Knowing the Psychopath : An Uncaring Perfect Predator
I adopt a brilliant disguise. I appear just like you. I pass myself off as being like you. You look on me and see the smile, the well-dressed man who tells the jokes which make you laugh time and time again. I fix my gaze on you, my laser-like, hyper focussed gaze which makes you feel special and wanted. The subjects I speak of, the places I revisit, the images I create with my mastery of words, all of this makes you feel like I am like you.
Yet for all that I show you, you have no idea that beneath this brilliant disguise slowly beats the ice cold heart of a ruthless, uncaring perfect predator.
I understand that there are five basic emotions – anger, happiness, disgust, fear and sadness.
I do not experience anger. I experience fury, yet I am able to maintain an ultra level of control over it so that even though it may churn beneath the surface, there is no alteration in my calm and poised exterior. I present the epitome of glacial calm.
I do not experience happiness. There is simply a void which must be filled with the edifying power of fuel and the extinguishing of ennui.
I experience disgust, yet often I ensure that you never recognise that this is what is flowing through my veins as I listen to the detail of your dull, dull existence. Your day to day activities of such little consequence that I am disgusted by your lack of consequence. Yet, unless I choose to unleash that disgust, I maintain a mask of pleasantry as you flap your gums filling my ears with your tedium. Instead, I must amuse my mind with a dozen ways I would turn your monotonous dullness into scream of terror. I am sustained by the images that flicker through my mind as I calculate your fate by my skilled hands.
I am without fear. It is a stranger in these lands.
I know not sadness. It is for the weak. Such is its absence that I will not even seek to portray its presence unless in extremis and only then because I deem that it is the means to achieve that end.
You look on me and think I am like you. Yet we are of such different world. Within me awaits the precision-driven psychopath that I keep entertained with the playing of games, the accumulation of appliances, the creation of empires, the destruction of dynasties, urgent sex and certain other distractions. This amusement is important, for if I was not so amused, the outcome would be so different for those who would encounter me. The bodies would accumulate.
Stripped of what you feel, I look on the world and often feel nothing. There are times where I feel something – the rage, the hatred, the disgust, the antipathy and the power, but there are sustained periods of time where all there is, is the emptiness. Unlike the pure narcissist who must fight against this emptiness, I am able to embrace it. I am able to allow that emptiness to bleed into the world around me. I see there are times when those proximate to me experience the presence of that emptiness also. I see the shift in their countenance. The nervous flicker of their glance towards me, a sudden shift as if the temperature in the room has dropped by many degrees, a shudder which washes over them. I see then that they have felt what I am although they invariably have no idea what it signifies. Instead, they clamour for the familiarity which I am able to impose through the appearance of similarity.
There are those that think that emotion is irrelevant for my kind. That is true of my psychopathy, its relevance is applicable to my narcissism and its provision of fuel. Strip that from me and emotion would be entirely meaningless to me. I watch the world. Evaluating, assessing, calculating and selecting those who will fall prey to me. All must be controlled, but there are those who I select to entertain me. Those who must be the subjects of my game playing, those who must be drawn into my world, pull downwards into the dark depths of my ocean of malice. I am unmatched in my ability to detect those victims. I see YOU. Those who will provide me with greatest level of gratification stand out to me in the manner of their gait, their stance, the language they use and as my cold, cold gaze falls upon them, I know that it is play time.
With that my nostrils flare, I scent my prey and galvanise myself into action ready to make my way towards you and bring you into my world. Effective, calculating and hyper-focussed, all else about the world falls away as I zero in on you. My mind selects the approach, the words I shall use, I have learned the tones to apply, I have fashioned the signals to send you so that I become of your world so that I can take you into my world and play with you.
I care not for you. You are to become mine and I shall possess you, ready to distract and chase away the ever present boredom. I feel that first flicker of anticipation as the game begins as you turn and already my crystal blue stare and welcoming smile have caused you to notice me and await my attendance on you. Already you are caught in my tractor beam and savour the lifting of the ennui as I prepare to feast on you.
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Well written. We can see you also, your predatory, empty look and a bottomless void in your eyes – just for a split second. It’s unmissable. We feel pit in our stomach, also just for a split second. We know we are your target. We know who you are. And yet we can be fascinated by you. Some of us are ready for the journey, because believe it or not, you serve a purpose for us. You are a vital piece of the puzzle, but the sad thing is that you will never see the full picture.
HG, the series on Death, Conspiracy, the videos about the Woke- AI- Censorship movement, and now the Guru, are so incredibly interesting! I can’t wait on everything that you create and analyse in that regard! The perspective you add to this topics, unveiling the influence of the driving force behind the behavior and reason, and thus how our world and values are structured…Is certainly a much deeper issue to learn of how to navigate in it. I understand that everyone regard themself as “the good“ and want to pursue what is “the right“ in their view, thus it makes all situations far more intricate, if the nature of the narcissist and the other different types (E, Nor, Nc, P), is kept in mind…The more I apply your knowledge and information, the more exiting this navigation becomes!
About the gurus; a friend told me about some male participants exchange behind the reason of joining such events/groups, is to understand how females tick, to hook up with them…I personally had brief, insignificant encounters with very obvious participants who were performing the spiritual, advanced practitioner, but whose goals were written on their foreheads; focused on finding a victim, if a narc, or a partner if an empath or normal, which is also ok (matching interests). The actual truthseeker motivation about understanding oneself is also present in the participants, naturally. People simply seek for understanding, for navigation in their life, since they were not given the effective lessons as they grew up and couldn’t figure it all out by themselves, so it’s understandable why they seek out a teacher and guidance, and there is nothing wrong with it, as long they receive what they look for and improve their life. It is how their position is exploited and misguided…
The gurus themselves, the more intelligent ones, can sometimes be helpful and give a useful tip or advise, but of course may result in a deeper, destructive manipulation later, if they are narcs. I visited such events out of curiosity or because some of my friends would drag me along with them. Some were quite shocking in terms of “crawling before the guru“ and some of them were ok, with an honest motivation of wanting to help. Sort of psychologist type of teachers, not calling themselves a guru, though they’d come from practicing some spiritual traditions of the past… Sure there also can be a narc in disguise, thus ruling that possibility out via KTN is a way to go!
I am pleased you have been finding this work interesting.
HG have you seen the app for ChatGPT about art or writing? It’s a devil? I thought “ why?” It keeps popping up as an ad, and I just think it looks evil! If there was no copyright it would be a great psychopath graphic.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I’m absolutely shocked reading about this sexual predator, paedophile, Clive Bundy, soon to be released from prison, now identifying himself as a woman, Claire Fox. It appears a legal loophole could see his past covered up by his new identity…. he gets to erase his crime! He admitted he sexually abused his 9 year old daughter and groomed her for 9 years whilst posting pics of her on the internet.
She only found out as her father ‘gave his permission’ to her victim liaison officer to let her know.
So, I discovered, as of 2016 male prisoners in the UK have been allowed to ask to be transferred to a woman’s prison. All they need to do is self-identify as a woman, in other words, legally male prisoners complete with a penis are currently living alongside women in prison. They are allowed women’s clothes and makeup at the expense of taxpayers …….what the hell ? You’ve got to be bloody kidding me !!!!
Has this world gone completely insane ?????
I’m so over this ‘identifying as’ crap !
I would suggest they need to have their boy parts cut off if they want to enter women’s spaces. That will likely make them think twice and keep women safer. There are women in women’s prison who have been impregnated by these men and rapists allowed to self identify as women to enter women’s prisons. Nicola Sturgeon, the Scottish First Minister, lost her position over one such controversy. Good riddance. I don’t understand women who champion what is ultimately the lack of safety inherent in this ‘free for all’ self ID BS.
Dearest lickem,
Sorry lickem, I’m not aware of Nicola Sturgeon and her policies.
My thoughts ….. if you have a penis ….no way are you allowed to be transferred into a women’s prison,
Look at the kerfuffle with trans gender sports, Dylan Mulvaney advertising Tampax for women, Bud Light etc ….. the list goes on and on and on.
