The Rules of Seduction



We are the masters (and mistresses) of seduction. We are experts at choosing our targets, gathering information about that target and then moving in for the seduction to commence. It is rare that we get it wrong in terms of our target selection. It is even rarer that our seduction fails.

Much of why our seduction is so effective rests on the nature of our targets, the traits that appeal to us and which we focus on. There are however several reasons about the way we conduct our seduction which means that a successful entrapment is more or less guaranteed. These rules of seduction are put into effect (whether through instinct or calculation (the latter being reserved solely to the Greater Narcissists)) whenever we want to seduce someone and draw them under our influence. Here are five of these rules which are entirely applicable to the way we seduce and contribute to how you, as our victims, are seduced.

  1. Opposites Do Not Attract

People often cite the adage that opposites attract. This is usually rolled out as an excuse for some imbalance and considerable difference between two people in a relationship and is often quoted by the weaker or more dependent of the couple in an attempt to explain away the seemingly incongruous set-up between people. There are always anomalies but in the majority of cases it is not a case of being attracted to someone who is your opposite.

You are attracted to someone who is similar to you. When people refer to their intimate partner as their “other half” this is exactly what they are looking for. A near-mirror image of themselves because  people love themselves and it follows that loving someone who is like yourself is natural and more likely to result in a successful relationship. You are looking for your other half. This is why we mirror so extensively. We ascertain from our preparatory work what you like and how you behave and we then mirror this.

You want someone who is similar in intelligence, socioeconomic status, moral outlook and general likes. If you are a tolerant and liberal-minded person you want someone who has a similar world view. Thus we will copy and replicate those traits you exhibit and make them our own. We do this across the entire spectrum, ranging from the minor (you like watching spaghetti Westerns so we will) through to major stances and views (you are pro-choice and therefore we will mirror those views as well). It does not matter if we do not share those views, whether we are disinterested or even hold opposing views. We know that in order to attract you, you want to find your other half and therefore we hold up a mirror to you.

  1. Just Reward

We are aware that if you receive or perceive the receipt of a benefit from certain behaviours then you are more likely to repeat that behaviour. This is a prime way of gathering fuel but also of drawing you to us because you feel good receiving this benefit so you want to keep doing it. Accordingly, we very quickly allow you to realise that we will be pleased by you doing certain things such as complimenting us and praising us in order to cause you to do them again. We will treat you well if you behave in a certain way so you do so.

We will sound happy, take you out, buy you gifts, say wonderful things to you. It becomes like pressing a button. You take a certain step and we will respond in a positive manner so you will keep doing it. Knowing that you are able to please us and we will then do good things for you and say good things to you means you become drawn to us all the more. This repeated reinforcement is something we aim to cultivate. Why do you think we keep doing the same things with you as we did with all the previous victims?

  1. Familiarity Does Not Breed Contempt

With you the more familiar we seem to you the more attractive we are to you. This is a basic principle. You feel at ease in a room with people you know as opposed to a room full of strangers. Of course in the normal development of a relationship the cultivation of familiarity evolves over time and builds gradually. The more familiar you feel with us then the more positive you will be towards us. Accordingly, it is important for us to be familiar to you as soon as possible. This is why we undertake such preparatory work so that we present as if you actually know us. We will refer to having been attracted to you for years, suggest we have known you for a long time in order to engender this concept of familiarity. We also seek to increase this familiarity once we engage with you. This is one of the reasons why we spend so much time with you during the seduction.  This also links with the first rule of attraction above. The more we mirror you, the more you recognise the things you like, they are familiar to you and thus the attraction increases.

  1. Stereotypically Good Looking

For all the comments about it being what’s on the inside that counts, that personality is more important than looks and other such supposedly meaningful comments which are designed to make the less fortunate looking feel good about themselves, it is a simple fact that people are motivated by physical appearance. The stereotypes that are attached to being good looking are those that someone who is of good looks, who is handsome, beautiful, pretty or physically attractive are that such a person is regarded as kinder, more sociable, more outgoing, more trusting, more intelligent and so forth. That immediate judgement is made by people within seconds of meeting somebody. This means that our victims are drawn to us through this initial assessment in addition to the unconscious drivers caused by their innate addiction.

