Try Walking In My Shoes

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I always wake before you. This allows me to slip into the en suite and lock the door and deal with the horror of confronting another day without you seeing me endure this daily ritual.  Already I can feel the hunger rising as I stare at my reflection. Is this what I have become? The bleary-eyed, stubbled, exhausted creature that gazes unwaveringly back at me. No, I do not recognise that thing. How old it looks. The lips are thin, the hair thinning and clumped. Its shoulders rounded and slumped in resignation. I feel refreshed from a solid night’s sleep yet whatever is looking back at me does not accord with that feeling. The fear crawls across my skin and I rub at myself trying to dislodge that cold grip but it never works. The inner dread rises as I contemplate another day at the grindstone trying to piece together what I am, that long arduous task which never gets easier. In point of fact, the task becomes more difficult with each passing month as my advancing age screams at me about my mortality. How that banshee tortures me as she howls in my ears about my waning powers. I feel the tears welling as every injustice I have ever suffered is heaped on my shoulders by an uncaring and oblivious world. Does it not see my pain or does it just not care?

My mobile phone is clutched in my hand. I rarely let it leave my side and I place it on the counter besides the sink and then grip the counter as I continue to look at my reflection. My knuckles whiten as I fight the urge to scream at how empty I feel, how bereft I am and how this is so damn unfair. I try to wrench my gaze away but I cannot. I am entranced by what I see. I do not recognise this person. Where has that shock of white come from in the hair above the left temple? That is not me. Its skin looks dry as if it has been subjected to the dehydrating suction of some foul shade that visited in the night. The horror continues to escalate and it is only the chime of my ‘phone which breaks this terrible appreciation of the thing in the mirror.

Grateful for this interruption I shift my eyes to the ‘phone and see that a message has arrived from one of my coterie of admirers, Samantha. The pilot light inside of me flares into life and there is the slightest surge as the fuel begins to flow. I should wait until I have showered but the hunger is too great already and it must be addressed. I open the text message and like a starving man being given his first meal after fasting I devour the words of admiration.

“Good morning handsome, I missed you last night, I will call you when you are at work xxx”

The flame increases in size and strength as I close the message and smile .I turn on the shower letting the stream of water heat up as I flick to the texts that Samantha sent last night whilst I sat on the settee preoccupied with my activity of flitting between her texts and a conversation I was engaging in with a new prospect on facebook. I re-read a handful of the texts from Samantha with their declarations of admiration for me and I feel my strength returning. I put the phone down and step into the shower and relish the hot embrace of the jets of water. The fear has shrunk away and the dread sensation has been pushed back down. I liberally apply the shower gel, enjoying the sophisticated scent as I use a different product on my face, scrubbing away the dead cells and then another to cleanse and wash. I turn the taps and the water stops. I reach for a thick towel and pat my face dry feeling rejuvenated. As I stood beneath the purifying water my keen mind raced whilst I formed my machinations for the day. Always plotting and always scheming. The prospective fuel that will be garnered from the new sources that I am pursuing coupled with the dose of triangulation I will involve you in is causing me to feel excited and powerful. I pick up a bath sheet and admire the toned nature of my body as I dry myself and embark on the next stage of my preparation for the day by shaving and brushing my teeth.

A little while later my phone has chimed again and this time it is a colleague wanting to arrange lunch as he wants my advice since I am an expert on a particular topic he has to present on. The flame inside rises higher now and this spurs on my delinquent mind to consider additional ways to garner that oh so precious fuel during the day. The hunt for fuel is unending. The craven hunger that rumbles inside of me cries out for it and it is my sole preoccupation. The beast inside must be fed. Yet, now I am feeling strong. I haven’t applied my after shave and already two admirers have seen fit to worship at my altar and the games have not even yet to be played. But they will. I reach for the fragrance and splash it into my cupped hands and apply it to my neck as I look to the mirror. The handsome me has returned. The piercing blue eyes shine, the tousled, shiny locks of hair await the application of some wax to style them, the unblemished skin and close shave accentuate my chiselled good looks. I flash that winning smile as another surge of power flows through me. God I look good.

