Empathy and Irony




Many people state that my kind and me lack empathy. I don’t like that attitude. First of all it amounts to a criticism and I am not to be criticised. Secondly, empathy is regarded by some as the ability of blurring the line between self and other. The handy dose of empathy pictured above underlines this. In fact I am amongst the best at blurring the line between self and other. I am a champion at it. One of my killer lines of seduction is to declare

“I don’t where you end and where I begin we are merged into one.”

If that is not a blurring of the line between self and other I do not know what is. I repeatedly explain that I see people as extensions of myself, they are objects that become subsumed within what I am as I swallow up their identity and use their traits as my own. Blurring of lines? I would argue that that is an obliteration. By that definition I am absolutely oozing empathy aren’t I?

The third reason that I do not like the suggestion that I lack empathy is that empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of others. Again, I understand the feelings of others to a high degree. How can I manipulate those feelings if I do not understand them? Some of our kind instinctively behave in a manner which causes manipulation. They do not have much thought behind the process but they act in this fashion because it is all they know. It is all they have been conditioned and programmed to do. They do not need to consider what they are doing because it just happens and then the manipulation unfolds. Those of us at the greater end of the scale of narcissists do consider what to do in terms of our manipulation. We are always plotting and scheming as we reflect on the best way of manipulating you to do what we want and provide us with our precious fuel. I sit and consider the most effective ways of wielding my devilish toolkit in order to provoke and engender the most rewarding emotional reactions from you.  I work through the schemes and machinations as I dream up new ways of provoking you. I analyse your life, what you do and what you say and then work out how I can then use that material to make you react.If I did not understand how certain things would make you feel, how can I know how best to manipulate you? I understand all about your feelings because I watch you and I observe and I remember. I have done this many times to your type and therefore I have built up an acquired knowledge of the ways that people such as you will react. I sit and consider what I can do to make you hurt, make you cry and make you frustrated. I know you so well I know exactly which buttons to press. I know which emotions to coax from you and because I understand this I know precisely what to do to achieve this. For some of you a cold front of silent treatment will make you pour forth that fuel as you frantically call and cry, worried as to why we have stopped speaking to you. With others a prolonged period of triangulation brings out the emotional response required because you always compete with someone or something that you perceive as a threat.

The fact you show your feelings so readily is joyously received by us. You provide us with a manual from which we can learn. We can mimic your emotions so our fakery continues to draw you in, make you feel sorry for us and have you focussed on us. Your exhibitionism in this regard allows us to understand which emotions run deepest in you and also the ways in which these emotions can be brought to the surface. We have to know how you feel so we can then influence how you will feel. I understand your emotions. That is demonstrating empathy is it not? Would you now say that we lack empathy?

You cannot say that we do not care about your feelings either. We care about them because we need those feelings because they provide us with fuel. We need to know that you will feel and show those feelings to us. We care very much about your feelings as without them we would be denied our fuel and that is fatal to us. We care about your manifestation of those feelings and that they are directed towards us. What we do not care about is their effect on you. That is of no interest to us because it serves no purpose to us. If you are left anxious, unable to eat or sleep then all we care about is that your anxiety is shown to us. The impact on your health and well being is of no concern to us because that does not provide us with fuel. It is not our role because of the way we are to make you feel better (unless of course that is required in order to obtain further fuel) but it is our role to make you feel so you give us fuel. We have no interest in the day-to-day or long-term effects of how you are feeling just so long as you can keep showing your emotions to us and giving us fuel. We have nothing to gain in alleviating your sadness. We have no interest in offering solutions to make your pain and misery go away. That is the brutal truth.

Don’t say however we do not understand how you feel. We most certainly do because we have to know this in order to exploit your feelings further. Indeed we often make you feel that way on purpose so we know exactly how you feel. We need to know the best way to pull on your strings and this means understanding how you will feel and react. So that is empathy for you indeed. Who would have thought it? Empathy from the devil. How ironic.

5 thoughts on “Empathy and Irony

  1. Diane says:

    Grappling between feeling genuine warmth and empathy for HG & appreciation for his guidance … then see-sawing back to despising him so because of what he ultimately represents? You are not alone.
    For me right now it comes down to, “it is better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not.”

  2. Susan says:

    Read the opening to this but can’t read the whole thing for medical reasons. Looking forward to the audio version so I can hear the rest & process it. Sounds compelling. (Crippling headache & shooting pain from Craniocervical Instability, an Ehlers-Danlos-related condition. White screen like fluorescent lasers shooting into my autistic eyeballs–Sensory Processing Disorder–owww!!!)

  3. Grace says:

    Narcs with higher functions have cognitive empathy but no emotional empathy. Only people who have emotional empathy are able to trust in others and to really love. And so there is no need to manipulate the feelings of other people.

  4. Fiona says:

    Yep, been there. Married to a Narcissist, I now recognise the red flags. In fact, I saw red flags during our courtship and was just about to call it off, when he proposed. He had picked up I was ‘pulling away’. And FUCK, I said Yes. How stupid was I. The flags continued, yet others would say how lucky I was…. Tall, handsome, intelligent, humorous, and quick witted. But as you would be aware, within 6 months, things started to change dramatically.
    Cutting a long story short, we are divorced. But 7 years later he called out of the blue. I ignored it, and an hour later I turned on my phone, and encountered, 60 text messages….. I had won. I felt nothing.
    Unfortunately, I now fear interactions with men, and any flicker of a flag, I dismiss them immediately.
    He took so much from me and it has been a battle to get ahead, but during our divorce, I stepped up, and played his game… fancy thinking he could control me after our divorce… I made sure that wasn’t going happen. My best achievement during this process was having him thrown into a Laos jail. (Smile).
    The amazing thing is, we were ‘friends’… and I say that loosely, for 10 years prior, with no romantic interest and always said, I wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot barge pole.
    Many people, including my lawyers said I should write a book about my divorce, as it was the most extraordinary case they had ever seen, with everyone asking on a daily bases, about my case.

    So HG, I love listening to your channel, and undoubtedly have many laughs, and have learnt so much more…. Cheers, Big Ears…

  5. Asp Emp says:

    (from the bottle) “empathy is the ability of blurring the line between self and other”. Interesting. Then I thought about it for a moment. Some people have a natural ability to do this, ie Catherine, Princess of Wales, Diana, even William. It is how they interact with the public.

    Since finding HG’s work, I have certainly learned and been able to see with more clarity as time goes by, the various levels and types of empathy from interactions between people. As HG says “go by the evidence, facts and consistency”.

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