Accordingly, this means that many of our kind tend to be good-looking, but not all.I do not mean necessarily stunning or of model looks (although there are those people in our number) but people who would be regarded as good-looking. Even the relatively average of our kind in looks will enhance that position through the effect of the other rules of attraction. It is unlikely (albeit not impossible) that your narcissist was physically ugly, the later ugliness came from elsewhere, but that does not figure as a rule of attraction. They may have been relatively average in looks, but as in terms of being representative as a percentage of the population, our kind are far more evident amongst the ranks of the physically attractive when compared to our numbers as part of the world’s population as a whole.

  1. Confidence Breeds Confidence

Confidence is attractive. Not cockiness (though this can be appealing to some) but that strength of conviction, the fact we are self-assured, comfortable in our own skin, at ease as we prowl and move. Why do we have this confidence? The fundamental reason for this confidence is that we are doing something that we have done scores of times before. The first time penalty-taker in a world cup competition will be nervous. The seasoned pro who has been there before is far more confident. When you have been doing your job for twenty years you exhibit greater confidence than a rookie starter. We are creatures of habit. We are well-practised in the way we behave. We operate in similar ways, adopting the same behaviours and this gives us an ease and an evident confidence which proves irresistible to those we have in our sights. Our confidence makes you feel confident that being attracted to us is natural and the right thing to feel.

44 thoughts on “The Rules of Seduction

  1. Joa says:

    Whenever I read, I always have reservations about point 1. Especially considering the strength of attraction Narcissus – Empath, Empath – Narcissus.

    But as for the pull effect, it’s lame 🙂

  2. Alison says:

    I’m not so sure about the opposites aspect. While I prefer someone of similar intelligence and socioeconomic status, there are other traits such as cockiness and aggression, which I seem to be repeatedly drawn to, but I lack myself.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Opposites attract is incorrect. That is trotted out as an excuse to dismiss a turbulent relationship.

    2. Witch says:


      “ are other traits such as cockiness and aggression, which I seem to be repeatedly drawn to, but I lack myself”

      What you’re attracted to can change with the application of logic.
      Now when I meet people who I suspect are narcs or even people who are narcissistic they give me the ick…
      I’m not saying I’m bullet proof but I have more control over my emotions so my attractions have changed..

  3. Pingback: The Rules of Seduction - Dark Triad Personality
  4. Rebecca says:


    Like a Terminator all the way, ” you can’t reason with it…, it absolutely will not stop until you are dead ” My favorite movie and T2. Well oiled machine indeed.

  5. ArdeaCinerea says:

    HG, you mention that a narcissist is likely to be good-looking, although they can be average-looking, but how would an unusually unattractive/ugly narcissist behave, if such a thing was possible? Thank you!

    I was reluctant to think of “my narcissist” as such, I thought a narcissist must be conventionally attractive, but he did all the stuff you describe in your very informative website: manipulation, triangulation, silent treatments, discards and hoovers, seduction and mirroring followed by devaluation etc. Several third parties, including a therapist, friends and acquaintances, also told me he is one, I have now accepted this. However sometimes I still doubt and wonder if they are/I am wrong.

    FWIW he talked constantly about how disadvantaged he is because he was born ugly, even though he is “as good as a saint” (I admit I also found him ugly when I first met him, but he seduced me with faked emotional closeness). I don’t think of myself as pretty but when he began devaluing he would say that my tears are fake because I have “pretty privilege”.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. He may be deluded and think he is good looking when he is not.
      2. His narcissism will utilise alternative “strengths” if looks and physical appearance are not used.

    2. alexissmith2016 says:

      I was seduced by someone I was not in the slightest bit attracted to. In fact I found him repulsive. But once under his spell I saw him as good looking? Now I see clearly again and see him for exactly what he is.

      I’d say the spread of Ns who are handsome vs not is not hugely different to the general population. Even some of the somatics, whilst some are, many are not even though they believe themselves to be. I think I’d rather like to be that deluded lol

      1. A Victor says:

        I agree with this Alexissmith.

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          I read an interesting comment from HG earlier (HG they’re all interesting), he said that if we enter the first five spheres of influence, the N believes we have made contact with them, even if we haven’t. What the actual fuck lol

          1. A Victor says:

            Oh wow! Thank you for this! I had not seen that and had not put that together! Okay, bolstering NC as we speak!

