Forever Wrong Upon The Throne

FOREVER WRONG UPON THE THRONE

It is late.

The time is somewhere between the witching hour and when the devil stalks the land yet the pull of slumber has yet to be felt. The darkness envelopes me with only the silver burnish of moonlight to pick out the objects around me and ensure they retain some familiarity.

It is cold but I do not object, content to sit with the window open and allow the night air to infiltrate my domain. The cold touch of the darkness soothes me and a calm has settled upon my person. I am sat, alone, yet I have  no concerns, for the day has proved fruitful, as always,  in my quest for fuel. Although not sated I am neither in desperate need nor bloated from my repeated extractions.

There is room for more, there is always room for more but I do not feel that driving need to acquire more. Instead the stillness and the calm engulf me as I sit here and look out from my elevated situation, through the wide open window and across the garden and the fields beyond.

My still alert eyes detect no movement of beast nor breeze. The trees still as if in silent salute. The birds that so often fly past are nested for the night and in the distance the intermittent hoot of an owl is a reminder that although I am sat alone there is still something out there. It is at times like this, when the freneticism has subsided, the hurly burly of the day’s cut and thrust has given way to this rare and unusual state that I remember.

My gaze remains steady as I look out across those undulating fields, fields so similar to the ones that we used to run through didn’t we? Where are you? Where are you now?

Why are you not sat beside me, king and queen like we used to when we planned our lives all that times ago? You must forgive me. I have not thought of you as often or as deeply as I ought to have done but I have been about other things.

I know you understand. I know you recognise that the demands made upon me would be beyond others and that I must attend to those demands. I know that you realise that to dwell too often would leave me weakened and that must not happen but moments such as these, when I find myself feeling freed of my burden then I am able to reach out to you, wherever you may be.

Although I do not often permit it, you remain etched into my memory and I know with the certainty that the world will not stop spinning, that you will always reside in my memory. Yet, I must confess, that is not enough. Should a moment or an instance bring to the surface an element of our past I am bound to push it away, cast it deep into the recesses of my mind and place it behind bolted door and fearsome gate.

There is not hope for me to do anything else, for to indulge in recollection at such times would distract me too greatly from my endeavours. I know I ought not to do it but I must do so. For such moments I am moved to seek your forgiveness from your benevolent self in the full knowledge that I am told that I deserve none.

It is now when I sit on this chair and besides yours, ‘our thrones’ as we once called them, that I am able to allow your memory to consume me. I reach out with my hand and expect that somehow I will feel your cool hand slide into mine just one more time yet there is nothing.

Just that absence that has remained constant no matter how hard I labour to fill it. We would sit side by side wouldn’t we and look out across those fields through which we ran to our secret places, those sanctuaries and idylls dotted throughout our kingdom?

We issued our declarations as one, formulated our ordinances of governance for the betterment of our subjects and did so with great gladness. Do I miss doing so together or have I just been conditioned to believe that I miss it?

Where are you? Why will you only show yourself as memory ? Why will you not come back to me ? You could do so, even if as a shade to haunt me as I sit amidst this encompassing darkness. Do you remain distant from me to punish , joining the legions of the traitorous? Have they turned you against me? Perhaps you do and I am told that such punishment is only right for one such as I.

I know myself for what I am and I seek to purge that which grips me each and every day through the frenzied application to my endeavours in the hope that they will allow me to be granted absolution and you will return. I swear, I swear by all that I am, I would accept these labours at a tenfold if only to see you once again, hear your voice and look upon you as you take my hand as you always did. We joined as one and we were better for it were we not? Come back to me? Return. Sit beside me once again and let us find that which we once had and should always have.

I sit in the darkness as I say these thoughts aloud, my low and steady voice seeming distant and disembodied. I pause and wait expecting you to answer but there is no response.

Come back to me because for all that I have done and for all that I am about to do, without you I will sit forever wrong upon the throne.

And I must be right.

51 thoughts on “Forever Wrong Upon The Throne

  1. A Victor says:

    Oops, sent early, sorry! … The inner life of the writer, the often autobiographical material, so romanticism really rather than romance itself. I did think it would be obvious but am feeling the need to clarify. To me, this piece is melancholy, dramatic, speaks to his isolation and in these ways, romantic, regardless of who the thoughts refer to. And yes, I agree, a hoover that draws the heart in and makes us want to help this man with his demons, this man who would then hurt us, if we get too close. The beauty of the distance between us and HG.

