How the Narcissist Turns a Trait Against You



The chime of my ‘phone alerted me to the arrival of a text. There was nothing unusual in that. Scores arrive daily and this rises to beyond a hundred and more when the glorious seduction has commenced of a fresh, prime target. I looked over with half-interest to my ‘phone and see a name which attracted a greater level of interest. It is from Jane. An ex. One of the many exes. I stopped what I was doing and reached for my ‘phone and opened up the message.

“It would be 2 years today x”

A flame rose inside of me at this sudden provision of fuel. Even better it was unsolicited. Goodness me, would it have been two years? How time flies. The power flowed, generated by this welcome dollop of fuel. Dear Jane, always the one for remembering dates. She sent me a card and a gift to mark 1 month together. She pole-danced for me to commemorate one month since we first had sex (no the pole-dance and the card and gift were on different dates, just in case you were wondering. I am a gentleman after all). She sent a card to remind me that is was three months since our first kiss, a month since I first stayed overnight at her house, six months since we first set eyes on another. I used to call her the Chronicler for her ability to remember the anniversary of certain key moments in our relationship. At first I was suitable impressed by her memory and power of recall but then I realised that she had assistance. On one particular occasion I was having a good look around her house whilst she was out, opening draws, cupboards and so on in order to learn more about this enticing individual who I had seduced and in the process of this trawl I found a diary. At the rear she had a list of key moments in our relationship with the date written next to it. First date, first kiss, first time we had sex, first time pet name was used, first weekend away, first “I love you” and so on. Each milestone, from the trivial to the fundamental had been carefully written in her neat hand-writing (she always wrote with a Mont Blanc fountain pen – something which I liked until I decided to bend the nib one day after she accused me of forgetting her mother’s birthday. I didn’t forget. I deliberately did not remember). Each moment, each occasion had been carefully committed to the rear of this diary and beside it the date inserted as well. I was impressed and as I sat reading it, I felt the fuel of her dedication and admiration pouring over me. She was not there to do it but I knew from reading those neat entries just how much we meant to her, just how important I was and the fuel flowed. I remember sitting on her bed clasping the leather bound diary and realising that Jane was meeting my expectations and that I had such high hopes for her. The reminders and commemorations kept coming. She never forgot anything. Naturally the more traditional anniversaries – birthdays, Christmas and so forth were addressed and not only for me, but close friends, family and even Matrinarc.

Of course this slavish devotion to the recollection of events could not go unused by me. When she fell from grace and her denigration and devaluation began I would always send her a reminder written in black ink (using a superior Mont Blanc fountain pen) on a crisp piece of thick white paper inserted into a stylish small envelope. I would leave these reminders on her pillow, on her car seat, under her windscreen wiper, in her bag, on her laptop and so forth.

–         1 week since I last spoke to you –

–         2 months since our first argument –

–         5 days since I rang you –

–         A month since we last made love –

–         A week since the last silent treatment –

–         Three months since I took you anywhere

I have no idea if the timing was entirely correct with some of them, it was the effects I was after. Sometimes she would telephone me and question why I had done this. If it was during a silent treatment I said nothing but listened, allowing her strained tones to fuel me. Other times I would just stare at her and then snarl an insult, causing her to jump and her fearful look would naturally provide me with further fuel. On other occasions she did not manage to contact me but it did not matter because I knewhow she would be responding as I used the very thing she liked to engage as an endearing gesture from her to me in our relationship, against her. We like to take the wonderful and then batter it, rust it, twist it and warp it so it resembles something else entirely and this act of defiling is powerful indeed in its effect.

Soon I accelerated their use at one stage having them delivered through her door on a daily basis.

–         One day since I realised I hate you –

–         Two days since I realised I hate you –

–         Three days since I realised I hate you –

–         Four days since I realised I hate you –

–         Five days since I realised I hate you

–         Six days since I realised I hate you –

–         Seven days since I realised I hate you –

–         Eight days since I realised I hate you –

–         Nine days since I realised I hate you –

–         Ten days since I realised I hate you –

–         I don’t hate you. I love you –

That last note was a highly effective respite hoover which had her call me straight away and I answered straight away and her sobbed relief poured over me with such potency, marvellous fuel that it was. Once again by using the very tool she deployed in our relationship I was able to bend it and her to my will.

Eventually she was cast aside, the new prospect of Andrea having come into my sights and dear Jane was removed, not even afforded the courtesy of being a memory. That is until that text message arrived.

