The Paranoia of Character Assassination by the Narcissist
The character assassination. Close cousin of the smear campaign. Built on a foundation of lies also, hurtful and effective. The smear campaign is outward facing namely it is aimed at third parties in order to affect their way of thinking. A character assassination is directed to and at you. There are three ways of assassinating your character. The first is to say things to you which are unpleasant, demeaning and hateful which accordingly dent and wound your sense of well-being.
The second is to do things to you which are denigrating, disrespectful and nasty which cause your sense of self-worth to be eroded, for instance failing to make you something to eat (so as to treat you as non-existent) or to make you engage in some sexual practice you find distasteful (thus causing you to cheapen yourself). Those two methods are obvious and directed. The third method is a particularly insidious and troubling way of affecting your character. We tell you that other people think badly of you, do not like and are saying things about you. They are not of course. We avoid or reduce any risk of you finding this out by saying to you.
“There’s no point asking them of course, they are bound to deny it, but trust me, I have heard them. They didn’t think I could hear.”
Furthermore, whilst increasing your paranoia and making you feel bad, we also seize the opportunity to heighten our own virtue with you by stating,
“Of course I don’t think that of you, but I thought it was only right to let you know what is being said about you.”
Naturally we do think this of you because this falsehood is being generated by us. Accordingly, we are able to avoid any blame ourselves (a key aim of ours) whilst landing several blows against you caused by fictitious remarks from other people and drawing fuel from your confused and upset reaction. There are five methods by which we create a perceived pressure generated by other people against you, as part of this character assassination by proxy.
- Everybody says….
Everybody is talking about you. They are all saying it. That must feel terrible to be the talk of the neighbourhood, the subject of village gossip and the focus of wagging tongues. Just think when you are walking to the corner shop those two neighbours stood on the lawn will smile and wave a cheery hello to you but as soon as you are past they will be talking about you. Yes, everybody says it about you. They will be talking on the telephone about you, gossiping in living rooms and exchanging views in that corner shop so they fall silent as you arrive and resume their conversation once you have left. Oh I know that they will appear pleasant and engaging as ever but believe me this is how two-faced they are about you. I have picked up on this. I have overheard the comments and some have even been mentioned to me. No, I won’t say by who, there is no need. Of course I defended you against what they said. It wasn’t pleasant at all but then being thought of as the local bike, the slut, the whore and harridan isn’t nice is it, but that is what everyone is saying about you.
- They all think…
It is a collective perception of you that has gained traction out there. A body of opinion that is being expressed and shared by many people. They think it at your gym, the think it at choir practice, they think it at the school and the supermarket and the garage. How do I know? Well, let’s just say that fortunately for you I have people who keep an eye out and a listen in for your benefit. No, there’s no need to thank me, I do it to look after you, naturally, but my small network of guardians, if you will, report things back to me from time to time and they have been telling me that they all think you have a problem with your temper. Yes, you have a reputation for being a bit of a volcano, one wrong comment and boom! Off you go. To be honest, I had my suspicions about them thinking this of you even before my network of guardians told me. It is the way they look at you. You probably haven’t picked up on it but there is an apprehension in their eyes, a nervousness in their speech and I saw it as it told me what they were really thinking, that they were afraid you were going to explode and lash out at them. I have seen it many times and I know what they are all thinking about you.
- You do know what opinion they have of you don’t you?
It is not a high opinion I am afraid. I don’t know where it comes from to be honest, I mean, after all, it is not as if they are really in a position to judge is it, but I guess some people forget about that when they are jealous. Yes, that is what is behind their nasty opinions. They take the view that you are a gold-digger, a mercenary who is only after one thing, my money. It is inevitable that they will form this view of course. I am successful, earning well and we have this beautiful house, two cars, frequent holidays and no concerns about our bills. I suppose they must look on enviously at the fact that you don’t work and you spend a lot of time shopping. Every time you pull up on the drive and exit the car with those bags from the boutiques it is no doubt upsetting them. You cannot help the fact you were lucky enough to get with me. I guess it really sticks in their craw the fact that you came from a, well how might I put this, a less well-off background and now here you are living a gilded lifestyle. I suppose they have this opinion of you because they think that you should not belong here. It is just jealousy and I have seen it before with people like this so I know what to look out for. You may just want to keep that in mind when you next deal with them, if you decide to do so at all anymore.
- They won’t be impressed with that.