    1. Jordyguin says:

      – this man who would then hurt us, if we get too close. –

      HG would run away from us if we ALL get too close😂

      1. A Victor says:

        Haha, I don’t think he would, but it might be fun to find out! 😂

        1. Jordyguin says:

          I think too😘Game night at Tudor Towers – relevant game to find out: Tag you’re it !

          1. A Victor says:

            Hahaha, umm…I would pass on that! Thanks for the giggle though, it’s been fun!

  2. annaamel says:

    I agree the post is a hoover – HG wants someone or something that he once had that he feels incomplete without and is trying to encourage the return.

    Where we might be diverging in our interpretations is whether we see the post as aiming to deceive.

    In this one I really do think there is a kind of love running through the writing. It’s not romantic love – not even romantic love in its ideal form. There are other kinds of love which are deeper, more pure, less selfish – and that is what I feel in this post.

    When we interpret posts and comments on the blog, we likely try to apply all the knowledge and insight we have. Some of us have different knowledge, different insight. Some of us less, some more. Some of us probably have biases or attachments to ideas that we find hard to dissociate from our interpretations.

    I see the post as him wishing, wanting to have whatever of his sister is available to him. Even if this is only memories of her. He wants her thoughts, her feelings, her desires, her, her leadership, her approval, her chastisement, her company, her love in its deepest, purest form. This is what he is hoovering.

    1. annaamel says:

      Just to add to this – going back into the archives – the March 2019 edition of this post features a different picture. Not a throne, not a crown – but a young girl standing against the darkness.

    2. A Victor says:

      Hi Annaamel,

      Just to clarify, my use of the word “romance” was not intended to mean between two partners, a romantic situation etc. Rather I intended it to refer to romance as in the emotion,

      1. A Victor says:

        Hi again Annaamel, the rest of my previous comment went outside of this thread, so sorry. It is nearby, if you care to look, and starts with “Oops, sent early, sorry!”

      2. annaamel says:

        Hello AV.

        Yes, I realised your use of ‘romance’ was in the broader sense of the term – a romantic outlook rather than describing an actual romantic relationship. Your meaning did come across as intended 🙂

        1. A Victor says:

          Okay, good, thank you Annaamel.

    3. Contagious says:

      Here’s my take. A longing out of a feeling of emptiness. A longing that he thinks once existed that was once fulfilled. I feel the cold and calm of his night and his longing to fill it. It is very cold. Very still. Very much based on a cognitive realization coupled with a howling of emptiness. He thinks for a moment that the answer to his compulsion is this would be queen, his sister or not, but what it shows is he woke up low on fuel and felt his emptiness. No doubt it passed. But he eloquently captured the moment.

      1. Jordyguin says:

        ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥
        ..calm of his night and his longing to fill it.. cold and still ..coupled with a howling of emptiness..

    4. Jordyguin says:

      – „There are other kinds of love which are deeper, more pure, less selfish“ – ❤️‍🔥

      – „I see the post as him wishing, wanting to have whatever of his sister is available to him. Even if this is only memories of her. He wants her thoughts, her feelings, her desires, her, her leadership, her approval, her chastisement, her company, her love in its deepest, purest form. This is what he is hoovering.“ – ❤️‍🔥

      And I would also think that all of what you mentioning here, is something we all want from (some) people in our life. And even the bigger challenge is; are we ourselves manifesting that love in the deepest and purest form? It’s like we are all learning right now to understand what is it not – that is deep and pure – love. Starting to see why it came to this miss-manifestation of what we understood to be love.

  3. Jordyguin says:

    Interesting, nor here or in other comments on this article (accept one reader from couple years ago) the commentators realise that it is about your twin sister (who passed away young).

    The connection, the longing for purity that awaits you in the darkness on a nights like this. It is on a level that I doubt a standard empath can feel, to be honest. What you expressing in this article and in some others and in older comments when you speak about yourself — is not a narcissist and not a mask. The way you speak to her and you know that she will understand. She is the one to beat the illusion that was put upon you. How? I can only imagine and assume.

    Your pragmatism is on the one hand so contrary to this mystical part of you and on the other it is exactly perfect how it is.

    1. A Victor says:

      Hi Jordyguin, when I was trying to figure out the meaning of this beautiful piece of writing, people kept reminding me that a narcissist’s perspective is not our perspective. They often have a great deal of magical thinking.

