This Time It Will Work
When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to.
I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence.
I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one.
You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent.
This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route.
I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me.
Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to.
You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target.
I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.
You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.
10 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work”
I feel my Narc loved the thrill of the hunt. It was almost like he could stay engulfed by the fantasy of this new person. She hasn’t had the chance to tweek it with her , ya know real life stuff yet. She could remain exactly like he envisions her in his mind. That phase before she becomes embedded is his favorite part. There is a significant let down when they become “normal”.
They are not looking for normal or what you or I would look for.
They are looking for the Stepford scenario. Anything less will not do.
Reading an older thread conversation on this article was very insightful and interesting. I must admit that I do not read all of the threads because there is so many of them yet it is good to read a number of them and I am so thankful for the existence of this blog. Thank you, HG 🙂
Wouldn’t it be nice…….to believe in something as beautiful as “Marriage” or in “This Time It Will Work”… and actually live long enough to have that happen. Wow..
You would think that out of the millions of people on this planet that there is at least that “One” or possibly “Two” people who are right for one another…
There are those few people that have been fortunate enough early on to have found that special person, get married and it does work out…
Were those individuals just plain lucky in picking the “One” or was it something more.
It comes as a result of having a good upbringing from childhood.
These individuals were taught the importance of picking the right marriage partner that would ensure success in life…A long happy life..with one person wouldn’t that be nice!
The importance of choice. The correct choice.
Your choice of picking that “One” the right marriage partner and how it would effect every area of your life is taught from childhood.
Not just for the short term but for the long term.
It wasn’t about “fuel” it was about love, compatability, shared values and goals, intimacy and trust…
I think nowadays everybody is searching for somebody; only to find out shortly afterwards that the “One” we thought was the One…is not…
Disappointed once again you let out a sigh of disbelief and think why? How could this happen again?..
Then you realize… that sigh is actually a sign of relief..
Relief from what? Only you can decide what that is..
Now the dream of finding Ms/Mr Right has changed to
I have found my Mr Right person… for now…
The theory of: I have found the “One”my forever person, is a thing of the “past” covered by a mask of hope, it’s a false mask placed upon us from some other time, a time long forgotten by most the remnants still remain.
Hidden deep in the recesses of the subconscious mind,
lies the Abyss where the past resides; living inside the darkness, awaiting resurrection is the Love, the “One” once held so dear, thought never to be seen ever again, gone forever… Is actually not gone…
Maybe the searching is all part of the plan and you are actually closer to getting and having what you want….
“Wouldn’t that be nice…………
Till next time…bye for now…
I love your comment Positivefuel8. This is something that I so often think about. To learn these things now, much more difficult, that we have choice, that logical choice is important, that we are worthy of a good choice. Thankfully we have HG to help us learn them. He is doing a job my parents neglected to do, that many parents neglect to do. You see it also, it’s good that you’re here.
Thank-you “A Victor” for your warm reply and welcome to HG Tudor blog.
You’re welcome and thank you Positivefuel8! Have you been here long?
From the beginning of out relationship the narc made a comment stating that we would always be together “ if you don’t fuck it up.” I thought he was joking and I laughed and then fired back a sarcastic comment to him. Every week I would start hearing the exact same comment from him. Things like saying we would move in together “ if you don’t fuck it up” or we were going to visit Europe in the summer “ if you don’t fuck it up.” I came to realize he was serious and I asked him why he said it often. And with the most sickening half smile he said “ because I know myself.”
What I know now is that he “ knew” we weren’t doing any of those things ever because he was future faking and he knew he had the same experience with multiple women in the past. No one could ever keep him satisfied because little did I know he was a narcissist and he was everything you just said.
I do believe he hoped I would be the one and all of them would be the one, but no one will ever be “ the one.” I think he was a mid range narc but I am not certain. He was very smart and I would think maybe a greater but I don’t think he is aware of what he is.
Very interesting post, thank you! I now understand much better your thinking.
Good to see that it helped you.
Oh no, Wendy! It is similar to “My N” (though “mine” started talking this a little later). I felt a familiar vibration in the air, wrrrrr 🙂