I mean I put up with it because well we are together aren’t we and that is the nature of a relationship isn’t it, but I know from the way our families think and our friends that they will not be impressed with your behaviour. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with it? Well, no, but I suppose they will say that you are bound to say that aren’t you? They expect high standards I suppose. You have made a rod for your own back in that regard but doing something like that will not have impressed all these people. Oh I am sure they will soon get over it but I thought it only fair to tell you how they will view your behaviour. I can see it troubles you and that’s right because you are reflective in that regard but perhaps you need to think first before you do such things in the future. In fact, it would probably be for the best if you don’t go to those events any more yes? Indeed, I would suggest you keep a low-profile for a while in respect of people as whole and you would be better served by staying at home and keeping out of their line of sight. That way they might just forget about your unimpressive behaviour and you can move on. Don’t worry, you have always got me of course.
- It’s not just me that thinks….
I am only telling you this for your own good because I care about you but you do need to do something about your drinking. Look, I am reasonably relaxed about it, I know how hard you work and you like to unwind with a few glasses of wine. I get it but I am just worried about your health. You are often rather grumpy the next morning as well, you know short-tempered and you’ve been snapping at people, short with them. I know you don’t think you are but trust me, it is not just me that thinks it is causing a problem. A few people have remarked to me about it as well. Nothing major but we don’t want it to get out of hand do we? That’s how you get a reputation after all and you don’t want that do you. It is beyond just a concern though. I think it as well, but as I say I am looking at it more from a health point of view, I know others are concerned about how you are behaving with other people, including a couple of your colleagues so you need to think on because you know what can happen when people start to think things about you, it somehow becomes hard fact and that becomes very difficult to change.
The character assassination by proxy also serves a further purpose. It causes you to cling tighter to us. It is a horrible and uncertain world out there. People you thought liked you are showing that they do not. We are your only friend so you had better do what we want in order to keep us.
17 thoughts on “The Paranoia of Character Assassination by the Narcissist”
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Oh, how timely this text is for me!
I experience it precisely when working with a new boss who – ironically – was once my colleague (N.) and whom I helped to jump into this position (there was no better alternative). I see too much, understand too much, know too much + I cannot hide my disappointment with his current attitude, cowardice and irrational behavior. In response to his public impertinences towards me, I offer him a mirror and show obvious, undeniable errors. He’s “asking” for it.
I’m not going to bow my head. He’ll learn to respect me or pretend to be respectful, or we’ll fight while smiling at each other. I will not be betrayed or humiliated.
It may be hard. In our company, no employees are made redundant. They are brought into such a state that they free themselves. Psychological methods + slander campaign, and recently also pseudo-evidence.
I see he hesitates and doesn’t know how to bite me. I irritate him very much. She snorts, snorts, expresses contempt and arches her body backwards even if I only say one sentence.
I’d rather go hand in hand, I’d rather focus only on my work, unfortunately I also have to watch my back and sides and anticipate his actions towards me.
I could handle him alone. Unfortunately, his predecessor’s aura works to his advantage. People “kneel down” in front of the title itself. They continue what they knew before.
Pity. It was about to change, and nothing changed… Only the little man took the place of the big man.
It is certainly tiresome for me. I am waiting for the first cracks in the operating system, then my time will come.
I just want: continued independence, respect and appreciation. Sooner or later he’ll have to give it to me (pretend). Something for something. Without it, I will not be an effective protective shield.
Oh. That’s made me remember some of the things that someone used to say to me at work. Not precisely those things, but very close. It certainly affected how I thought and interacted with the people that were saying (or allegedly saying) things about me, which probably in turn coloured how they spoke to me or treated me – it was possibly a vicious circle.
HG, I see your favorite lady aka Harry’s Wife is back and it seems bigger than ever. Of all the guests she could have on, and will have on, there is only one guest I would be willing to listen to in excited anticipation, and that guest would be you. To sit and listen to you with Harry’s Wife would be worth its weight in Gold. That would be a very good example of a Greater with a mid range. Who knows, if she asked you, would you do it?
Best,
DB
No, I have better things to do than be involved directly with her vapid existence.
HG, understandable and I very much agree.