It’s like a cake recipe, if you alter the ingredients, it’s going to turn out a complete failure or have disastrous consequences.
I may be in my advanced years, however I do not appreciate sharing unisex loos or having to rearrange my wedgy having a male standing next to me.
Hi Bubbles, I appreciate your reply.
There are multiple controversies which have arisen around this whole issue and the most outrageous from my perspective is the notion that men who have raped women, worse paedophiles, can self ID as women and be housed with the very people they are a threat to, or in order to get an ‘easy ride’ (no pun intended). This is.in spite of their heinous crimes. Here’s an article I’ve plucked from the internet about the issue and Scottish First Minister:
https://www.scottishdailyexpress.co.uk/news/politics/nicola-sturgeon-snp-meltdown-polling-29136702
There are areas where you can’t equivocate, and this is one of those areas for me.
You might be aware Australian swimwear brand Seafolly had a similar controversy to the Dylan Mulvaney/Bud Light one where they put an obvious male (who claims to be trans) in women’s swimwear for advertising and promotional purposes. It’s not only ridiculous, it’s a joke that’s not even funny. Why not use an actual women for purposes of women’s advertising (Nike – sports brand who can’t find an actual female athlete to promote their brand!)? I can’t believe Dylan Mulvaney was actually advertising Tampax!
Men in women’s sports is a whole other kettle of fish, and I was shocked when I read that Lia Thomas is a male over 6 feet tall who has only transitioned hormonally (after having all the advantages of male puberty in terms of his sporting ability) and changes in the women’s change room with his obvious manhood on display. Why on earth would women want to be exposed to that? These extreme “minority rights” should never trump women’s safety and comfort. This seems to be overlooked with the counterargument being such ‘rights’ should trump those of others simply because they are a minority. BS.
There is also the suggestion that this activism is deeply rooted in misogyny. Here’s an article that lays out that perspective:
https://www.commentary.org/articles/christine-rosen/the-new-misogyny/
Just on a more personal note, and similar to your own point about unisex loos, I recently went to a cafe to have a meal with my eldest daughter and son-in-law where I discovered ‘unisex loos’ for the first time. I wasn’t aware of this until the son-in-law and I both decided to use the loo before leaving. It was a single bathroom with two separate stalls. We both reappeared about the same time to wash our hands, and all I could think was how uncomfortable I would feel washing my hands next to a strange man in a bathroom. It was uncomfortable even with my son-in-law. Bathrooms are private spaces and should be maintained as such, allowing for safety as well.
I don’t think we are outliers, Bubbles, in spite of our age (though it’s the first time I’d considered having to adjust a wedgie in front of a man :P).
Dearest lickem,
Excellent referrals, thank you
I can see why Nicola derailed.
The “new misogyny” article is extremely informative and in-depth. I guess by “their” definition I would be classified as a “transphobic bigot” haha
Lia Thomas, yes….it appears “she” exposed her penis in the locker room . If it were me, I would not compete against her on principle. I mean look at the size of “her”
Seafolly is being sold, it’ll be interesting to see if it survives. I must admit I was not impressed by the bearded model, it did not make me want to spend my money on “their” product as I could not relate as I don’t have a penis.
Have an LGBTQ+ trans gender, identifying as …..separate toilets, separate sporting competitions, separate prisons, whatever it takes! I have no issues with identifying with what “one” feels, I have an issue if you are a biological male with a dick, competing with females because “they” have a clear advantage.
I read where transgender athlete, Glenique Frank, has offered to hand back the medal. I hope “they” take it back and give “them” a participation certificate. Fairs fair haha
It appears those trans males who have been transferred into female prisons have not gone successfully. I do not agree “their” history of crime should be erased, your life transitions with you from one identity to another and remains on your public record. I don’t think you should be allowed to “change” whilst in prison. You serve your time as the person who committed the crime. Wait til you get released to make changes,
Maybe just don’t go to prison in the first place …..save everyone a massive headache. Haha
Ps I don’t wish to reapply my lippy, brush my hair, rearrange the girls in my bra, toothpick whatever may be stuck in my teeth or pass wind in front of a “PENIS” …..
I WANT MY PRIVACY !!!
🤣
Hi Bubbles, nodding in agreement with your sentiments which I share. I don’t care what they call me, it’s all they’ve got – name calling. It’s an attempt to silence anyone who doesn’t agree with them. Sticks and stones may break my bones …
Here are three more articles to make my point (if HG will allow):
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12043349/Trans-woman-abused-daughter-7-videos-moved-New-Jersey-womens-prison.html
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12035403/Her-penis-NSW-District-Court-judge-Alister-Adadees-comments-child-sex-offender-criticised.html
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/othersports/article-12033457/From-born-man-Queen-Mountains-Trans-cyclist-romps-victory-womens-race.html
By all means, create separate facilities, competitions, etc., to accommodate people who don’t fit into the binary categories of male and female. My concern is for safety and fairness, especially when it comes to women and children.
Hi LET, I can understand your view, especially in regard to safeguarding for those that are vulnerable and I agree they should be given the same protection under where the Law is concerned. The points you raise do seem to question where Human Rights are applicable and in what category – safeguarding (vulnerable), or, individual rights (choice to be who / what they are). In some areas of life, the world is moving too fast, in other areas of life, it is moving too slowly, or not at all. Interesting to read what you & Bubbles have said on this subject.
Dearest lickem,
Thank you for the news articles, just confirms our thoughts. I did happen to see the Ben Fordham story the other day. Shocking.
‘They’ are sexual predators using and manipulating a loophole to ‘their’ advantage. It’s now become a huge nightmare of a problem. Women and children are the ones that suffer the most …..again!
Today I read a story about the noses of Disney characters. The “woke”movement are now up in arms over good v evil noses. “Good” have nice looking noses whereas “evil” have big ugly noses. What next, eyes, lips, eyebrows, chins, ears, hair ? Let’s see if ‘the powers that be’ can resolve the penis issue first …me thinks not !
Hey AspEmp, I appreciate your comment and I like the way you have separated the issue of human rights into ‘safeguarding’ and ‘individual rights’. From my perspective, individual rights should not override the right to safety as it relates to vulnerable categories such as women and children. It’s not difficult to see how those who seek to exploit these vulnerable categories are enabled to do so using self ID with no questions asked. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a recipe for disaster. The bastardisation of the language, it’s manipulation and, frankly, misuse, is also cause for great concern. Reading those articles I linked creates unnecessary confusion and likely will skew statistics as well. It is not just a matter of people being who they want to be, not when it denies a majority of others their identity for the sake of inclusivity. Also their comfort and safety.
Hi LET, thank you for your response. By classifying safety and individual rights as separate, the fact remains that in some cases the argument of either safety, or, individual rights would not necessarily win over and above the other. This points out the weakness, not the strength of either safety, nor, individual rights where the Law (or ‘system’, whichever is appropriate) is concerned in some countries. Men can easily be exploited too, yet, they are the ones that do not get pregnant in this instance. In saying that, the mental / emotional / physical trauma could be similar. It also ‘conflicts’ with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs! What a conundrum.
Hi Bubbles, yes we are talking about loopholes here, and those who would take advantage of them. Joa is also right in suggesting we know who those people would be – narcissists. How do you separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. The genuinely distressed from the purely manipulative. It’s way too open to interpretation right now, and children and young people way too exposed to the influence of activists. Rather than forging headlong into the abyss, we should be taking a step back as we consider the long term consequences of any actions taken today. Surely erring on the side of caution enables of weeding out of those who would take advantage and an opportunity to ensure fairness and safety for all. I haven’t read about the Disney issue with noses, but I’m sure I’ll come across it as ‘woke’ nonsense keeps grabbing the headlines!
Hi everyone: I was going to join a local gym but everything lockers etc… is unisex I guess to appease everyone. Sorry but I don’t want to share a locker room with men. Sorry but I don’t. So I exercised my right not to join. Another point is the military. My son says he doesn’t care what the sec if you can’t carry a 250 pound person who is wounded then you don’t belong on the field. He says it’s life or death. He is a front line marine and again I agree. Not everything is about sex.