A foolish move on her part to reach out to me in this way but having received the text, I knew that it was inevitable she would have done it and indeed I know that when it is 3 years, 5 years or 10 years she will keep sending these reminders. Her memory had been conditioned this way. Notwithstanding the pain it will invariably cause her she wanted me to know that she remembered still. The addition of a single ‘x’ was the green light which told me that my follow-up hoover (of course there would be one) will succeed and she would respond to it. Dangerous to apply those kisses. She had entered my sphere of influence. I did not want her back, I was busy with Andrea and that seduction, but this reminder told me that there was fuel just waiting to be collected. All I had to decide was how I was going to go about. There was no need to be malign about it, a benign follow-up hoover would work but in what form and for how long? That was what then occupied my mind as once again I remembered dear Jane and her delicious fuel. So good of her to remind me.

4 thoughts on “How the Narcissist Turns a Trait Against You

  1. Rebecca says:

    This was the very first article I read of your’s and I thought the character was so like me, with her ability to remember dates and milestones. It was almost like you knew me already.. The dates that pop in my head, 08/08/2008, 06/25/2010, and 02/14/2013. September of 2021 is the time I found your work and started climbing my way out of the black hole I found myself in from dealing with the LMRSOMATIC. How my life got better after understanding what happened to me and what I’ve been dealing with my whole life. Thank you for opening my eyes, HG, clearing out the confusion, increasing my understanding and educating me on narcissism. Xx ❤❤ I’m forever grateful to you ❤

  2. Rebecca says:

    I, too have a strong recall, but without needing notes. Sometimes my strong recall is a curse, for somethings I wish I could forget, but they linger and hold on…..their pain is getting less and less…the beauty of being stubborn and determined to face and stand up to the pain…some day I may feel nothing at all, when the memories run through my mind…

  3. Tom says:

    If a needy, weak and pathetic woman ain’t gonna respect herself then no bloke will. Damn ..a needy reminder 2 years after being binned. Most likely couldn’t find anybody else around that time. This woman can’t survive by herself.

  4. Joa says:

    Excellent story. Strong. I like reading it very much. Culmination of emotions 🙂 I wouldn’t resist such a hoover 🙂

    I am, too, like a date stamp, although I haven’t written dates in a long time and I rarely take pictures these days. Like Jane, I used to write dates on the back of diaries, count first kisses, jot down all the terms of endearment (names of pets). Numerous albums were bursting at the seams with photos, each of which was dated and my description, and souvenirs (maps, tickets, postcards, labels of interesting food and alcohol products, dried plants, drawings, quotes, anecdotes and many others).

    N1 never gave me these albums back, although he tempted me several times (I couldn’t take them before the escape, so as not to arouse suspicion). This used to make me angry and frustrated. 11 years of only my work and effort. Sometimes he would send a single photograph. I received the last one about a year ago, even though we have not been a couple for almost 19 years. We were at a friend’s swimming pool, I was stretched out on the surface of the water (my god, what a figure I had!), in transparent daytime underwear (spontaneous adventure), he was laughing and looking at me.

    He liked the photos. He was like a beautiful model 🙂 Sometimes I calculated the percentage of photos in which he is and in which I am, and we were laughing 🙂 He always dominated, even in photographs 🙂 There was so much of him everywhere…


    I hurt you a month ago. Sorry. I panicked, when you wrote that you were in my city and wondering if we should smoke a cigarette together (supposedly you don’t smoke?), although you don’t dare… You have my address, right? I know, I made a mistake years ago and invited our mutual friends. I answered you negatively, but beautifully, right? Sentimentally, marking the importance of your existence in my life, I gave a wave of warmth. That should be enough for you. You kept insisting unnecessarily… “I don’t see such a need” – I’m sorry for the boor in me, who had to write this…


    You exploited me very gently. 7 years of insane happiness. That’s a lot, right? You gave me so much and taught me so much… You pushed hard, only in recent years, when I began to distance myself.

    That Joa is no more. I’ve told you so many times. (That Joa, and a few more, have been smashed to pieces by someone who needs and exploits much more.)

    You have a great girlfriend, she’s better than me and more into you. You have an interesting and good life, so many people love you. Turn back. I’m just a memory now.


    While reading, I ran my mind through a series of the most important dates in my head, childhood, N1, N2, motherhood, friendships, I – yes, I still remember everything. Right.

    I hate if I don’t remember a date and I’m not sure about it.

    I learned to perpetuate these dates in my memory and celebrate alone in my mind.

    …Although, based on this article, a satanic idea about N2 just popped into my head… That would be a strong jolt. 90-95% chance of his strong – or + reaction. Just the thought makes you vibrate 🙂 Crazy 🙂 To remember and consider in time. I’m sticking to my rule for now. Stop Joa.

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