      1. Jordyguin says:

        Hi A Victor :)) you are right about the magical thinking. I will explain how I came to my conclusion.

        When I came across HG’s blog this summer and started to read from the beginning, I kept seeing through his writing and reactions that HG is a twin. The articles but also his remarks such as „a firstborn to one but not to another“ and his interest in commentators who mentioned that they were twins, and other hints that led to that conclusion.
        When I came upon the article „You Said We’d Always Be Together“ it was again very clear to me, but I didn’t realise that his twin passed away. As I continued reading I came across various moments of HG and MLAClarece (love this beacon!! she dug deep with the honest of hearts!), also HG mentioned that he don’t want to have children because „they would remind me of you and what you did to me“ (other article). I realised a bit later that his mother put the blame and the heavy weight of what happened to his twin, on HG alone as he was just a child when that accident happened.

        When I read the article above it was clear to me that it is again about HG’s twin sister. I made my first comment. Later I was listening to a stream where HG was asked if there is something that he would like to change from his past. HG answered: Not to be blamed for my twin sisters death.

        In my view (for now), HG is pulled towards different things and two of them are:
        1) A state that would erase the thought that HG (the Creature) let his twin down. (Here are two personalities involved, HG and the Creature. The genetics of two kinds in one person.)
        2) HG’s (fuel)search is directed towards someone who would recreate the bond he had with his twin. He is unknowingly(?) searching for a friend in the first place. A friend who will accept him with everything that he is. Know him and understand him and be on his side with the quality of an adventures child who is honest and truthful (what he had with his twin). Best friends do exactly that and tent to have this telepathic connection like twins. HG’s girlfriends serve a different purpose. It is not based on honesty as it was with his twin. HG is moving in the field of a romantic relationship, but what he want (in my view) is rather a unique connection of twins – telepathic understanding. Let’s say a part of him want and need that Sanctuary, which is a beautiful and mystical thing in itself!

        HG lost his innocence in the most traumatic way. The narcissistic protection construct took his heart and threw it in to the abyss. The Creature — is how the construct view the little HG — the part of his psyche that suffered a horrible injustice.

        Some here on the blog and the good doctors recommend to connect to the Creature and predict that HG would benefit by true connection and empathy. But who will catch HG when he will start falling when the empathy will make him feel how his victims felt as he was abusing them? This is the price of empathy. You feel the pain of others. HG’s perfectionism combined with empathy might cause a very dangerous outcome. How can one be prepared for conscience who never experienced it before?

        Now HG is not bothered how his victims felt/feel. He have an explanation for that. But empathy will change that. Can the good doctors provide the backup that will catch him during that phase? Have they ever done this before with a Greater or an Ultra? Do they know the depths of the construct of his kind and him as a hybrid? Isn’t it rather: only because HG is now providing this information they start to understand in the first place?

        Someone who knows how to guide through this transformation must assist him if this process is ever intended to be undertaken by him. I’ve heard of some cases where the person had to undergo hypnosis to forget because he could’t live and deal with himself. He couldn’t forgive himself. So it is important to have the full picture but also find a guidance for continuation if conscience awakens.

        A question of trust or intuition or knowing. And above all; What should be the catapult, the trigger for this event ever to take place?

        It must be in HG’s nature. HG’s legacy will change many things on Earth regardless if this undertaking ever to take place.
        The step of HG opening up about his kind will spare humanity a lot of time in what is going on here. He have my support and affection for the being that I see in him and his amazing work! I am most grateful for his help for the empaths! But to my nature I cannot blank out that the narcissists/psychopaths were created by abuse, injustice, shaped environment and genetic degradation in some cases (dead brain areas). So their hearts have my support and affection as well as I interact or observe them by the rules of HG. This beings can be very powerful on their own and I don’t want to underestimate their dangerous and destructive effect on no one.

        1. annaamel says:

          Hi Jordyguin. I wrote something along similar lines in another thread about HG’s potential to confront the creature, but it’s not yet published. And like you, I also believe this piece of writing is about (or to) HG’s sister.

          ‘HG lost his innocence in the most traumatic way. The narcissistic protection construct took his heart and threw it in to the abyss.’

          There are, unfortunately, further unpleasant events in HG’s past, and he has suggested that his narcissism was already in place at the time of his sister’s death. So his processing of that event would likely have been through the narcissistic perspective (which we know is censored and reductive for their own protection). The period following the tragedy was also disappointing for him, in terms of how his family members managed the tragedy.