Contagious “not everything is about sex” – I agree with you. There will be those that have religions that do not permit the kind of unisex processes (ie locker room sharing), so many considerations that may more detrimental than positive for society as a whole. Your son sounds like a wise man.
I agree. It’s jail or prison. Rights are taken. And why are these men in prison anyway? Seems dangerous to put them with women just because they “ say so.” I imagine rapists would immediately claim to be women. This will explode.
It’s too obvious that it will be taken advantage of by those who are of most threat to women. I agree, it will explode. To the detriment of society as a whole, and not just of women.
Quite right Contagious, it’s already exploding.
…And who likes the most attention, exhibits “fluency” of identity and wants to have easy access to what they want?
I’m generalizing, but that’s the conclusion that comes to my mind…
Hi LET, and Bubbles and AE,
Thanks for the articles and for this conversation. I agree with you.
Haveyou heard of Kathleen Stock? You may want to look into what happened to her (quite a few videos on YT). She was a philosophy lecturer at uni in England, and had to leave her job for speaking up along the same lines as our conversation here. She is very interesting to listen to.
Hi Isabelle,
Yes, I’ve heard of Kathleen Stock and read about her experience. It is truly shocking to me that someone with her pedigree was driven out of her academic position because she held what are described as “gender critical” views. It will be interesting to see what happens in relation to her invitation to address the Oxford Union – the University’s 200 year old debating society – in a couple of weeks as students apparently are already being offered support and welfare resources with regard to the event. How is it possible to raise critical thinkers if they are unable to hear and potentially debate the views of others? Debate involves hearing both sides of an argument and is crucial to informed decision making. You don’t have to agree. You have the option to invite a speaker who holds the opposing view. You could have both speakers on the platform at the same time. The problem is that any position critical of the current transgender movement is considered a threat and harmful. It actually makes me think again of my favourite movie franchise – The Hunger Games, When Katniss Everdeen is confronted by President Snow in her own home after winning the Games he makes it clear to her that he will not tolerate her posing a challenge to the current system after her stunt with the poison berries. She replies “it must be a fragile system if it can be brought down by just a few berries.”
Dearest Lickem,
Good comment, thank you 😉
Dear Isabelle,
Thank you lovely
I looked her up and and found the article very interesting.
All she did was voice her concerns, she shouldn’t have been forced to resign unless there was more to it that we don’t know.
Just because you have a ‘difference of opinion’, ‘look objectively’ ‘constructively’ and take in the ‘practicalities’ does not make one a hater or phobic. Close mindedness and narrow thinking is a problem in itself where some tend to overlook the big picture and the scale of things.
Everyone’s needs should to be taken into consideration in matters of this particular nature.
Bubbles, it’s possible to separate these issues. One issue is whether people who wish to live their lives as a gender they were not assigned at birth should be allowed to do so. As a human rights issue, I see this as important. I personally know people who have been deeply and intrinsically uncomfortable with their birth gender and they feel a huge relief being allowed to live in a different way.
A second issue is establishing what rights trans people have in the world (and exactly where these might start or stop) and that’s much more complicated and those kinds of changes and decisions moves at a slower pace than social change. It is necessary to address these issues but the need to address them doesn’t, in my mind, mean we need to halt our progress or reduce our compassion in regards to the first issue – recognising the humanity of those who have different feelings about their birth gender to the feelings most people have.
Yes Annaamel, yes! Nicely said. ❤️
Dear annamel,
I understand completely and agree wholeheartedly with you, I have no issues with a person identifying how one “feels”.
We too have gay, lesbian and trans friends and have personally participated in gay pride marches and gone to many a drag show. To a lot of these lovelies, we are the parents they never had. Many have been kicked out of home (still) and have had suicidal thoughts, it just breaks my heart. My issues are when it’s used to manipulate and play the system resulting in others being clearly and unfairly taken advantage of. Bit like athletics taking drugs to win.
I don’t know, maybe compare times, performance, distance, body weight, strength etc to allow for female to male ratio…..or just compete in transgender games like they do with Paralympics, Invictus, Masters, Austism games and the like. I understand in certain sports there’s rules for trans men to be undergoing hormone therapy to be able to compete.
I wish I had the answer annamel!
Complexities are many, if it were that easy, we would’ve had a solution by now.
Dear Bubbles, very well said. Transgender athletes and hormone therapy — will not change the density of the muscle-net structure of the original male organism, post transitioning. The muscle-net of males is woven tighter compared to the muscle-net of females. Female muscle tissue is pre-structured in order to stretch out and enable fat reserves collection during pregnancy. Everything in the female organism is circling around the procreation and the muscle-net is more spacious, which effects the speed of the contraction of the muscles – make them slower compared to males, who are evolutionary – hunters and possess a faster muscle contraction ability.
The muscles of a male to female transgender, will still contract faster and produce higher results, thus beat the female muscle ability in that field, i.e. in any sports competition, where professionals train. The transgender athletes are riding on the wave of deception, in my opinion.
Also the increasing Detransitioning movement reveals the dark side of this procedures. Aside the psychological dilemma, this kids are going through pre-and post transitioning; after the first high effect is gone, there is also a down, plus the organism of some people can’t adapt to this changes at all from the beginning and there are terrible side effects they’re suffering, pretty soon after. The recent documentary „Affirmation Generation“ features various cases and explains brilliantly, why kids want to do this out of the wrong reasons, and why they shouldn’t be allowed to transition until their brain fully develops, around 25 years of age. And if they wish to transition still, they must be aware, that they will be in medical treatment and on medication forever. It’s not that harmful as people think and readily support, not having the knowledge of how it impacts over time and what it does to the body. Genetically modified differently – the organism don’t really change and the medication starts a war on a biologically sealed organism, which fights back…
Here’s an interesting article about the Tavistock Clinic in London which is due to be shut down after an investigation into its program:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12091229/The-moment-realised-terribly-wrong-Tavistock-Nurse-Sue-Evans-reveals.html
Dearest Jordyguin,
Wow…..thank you! That was most helpful and very detailed. It ends up becoming a viscous cycle doesn’t it ? This information should be mandatory and I agree with the age limit.
Cosmetic surgery is another area I feel is overly abused and those that allow and perform these procedures should be held more accountable. Hollywood speaks for itself !
In this era of self entitlement, people are just barrelling down the highway without any serious thought for themselves or consideration to others.
Just because one can, doesn’t mean one should.
Dearest lickem,
Many thanks for that interesting read, I’m with Sue Evans. Some 10 year olds are still sucking their thumbs 👍🏻
@jordyguin
In my view there’s pro and cons for every decision you make in life. If you have chosen to transition then you shouldn’t have the right to compete against women in sports. No one can have everything. There’s always a sacrifice.
If sports are that important to you then stay male and compete against males rather than impede on women’s rights.
If transitioning is more important to you, then do that and sacrifice sports.
And btw I have the same view towards gays making children and deliberately denying them their bio mother or father (especially their mother, I think it’s really unfair) which I know is controversial and I would probably be called homophobic for that one even though I’m in a same sex marriage. Adoption i’m fine with because the child is already here, but to plan for it be that way.. I don’t think it’s all the way ethnical.
I saw an episode of paternity court, a 22 year old male crying his eyes out and having all kinds of identity issues because he doesn’t know who his father is. Most people want to know who their bio parents are. Even if they decide they don’t like them, they at least want to know who they are.
Dearest lickem,
I came across an influencer, Lisa Paige from America ….she’s passionately anti woke….whoa !!
She’s boycotting Targets clothes for kids promoting gay apparel.
I personally don’t see the need for this type of clothing for children.
Teachers shouldn’t be encouraging trans gender issues and hiding things from parents either.
Let them be kids and go play in the mud.
💕
Dearest Witch,
I do most humbly apologise for the lateness, have only just seen your comment.
I am most definitely on the same page as you Witch. Most adopted people I know have mental health issues not knowing their biological parents and importantly, not being aware of any hereditary health issues. I believe, one should be told, however, it’s up to the biological parent if they wish to make contact. Being told they don’t want to see you is just another gut wrenching rejection that makes it even more heartbreaking.