          2. Leigh says:

            Alexis, thank you for sharing this. Its insanity the way their mind works. Grandiose much! LOL!

            Your comment above about your ex narc being repulsive made me laugh out loud!

      2. Joa says:

        Sorry, but I have to write this. I need a stepping stone to distract myself from all horrible things for a moment.


        Alex, have you noticed, that with the current layout of the comment boxes on the homepage, your head is exactly between HG’s legs? 🙂 🙂 🙂


        My God! This is my preferred place, when it comes to male-female relationships! 🙂


        I prefer more, than sex. I could die in this position 🙂 It reminds me so much of closeness, devotion, trust, feeling for a man, and especially a sense of security.

        Yes, sex always made me feel safe. As far as I remember. When I was a child, these (then) “strange” thoughts were my haven.

        And the place between the male legs in particular. Interesting. I’ve been wondering about this for years.

        The safest place to sleep, ha ha ha 🙂

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          I don’t remember anyone making me feel safe as a child. I know that Ns are very good at this and as much as I like it, I reject it also. I’m not sure why I reject it? Possibly because I always had to make myself feel safe and so I’m not going to let anyone do it for me now. It’s too late. But I do kind of like it. Hmmm maybe it’s because it feels so good and I’m not feeling going to let someone take it away so I don’t allow them to do this in the first place. Who knows?

          1. Witch says:


            Narcs are good at making people feel safe???? This is news to me

          2. Hmmm I’ve found that yes, as long as you’re painted white I find them to be very protective

          3. Witch says:

            They always give me the heebie jeebies but I might excuse it if my emotional thinking is high
            Even the protectiveness is patronising and arrogant like “remember the earth is flat.. don’t wonder off too far you might fall of the edge and if you do fall of the edge I’m going to blame you for it because you shouldn’t have been such a whore”

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Witch, the seduction for me would have ended at “remember the earth is flat.” Hahaha!

          5. alexissmith2016 says:

            @witch, no I haven’t found them to be like that really. On the whole its been far more subtle. Just makes you feel ‘nice’. Of course now I know what an N is, I recognise that I’m not safe with them at all.

            One cheesy overprotective situation springs to mind though hahah

            My friend and I were out with a group of people, not the sort of group we’d typically go out with, but it was a special event. Also mainly guys. Towards the end of the evening a fight kicked off, right over the other side to where we were. We were a very safe distance. Anyway the group of guys (almost exclusively Ns, the type of event we were at is very popular amongst Ns) we were with surrounded my friend and I almost in a circle. We were literally in stiches, it was so comical and cheesy haha

          6. alexissmith2016 says:

            SP – it is flat isn’t it?

          7. HG Tudor says:

            It is to you AS2016 as you are usually lying on it, sloshed you lush!

          8. alexissmith2016 says:

            Hahhaha I literally hate you so much!

          9. HG Tudor says:

            Good, feed that hate, let it flow.

          10. Just for you x

          11. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Of course not! THE SUN is. Gosh…

          12. WhoCares says:

            @witch & Sweetest Perfection – haha! Thanks for the laugh.

        2. Witch says:


          “ Alex, have you noticed, that with the current layout of the comment boxes on the homepage, your head is exactly between HG’s legs? ”

          When you said this I thought you were referring to the 69 position and then I continued to read… so anyways

          1. Joa says:

            Witch, I don’t like 69, this is a flagship position that fascinates teenagers 🙂

            I choose one or the other, especially prefer what I wrote above. In this regard, I am not divided into attention 🙂


            As a little child who had no idea of ​​anything yet, I very often imagined a naked woman and a naked man rolling in a circle, with their heads between their legs. This image has been with me for several years. It evoked warmth and a sense of security.

            It wasn’t until my adolescence, when I began to devour theory passionately from books and newspapers, that more extended dreams and techniques for relieving tension emerged.

        3. Joa says:

          Yes, I also felt very safe and taken care of with N1 and N2 – for quite a long time.

          A spilling warm feeling, that despite all the facts, I still feel when they appear electronically for a while.

          It happened quite often, that they saved me from situations they had caused themselves.