          It is all pretty awful and it’s unsurprising that it is still with him in various forms, goals, attitudes, wishes. We all hope, I am sure, that he continues on his path to find some peace and a sense of justice that he’s never really been able to feel.

          1. Jordyguin says:

            Hello Annamel, thank you for the reply and your insights! I’m looking forward to read your thoughts on HG’s potential to confront the creature.

          2. annaamel says:

            Hello J. I suggested narcissists’ Creatures could be confronted and even tamed but the narcissist would need to be both aware of their Creature and probably more objectively aware of how they work. I would not anticipate that any narcissist who did this would suddenly or automatically feel empathy – I think the shifts would be much more subtle. I also said in my post that I didn’t see HG considering this any time soon.

        2. Asp Emp says:

          jordyguin, another brilliant comment. When I re-read this article recently, I did think it was related to HG’s twin sister because of what he wrote here. Twins are said to have a bond that very few people understand, or experience with another person.

          So when HG writes about the “bond” as he describes it (empath / narcissist) ends when one dies. And also the pain that an empath can feel (addiction to narcissist / ET & LT out of sync related) because of the ‘loss’ when the narcissist disengages.

          Taking this laterally, HG understands very clearly what it is like to experience such a ‘loss’ of someone who understood (to the point without having to state out loud ‘mutual’ communications). He did not understand at the time of the incident, hence his **fury that was created at that time (to which he has carried since). **part of his ‘protective’ shield. (re-reading what I wrote previously on ‘Burn, Burn. Just For Me’ – I am still of the same ‘view’).

          RE: his decision on children. In HG’s case, would this be partly why he may reject intimacy? It was not just about the abuse he endured. It was also the loss he experienced. Thus contributing to the lack of trust. He knows that he did not cause his ‘pain’, or ‘create’ his fury. The injustice of the pain that could not be “removed”, it’s there, it exists. Trapped in an ‘abyss’ that no-one but HG can “access” (inner sanctum). I would suggest that it is impossible to “connect” with the creature. It is a part of the whole person. How HG deals with his “creature” may differ from someone else who has / had their own ‘darkness’. HG understands his ‘construct’, how it “works” and why it comes to the fore by recognising when / what / who, may be the “perpetrator” (the threat to the control of his construct).

          Some people develop **coping strategies / mechanisms to prevent their trauma wounds from ‘consuming’ them because they could not prevent the pain (hurting, and hurting again plus anger at being misunderstood) in the first place (at the time of the construct being formed). Fear, anxiety, panic attacks can be similar in sensation when that overwhelming feeling of being swallowed into a dark hole, for some people, to the point where they pass out (not faint). **HG’s article ‘To Control is to Cope – The Creation of Narcissism’.

          Whether HG will always keep his construct ‘separate’ within him is something that, only he knows. Whether he imparts that information is another matter. He decides and he is certainly someone who will not, I repeat, not be dictated otherwise, certainly not by Dr E. (who is useless really). Dr E may not even be aware of what he is himself, never mind begin to truly understand what HG is. No, I do not think these good doctors have succeeded with a Greater, have they actually met one? They are not the “answer” for HG because they have not experienced what he has. They cannot put themselves in his shoes. I do not think hypnosis would work, even on the Greaters because of the intelligence levels and the stronger control of their constructs, they’d simply reject the manipulations of hypnosis “therapy”. Besides it is a dangerous method to try on anybody in real terms.

          In my view, HG is different from ie Putin. They may have the same “labels” but they way they “exert” themselves towards other people is vastly different. Considering the “impact” these two have on the world on a wider scale – two complete different “directions” but their individual ‘aims’ may be the same for themselves as people. Taking into consideration, the psychopath ‘make-up’ within HG may have been formed at a much earlier age than the narcissism being formed (or it happens at the same time)? He was experiencing terrible things when he was 4 / 5 years old, a few years before his sister’s ‘accident’. Then, the abuse from his aunt. So many catalysts, over a number of years.

          When HG met Amanda, he ‘attached’ himself to her in a way that may have been ‘deep’ on his part and it may have been a similar ‘loss’ to him when she left. It was more ‘profound’ because HG was a young man at that time. Amanda’s departure was another catalyst to his construct as an individual. Thus, additional ‘rejections of intimacy’ with another person at the same degree as he may have ‘experienced’ with Amanda? I don’t think it was magical thinking on his part when he wrote the above article. Maybe it is more of a distant memory (his twin) so that his instincts ‘guided’ him towards Amanda in the first place, maybe he sensed potential sanctuary with Amanda but never really had the opportunity to make that ‘connection’ he sought at that time?