They are a bit like us Witch, forever asking why?
Dear Mr Tudor,
Now’s there’s Isla Bryson, began as Adam Graham … raped two women when “she” was a man. Still has a PENIS and will be going into a woman’s prison……heaven help us all, enough is enough!
Dear Mr Tudor and lovelies,
I have been very much keeping ‘abreast’ no pun intended, with Pride Month and what’s been happening in schools, teachers, politicians and the great trans cat, cow, ‘whatever’ ridiculous debacle. Kids in school are not allowed to say there are two biological genders that being male and female, if they do, they are being told they are not welcome in their school and to go elsewhere!
Get this …..good ol California has just passed a Bill protecting LGB Alphabet+ youth that encourages parents to affirm their child’s gender identity, otherwise, you the parent, will be deemed guilty of child abuse and have your child taken away if you don’t.
Biden had a Pride Party on his front lawn and a trans gender woman exposed her breasts …… charming Joe and ‘God Save the King’ you silly ol git.
Seattle had a Pride Parade with fully naked males …..in front of children!
In a Minneapolis parade, a man was tweaking in front of the children.
The LGB Alphabet chant slogan is “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re coming for your children” !!!!????
If this is not predatory child grooming and abuse, please describe what is then.
LGB Alphabet is also sanctioned by the Human Rights Campaign who need funding for drugs to experiment with your children and hopefully keep them hooked for life. Either way, these ‘identity seeking individuals’ have mental issues and need counselling. The professionals will prescribe them with drugs (puberty blockers or whatever crap will play havoc in their poor little growing bodies) in order to stop them from eventually suiciding. A great number of trans people regret their decision and go back to their original gender and are on drugs for life, but most often decide to suicide anyway.
What this is, is another great money making venture for the big Pharmas to get richer along with all the other despicable associated conspirators. These kids are just numbers to them. COVID Pharmas I believe made $100Bil ….yup !?
This whole left wing activist narrative is self indulgent and narcissist to a whole new dangerous level. I would be very afraid for my kids. This is extremely serious. I will support my women’s rights and Gay’s against Groomers.
Just letting your know, today I’m identifying as a cat 🐱
I haven’t decided about tomorrow yet 🤣
FFS 🤦♀️ seriously, I can’t believe this is even happening
Dear Mr Tudor,
Miss Netherlands !? 🤦♀️
Load of bollocks.
Hahaha! Ballsy response.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Please explain
Dear Mr Tudor n Truth,
Well done you two 🤭
Haha! Knew you’d get it Bubbles 🙂
Xx
Dear Truth,
Thank you lovely, I may not get ‘it’ straight away, but I will eventually, sort of, maybe haha 🤪
Dear Mr Tudor,
Out of ALL the newsworthy events, plastered on the front page of one of our Aussie newspapers is the Australian Army and their Australian Defence Force’s new gender neutral policies, IS …..get ready ….
‘non-binary Captain wins right to wear female uniform’. HE can now grow HIS hair, wear makeup, paint HIS fingernails and have HIS ears pierced. Is this a new ploy to confuse the enemy ? 🤦♀️
Also……now, when you visit your local doctor, they’re asking very ‘young’ kids what they identify as 🤦♀️ Cats (furries) surely will need to go to vet 🤦♀️
Bubbles,
“Cats (furries) surely will need to go to vet 🤦♀️”
Haha.
Bubbles, you don’t miss a trick haha! Not seen it happen yet 😉
Xx
@WhoCares,
😆 🤣 What shots will furries need? Very amusing! Xx
Rebecca, sometimes the ridiculousness of the world makes me want to do shots.
Dearest Truth,
If I was a cat or dog I’m ‘on the ball’, so to speak
😹🐶🤹🏻 haha
Dearest Rebecca,
A triple shot of common sense 💉💉💉for starters
😂
Dear Bubbles and WhoCares,
I know a bunch of people need shots of “mind your business” and “stfu” shots at work and on the news. 😆 They just reported yesterday about a guy carjacking and kidnapping another grown man, in a local city from me. People are commenting on why the carjacker kidnapped the victim and just didn’t take the car and make him get out. Really?? Why does it matter?? What makes more sense to ask, would be, did they catch him, is the victim ok, was there a kid in the car? No, they just critique the criminal, like he cares. Xx
Dearest Rebecca,
Reporting is not reporting anymore! Main stream media are all the same. Sad really. Who can you believe or trust these days? AI is taking over, can’t get any more sterile than that 🤦♀️
Dear Mr Tudor,
Thanks for your most recent video on Harry’s wife’s face ….simply superb!
The “wicked witch of the west coast” is back on her broomstick with irresistible demands and offering more luring poisonous sweets and treats. She must’ve opted for the special 2 for 1 deals with her fake face Hahaha
She’s certainly had plenty of time to sharpen those claws of hers on her new improved scratching post whilst ‘poor Harry’ was out scrounging and fending for himself . I’ve heard a witch can’t fly if she’s just had surgery, the G force will rip her fake face off nor is she meant to lift her ‘so called’ kids. She should also sleep alone for a week, probably already is hahaha
Maybe her fake face surgery is the real reason she’s not attending papa in-laws big bash in London.
I obviously have an “unconscious bias” toward witches!
Hell Bubbles 🙂 Laughing at “the G force will rip her fake face off” hahaha.
Sorry, Bubbles, it was supposed to be “hello”, not “hell”
HW will end up looking like Omit before long, he has been out of public eye for a bit, maybe he’s getting his nose professionally cleaned out before getting a ‘back’ face like HW’s so he doesn’t need to sniff hers any more ? 😉 xx
Dearest Asp Emp,
Are we talking G force or G string? Hahahah
I’m sure she ditched hers ages ago, she’s probably wearing the big bloomers for H now. She’s saving her new G’s for her next kill …. some unexpecting dim witted billionaire. 🤪 hahhaahah
Hello Bubbles -) sorry, I missed your reply. G force (HW). I imagine that HW yanks the wedged G string when Omit talks 😉 I think these billionaires know damn well who HW is and I do not think any of them are that desperate for HW for whatever they use her for (smirk).
Lately, at times when I look at my body parts (keep it clean peoples!) .. I am reminded of a “meat suit” .. can’t say precisely how I feel about that “HG effect” right now, but anyway .. 🍗
Haha TBS, I have had the same thought on occasion since first hearing HG use that term!
If you watch the series “Supernatural” you will see the term “Meat suit” is used by the demons when the possess people.
http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/Meatsuit
Interesting realisation, I checked the link and one thing they appear to be confused about is the issue of possession. Angels do not possess people, demons do. They most certainly need the consent of the possessed. Not sure where the website gets their information, but is inaccurate.
@lickemtomorrow
That is very strange as in the Supernatural series, angels do not possess people only demons do. Angels have to ask permission from the person to be able to enter their body. They cannot just “possess” them.
It is however just a story. It is not facts or reality. Just a story.
Hi Anna, you are right, it is just a story and I assume according to the story it is accurate. The site you linked was a Wikifandom of the show “Supernatural” and I was focused on the actual supernatural, not the imagined supernatural. Appreciate you clarifying.
Haha I met Lady Gaga in it. She wore these incredibly high shoes and others had to assist her walk. She slammed into me as she could barely walk and said “ I got a pee.” I like her gumption and originality but the practical effect of wearing that outfit was a bad idea. Lol
High heels have always been a daft idea to be honest. If I ever wore them, I would make sure I took a decent pair of shoes with me to walk in if needs be.
She is very short and wears 20” boots to be tall lol. I also have a friend who is a classical musician from Iran ( he says always pronounce it I ran not E ran) who only listens to classical. He was in Irvine Spectrum and met Lady Gaga. She asked him to be her Valentine date. This was years ago. He asked her what her name was. She said “ Lady Gaga”. He laughed and said, “ No, what did your parents name you?” I like her too…
Lady Gaga, Yes she is amazing. I saw her in concert last year. 😍
Mother Monster. I love her.💘💘
@Contagious,
😂 I’m imagining your experience and it’s making me laugh. Lady Gaga reminds me of my life long friends I have, who are sisters and they are two of the funniest people I know. 😂 I love them dearly, their mom is my godmother. I’ve known them since I was 8. Anyway, Lady Gaga is the type to hold nothing back, I admire her spirit of don’t give a fk! 😂 I can’t walk in high heels either and it’s more of a comedy skit to watch me. 😂 Thanks for making me laugh! Xx
Lady Gaga is amazing. I second that. I love the way she holds nothing back and her spirit of not giving a f*%k.
