpretations are in my arsenal too.
Oh, yes. It is so fascinating that I am able to ‘scent’ a narcissist, over the phone! It is how they word sentences and what they say. A normal or an empath would not have said as such.
LOL. The other day, I ‘followed up my own enquiries’……I wanted to put a face to the name, so to speak. Then I actually ‘double-checked’ on a point that they had made over the phone to me. Ah, there it was, the “erm, no, it was not that….erm, it was, erm….”. It seems to me that there was a rather prolonged half operating and half malfunctioning robot that had been electrocuted when in fact it runs on batteries! Because there was absolutely NO apologies at all, there was blame-shifting, deflecting, denial……I am in no doubt with what I saw for myself.
If it is a service that has had no break, nor change over a period of years and then someone is “pointing” it out, I am going to respond. Accordingly. And I did. I could have easily dropped a ‘narc bomb’ of my own but didn’t. I am a nice gal, when I choose to be 😉
HG, you are absolutely right, “Scientia Potentia Est”.
“Don’t you trust me?”
“I am not starting an argument here.”
“I love you.”
Standard fare that worked, for his goals, every time.
“Don´t you trust me?”
Don´t you believe my lies? You´d better fucking do!
“I am not starting an argument here”
Yes I do! Rock n´ Roll!
“I love you”
I love your fuel.
Yeah, he’s an ass. My mom too.