The Pursuit of Revenge
I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you no that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.
You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull you hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you do deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need. So please, seek your revenge. You will not get it but I will be delighted seeing you try.
24 thoughts on “The Pursuit of Revenge”
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If you are more than 6 months out and this is still eating away at you, and you sign the narc up for some newletters on erectile
dysfunction and a few other things, and he doesn’t know which discarded or current supply is behind it, will it wound? Or give fuel?
In this context appliance not supply.
This act will be the provision of challenge fuel.
Thanks HG, it’s good to know my feelings of revenge arent abnormal or crazy. It gives me some comfort, knowing it doesn’t make me a bad person. It’s normal you say here, to feel this anger towards LMRSOMATIC. Good, I’m relieved. Thank you for that knowledge, as always, your wisdom helps me. Xx
Anger is an absolutely understandable emotional response to psychological and emotional manipulation. Anger at the other, anger at the self, the wish for revenge, for them to hurt. But not acting on it hurts them more.
Hi EveBea,
Yes, I was angry at myself too and wanted LMRSOMATIC to hurt. I know, through HG’s work , that LMRSOMATIC would feed off my anger for him. It’s better revenge, just to ignore him and pretend he never even existed. Look through him, if I see him and walk on by, like he’s nothing to me. He is nothing to me, he chose to be nothing to me. Nothing
I think that sounds like the best way to move forward from him. Good for you Rebecca. For the anger you may still have at yourself, I can only advise that compassion focussed therapy was the only thing that really worked for me. It took a while to stop talking to myself the way that he talked to me. It’s strange how I learnt from him how to tear myself down when he wasn’t there anymore. It took a long time for me to depersonalise it, and realise that he could not see me as anything more then a commodity, and it was not me, it was the story he created of me all along. All the best in your journey.
Hi EveBea,
Thank you for your kind words and your advice. I realized , through HG’s work, that LMRSOMATIC didn’t really know me, he had this ideal version of me in his mind. When he started being rude to me and saying things to upset me and get reactions from me, I personalized it because , at the time, I didn’t understand how he viewed me and what the mind games were all about. I realize now that he couldn’t say any real criticism of me, he didn’t really know the real me, he was just projecting on me, what his behaviors were, what he was doing, what people thought of him. He told me, that work was trying to get rid of me, when in fact, they were working to get rid of him. He would lie and then call me the liar.
I’m glad, through HG’s work, that I can now work out LMRSOMATIC ‘s bizarre behaviors and give myself a break on blaming myself for how things just turned ugly and awful. I’m still learning new things and discovering new explanations on why this or that happened. I’m looking forward to learning about the empath side next. I hope you join in the next chapters. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
He sounds like a proper projector, and from what I have read so far the perfect description of a lower mid ranger. I am super impressed with your level of understanding now that you are on the other side of the relationship, and your determination to be free of him. Thank you for your kindness, you have made me feel very welcome here. It’s been a bit daunting as so many of the comments I read seem to be written by people who know so much already, and have such a good understanding. I can only guess that comes from being linked to the site for a while to gain that understanding. I thought I had a good understanding of my situation from the therapy I had, but I think that was understanding of me, and not him. But I am also picking up in what I have read so far that due to the mechanism of narcissism itself and how it adapts as it needs to, to survive; and the completely different lens that I have, I am unsure if I will ever “understand” him. I think my best hope is to better know what to look out for in the future. The last know narcissist I knew is not in my life anymore, I do not think I am on his radar at all either. Object permanence has benefits when you are not with them anymore, or in their sphere of influence:)
Just thought to say I meant that the narcissist’s difficulty with object permanence can be beneficial to the other person, when the relationship is over. I read my reply again and thought that it did not make much sense at the end. The hazards of typing quickly and inaccurately.
Hi EveBea,
LMRSOMATIC was a perfect, textbook example of a LMR and he was very Somatic too. I can honestly say, I’d have to think about throwing water on him, if he was burning in front of me, or maybe that’s just my Geyser anger talking again….I’d probably throw a garden hose sprayer on him, just so he’d stop screaming and whinning, like midrangers do. My mother was a whiner and also a narcissist, it’s why I have no patience for whinning, it reminds me of her. I apologize if I sound cold, but cold anger and disgust is all I have left for LMRSOMATIC. He disgust me, more than anything else.