Rebecca: I like her honesty too. She is open about her problems. I met her for a second. Behind her was Russel Brand and Katy Perry who were married then and behind her with I think Russel’s grandma who was soooo tiny. They were talkative and friendly. I wonder what HG take on Russel is… he is sober and a Christian now. Married with a kid. I think empath. He has narcissistic traits as a performer. What’s weird is drug and alcohol and sex addict Russel seemed a narc. He seems now to have sobered up and he is trying to change the world in a better way. Odd that one. Narcs are changeable so he is perplexing… HG?
Contagious and Anna,
Lady Gaga seems like a person who knows who she is and doesn’t care what anyone thinks about her. She’s very self assured and I love her humour and her directness. I like her music too. What a personality and talent, and she’s short like me . I dont even attempt to walk in high heels.😂 xx
Hi Contagious,
I think Russell Brand could be showing the narcissist’s chameleon abilities, they can switch likes and behaviors for a new partner, getting those prime aims met….or they can switch behaviors to keep a partner, like MLSOMATIC did, when he stopped drinking alcohol and got sober….this was after I told him I had enough of his drinking. He went to rehab and wham, no more alcohol. He hardly even talks about craving it, in fact, when he does talk about craving it, it’s when he’s mad at me. Funny, how that is….manipulation 100%
RB is 1 trillan percent an N contagious.
I would like some clarity from you, HG, as the knowledgeable and insightful owner of the site, if you would be so kind.
It is in regard to the definition of “fostering friendships.”
I would like to know: Is automatic agreement with; everpresent support for; and unquestioned, blanket-statement “ass-kissing” (for want of a better word), considered similar to the concept of “fostering friendships”?
If anyone is offended by anything in my question, I would like to highlight that I am not sugarcoating anything or using any warm or fuzzy words. I don’t particularly feel the need to be nice and warm either. I am being real, blunt and honest.
HG you must make documentation that NA used not one, but two exclamation points in her comment to me! Haha.
Honestly though to the ones that feel NA only has empathy for the ones that are free, you couldn’t be more wrong. NA does not ask are we free or still with the narcissist, some of us offer that information up on here and by doing so we open ourselves up to questions, not necessarily criticism that people want to to understand why? In the last 7/12 years NA has never once ask me if I was free from my narcissist or not, but she was there to help me have the confidence in myself to respond like I’m doing right now. I was a mess, I’d just as soon run then stand up for myself on here, especially with HG. My ET was out of this world both here and in my real life. I was forced to take a good look at myself and figured out it was me 99% of the time that had a problem, and that problem was my ET.
NA I may not comment alot anymore but I still try to follow as much as I possibly can. To be honest I always make it a habit to look for comments from you and HG first, and if I have time then I will follow others. I didn’t write this to start any type of argument. I wrote this because I feel someone was judged wrongly because of feelings of High ET. I wish everyone on here the best, and you will know when it is time for you to GOSO. Know one can decide that for you. Thank you HG for the safety of this place for all of these years. Xxx
FM1T,
I have so much catch-up to do in this thread, but just popping in to say –
Pahaha!!!:
“HG you must make documentation that NA used not one, but two exclamation points in her comment to me!”
Thanks for the chuckle this morning. Glad to see you on the blog, Fool Me 1 Time. 🙂
WhoCares
Hello! I am happy I could bring a smile to your face this morning. I like when I get the time to drop back in for a comment or two. This is a very special place to me and it still is. I was blessed the day I found HG and the blog. Being able to torment NA is just an extra bonus! 😝 I hope all is well with you WC. Take care 🥰
FM1T,
“This is a very special place to me and it still is.”
Agreed – there isn’t anywhere else like it on the net.
Take care FM1T,💚
Hi FM1T!!! Great seeing you around🥰
Hi SP!!! Happy to see you are here and doing well. 🥰
FM1T, FYC, WC
I’d like to share my view. I realize it’s not the majority view but I’d like to share it anyway. I’m in the fight of my life right now trying to escape my narc husband and narc daughter while also trying to save my empath daughter. I decided to support another blogger that’s in similar circumstances. NA made a devaluing statement about me because of that support. She kicked me while I was down. Then when I stood up for myself, she blamed my ET. Isn’t that blaming the victim? It reminded me of my father, “If you’re a good girl, you won’t get your ass whooped.” The worst part about it, is you guys cheered her on while she was kicking me. I realize that you were just defending your friend, but that was how it felt to me.
This blog is only safe for certain people. Its not safe for me.
@Leigh,
Don’t get discouraged, there are people here who are supportive xx
Thank you Rebecca
@Leigh,
Your contribution to the blog is valued and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. We need more people like you here, willing to support one another and offer thoughtful and helpful advice. You’re needed and wanted here. Please don’t give up. Please dont leave Xx
What exactly makes NA or any other the authority .. is what I’d be interested in, actually.
Well, HG is an authority because it’s his blog and he knows everything there is to know about the topics involved…
Dang, I couldn’t remember if I’d written “an” or “the”. I apologize HG, it should’ve been “the”.
My sentiment refers to empath commenters ..
TBS, I knew that. You understood. Or, we both did.
The only authority here is HG Tudor.
Nah .. not buying it.
Nobody needs you to, it is the case irrespective of you.
That is a given .. to borrow from HG’s vernacular .. I am not an epsilon semi-moron.
HG, I’m fairly certain of a misunderstanding of my comment of, “Nah .. not buying it”. The sentiment I’m not buying is that some commenters do not think themselves also somewhat of an expert.
This was far too complicated a subject for me to input into my phone in the wee small hours .. however it should have been clearer.
On the other hand, if my comment was not misunderstood, then that’s just mean! ☮️😉
Hi TBS,
I don’t think of myself as an expert, far from it. But I do know that when I’ve heard it directly, consult, blog, YT etc, from the expert, HG, I feel there can be value in stating what I’ve heard. This is true even though at times I may have misunderstood his meaning regarding what he said. I trust that at those times those who have more understanding, including HG but also others who’ve been here longer, studied different aspects etc, will correct me. For me, this is why sometimes people speak into each other’s conversations. And I am thankful for it though at times have had to ask for clarity and at times disregard something another had said after processing it as it does not fit for me. Often at those times, I have checked them out with the expert for confirmation and or correction. Speaking our thoughts, even if they do not like up with what’s being said, can be informative for all involved. I think here, most of the time, people avoid being bluntly contradictory with others, not saying whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, just that as Empaths, we often try to avoid conflict. And many here are working on various things, sometimes consciously and sometimes not. I am learning that sometimes being direct can be a positive…but it’s like pulling teeth for me to do it! The blog is a good place to practice when opportunity arises, if it’s something I feel strongly enough about to do so. Most things are not, that’s a newish concept to me also. So much learning that happens here. Anyway, just wanted to explain that which you likely already knew, sometimes people have knowledge of some thing and believe it is valid to share that knowledge in a certain place. Sometimes, because humans are fallible, there are misunderstandings that happen as a result. It’s not horrible, just more learning. I have enjoyed your additions to the blog very much. Thank you for being here and for making them.
Leigh
You couldn’t be more wrong about the blog only being safe for certain people. HG created this place for everyone, do you honestly think he would allow someone to make it unsafe? Also you stated that NA only shows empathy for people that have left there narcissist, that is an untruth. NA showed me more then just empathy in the years that she has been here and I was still with my narcissist at the time most of that help came through. That is a fact. Also kicking you when you were down is a little much don’t you think? I believe I actually wished everyone on here peace from there narcissist at some point and time. I also wrote that only you can decide when that time is right. Even if an individual stays with there Narc, there is still enough information and help from HG that would allow someone a certain amount of peace. I hope all works out well for you. Take care.