          Regardless, HG has memories, that he may permit to come to the fore when he feels it is a safe time to do so, ie his article ‘A Madman’s Diary’.

          HG is a unique human. One of a kind that puts him among the ‘greats’ ie inventors etc but he is still in a different league, of which he ‘created’ on his own with the factual and evidential resources available = his Legacy to humanity.

          Again, interesting to read what you wrote, jordyguin, thank you for sharing it 🙂

          1. Joa says:

            Let’s not forget, that we only see part of the HG. The part he wants to show us here.

            And let’s not forget, that he is showing us HIS version of the truth here.

            —————–

            N2 has a twin sister. My “secret spy intelligence” reported, that a week ago she was looking for someone in several English hospitals. I guessed right away, that she was looking for her brother (I know him better than she does, I also used to look for him once…). It must have been a big blast in his matrix.
            Hours later, he spoke to me, tempted, joked and tried to be seductive.

            I didn’t inform her, that her brother was alive. Right now, that would destroy my goals. And… I still remember her triumphant and brutal words: “He does not love you.” I still remember, that she never got interested in her niece. Today, I could tell her the same thing…

            —————–

            Yes, I’m worried about him.
            Yes, I despise him.
            Yes…

            Not.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Joa, yes, I read the KHG series that gives insight into some of his younger years.

            A for N2 and his sister, that’s interesting they lost contact with each other. I understand your reasons, which are valid for maintaining the (A)NC with N2. The recent ‘information’ that came your way may have triggered your ET over N2 / the past. It will soon go again 🙂

          3. Jordyguin says:

            Thank you dear Asp Emp for your expended thoughts and directions you took here and on the other articles!! :))

            How do you understand HG’s statement: – The ONE will not let me down.

            What is that about? Why is he saying that?

          4. Asp Emp says:

            jordyguin, thank you for your reply 🙂

            HG’s statement “The One that will not let me down”.

            What is that about? Why is he saying that?

            Have you seen these three articles?

            How Green Is Your Grass? – HG Tudor – Knowing The Narcissist – The World’s No.1 Resource About Narcissism (narcsite.com)

            Regrets – HG Tudor – Knowing The Narcissist – The World’s No.1 Resource About Narcissism (narcsite.com)

            Angel of My Creation – HG Tudor – Knowing The Narcissist – The World’s No.1 Resource About Narcissism (narcsite.com)

          5. Rebecca says:

            Asp Emp,

            I’ve often found myself wanting to express my feelings about HG,’s twin sister. I often felt, like you, that HG did have a bond with his twin sister and it really affected him when she died in such a terrible way. I felt heartbreak for HG, for losing his twin and then being accused too. Just horrible thing for a child to go through. Anyone would be scarred from that. I’ve studied ASPD and the health and psychology articles I read and sent the screenshots of to HG, stated that some people with ASPD are able to form bonds with select few people, like closest friends or beloved family member. I believe HG’s twin sister was a beloved family member to him. Maybe it’s just my desire to see good in everyone, but I truly believe HG had a bond with his twin. It makes me sad for him. I cried when I listened to parts of KNOWING HG series and I felt his anger and frustration come out of his voice. The betrayal he felt and that righteously felt fury. I just felt moved to help, to help the betrayers get what they deserve, what’s coming for them…..and it’s coming…and probably on a cold, dark night, when all is quiet and seems so serene and innocent.xx

          6. Asp Emp says:

            Hello Rebecca, thank you for offering your views. You gave a good explanation as how you view HG’s loss, the blame and the impact it had on him. The damage it did to HG did not seem to get passed onto his younger siblings to ‘change’ (narcissist formation) them because of their father’s intervention. It was HG’s twin, nobody else’s. His. His companion that understood him. That could explain part of the cause of the ‘seed’ to be planted resulting in the need for control over other people that did not quite understand him at the same level as his twin did? The trauma would have been strong so that HG was also, somewhat, ‘unreachable’, even by his own father. HG felt safe with his twin. Just like I felt safe with my father and my sister, until mothers influence affected her. Good to read that you researched into ASPD to understand more about it and why you reached similar conclusion that HG had a close bond with his twin. I’m thinking of the ‘someone needs to be found’ video on Patreon at reading your last words in your comment 🙂 And also HG’s ‘Death’ series 😉 thank you for sharing 🙂 xx

          7. annaamel says:

            Asp Emp, you said this in your post above:

            ‘He was experiencing terrible things when he was 4 / 5 years old, a few years before his sister’s ‘accident’. Then, the abuse from his aunt. So many catalysts, over a number of years.’