Best,
DB
“Vapid” was the exact word that came to mind when I read the news of her latest (second) Spotify offering. There’s wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell I was going to listen to it. Reading about it was bad enough. The Daily Mail reported on it with a sense of orgasmic glee (SMH), and their reports combined with commentary coming from other sources weren’t inclined to use the word ‘vapid’, but that’s exactly how it felt to me. The word comes from Latin and means ‘flat tasting’ – according to Meriam-Webster – and there was nothing flavoursome about her offering. I’ve been watching cooking shows lately (this is what your absence has driven me to, HG, but I promise I shan’t speak of recipes) and it’s interesting to hear critiques from the experts about the elements and how competitors get it wrong. One of the major issues is lack of seasoning, taste or flavour, and there didn’t seem to be anything to excite the palate of listeners as the Duchess of Woke stole the show from her guest alongside the insight she could have given into the issue of female ambition.
Her whole take on feminism seems to exist in her childhood story around writing to Procter and Gamble with an immaturity added to it that leaves me feeling like I’m stuck in the 60’s, as though the world has not moved forward and women still need to fear being assigned to the kitchen. The other reality Procter and Gamble overlooked is that often children are the ones assigned to doing the washing up – I know I was. How dare they not recognise the child labourers sweating over greasy dishes in the sink as their parent’s put their feet up in front of the T.V. The ad should have said “People, young and old …” to be more inclusive. Who will rise up on behalf of children?
It’s kind of sad to see a pre-teen stuck in a woman’s body and bygone era trying to make the world believe she has anything worthwhile to offer in terms of education and enlightenment. Serena Williams is finally letting go of her ambition on the tennis court. There nothing worse than watching a failing star fade into oblivion. Go out on a high like Ash Barty. If there was an example to follow of grace and groundedness it would be hers.
Nice to have you back, HG.
Thank you.
I have read reviews of this “offering” and any review that comes from a credible journalist (i.e. not a paid sycophant) gives it one star and pans it. Unsurprising.
I have since discovered The Times mentioned “vapid conversation” as well as a “parade of banalities, absurdities and self-aggrandizing Californian platitudes”
One star and a panning is definitely unsurprising.
I always enjoy writing for The Times!
I knew it was you 😉
The Times was paralleled by Point de Vue’s cover, which features an image of vapid Meghan followed by the headline “Meghan. Récit d’une autodestruction.” Point de Vue acutely points out how she has weaved this narrative that she wants to make the world a better place without any taking specific action. I guess in her magical thinking, inviting rich friends to bore the audience in a podcast is a good start to fight for social justice. Meghan is at this point in which she has had enough rope and she’s destroying herself, as the journal claims.
Hey LET x
I didn’t listen either. Not a fan of Serena. At all. Wouldn’t give HW my viewing figure.
Apparently she knocked Josh Rogan off the top spot for Spotify Podcast figures. I can only imagine her crowing to her cronies. I expect people tuned in just out of curiosity and her figures will slump around episode 3 or 4. The higher they climb, the further they fall. Applicable also to narcs.
Hope you are well. Cooking shows? O ohh! Haha!
Xx
TS xox
For some reason I’ve never been that interested in the William’s sisters, but in all honesty my main focus in general is on men’s sports – yes, admitting that as a woman. Ash Barty stunned the tennis world as a successful young player with the world at her feet when she retired unexpectedly recently. She’d reached her pinnacle, winning the competitions she wanted to win and now is expanding her horizons with much to offer, including in the sport of golf. What a gifted athlete she is and also incredibly humble. She seemed serene about her retirement, going out as top seed in women’s tennis.
It’s wonderful to watch athletes at the pinnacle of their careers and it must be incredibly hard for them to walk away when their bodies begin to tell them that enough is enough and they can no longer keep pace with the younger players. Injuries take a toll as well. For the fans it often becomes boring to see the same players winning year in, year out and keeping younger players from achieving the heights. Then again, they worked incredibly hard to get to that place, sacrificed a great deal to get there, and should be afforded every opportunity to make the most of their spoils.
I think there are some arenas where it’s not an issue, but sport is one where you eventually need to move away from the physicality of it, and many do, making excellent commentators and so forth. I’ve seen grown men cry at having to make the decision though, especially with the camaraderie that often exists around team sports. I’ve wondered lately how narcissists cope and evolve where team sports is involved. There is no ‘I’ in ‘team’ as they say. How do they reign in their narcissistic tendencies in order to operate as part of a team so they are not also competing with one another, or do they inspire one another by competing with eachother?
Oh, how I love a good chin wag when the opportunity presents itself 🙂 I’ve been somewhat starved of the opportunity to mull over narcissists while HG has been away.