FM1T, thank you for sharing your views, it was (is) good to read. I was going to respond in a similar vein to what you have written here in regard to NA and her support / input where she felt / feels / thinks it is appropriate.
Yes, I agree that KTN blog is a safe place.
FM1T,
I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to suggest that you kicked me while I was down. I was speaking about NA. You were empathetic in your comment above. I apologize for suggesting otherwise This isn’t the first time she’s done it to me. Its just the first time I’ve defended myself. I know she shows you empathy. But she doesn’t show me empathy.
I’m not new to his blog. I’ve been here for 4 years. I know how valuable Mr. Tudor’s work is to everyone. I’ve read his articles, listened to his youtube videos, read at least 30 of his books & own dozens of items from the knowledge vault.
If someone doesn’t want to show me empathy, that’s fine. All I ask is if someone can’t help, please don’t hurt. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I apologize again for the misunderstanding.
Leigh
No apology needed. It might not seem like it to you but everyone is on your side for a better life. Take care Leigh.
Hello Leigh,
I haven’t followed previous exchanges here between you and others, so I am only now finding out with this post that you are in the middle of escaping your N husband, and your n daughter? Wow, Leigh, this is incredibly courageous of you! I know so well how hard it must be for you right now, especially escaping both at the same time, so I wish you all the very best, from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could actually do more for you. This is extremely difficult times you are going through, and it takes incredible courage.
Please let us know how you are doing, and if you need a friendly ear, I am here.
Xx
Isabelle,
I know you know what I’m going through right now. Thank you for your support.
Hey Leigh,
I have been reading as the discussion developed. I’m Saviour too and have found it tough not to get involved here and try to mediate or diffuse. I didn’t do that because since being here I have learned that often though my intentions might be good and I intervene for what I believe to be the right reasons, I actually prolong the miscommunication. By staying out, the two people will clear up the disagreement or they won’t, but it will be resolved faster one way or the other without my being involved.
I understand why you feel the way you feel just now. It feels like a pile on because others, including myself have given their positive views about how NA operates here on the blog and how her approach has helped them during their time here.
I have communicated with these ladies on the KHG blog and they are all lovely, incredibly kind hearted. From where I sit here on the outside of the discussion I read those comments directed towards NA as comments of support / gratitude for her yes, but actually I read them more as a signpost to you to say “ NA wants the best for people here, whatever that best might be. Her intentions are good.”
Nothing incenses me more when I have high ET than someone telling me I have high ET haha! HG told me once (read this in deep voice) “Your ET is not as low as you think it is TS” and it incensed me even when he did it haha! I snapped at him, actually I had a decent go but he didn’t annihilate me as he could have, he took it on the chin because he knew. This is the ET talking. HG was right of course, and later when it dropped a bit I saw it for myself and HG was right to prompt me to re evaluate my thinking. NA has done similar for me too.
So I’m not going to make comment about your ET. I will say instead that with everything on your plate, narc husband, recently finding out that one daughter is a narcissist whilst simultaneously staying in place and trying to shield your empath daughter, it’s a wonder you can still string a sentence together. The fact that you can shows strength and that should also be recognised.
Text is a pain, we have no tone of voice, no spidey sense to go on. Just the words and those have the filter of the reader to pass through. If that filter is cloudy, it’s very difficult to understand clearly the motivation behind what is being said. What I might read as dry humour, someone else might read as a put down and without knowing the character of the writer, sometimes it’s not at all easy to tell.
I got involved because I saw your flare go up, I know how you are feeling and I understand why. You aren’t alone Leigh, truly you aren’t. Everyone involved in this conversation is well intentioned, no one is trying to do you down. You feel how you feel and that’s perfectly fine, I’m not here to invalidate how you feel, I’m just here to let you know it’s safe for you to be here, I want you to be here, and your story is as valid as everyone else’s. I know you’re very upset right now, please feel better.
Chin up chick! Big hugs. Xx
Thank you TS.
UGH! I know my ET isn’t as low as I think it is. Thank you for understanding why my ET isn’t low. Thank you for also saying I have a valid voice on this blog.
You heard me and gave me what I asked. Thank you. I really appreciate that.
Oh wow, I missed the whole past thread. Leigh, I had to recapitulate to have a complete perspective of what was going on. I am sorry about the difficult situation you find yourself in. When I spoke on behalf of NA’s description as cold I was not trying to side with her against you at all as I was unaware of what was happening, and now I don’t even think there was a thing against you anyway. NA goes to the point. I agree with her the point is to get out. It could sound a bit harsh sometimes to call it excuses but in some cases people make excuses and we all know ET is a sweet traitor. Other than that, no one wants you or anyone to stop sharing and asking for advice here, Leigh. I come and go because the person that brought me here and I have been under NC for five years now, so, although I like to regularly check how everyone’s doing, I do not want to repeat my story again. It’s done. It’s dead. But some commenters like to recreate in the situation without moving from it and I agree with NA that that’s not conducive to any results. It may sound harsh, but it is what it is. I truly hope you find the way out sooner than later. Be strong.
You’re welcome Leigh.
You have an awful lot to deal with. I think you are likely in a position at home where you are repeatedly firefighting, in a state of high alert. I know you are used to it, but eventually it will take its toll. Try to get out of that house for a day or an overnighter maybe. Just you, alone time. It’ll help you to recharge and keep focussed on your goal.
Xx
TS,
Maybe I can take an excursion to the city. Mr. Tudor is in NYC. I can do some recon work. It shouldn’t be too hard, its only a city with 8 million people. Lol!
Lol! That’s just my lame attempt to bring some levity into the situation.
Leigh,
Go undercover. Covert operation.
I reckon you’d be about as covert as I would ( in heels )
Xx
What happened? As always I don’t read something and then there’s chaos. I commented on NA not being cold but dry but I didn’t know the whole background context. I don’t have anything against you at all, Leigh! Please, think that many of us read this sporadically and find fragmented information, apart from the fact that WordPress notifications suck so I only get some from the ones I comment on previously. I didn’t know about your situation. Keep being strong, Leigh!
SP,
“Please, think that many of us read this sporadically and find fragmented information, apart from the fact that WordPress notifications suck…”
Ditto that.
SP, I think you missed something still. I don’t care if anyone tells me I need to leave. That’s a truthful statement that I agree with 100%. I need to leave. My husband is a narc.
NA said
“It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.”
That’s an inaccurate statement. I don’t just make comments to foster friendships. Then when I stood up for myself, I was told it was my ET.
That’s what I’m not ok with.
Given that the issue of inaccurate statements appear to be the flavour du jour, I regard the suggestion that the blog as unsafe as inaccurate.
1. People are allowed to express their opinions and in so doing (as I’ve made it clear again and again) other people may take issue with your opinion and you should be prepared for that. I do not regard an exchange of views as unsafe especially when you’re warned in the rules that this can happen.
2. Nobody is subjected to gratuitous ad hominem attacks – moderation deals with that.
3. Moderation prevents the exchange of any information that could establish a ‘real world’ connection with all the problems that could follow if that were not the case.
4. Discussions and exchanges are allowed, indeed I allow you to be supportive to one another and throw your virtual hugs around.
I see no evidence of the blog being unsafe and do not regard a disagreement between people as amounting to an unsafe environment.
Thank you, HG, for the space & creating KTN blog for the very purposes you aimed to educate people on, which goes beyond the subject of narcissism.
Thank you Mr. Tudor. You’ve allowed me a voice and I appreciate that. I also apologize for dragging this on.
I will let it go now.
I would have just answered: In YOUR view.
The End!
And if you wanna foster friendships, you can do whatever the fuck you want, can’t you? If HG gets bored or disapproves, he’s not shy to make it known…
I have learned that in human interaction, most statements are not offensive if the other part refuses to be affected by it. But empaths tend to take everything too personal, me included. We all have seen ourselves immersed in a “soapblogpera” at some point and once it starts, it’s hard to end it. End it! You have the power. At the end of the day, all you have is the apathy of the universe.