            Can you direct me to a post or resource that sheds some more light on what happened around 4/5 years old please? I seem to have missed it, but I’d like to know more. Thankyou if this is possible.

          8. Asp Emp says:

            Hi annamel, thank you for your request. There is Knowing HG series available from the Knowledge Vault (buy 4 parts and get access to KHG Forum) – this is where you can find clues to his life that may not necessarily be shared on this public blog.

        3. Leigh says:

          Hi Jordyguin, If I may jump in. I, myself have questioned if the narcissist (false self) could merge with the creature (true self). Even if by some chance they could merge, how do you add natural, emotional empathy in? You can’t. The narcissist (false self) fractured from the creature (true self) before there was chance for empathy to naturally develop.

          As Mr. Tudor says, once the narcissist is created, the cake is already baked.

          1. Jordyguin says:

            Hi Leigh, thank you for jumping in and bringing up the question and your point!

            – “Even if by some chance they could merge, how do you add natural, emotional empathy in?”

            You do it in a way as you do with children, who don’t have a natural, emotional empathy to begin with. It is learned. You, me, others, we were free of it when we were children and had a teacher who taught us.

            (If she ever crosses his path – The One, will teach him, without taking away his strength.)

          2. Leigh says:

            Hi Jordyguin, both of my parents are narcs and I was never shown or taught empathy. My father used fists to discipline and my mother starved me. I wasn’t taught and somehow, I became an empath.

            I also have two children. One an empath and one a narcissist. The child thats an empath, I can remember her exhibiting it as early as 18 months old.

            I don’t think it’s learned, I think it develops naturally and I think you have to have the empathy gene as well.

          3. Jordyguin says:

            Hi Leigh, I agree on the power of genetics, but awareness score higher. Baked narcissist or baked empath might still have chances to expand it.

          4. Jordyguin says:

            I would say a child is open, fluid and mirroring. And empathy is installed basically in the same manner as narcissism. You don’t need a constant love pouring parent that teaches you that over and over. It is done on one, two, three occasions. It can be done by a relative, a nanny, a stranger – who pushes that empathic button under certain circumstances and activates that. In my case I can recall two instances when my empathy was installed and sealed. I know how it happened with others in my family as well. What is taught however over a longer period of time over and over again, is how to handle yourself as a good person (empathic). Through fairytales, morals, films, school etc. Usually people associate that with teaching empathy. A long and selective process. A guide how to behave and function. Some kids obey, some not, some are in the middle.

            A child don’t have a choice in a way what it becomes. Genes and circumstances decide that for the child. A grownup gets his second chance trough awareness and redirection of energy. To expand beyond the modality of time, culture and social order, which dictates our perception of reality and traps us cemented and rigid in our decisions, actions and abilities.
            Change something that is „you“ and not „you“ at the same time is the hardest thing on earth..

          5. Asp Emp says:

            jordyguin, “A grownup gets his second chance trough awareness and redirection of energy”, such a great way of wording it 🙂

          6. Jordyguin says:

            Thank you dear Asp Emp:)) A quote I find also helpful in that context:

            „The subconscious mind may seek out relationships that mirror the wounds of our childhood as a way to seek control over them, as a way to finally `fix` them. This doesn’t have to be our destiny – once we become aware of this pattern, we can notice it in real time and consciously decide: is this really what I want or is my mind attempting to control the past?“

        4. A Victor says:

          Hi Jordyguin, thank you for writing back, I apologize for not seeing your reply until today.

          I know the “romance” of the article, the desire to see HG healed, of his twin, of other people from his life. But all of that said, his desires and ours are often, more often than not, probably even always, quite different. As much as we can desire something for him, unless he sees benefit to himself, he may likely not have the same desire. TS said it well, this article speaks to our emotions as empaths and is a massive and powerful hoover. He understands how we think, we often do not understand how narcissists think. HG cannot be wrong, upon the throne or anywhere else.

