Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”

Makes perfect sense to me but I should imagine it will not to you. Welcome to the logic of my world. The penchant that our kind and me exhibit for telling you that black is white and when you eventually agree (and you will no matter how ridiculous this may appear) we will tell you that it was black all along. Or orange. Or azure.

Our ability to deploy contrariwise must rank amongst one of the most confusing, infuriating and draining manipulative techniques that we possess. Well, judging by your reactions when we wheel this out it is. In all honesty, it is used so often it may as well be a default setting. No matter what you say to us we will automatically adopt a contrary position even if that contrary position appears to you as untenable and that it flies in the face of logic. We will always find ways of undermining, denying and deflecting what you are saying to us, most particularly if you are trying to make us look bad, prove we are wrong or you are challenging us in some way. We cannot allow those things to happen. We have a number of standard phrases that we will use in furtherance of this ability.

“Why must you always exaggerate?”

“No, I have never done that.”

“You are over-reacting. Again.”

“I think you will find that you are being sensitive, I did not mean it the way you are interpreting it.”

“You always look at it the wrong way.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Your memory is playing tricks on you.”

“You/he/she/the world is making things up.”

“If you say so but you have got it wrong.”

“I never do that.”

“You always have to make a scene don’t you?”

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Our capacity to be presented with evidence of something and then in the next breath deny the existence of that evidence is staggering. We will reject what you say, deny we ever said anything (even though we actually said it just ten minutes ago) and twist our position so many times we appear to turn into a corkscrew.

Why do we do this? It serves three purposes. The first is because we are never wrong then we must never be shown to be wrong. You seem to have a fascination for trying to demonstrate to us that we are wrong about the things we say and do. That is a nonsense. We cannot be wrong and you must accept that. Our use of contrariwise enables us to ensure that we remain right and you remain wrong. It is entirely logical to us. If it is not so to you then that is your problem. You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules. Do not try and argue that you did not agree to this. When you embraced our illusion you consented to this state of affairs. Do not try and deny that it is the case otherwise we will just have to provide you with some more contrariwise.

The second reason that we do this is that we have to have you in a state of confusion. This means that being a creature of order and logic you will try and make sense of our contrariwise which will merely serve to put your head in a spin. Furthermore, you cannot help yourself but want to show us that we are wrong. You cannot accept that we are unable to see the point that you are making. That is entirely the point. You are subjected to our rules now and logic, reason and sense rode out of town many moons ago. This confusion will leave you susceptible to our other manipulations and drain you of your resistance and resolve making it harder for you to escape our grip.

The third reason is down to our lifeblood, yes fuel. Your evident frustration, curses and desperation as you try to make us see that we are wrong provides us with delicious dollops of fuel. You tear your hair out, repeat yourself, raise your voice and collapse sobbing in frustration. It is all good fuel to us. No matter if you argued the point with the forensic precision of a top barrister we would twist the words so they achieve what we want and not what you want. To borrow from Lewis Carrol’s fantastic writing I leave you with the words of humpty dumpty, who was clearly a pioneer of our kind.

“When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean.”

14 thoughts on “Contrariwise

  1. Sweetest Perfection says:

    What a like about this article starts here: “Welcome to the logic of my world.”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Sums it up neatly.

  2. Pingback: Contrariwise - Dark Triad Personality
  3. Sweetest Perfection says:

    I love this one this love I

    1. Rebecca says:


      I remember my recent narcissist did this to me, tried to say he never said something and I argued with him and told him, you can say what you want. I still know what you said and denying it now isn’t going to change the fact you said it. I know you said, you know you said it and that’s all I gotta say. I walked away. I’m too stubborn for that game and I won’t play it.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Rebecca, wow, a powerful yet inspiring comment. Thank you for sharing it 🙂

        1. Rebecca says:

          Asp Emp,
          Thanks, I had a lot of practice with my mother. I can argue,it’s a fine toned skill. I earned it through blood,sweat and tears. Dealing with the narcissists in my life always reminded me of Alice in Wonderland, backwards was forwards, up is down, black is white today,but it’s black tomorrow….I get it, it’s just to f**k with your mind. My recent narcissist would start that mess and I would just look at him, mental note it in my minds library and analyze it later. I’m just straight forward, I am who I am, this is what you get,don’t like it, there’s the door, bye. Don’t waste time with mind games. F*** that.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Rebecca, thank you for your ‘colourful’ response, I like it 🙂 Alice in Wonderland sounds about right 😉 I am just glad that I now ‘found’ me again, it is so freeing – reading the last part of your comment is good to read. Thank you 🙂

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I hate gaslighting.

        1. A Victor says:

          SP, strange to see this word here today. Late last night I realized my ex had gaslighted me with a card I found from another woman, signed “Guess Who?”when he told me that I had sent it, and really insisted I had. I did not believe, I knew better, but I accepted it, set the card back on the pile, pushed it back under his bed and ignored it. I was several months pregnant at the time, we’d been together for 4 or 5 years already, not yet married. I have had a difficult time getting my head around gaslighting, this memory this time made me realize what it is and some of how it’s done. I think all the narcs in my life have done it to some degree or another but without such clear cut examples always.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Wow AV, I am so sorry you had to endure that! And pregnant! What a pathetic, low being to do that to you. Gaslighting is the cruelest form of psychological abuse. It can drive a victim to suicide and, in the best of cases, make the victims doubt their mental health. I despise anyone capable of doing that to another person. I have absolutely 0 tolerance for that. I feel so sad to know you were cheated on and on top of that, gaslighted by that snake. If you watch then film Gaslight, free on YouTube, you’ll be able to identify all the forms of psychological abuse HG teaches us here. It is an old movie but it’s worth it.

          2. A Victor says:

            Hi SP, yes, I have watched Gaslighting, a couple of versions of it. This movie means so much more now that I understand narcissism, it’s really chilling now. I think I was easy to gaslight, I was very used to it, so I think it may have actually been less stressful in a way. Though that particular incident wasn’t. I have mentioned on the blog that I stuck my head in the sand, this, gaslighting, and the cognitive dissonance are much the reasons why. I realize now that I lived in a very fuzzy, indistinct world, slo-mo but also extremely fast moving, almost like a dream sequence, but a bad dream, the kind where you can’t scream. And they did keep it this way. I am thankful for your comments here, it has helped me realize another layer of the onion and now I can deal with it.

      3. Savoy Truffle says:

        My ex liked saying things without saying them, if you know what I mean. Like when I reminded him of the reasons why I broke up with him, he says something like “yes, that’s how I remember it.” Not admitting to anything, not denying it either. So you can’t pin him down. Recently he tried giving me an apology of sorts, but still didn’t own up to anything he did (like cheating and lying). He also can be vague and evasive.

        1. A Victor says:

          My ex lived and breathed vague and evasive. It really kept me on shifting sands, never actually knowing what was going on. Horrible way to live. I’m glad we both got away from them.

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