Sweet P,
Your comment really helped me to shift my thinking. I can choose not to be offended.
Thank you for this. You’ve pulled me out of the fog!
Just a little Mr. Miyagi moment, Leigh. I am not so equanimous in real life haha!
Lol!
Daniel Son,
Wax on wax off
🤣🤣🤣
Everybody, quick vote: who would love to hear HG saying “flavour du jour”?
SP, I can think of ALOT of other things I’d like to hear HG say.
Come on then, nows your chance, don’t be shy.
Oh what do you mean, Alexis? Things like “sternocleidomastoid”?
Aleks, of course the words HG, you would like to hear, relate to the theme of the blog, which is “narcissism” 🙂
Ah, I wrote an abbreviation of your nick in Polish, sorry, it was supposed to be Alex 🙂
Exactly that SP and Joa!
HG – I’ll think of something, and when I do it will be really good!
And not along the lines of Arsenal are Kings of London hahah they are though
Hi Leigh, sorry to just be getting to this, I commented earlier to FM1T and got distracted. By work. Love my job but it can cramp my style sometimes!
Anyway, I have at times also felt unsafe here, it cycles for me. Not sure what causes it, probably, if I’m honest, ET fluctuations. I have spoken of it to HG and always been reassured that I am in fact safe. The fact and the feeling don’t always match even so.
That said, I just want to let you know that your efforts toward your escape do not go unnoticed, they are actually quite encouraging and I agree with FM1T, it must be on your timetable.
Being here through the more stressful times has helped me grow, sometimes in ways I didn’t want to grow, or see that I needed to. Not that you need to, speaking for myself of course.
In any event, I appreciate you voicing your frustration and also I do understand it. It has been at those times when something is the most difficult for me to write that I have sometimes seen the most growth come from it. (That is meant as encouragement as I suspect your last comment may have been difficult to write.)
Hang in there and kudos on the work toward your escape!
What is the goal here?
Serious question.
NA,
The goal for me is for you to acknowledge that I do have a place on this blog. I do have something valuable to say.
Two things bothered me. Your comment to Rebecca and the below statement:
“It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.”
When you say things like above, you’re implying that all I do is waste Mr. Tudor’s time moderating my comments because my intent is to foster friendships. That is an inaccurate statement and it devalues/minimizes my contributions to the blog.
You made an inaccurate comment and I tried to defend myself, albeit not effectively and then my ET was blamed.
I know this is a public blog and you have a right to say whatever you want and I have a right to defend myself.
I felt unsafe because in my attempt to defend myself, my ET was blamed.
I’m not asking you to censor yourself. Its a public blog. It was be nice if you can’t help, then please don’t hurt. But if you do decide to comment, if the statement is inaccurate, I’m more than likely going to defend myself.
Leigh
I acknowledge that you have a place/voice on this blog just like everyone else. I have NEVER said otherwise. Goal achieved.
Your indignation on Rebecca’s behalf was unnecessary in my view. Rebecca could have addressed it if she took offence, but I understood why you did it. Fine. Should have been over at that point in my view.
Then your interpretation of this appeared (to me) to put you into a freefall of ET, resulting in a string of further accusations and rhetoric.
“It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.”
Meaning that HG graciously allows conversation and spends considerable time moderating, but not with the INTENT that we should all agree, or that we must like or accept the opinions of all others so that friendships are fostered and the blog is seen as a support group.
You said this was inaccurate and that it bothered you most. How is it inaccurate? Do you believe that is his intent in offering people a voice here! You should ask him.
You interpreted this as:
I don’t think you should have a voice and that I don’t think what you have to say is important.
Your interpretation was what was inaccurate Leigh. I do not think that. It’s important to read what is ACTUALLY there and to clarify if you are unsure, instead of forging ahead with unchecked ET. You then amped up your campaign of inaccuracies (me being an enlightened empath, that I only support those who have left, that I kicked you when you were down and devalue and minimize your contributions to the blog (evidence?), to name just a few, and proceeded on to berating others for giving opinions of me that made you feel bad. How dare they speak their minds! So, how is it that you can “stand up” for Rebecca, but no one can for me? Do you see the contradiction?
But the worst and most untrue accusation of all is that the blog is unsafe. I heard you Leigh-you don’t like me and my participation here. There are meetings at the corner of Who Gives A Fuck and Cry Me A River. Lash at me all you want and use me as a stand in for those you really want to tell off in your life Leigh, but you owe an apology to HG and to all those who may come here new and see that blatant untruth and not get the help they need.
You have a voice here. We have all heard it. Goal achieved?
NA, reading what you say here helps me because I understand. In fact, the whole ‘episode’ here triggered what I’d experienced myself (I was very hurt back then), so I appreciate reading what you said. Thank you.
NA,
I’m very sorry. This has been a huge misunderstanding on my part. I thought you were saying that I was wasting Mr. Tudor’s time by having him moderate comments that were just to foster friendships.
I apologize again
Leigh, et al.,
I got my question answered in a round about way, when I asked you about this statement of NA’s:
“It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.”
In your opinion:
“When you say things like above, you’re implying that all I do is waste Mr. Tudor’s time moderating my comments because my intent is to foster friendships. That is an inaccurate statement and it devalues/minimizes my contributions to the blog.”
I fail to see how you took that statement of NA personally and assume it implied that you and/or Rebecca are wasting HG’s time. It was just an opinion on how NarcAngel perceives the intent of the blog and, additionally, it’s a guess on her part.
I actually disagree with NarcAngel’s observation. While HG’s (stated) main intent for the blog is to provide education and advance his legacy, personally I have observed much evidence that exchanges between commenters have been moderated with the collateral consequence (perhaps not the driving force) being a connection forged between the participants. I have witnessed HG moderate conversations where a reader was in emotional need and the moderation happened in a way where the conversation felt almost in ‘real time’…also, I have been part of emotive exchanges in the KHG forum where myself and another clue hunter have been following the same line of thought and the conversation was facilitated quickly. Perhaps it was just coincidence, at times, that HG had opportunity to do more moderation or maybe it was facilitated, in certain circumstances, because the conversation revolved around him directly. Who really knows?
Personally, I think it actually would be in his interest to foster connection between readers – why? Because, in addition to the truth-seeker trait that we all possess that keeps us coming back here for more accurate information, the other reason empaths often stick around is because we can’t help becoming emotionally invested in each other’s struggles, challenges and successes. That contributes to many of us coming back and checking in with fellow commenters…which ups the hits and statistics and makes for a more successful blog.
Commenters may hold a personal opinion about whether or not it’s a good use of the blog comment section to foster friendships (that’s a different matter all together) but if HG is of the opinion that it’s a waste of time – he certainly has devoted a lot of time to allowing empaths here to share, vent, commiserate, congratulate, truth-seek, joke, complain, laugh and cry to each other.
All I know is, I may not rely on the blog as much as I once did, but there was a time when I really needed it and will always be grateful to HG for creating this space.
WC,
I’m not allowed to talk about it anymore but I wanted to thank you for your thoughtful comment.
My take? There was intent .. and elements of plausible deniability, associated with that statement made by NA.
Being a popular contributor, deemed supportive and/or knowledgable etc should not provide an automatic “pass” in all situations.
I don’t think big fish in small pond scenarios are particularly helpful either.
The influence of emotional thinking does not mean a person takes leave of the rest of their faculties. ET does not, as a matter of course, infect every aspect of a person’s cognitive abilities.
Nor, should it assume that someone cannot be justifiably offended, hurt or upset by the words and actions of others, or say so .. sometimes with frustration and anger.
Accusing someone of ET in this particular instance seemed somewhat akin to telling a woman it must be “that time of the month”.
I am instinctively dubious of comments that seek to step in and take up the mantle on HG’s behalf.
Do not be deterred Leigh.
Thank you, thank you, thank you TBS!
That’s all I kept thinking, just because I have ET doesn’t mean I’ve lost all my cognitive functions.
Something Sweet P said made me realize, who cares what anyone says or thinks about me. Those are their opinions and I can choose not to be offended by them.