I return to the bedroom, ‘phone in hand and find you have now risen and I can hear the sounds of movement in the kitchen downstairs as you prepare breakfast as you always do. You will shortly bring me a mug of fresh coffee but I think I will complain that it is not hot enough and criticise you, just to see if I can provoke a reaction from you. It should not be too hard, I know precisely what to say. I notice the bed has not been made and rather than attend to it and help you, when you pass me my coffee with a ‘Good morning’ and a smile, I will cock my head towards the dishevelled heap and tut. Ah, yes, the master of games knows his stuff. I dress as another text arrives from another friend who wants to organise a golf game and asks for help with his swing, praising my technique. He is after more than assistance with his golf since he wants me to place work with him. He will have to provide me with more fuel yet to even be considered and of course, I will send the work elsewhere since there is someone who will give me something I want in return in a sweeter form and in larger amounts than my golfing chum. Still, the disappointment on his face will no doubt provide me with a hit too.

I can hear you coming up the stairs and I decide I will take a look in the full length mirror since I am fully attired to admire how elegant I look. I dress in a manner which says to anyone who meets me that the first move is mine. I stand and give a contented nod at my statuesque reflection. I look fantastic. I start to smile and then a bolt of anguish shoots through me as the craven creature that first lurked in the bathroom mirror appears. It is only for the briefest of instances but it causes me to exhale. My expensively-dressed self returns and the relief washes over me in an amazing way. The creature has gone again. He does that though. He likes to make fleeting appearances throughout my day to remind me that I must keep finding fuel. My quest for the potent fuel must be at the forefront of my mind at all times. As if on cue, you enter the bedroom, a veritable reservoir of fuel. You greet me as I cock my head to the unmade bed and tut. I feel the rush of power as your smile evaporates and you look crestfallen. The games have begun and my day is off to a great start. I only hope that creature stays away from me.

25 thoughts on “Try Walking In My Shoes

  1. Diane says:

    “I changed my mind” .. he would say with conspicuous emphasis, as though that was all there is to it.

  2. WiserNow says:

    HG’s latest interview with Dr Christine Bishara (Part 5) was interesting, particularly in relation to the incestuous relationship between HG’s mother and her brother, HG’s uncle. Thank you for your honesty about this HG.

    It makes me wonder who is the older sibling and who has the higher degree of power in the dynamic. Clearly, they are enmeshed and don’t recognise boundaries. Also, there’s obviously triangulation with HG’s father. Your description of your mother and uncle’s relationship makes me sad for your father HG.

    When there is incest in a family, it is generally considered that one of the parties is being abused, however, HG’s mother and her brother were/are in cahoots. They sound more like co-conspirators while HG’s father is the one being abused, and in a cruel way. While the two of them seem to admire and fuel each other to some extent, HG’s father is in devaluation.

  3. WiserNow says:

    HG’s recent interviews with:
    – Harry Thompson (The Naughty Autie) – [YouTube video with date 23 Oct, 2022]; and
    – Dr Christine Bishara Part 5 – [YouTube video with date 6 Nov, 2022]

    .. both provided information about autism which I thought was very informative.

    In the interview with Harry Thompson, narcissism was compared with autism. HG and Harry also discussed the possibility that the two conditions could co-exist in one personality. This is the first time I had heard of the possible co-existence, however, I think it does make sense.

    For some time, I have questioned whether my father has autism in addition to being Co-Dependent, or whether he is either one or the other. It would not surprise me if he is both. Some of his behaviours are similar to autistic traits. He has daily routines which he must adhere to, and he has certain habits which he is fixated on. For example, he will interrupt a conversation regardless of what is being discussed or with whom to focus on a daily habit (e.g. watching a news report or listening to a regular radio program) and he seems unaware of this appearing rude or dismissive. He is very stubborn and also becomes uneasy in social situations, for example.