          It is the same at work, there are times when they protect me greatly (one from the other). Other times, they ignore me and leave me to be eaten. Other times they deliberately “pinch” me. It’s fluid.
          When it comes to distributing money, the disparity is ALWAYS huge.

      3. Truthseeker6157 says:


        Yeah I was definitely the better catch. Both times. Haha.

        I’m not deluded though…. Im not!

        I AM NOT DELUDED!!!!

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          I don’t doubt it TS, I’ve heard people stop in their tracks when they see you, to admire your beauty xxx

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:


            Haha! ( glad you read that in the silly way I intended)


          2. alexissmith2016 says:

            You know what TS, I say things like that to people all the time, you can tell with the Ns they completely believe every word of what I say. And with the lower echelons I’m sometimes totally cheesy! I find it hilarious when they’re that deluded.

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:


            It beggars belief doesn’t it? I can’t imagine ever having the overconfidence to take statements like that and believe that they are anything other than a joke. I’m a reasonably confident girl, I flirt, mess about, but their confidence is on an entirely different scale.

            When HG gives it the full swagger, it feels tongue in cheek but underneath it I know it kind of isn’t! It’s exaggerated, imaginative, consistent with the character. It’s funny and it suits HG.

            Trump’s swagger I just find comical. Trump is so outlandish and so exaggerated I just laugh. Over the top I can really laugh at if it’s done in the right way. Trumps mannerisms tickle me rather than his words. That kind of puffed out chest and the false regal expression he puts on is just plain funny.

            Mid Range overconfidence though I just find awkward. I think it’s because it’s so unfounded. The MMRA used to really love himself. Good looking guy, but not as good looking as he thought. He took himself so seriously too, really thought he was the business, but wasn’t over the top enough with it to at least be funny.

            That Addiction of ours has a lot to answer for!


          4. Oh my god TS! I literally love Trump hahhaa I’ve missed him! He really made my day during those early days of the pandemic. Clearly not someone I’d want to be friends with but entertaining on another level. Of course when you see people like that it’s okay when youre with others who see the humour too but if you were one to one with him, I imagine it would be awful. I’m still not sure I’d be able to hold my laughter in though, even during devaluation lol

            But yes their confidence or delusion is unreal! I also know an MMRA who is not as handsome as yours, I’d rate him a 2/10, a high 2 hahah anywya he genuinely believes he looks like George clooney and makes reference to this regularly. I’d love to be able to show him and others a mirror where they see exactly what they look like. It would be amazing!

          5. Asp Emp says:

            D’Trump = an ageing gorilla that has just been ‘tangoed’?

    3. Violetta says:

      Ever seen the Olivier Richard III? Watch how his pity play about no one fancying him doesn’t stop him from killing half the cast even after he’s succeeded in banging Lady Anne. (Obviously, more-or-less same Shakespeare script as other versions–some lines from Colley Cibber–but Olivier captures the Byronic hero bullshit the best.

    4. Witch says:

      “ but how would an unusually unattractive/ugly narcissist behave, if such a thing was possible?”

      It’s very possible, best believe, god damn!
      And how would they behave? They are out here tipping the scales of justice as if it’s their birth right

      1. Violetta says:

        And yet the Santa Barbara shooter, incel Eliot Roger complained that his less-attractive roommate had a steady girlfriend who stayed over. Roger wasn’t actually particularly bad-looking, but probably the roommate didn’t reek of desperation and resentment.

    5. NarcAngel says:

      “(I admit I also found him ugly when I first met him, but he seduced me with faked emotional closeness).”

      Well, there’s one of the ways in which they might behave.

    6. Leigh says:

      One of my ex narcs was a burn survivor. He was scarred on his face, neck and hands. I thought he was beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Plus he was funny and charming. He charmed the pants right off of me. They use whatever tools they have in their toolkit to seduce us. He used the fact that he was a burn survivor to play on my heart strings. I wanted to make him feel like he was good enough.. It was all just one big pity play and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

      1. A Victor says:

        Wow Leigh, this is a great example of how they hook us through pity. Thanks for sharing this.

      2. Joa says:

        Leigh, I understand that perfectly well. When you love, even the ugliest person becomes beautiful.

        More. Mediocre or average-quality sex – knocks you off your feet.

        This is not a N trick. These are our feelings. That’s the whole secret.

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