I’ve been studying HG’s work since 09/2021 and it was very important to me to understand why LMRSOMATIC treated me like he did and to get more answers that weighed heavily on my mind. I just had to know why and then I had to understand how he thought, what he was thinking and then to know how to block him next time. Is just a few of my need to know answers and I found them here, with HG and his work. Xx You’ll learn the same, if not more, as HG continues sharing his knowledge and expands into the empath side and psychology covering more personality disorders, like Bipolar, Borderline etc…there’s still so much to cover, explore and learn here. I’m excited what the future may bring! Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I think it’s understandable that you feel the way you feel towards him and your mother. And there is no need to worry about how that sounds, it is as it is.
So pleased that you discovered what you were looking for, and thank you for your re-assurances about my opportunity to do the same. I will see how I go. I did read about empaths in previous articles on the types, maybe there are more sub types to be explored. I have no idea what type I would come under, if I am even an empath ( I certainly felt things acutely).
I can see the interest in more work related to mental health conditions and the emotional dysregulation experienced in EUPD / BPD, and in BD- especially rapid cycling. Interesting to hear another perspective that is not clinical.
Hi EveBea,
Thank you for your kind words and understanding. I have an interest in psychology and human.behaviors, which has only gotten stronger since dealing with LMRSOMATIC and finding out my mother was a narcissist. My mother was diagnosed bipolar, when I was 6. She was a LPN, worked in the ER and also worked in the (baby) Delivery room.
I’ve studied Bipolar and Borderline PD because of my mother’s diagnosis of Bipolar PD and my ex was diagnosed Borderline PD. I wanted to know why they acted like that? What causes it? Is there a cure? Is it hereditary? I had so many questions, some I found answers to and some I hope I’ll find here, with HG’s future works.
I’m curious, are you a Nurse? You don’t have to answer, if you’re not comfortable.
I hope we both find our answers.
Hi Rebecca,
I think that it is quite human to have a keen interest in understanding psychology and human behaviours, especially when your life has been shaped by people who have acted out behaviours which do not make sense at the time or cause you harm. I totally get that, and relate to that. I have also completed a lot of independent learning, reading studies and so many books, to try and understand.
I am not a nurse, unfortunately my route through formal education was disrupted for various reasons. I did not do well in school, and at that time did not feel I could pursue higher education. Both practically as I did not do well in A levels, to achieve the entry requirements, and I had a belief / fear that I would fail terribly and could not do it ( reinforced by all of the horrible things I would call myself).
I live and work in the UK, I do work for the NHS, but as rehab assistant in a community team. So I work with nurses, occupational therapists and physiotherapists. I pick up a-lot from them, but also just love reading.
I often think about trying an apprenticeship scheme to go through uni now, but feel so tried and I am unsure if my brain has the capacity for academic learning now I am way beyond my 20’s !
I am less self critical now so can believe that I am not “unintelligent”, although I guess that this can be debatable from other perspectives 🙂
I also hope we both find our answers Rebecca, but I also hope that if we don’t find them, (because for some things there is no clear answer) we can accept that too. I don’t want to hold on to them for too much longer trying to understand. I would love to be fully free from them, not just in the lived sense of them not being in my presence, but also to be free of them in my mind too.
EveBea,
I forgot to tell you, if you want to know If you’re an empath or not, get the EMPATH DETECTOR done with HG. You won’t regret it and it helps you learn more about yourself. I took it and it helped me understand myself more. HG is also great at explaining the results. Xx
Thanks Rebecca,
That is very thoughtful of you to suggest. I have read some articles regarding empaths, and I think I understand the types in general terms. But I also relate to different characteristics of different types as they are described. Maybe I am a mixed empath 🙂 I guess that is the point of the empath detector product.
We’re the findings and knowing the exact type of empath you are, helpful to you in defining your approach when using the methods learnt here? Or do the GOSO and NC methods remain the same regardless of the empath type you are ?
I think that would be the thing for me, if knowing what type I am shapes the approach I take with my ongoing NC, or with my long term future aim of being immune to narcissists ( I know, high expectations) then I would pursue that. I am assuming it is a package that you purchase from the main site. I will have a look later, I primarily use WordPress at the moment.
Thanks again Rebecca, for your kindness, I have really appreciated your help.
Hi EveBea,
I think how the Empath Detecter helps you is a personal thing, some people get a better understanding of themselves and why they react to the narcissist the way we do. This is how the Empath Detector helped me.