    In other respects he is high functioning and intuitive. He would scoff at the suggestion that he is autistic and would not entertain the prospect of speaking with an expert to receive a diagnosis.

    I have also recently come across research about the effects of stress on the brain. The human brain is endlessly fascinating. Stressful events activate the autonomic nervous system (ANS) and the hypothalamus pituitary adrenal (HPA) axis. This causes the release of adrenalin, noradrenalin and cortisol. Prolonged stress can also cause restructuring of the brain.

    One way that stress changes the brain is that stress leads to more rigid and undemanding habitual responding instead of flexible, cognitively-demanding goal-directed behaviour. This affects instrumental learning. Stress induces cortisol reactivity, which in turn provokes habitual behaviour. In studies that show this response to stress, it is believed that moving toward habitual responding is adaptive, because energy is directed at coping with the stressful situation and away from a cognitively demanding process.

    Habitual responding suggests that routines and habits are followed in a more automatic way, rather than tasks being performed with a cognitively strategic focus.

    When a non-narcissist is in a close relationship with a narcissist and is exposed to daily manipulation or devaluation, it is stressful. This stress may induce more habitual behaviour which may appear similar to autistic traits.

    There is a very wide spectrum when it comes to autism. Some people may be highly unresponsive and uncommunicative, while others may be high-functioning with undetectable autistic traits. This makes me wonder if all diagnosed autism is actually autism or whether it could be induced effects on the brain of particular situations and experiences.

    1. Contagious says:

      Interesting. My bf has an autistic teen who has engaged in years of refusing to go to school, cutting, suicide attempts or acts to get attention as the suicide attempts were carefully considered (ie pills counted to ensure life) violence against her and property, verbal abuse, shouting… she has been in and out of residential and hospitals for years and has lots of DBT and CBT and family therapy. This behavior is not unusual for autistic teens. She was diagnosed at one years old as austistic and has had every advantage the State provided and still does. The fear was dropping out of high school and the stats show a high percent and not being able to hold a job. Stats are high on this. My bf has not given up and things are better. The theory is autistic teens struggle at that period with hormones, sometimes bullying and the knowledge they are different. They cling to the comfort of safety. Not leaving the home. Other behaviors include lack of hygiene and in her case eating cat food. Yes. Not uncommon. Some engage in substance abuse not my gf kid. In this list of behaviors is a lack of empathy at times…. My gf child has been tested for other disorders such as bipolar and had an MRI. Nope. Depression. Again a common diagnosis for autistic teens The brains are different for autism. Her child has empathy not at all times when acting out but it’s there. I think autism is unique and not at all narcissism based on my personal experience of her. My gf is a super dedicated mom awarded in Hollywood fo her role in autism awareness and continues to work hard in keeping her child safe and towards her success. My prayers go out to all mothers of autistic teens and the teens themselves. It is a unique challenge but there are many successes! Elon Musk is Asperger’s a form of autism and contributes to the planet while populating the world with smart kids lol

      1. WiserNow says:

        Contagious,

        It sounds like your bf/gf (?)’s teen autistic daughter has many emotionally dysregulated and self-harming behaviours. The acting out must be stressful for those around her. It must be particularly difficult and stressful for her mother. Even with unending dedication, raising an autistic teen with the behaviours you have described must demand a constant effort.

        Considering what you have described, my father is very different. He doesn’t display erratic or self-harming behaviours (apart from being overly compliant at times; he has difficulty saying no). When growing up, he was known as somewhat of a ‘mama’s boy’ because he was close to his mother and would help her around the house and with home repairs and maintenance, etc. As a teen, he didn’t get into trouble and he wasn’t rebellious. If anything, he may have been overly polite and accommodating.