          1. Jordyguin says:

            Hi A Victor :)) I guess I don’t have the desire to see HG healed. I personally also don’t see the „romance“ (of a romantic couple) in this article. I see a conversation of HG to his sister who is also the representation of a part of his psyche that couldn’t develop due to all the circumstances, yet he experience the longing for it sometimes. But yes, I guess I want to see everybody complete and perfectly developed, but I don’t have the full picture of why all is as it is, so I guess there is no recipe and I can’t suggest what is needed. Only point out what I see through my lens. Thank you for sharing your points and your view!

    2. annaamel says:

      Jordyguin – I assume you are referencing the contagion empath here. (if I am incorrect, please let me know). I believe you have a significant contagion element – maybe even majority?

      1. annaamel says:

        The here, sorry – is this quote: ‘a level that I doubt a standard empath can feel’

        1. Jordyguin says:

          Hi Annaamel:)) In context to what I wrote initially and what you’re asking about: actually, crazy enough, I am aiming at HG’s ability of experiencing empathy that is beyond a standard empathy (maybe because of his creature). I don’t know how to explain that error..👉👈

          What resonates with me as a reader may of course reflect my own conditioning in the first place; thus to erase myself from tainted interpretation and get a glimpse of what the writer is providing about his own story, emotions, feelings, conditioning, revelations or about that substantial something behind it all – I want to get to, understand.

          (I don’t know the arrangement of school and cadre in my configuration as I haven’t done the detectors yet, but from information here and there and my brain cells brought forth, I have a theory.)

          Just finished listening to the interview with Dr Christine Bishara 5.
          Gosh, so fascinating!!! This Control-thing gives me sleepless nights. It stands above all, so clearly.

  4. Jay S says:

    Nice piece of writing. It seems like this is the closest you guys come to love. The desperate desire to own again, the desperate desire to not lose.

    It is disturbing to think about the number of ‘declarations I made as one’ with my narc. Was any of that ever really me? Somewhere inside me I knew that I was just padding his delicate ego. Never to have such consideration in return. I can’t go back to that place. The real world is far superior to his fantasy one. If only he could see it.

  5. Duchessbea says:

    HG, I feel a smidgeon of compassion for you, and then I remember all your ex’s, and their bleeding hearts, and all the compassion starts to dwindle. It cannot be both ways. I probably shouldn’t ask this as I already know the answer, but based on this article, which is excellent, do you ever wonder deeply about the ones who got away? Is there a what if woman you truly can’t forget in your past?
    Best,
    DB

  6. Truthseeker6157 says:

    This is one of my favourite articles. It has never failed to make me feel sad, until this time. This time I can feel the drag, the call to sadness, but I also see a lot going on in this article, so I began to analyse it a bit deeper. What exactly is it about the article that draws me in so much? When I looked at it paragraph by paragraph, I saw both the lies of the narcissist and various empathic traits of the empath being targeted. Essentially this piece is a grand scale hoover.

    I put the quotes first then my observations.

    “fields so similar to the ones we used to run through didn’t we? Where are you? Where are you now?”
    The use of “didn’t we?” Feels conspiratorial, it’s an appeal for the empath to think back and remember a key part of the golden period. The running through fields was done repeatedly and the feeling of ‘togetherness’ would have been part of the binding process.

    “You must forgive me. I have not thought of you as deeply as I ought to have done.”
    False contrition. For the narcissist to request forgiveness there must first be acceptance of fault. The narcissist is never accountable for his actions.

    “Although I do not often permit it, you remain etched in my memory and I know with the certainty that the world will not stop spinning, that you will always reside in my memory.”
    Lie. The narcissist does not sit and reminisce about a former IPPS. No fuel to be had and so it serves no purpose. He is also to busy drawing fuel from the current IPPS. There might be a hoover trigger, but this is not reminiscing and the narcissist does not ‘miss’ a former appliance. This sentence is there only to appeal to the love devotee trait of the empath. Interesting use of the passage of time. I think empaths are very in tune to time passing. To suggest ‘I will always remember you’ is pure flattery.

    “I am moved to seek your forgiveness from your benevolent self.”
    False contrition. Forgiveness requires acceptance of fault. The narcissist is never accountable.

    “In the full knowledge that I am told I deserve none.”
    Half truth. You likely have been told that you don’t deserve forgiveness. False humility. Also “I am told that I deserve none” is not the same as saying,”I don’t deserve to be forgiven” blameshift. Lack of accountability.