Yes, Joe Rogan apparently took a hit, but with his programming being so regular and reliable I guess everyone wanted to see if the $25 million Spotify handed to the Harkle’s was worth it, and possibly hear from Serena William’s as well. I’m wondering if all the interviews will be narc on narc as she is having Mariah Carey on next 😛 People will possibly tune in to hear from the guests, but it’s not likely they will get much of a platform going by the first podcast. It will be a waste of their time. Narcs fawning over one another isn’t my idea of fun either. One journalist suggested Harry’s wife would not have any guests that would be likely to challenge her and Serena Williams was a nice soft entry for her having been named as one of her closest friends.
I think you’re right and curiosity caused a majority of the audience to tune in. Going by the reviews not as many will tune in the next time. I expect a rapid decline in listeners as Meghan plies her wares. The victim narrative will wear thin fairly quickly for most people who are concerned with much bigger problems in their lives right now.
Haha, TS, cooking shows got me sucked in and likely the element of competition, too. It makes it interesting, as opposed to just being shown create different dishes. I want to see people sweat blood as they race to plate up their dishes while disaster sometimes strikes in the process. How will they redeem themselves? Sometimes they don’t. The judges keep them on tenterhooks. I sense a narcissistic trait coming to the fore in me there 😉
Good to touch base <3 Much happening on the home front, but all is well. I hope you and your brood have been keeping well, too xox
Oops! That should have been “as opposed to being shown how to create different dishes” 🙂
LET,
Gosh it has been so long hasn’t it?
I agree with you on the athlete front. It’s interesting how some can switch sports so readily and then get to the top of their game with the second option also. I think they have a real awareness of how their body moves. Tennis to golf is kind of logical to me, I can see how timing and similar physicality could ease the transition.
I tried golf a long time ago. I think we can safely say it doesn’t suit my temperament. It brought out the worst in me. I was ready to kill by the ninth hole. Terrible haha! I’m incredibly impatient with myself too which really doesn’t help. I’m a lot better with, “lift this.” “ Run over there.” “ Have a dance to that.” Haha! No talent, just perseverance.
I thought about you when I was watching the funeral. I knew you would be watching too. I was bawling when they pulled the coffin on the gun carriage. That really got to me for some reason. The church part I did better with, it was the procession parts that had me bawling. The end of an era. I think it’s that that gets to me most.
Laughing at your take on cooking shows. Haha! I’m similar. I’m dying for the cake to collapse or the sauce to stick to the pan! I’m going to call it my mischievous streak, nothing narcy to report over here!!
Thank you, the kids are doing well. Do you remember a while ago when I told you about my daughter getting caught by a suspected online narc? Well, she was hoovered a week or so ago. He friend requested her under a different name. She said she knew it was him because of the time of the request and also because he just kept requesting over and over and over.
She told me and I went in to her room to chat. Her hands were shaking and she lit up the room. If ever I saw an addiction in action it was that night. I advised her not to accept the friend request or any unknown friend requests. She wanted to accept to check it was him then block. I advised against this and she said she would think about it so I had to trust her and let the chips fall. She was grumpy for a day or two and so I offered to listen if she wanted to talk but didn’t push her. A couple of days later she told me what had happened.
She accepted the friend request but didn’t say anything. She could see him online and spent an hour chatting to her friend just watching his profile lit up. After an hour, she blocked him. Her thinking was that it would build him up to accept the request, the expectation of fuel. Then she ignored and blocked so he didn’t receive any! Haha!
In some ways I can see the thinking there and there is a grain of truth in the approach but her ET did go up for a day or so. We spoke some more about why he was back, what he was after, how he would likely be for a few weeks until the cycle would repeat. She would be shelved again and at a time when she least expected. She gets it, agrees that no one is treating her that way and her stubborn streak is reactivated, so I think she’s good for now. Bloody narcs and their hoovers. Arseholes.
My son is knuckling down more at school this year so I’m a little less concerned than I was. A little less. Not a lot less but manageable! His birthday is this week. 16 :/ where did the time go?
Good to speak to you LET. Missed you. Xx
At the time this commercial was airing, Hillary Clinton wasn’t 1st Lady yet. I think it was still Barbara Bush. This calls into question not only the unique li’l feminist claims (it was a class assignment; her father got her the individual notice), but also her age. If she was 11 then, she wouldn’t be only 41 (f’COUGH) now.
As usual with her, the details don’t matter, ’cause she has HER truth.
Viol, good call. I see you included HG’s signature (COUGH) in relation to her age. Can’t be that hard to get to the bottom of that one, but as you say it’s HER truth and to hell with what the rest of us think or know. Sadly, she’ll continue to live in her delusions.