        He is generally reserved and softly-spoken but can be extremely stubborn as well. He is very hygienic and fussy; I’d describe him as a perfectionist.

        All in all, the daily routines, habits and stubbornness are similar to say, a mild form of autism. However, his overall personality would suggest that autism is not a good fit. I’d be more inclined to say the autism-like traits are due to habitual behaviours and responses caused by stress.

        Since my initial comment in this thread, I have also considered the possibility my father is dyslexic. He does tick some of the boxes for dyslexia. He regularly mixes up letters and syllables in words; he has difficulty remembering or recognising words when reading; and does not particularly enjoy reading or writing, finding that it requires a lot of effort and concentration. He does not learn languages easily, and I find I need to repeatedly explain certain words or concepts and I wonder why he can’t recall my earlier explanations.

        In addition, he didn’t enjoy school as a child and used to skip school and go to the movies, which were popular when he was a teen. I think his self-esteem is also affected because of the difficulties he had at school. Self-esteem suffers in children with dyslexia because they either feel unintelligent or are teased for being that way. Intelligence is not the issue though; the dyslexia affects the way their brains decipher and recognise words and speech.

        On the other hand, he is very dexterous with his hands and is very good at making and repairing things. He has told me before that I’m a talker while he is a doer, because I enjoy conversing and communicating, while he would rather do things quietly without talking as much.

        He is elderly now. In the days when he was a child and teen, I don’t think there were the same kinds of screening tests for children as there are now, along with alternative forms of reading and writing lessons to assist those with dyslexia.

        Going back to your comment about autism, I can understand that your bf’s daughter doesn’t have narcissism. I can also understand that empathy can be either eroded or heightened by certain conditions that make social communication difficult or have the effect of a person feeling different or set apart from others, particularly during school-age or teen years when there is social comparison and peer pressure. School or social difficulties or personal differences may have a collateral effect on the expression of narcissistic or empathic traits.

  4. Mindy says:

    Very interesting!

  5. Asp Emp says:

    When I first read this article, I understood it from the narcissistic perspective. Having said that, it could be suggested that an unaware empath’s own narcissistic traits causing their ET to become eroded / reduced because they may find themselves under the influence of more than one narcissist at a time. Thus ‘contributing’ to more confusion for the victim, making it more difficult to see who is / are the narcissist(s) within their circle.

    With some of HG’s articles, I have viewed them by applying my lateral thinking and ‘turned’ the tables so to speak ie ‘The 10 Obligations of the Empath’ article.

    Granted, there will always be some people that cannot ‘walk’ in another’s shoes because they may not have necessarily crossed the line of where the emotional sea meets the dry land, or their ET has taken them to another island of where their addiction to narcissism cannot be managed in the way the learning is expected to be used and applied. Others simply have not experienced what others may have experienced. Yes, it is the differentiating perceptions. But simple “refusal” to see it through another person’s eyes indicates either not having reached the final emotional sea, or the narcissistic traits have not been viewed and considered why, sometimes, the “why” is known (being honest with oneself).

    HG, thank you, for the availability and access to your work. I really appreciate it and I can (and do) sense the peace that I had **”sought” for many years (** now that I understand my past, present to assist me in the future). That is what your education is all about (on my part). Thank you xxx

    1. Rebecca says:

      Asp Emp,

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. What you wrote about the empath questioning who is the narcissist because of the number of narcissists in the empath’s life spoke to me. I have a number of narcissists in my life, my whole life so far and I often question myself about being a narcissist too. I overthink too much, I know and worry too much. I’ve had the empath detector done, twice and I still find myself going to HG about my concerns. I’m sorry HG, I’m not doubting you and your work. I just worry sometimes that I’m still the “bad guy” in the story. I wish I knew how to stop the worrying and the self doubting. Something else I have to disect and work through. I will, I like solving puzzles and finding answers. Xx

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Hi Rebecca, I’ve just found this 🙂 Thank you for your response. There is something that is a ‘block’ to your pushing past the questioning yourself. EDC twice, with the same result = empath. That is your answer. You are not the narcissist. I would suggest it is not necessarily an emotional ‘block’, it is within your mind, it is led by your psychological ‘wiring’ that you can push through as you have noted down that you overthink / over worry.