    “I am able to allow your memory to consume me.”
    Lie. Flattery. This plays to the empath’s ET. The memory of the narcissist likely did consume the empath thanks to her soaring ET. Mirroring.

    “I reach out with my hand and expect that somehow I will feel your cool hand slide into mine just one more time.”
    Lie. Magical thinking. Playing on the inability of the empath to turn her back on someone who “reaches out”. Hand holding is a reference to the golden period, likely done repetitively, binding, everpresence.

    “Just that absence.”
    Lie. The empath knows all about that feeling of emptiness left by the narcissist. Mirroring.

    “that has remained constant no matter how hard I labour to fill it.”
    Lie. What? Like breathing constant? Hardly. The narcissist does not reminisce, does not miss the former IPPS and does not even call her to mind unless she teeters unwittingly into a sphere of influence. It is the empath that must battle within the Fifth Arena not the narcissist. Flattery. Mirroring.

    “We would sit side by side wouldn’t we?”
    Conspiratorial, drawing of the empath back into the illusion that was the golden period. Very ‘It was you and me against the world kid.’ Lie.

    “Those sanctuaries and idylls dotted throughout our kingdom.”
    Reminder of the safety and security of the illusion. Activation of Love Devotee trait. Grandiosity. Appealing to the desire of the empath to return to the illusion.

    “We issued our declarations as one.”
    Flattery. The IPPS seen as an extension of the narcissist.

    “Where are you? Why will you only show yourself as memory? Why will you not come back to me?
    This suggests ‘little boy lost’ it appeals to the protective aspect of the empath. Similarly it plays on the inability of the empath to turn her back on someone in need. Revision of history and suggestion that there is no valid reason as to why the empath would not come back. Lack of accountability.

    “Have they turned you against me?”
    Paranoia, lack of accountability. Appeal to the previous loyalty exhibited by the empath.

    “I am told that such punishment is only right for one such as I.”
    False martyrdom. Again “I am told” deflection of any accountability for poor behaviour.

    “I seek to purge that which grips me each and every day.”
    Lie. No you don’t! Appeal to the empaths desire to heal and fix. False martyrdom. Most narcissists are unaware of why they do as they do. The aware ones embrace it.

    “In the hope that they will grant me absolution and you will return.
    False contrition, the narcissist is never held accountable and does not experience guilt. The narcissist wants you to return as the former IPPS provides the most potent fuel.

    “We joined as one, and we were better for it were we not?”
    Extension of self. One of us was better for it, the other was significantly worse off. Lie.

    “Sit beside me once again and let us find that which we once had and should always have.”
    Exploiting the empathic trait of hope and love devotee. Hope that this time it will work. Conspiratorial. Beckoning the empath back in to the illusion.

    “Come back to me because for all that I have done and for all that I am about to do, without you I will sit forever wrong upon throne.”
    Honestly, it’s a killer line. Lack of accountability for past behaviour. Lack of accountability for future behaviour! Flattery. Appeal to the Love Devotee trait of the empath.

    This piece utilises the traits of the empath against them. In many ways the reader interprets the words through their own empathic lense and relates to much of the seduction in terms of her own experiences and emotions. The reality is that these emotions belong to the empath, for the narcissist they are simply strings of pretty words.

    I think my low ET is showing!

    Xx

    1. Leigh says:

      TS, this is a fantastic analysis. I often thought that his post is about Karen but it could be about any IPPS. I also wonder if this article is written from Mr. Tudor’s perspective as The Ultra and an aware narcissist or is it written from the perspective of an unaware narcissist?

      I agree that your low ET is showing and reading your analysis knocked my ET down some also. Sometimes I still get sucked into these articles. Thank you!

    2. A Victor says:

      Excellent breakdown TS, thank you. It is all about the perspectives.

  7. TinaD says:

    One wonders if the possessor of the cool hand on the adjoining throne is real or phantasm, an avatar borrowed from reality but then smoothed and prettified and posed and scripted and demotivated to fit another’s aims and goals… Folie à deux or inadvertent shill? But that’s probably just me projecting.

  8. Z - zwartbolleke says:

    And…I’m back to pieces
    The level of beauty of this text… insane

  9. Tom says:

    Excellent writing.

  10. Tom says:

    Heathcliff

  11. Jordyguin says:

    This is just beautiful

    Feels like „You Said We’d Always Be Together“

    a dream isn’t it ..

    Wherever she is, there is something very angelic about her.. she will be always on your side and never let you down ☘️

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