As far as how the ED helps with GOSO and NC, it helps because each different cadre and school response in a different way and most empaths are mixes, like me. I have three Schools and three Cadres. Once you know your School and Cadre, you can start studying about them and it’ll help you understand, how to adjust yourself, so you’re not so easily ensnared and victimized by the narcissist. For example, I have Geyser as one of my three Cadres. Geysers, in general, are very strong emotional gushers, we produce a lot of emotional fuel, we gush with it. Being 25% Geyser I know I’ll need to control my emotional response to the narcissist and my emotional desire to break No Contact and also, because I have 27% Codependent in one of my three Schools, I know GOSO is going to be difficult to do because I tend to get very imbedded into the narcissist. I have the Addiction to the narcissist and the Imprinting to the narcissist, aka I had a narcissist mother. Also known as ACON. Adult Child Of Narcissist.
Trust me, the Empath Detector will help you understand you more and make NC and GOSO more achievable. It’s found on narcsite.com, in the Knowledge Vault, under Detectors.
Another thing you might want to look into is the Trait Detector, it’s found in the same place and it’ll help you understand you more too. Xx
You’re welcome and I’m very happy to help you and HG can even help you better than I can. He’s the expert, I’m a student of his work.
Oh my! You definitely receive a detailed breakdown of information. Like a diagnostic criteria of traits, but for empathy. Thank you for clarifying that the understanding does indeed shape the approaches to techniques applied, it is good to know that there is utility in knowing the empath type beyond understanding the self. I can imagine that gaining mastery in emotional regulation is across the board for all types though. Well that is an assumption anyway.
I had a look on narcsite last night, although it was late, as I was late home. I found them through a search in the Knowledge vault, but I don’t think I can purchase them at the moment. They are outside of my current means, maybe sometime in the future, if things change a little for me. But for now I am cool with the generic labels of empath and narcissist. Thank you again for all of the time and kindness you have shown to me Rebecca, you present as an excellent student of the works, and a great advocate and support for the people coming here for answers. The narcissist you knew, did not take away your light ! X
EveBea,
My college education was cut short, due to family obligations, my mother’s car accident and my mother spending my college savings. I went to two colleges, due to moving to another State and transferred my credits. My dad was in the Navy and retired, after my first semester in college, so we moved to follow his new career. I was studying Art History, Advanced Art and Psychology. It’s an odd combination, but it reflects my interests. I also enjoy music, it’s my first love. My mother was musically talented, she could play eight instruments and was in the Marching Band in high school. I was in Choir, starting from First grade through my Senior year. I joined Choir to help with my shyness and my love of music. I also took an Effective Speech class in college to get over my fear of public speaking. I even made myself do karaoke once to get over my stage fright. 😂 That one didn’t work too well, stages still make me nervous. 😂 Oh well, no one’s perfect.
I’m really excited about HG’S new works coming, that he mentioned earlier this week! 😁 I’m really looking forward to reading the one book HG mentioned, I think the title was, ‘Little boy lost’ , I could be wrong? Anyway, you’ll find out so much about yourself here and talk with other people, who have been through what you went through….it’s very comforting and empowering at the same time! Xx Sorry, I’m a bit excited. 😂
Hi Rebecca, that sounds like a good combination of subjects and talents to me, a creative and open personality.
Karaoke is quite the thing for stage fright, it can go really well (subjectively) or not so well. I have not so fond memories, of being pulled up on a karaoke stage in a pub by a “friend” to sing a Chas and Dave song – mortified does not cover it. ( still a good friend, although I deeply question their taste in music). It was actually very amusing looking back, I think they just wanted to see me laugh/ smile.
Being excited is all good Rebecca, I hope that the new works are helpful to you, and you receive more of your answers. I can understand why that is super important for you.
Hi EveBea,
Thank you again for your kind words and you’re very welcome. I did want you to know that HG does have a solution for everything. He has an Angel Assistance fund, donations from followers and students of his work….and its there to help people afford his Consultations. HG just thinks of everything!
Thank you, the narc I knew, LMRSOMATIC, did a lot of emotional damage to my self esteem, my self worth and my emotional state..I got the clarity I needed here and the support from other students of his work. I’m still recovering and I’m forever changed by what I went through, but one must change, to grow stronger and better. I’d rather be the me I am today, than go back to the naive me I was. Xx
EveBea,
I forgot to mention, once you find out about the type of empath, you may be, HG has books that can help you too, and they can be found on Amazon or HG’s narcsite.com. I got the book, ‘CHAINED’ and it help me understand my Codependent part of myself and helped me with managing it. Xx
I have a lot of reading to do 😂 thank you Rebecca, it’s very thoughtful of you to share the information and your encouragement. X
HG, if you were to compare yourself (personality wise) to somebody famous, who would it be?
Best,
DB
Why would I compare myself to someone inferior to me?