        I think you may be stressing and focusing about your narcissistic traits too much? To be honest, I’ve not observed you using your narcissistic traits in an unhealthy way towards anyone on this blog.

        Questions to ask yourself – Is it a fear of facing your own battles within your emotional past (which would be linked to your psychological past)? Are you ready to do this? There will be times where these ‘issues’ can cause you to hold back from entering the realms within your mind / emotions. Do you understand how your anxiety impacts on your moving forward.

        One thing I read some time ago – not on HG’s blog, was that nobody can change your mindset, or take control of your mind, it is your brain and you control it, thus control your emotions etc. Only you can do the work. HG provides the resources and the guidance, backed up by testimonials / comments.

        You should remember that it is your empath school / cadre mix that forms part of your characteristics. Have you had a Trait Detector done? I understand this specifies in more detail in regard to your SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, threats and opportunities) within your characteristics (with some idea of the measurements on both narcissistic and empath traits). There may be some answers about your self-doubts and the worry within the TDC results. I understand you have the Co-D, have you read Chained?

        Have you read Sitting Target? This is generic about character traits, the Special Traits, I found very interesting.

        Place your faith in HG. He knows that past experiences makes it harder for victims to trust, hence ‘slows’ down the re-programming process. Have you read up on Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it is basically the same as how narcissistic abuse impacts you and why people get ensnared time and time again.

        It is about pushing through your barriers (and your anxiety that may be holding you back?) to going forwards. It is also dealing with the situations you are in at present. You have the strength to do it. xx

        1. Rebecca says:

          Asp Emp,

          I wish I had the time to respond to all your questions, but I’m going to have to answer in a few responses in different times today. Work gets in the way….I just got four books fairly recently, FUEL, SITTING TARGET, CHAINED and SEX AND THE NARCISSIST. I felt they were the ones I needed right now and HG had recommended them to me a few times. I had the trait detector done. I have all 10 very high empathic traits and all 10 moderate narcissistic traits. My schools are Standard 55%, Codependent 27% and Contagion 18%. My Cadres are Carrier 25%, Geyser 25% and Savior 50%…..the Savior explains my Dark Wolf, the part of me that will kick the bully’s butt, when it comes to defending others or myself. I see that side of me so clearly.

          The block you speak of probably steams from my mother brainwashing me into thinking I’m the bad seed because I stood up to her abuse, talked back to her and then later drew the line in the sand with her. You don’t pass this point with me anymore! I said to her and meant it. I stared into her eyes until I knew she understood where I stood with her. She no longer held my leash, I took it from her! You will not terrorize me any longer! You do not control me! Felt good to tell her off! And that made me feel I must be bad seed, to feel good by making someone else feel small.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Hi Rebecca, thank you for your response 🙂 good and thank you for sharing in regard what books you have obtained 🙂 Thank you for sharing your empath status. RE; the blokc and where / what you think it stems from, standing up for yourself and feeling good about it because that is exactly an abused person may react, after so many years of being abused. Your last sentence is not necessarily the right approach to view yourself just because you took on a bully and fought back. When I challenged muvver, I did not get the sense of feeling good about it, just was not accepting what she said to me and ‘dismissed’ her lies with the truth, she did not argue, or try to revise history. A few hours later it was a deflection kind of trying to draw me back in – didn’t work. My instincts ‘talked’. She “used” my father as a means manipulating my weakness, that didn’t work because Defiance came to the fore and I think Justice. I made her “feel small” with my facts (evidenced further by my sister, if approached). She was rather surprised, I think, at my lack of reaction ie not losing my temper, I was calm & measured because of my impending ‘escape’. She knew what I was capable of too hence her withdrawal. Ok, thank you for sharing with me, and let go of your guilt of standing up for yourself. Enjoy the books 🙂

        2. Rebecca says:

          Asp Emp,

          I know one battle that stands out in my mind from my past is what happened between my brother and I. HG knows what I’m referring to and I don’t feel safe bringing it to light here, only because anyone can read what I write on the blog and this incident is a private, painful time that impacted a lot of important decisions I made going forward in my life. I went against my mother’s plans for me, society’s plans for me, honestly and I did it anyway, to protect me from ever being in that situation again and to make sure I never had to fear it again. I faced it down years ago and I told it to fk off, you have no power over me! You are done! It was a major fear for me throughout my teen years and up to 22, when I finally did something about it. I never regretted it, best decision I made for myself and to hell what others thought I should or shouldn’t do. They don’t live my life, I do. That fear can’t touch me now and that feels good. I still worry about being raped, but I do my best to prevent it. I’m very aware of my surroundings and I’m hyper aware of people’s vibes around me. I don’t relax, even in sleep, little noises will wake me up to full alertness. I don’t know how to relax, why I have anxiety and CPTSD. My husband calls me high strung, but he is a MLSOMATIC narcissist. Yeah, I’ve read about CPTSD, I’ve been diagnosed with it a few times throughout my life.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Hi Rebecca, interesting ratio of N / E traits, thank you for sharing 🙂 You beautiful little feisty spirit 🙂 I understand your in-built shield of defense for someone else if it really came to it, as long as it is done with the correct logic applied ie save a person / animal from further abuse if you observed it and at the same time not exposing yourself to danger. I’m reminded of ‘think first, act later’, sometimes this may not be feasible, depending on the actual event within the environment.

            I ‘sensed’ your pain through what you did not say, with an element of anger that you were not protected in the way you should have been. I understand what you mean about the important decisions being ‘shelved’ or different decisions made because of your experiences. I absolutely agree with you, not sharing confidential details on the blog and I am glad you have shared it with HG, that is the main thing because he does understand how experiences impacts on people.

            While you may have dealt with one fear by acting on it, the other fear remains, somehow, it seems linked to the first fear and so does the anxiety / CPTSD, (in part). Reading you say “diagnosed a number of times throughout your life”, you are in touch with HG and on this blog where you are processing the effects of CPTSD while finding out ways of looking at your CPTSD through HG’s work resources. In time, your anxiety will lessen and you will find that you will sleep easier. I’d refused anti-depressants but find that plain prescribed sleeping tablets can give me a decent sleep without the effects that anti-depressants can leave ie focus issues etc. I only use them if I really need to. Lack of sleep can add to the hyper behaviours in some people, which is a cycle that can be broken by dealing with and reducing the anxiety. Easier said than done. It is achievable.

            Apologies if you get any impression that I cross the line, I only want to offer support when and if you wish for it. I can and do understand xx

        3. Rebecca says:

          Asp Emp,

          My ratio score from the trait detector was 40 N/ 60 E, which means my E traits can be easily manipulated to be lowered and my N traits can be made stronger in certain situations….why I feel sometimes my Dark Wolf half being stronger, but not overpowering my White Wolf half. I know now from doing the trait detector, why I feel my two halves of myself fighting each other at times. It might sound crazy, but I do feel like a split person. I read a quote the other week and it spoke to me, felt right for me. “I AM BOTH, THE LION AND THE LAMB” That’s me, I can be both, soft and gentle, but I can also tear, maim and bite. I haven’t ever had a cause, yet, to need to maim someone and I hope I never do. It would be a very bad situation indeed, if I would need to maim someone. I know I would, if it meant protecting someone from harm or in extreme self defense…not boasting here, just stating what I would do, if pushed to extreme. My husband calls me, “tough guy” when I get mad and feel close to lashing out. I know he’s trying to push me farther and I use that knowledge to calm me down instead of flaring up my justifiable anger. His plans backfire each time now. HA! HA! What a great feeling! Makes me want to stick my tongue out and go, na, na, na ha ha! My Dark Wolf laughing at him.

        4. Rebecca says:

          Asp Emp,

          In regards to my current situation with the MLSOMATIC, I have two options that don’t involve another narcissist being in contact with me. I can’t go to my extended family, as I have narcs in my extended family, no sense in jumping away from one, just to deal with another one….anyway, the two options are pending right now, so it’s a waiting game that I’m really getting annoyed with waiting….I’m not one to wait, I don’t have much patience, as HG can agree with. 😉😁😆 A little joke between HG and I….I hate waiting. So, I’m learning patience, or more like trying not to chew through my rope and leash….chomp, chomp…Eventually, thongs will move forever, hopefully before I go crazy, or end up having to bury a body. 🤐😬🤪😁😆😇❤

        5. Rebecca says:

          Asp Emp,

          I just realized something, had an eureka moment….Wow, so excited to tell you!! My three Empath schools and traits, and how you said, they tell me about my characteristics…I just thought the Savior part is the Dark Wolf part, the part of me that takes changes, fights back, stands up, defends others, talks back, my backbone so to speak…the Codependent part is my White wolf, the part that craves acceptance, love,needs reassurance, and will take abuse like an obedient, loyal dog. The Contagion part is my center self, the part that feels my surroundings, people’s vibes and tells me if I’m safe or not, stay, flee or fight sense of my surroundings and those around me. I hope that makes sense. I’m really excited to have this click moment, HG and Asp Emp! Really excited! The Empath and the Trait detectors results just click now. 😁 Thanks HG and Asp Emp! Xx

      2. annaamel says:

        Hello Rebecca. I just wanted to briefly say that in all the comments I have read of yours on the board, I have never seen anything has had any kind of narc vibe at all. Never.

        1. Rebecca says:

          Annaamel,

          Thank you, I appreciate your kind words of reassurance. I did kinda throw some punches at a narc on the blog earlier today because he or she was being rude to HG. I guess it was my Savior part defending another and not really being a bully. I wasn’t malicious, just stern and I was a bit sassy. Correct, HG? Xx If I was out of line, I apologize…

      3. Leigh says:

        Hi Rebecca, if I may make a suggestion. I’ve had the issue of feeling like a narcissist as well. Mr. Tudor once directed me to the logic bulletin, “Why am I behaving like a narcissist?” Also, your feeling of being the bad guy, I’ve struggled with that also. I will often think that I’m inherently bad. What I’ve come to realize is that its my emotional thinking trying to keep me down and make me feel weak & make me believe its my fault. It keeps me doing things for the narcissist. Mr. Tudor’s mirror technique really does wonders. It really helps with changing the self talk. I would recommend that logic bulletin as well.

      4. Contagious says:

        Self love is key. Be your own best friend.

  6. Tom says:

    What a pitiful existence…I won’t be surprising if he gets aids and everything else .

    1. Rebecca says:

      Tom,

      The unaware narcissist doesn’t knowingly choose their life. They’re still human and yeah, they hurt people, but usually they’ve been hurt themselves. Don’t think you’re better because you might not suffer from a personality disorder caused by abuse you had no control over. There’s other ways to get AIDS than from just sex. Don’t be so holier-than-thou, it’s not very empathic of you.

      1. jasmin says:

        Of post I’ve read by Tom none have been empathic.

      2. Contagious says:

        The danger is thinking you can cure, control, manage this broken child. HG says go No Contact. No hope. But I agree, compassion towards those broken as children is good. The Narcs who hurt others can be forgiven but removal is also a good idea to prevent harm.

  7. KitKat says:

    Amazing. I wish I knew the pseudonym under which you pen fiction because, with this level of talent, surely you must. And if not, then you are doing the world a grand disservice indeed.

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