You have no idea how much this comment means to me though. I can’t express my gratitude enough. Thank you!
Leigh, I am sorry you are going through a most difficult time, but you certainly found the right resource for the most accurate information as well as a community of many very well informed empaths and a few others from time to time.
That said, your assessment is factually incorrect. My comment was to NA for NA. She is a deeply caring empath with phenomenal strength and stone cold, locked down logic. Her dedication and contributions to empaths on KTN over the past 7 years is exceptional and unwavering. My observation questioning why empaths do not feel what lies beneath was not only referring to some of the harsh characterizations in the comments thread, but a good deal of flack she has faced over the years for not meeting someone’s expectations of desired affect and sympathy. This may have been what you were seeking in the moment, but logic will serve you far better when dealing with a N.
Censorship is a form of manipulation and does not belong on this blog in any form (except as applied by HG for the betterment of the blog).
In the interest of accuracy, empaths do not devalue, Ns do. All those you reference in your message are HG Empath Detector verified empaths. We are not a majority nor click. Just some individuals with deep gratitude for what other commenters have contributed and overcome in life (I assume you are not yet aware of every commenters backstory of N abuse, but all entail trauma). All are safe here (with the exception of the fly-by visiting N).
Using logic is not being a “good girl so you won’t get your ass whooped”. It is a very effective way to control your emotions that fuel Ns.
In truth I am concerned by many of your views. Not because they are emotional or inaccurate. I understand they stem from your trauma. Feelings are meant to be felt but not always to be acted upon (easier said than done). My concern stems from the first-hand knowledge that you will benefit most from logic. The paradox of logic is it feels cold when you need sympathy the most, yet it is absolutely necessary to receive because it is the one weapon in your arsenal that will effectively defeat your N at every turn. The good news is, these empaths offer both, even when the comments skew toward logic over emotion.
“The paradox of logic is it feels cold when you need sympathy the most, yet it is absolutely necessary to receive because it is the one weapon in arsenal that will effectively defeat your N at every turn.”
Perceptive statement FYC.
I had coffee with an empath friend (she’s aware of HG’s work, but doesn’t accept/see the likelihood of her spouse being an N) and I try very hard to just listen and bite my tongue a lot (she is going through so much at the moment). I felt very bad after our last conversation because I didn’t offer her sympathy when I knew she was looking for it.
She was describing the behaviours of her 13 year old daughter (whom I have met several times, and am fairly certain she’s developing into an empath). My friend wanted to attribute her daughter’s acting out to hormones and the influence of her friends – which are certainly contributing factors – however, I am 99.9% certain this girl’s father is a cerebral narcissist. The behaviours my friend described signaled, to me, a very distressed young person who does not know the source of her distress…and though my friend was probably looking for me to commiserate with her as a parent dealing with a difficult child, I looked at the situation with added insight (and logic) and just couldn’t go there… (I have directed my friend, gently, to various videos/articles of HG’s but to little avail)…in the moment, all I could offer her were the names of a couple local therapists (who I know to be empathic and good with children). I could tell by the look on her face that that wasn’t what she wanted…plus, I think it’s hard for her to accept that her daughter’s may be having emotional distress that she, as her mom, may not be equipped to handle.
Her daughter is home schooled and her father often works from home – so she doesn’t even get a break from him much by being away at school during the day…
I simply could not commiserate with her as a fellow parent – witnessing the emotional distress of children (when I can see they are likely suffering from narcissistic abuse) is hard to bear.
I want so much to offer my friend the insight and logic of HG’s work but she is simply not in a position to accept it.
I nearly sent her the link to HG’s latest Livestream of part 1 of his series on Conspiracy Theories – because her husband is BIG into conspiracy theory – but decided against it as, at that moment she was in the hospital, accompanying her own ailing father during a blood transfusion. (I am, however, making a playlist of videos for her, for future reference.)
It is very frustrating, as an educated empath, when people cannot see the source of their distress. I have to remind myself that I was in their place once.
Hi WC, I can very much relate to your feelings and experience. Since finding KTN around 5 years ago, I have had similar challenges many times. What I have found that works with people you know and wish to involve yourself with in their aide, is to initially lean into empathy, then test the waters with HG’s info but omitting the “N” word or sending them directly to KTN. One must be actively seeking help and hungry to understand what they do not understand. And frankly is very difficult to grasp when you are an E. So I will take a small snippet of applicable content that is relevant (in quotations as something I read, but not quoting the source yet) and ask if they feel any of it fits. Usually the response is a resounding “Yes!”. When I get that green light, it is then I give background on KTN and refer them directly to HG. Over the past few years I have had many challenges in life personally and have not had the energy to do as much of this as I had previously. Further, there have been times when it is clear that someone is desiring sympathy, not empathy as much. When I feel their feelings it is the overwhelming injustice and trauma they are experiencing and that is sometimes too much to take on board. Logic is always a safe place. Thank you for understanding, WC, and for all your efforts to continue giving back to empaths. I so appreciated all you have shared with me in the past. And I am sure that those you have attempted to help will one day think back on the post you shared, when they are ready, and click on it. Thank you WC.
FYC,
“So I will take a small snippet of applicable content that is relevant (in quotations as something I read, but not quoting the source yet) and ask if they feel any of it fits. Usually the response is a resounding “Yes!”. When I get that green light, it is then I give background on KTN and refer them directly to HG.”
That is good advice. Thank-you.
I appreciate everything that you have shared here as well, FYC.
Re: “And I am sure that those you have attempted to help will one day think back on the post you shared, when they are ready, and click on it.”
There’s always hope.
WhoCares, it is really difficult when your friend she has a lot of different types of ET going on, including non-narcissistic related ET. Your observations are well noted, her daughter, the impacts and so on. You can clearly see her situation. You’re a really good person.
Thank-you Asp Emp.
I simply care about her friendship and cannot unsee the indicators in relationship with her spouse – and, of course, knowing where to find the right answers (here), I want nothing more than for her to discover them as well.
WC
A difficult position for you to be in. Probably best that you didn’t offer the Conspiracy Theories, as she would likely have immediately placed you in the camp (to her mind) that is just against him and doesn’t understand him, causing her to raise her walls a bit with you. Especially after sensing that your response with regard to the situation with her daughter was not what she expected or wanted. My sister has been contacting me a little more of late, and I sense that she is starting to see some things are not quite right with her narc husband, but she keeps explaining them away. For the most part I listen and might agree that “that does seem odd doesn’t it” or “why do you think that might be”, but the best is when he demonstrates his pettiness in a group setting.
I thought I’d share this example:
Bunch of us at dinner (at my sister and narc husband house). My narc brother recalled the time I was praised by StepNarc as being the only one who could do this particular thing for him correctly. It was not a true compliment because StepNarc only said it to triangulate me with my mother, who he denounced as an “idiot” for not being able to do it. I laughed and said: Well, some people get looks or talent, but I guess that’s going down as my claim to fame (it’s a menial task) and everyone laughed. Narc BiL who cannot tolerate the spotlight to be off him for even a minute starts with his lead in: “Well, I’m not sure I should bring this up, I don’t mean it to be rude, maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but…..
My impatient narc brother said: well if you’re going to say it, spit it out, and my sister who was now sporting a serious wtf? face, said “yeah” why are you making this big build up?
So…..narc brother in law says: It’s just that there’s a video on the internet that has 10 million hits and shows that it’s so simple a 3 yr old can do it. (Puts hands up like in defence now) and says: “not saying that you’re as competent as a 3 yr old NA, or trying to take anything away from you….
Crickets. Everyone is staring at him silent. My sister is so pained and embarrassed and looks like she might cry. I touch my husbands knee in signal not to respond.
Sure enough – gotta love my narc brother, who after a lengthy pause laughed and said to narc brother in law: “Are you fucking stupid? Why do you think it has 10 million hits? (He can get away with this because he is physically superior to narc brother in law).
Again crickets.
Then narc BiL’s saviour. His phone rang. He announced it was his mother and he had to take it. He left the room and was gone a very long time. My sister exhaled and said: don’t mind him. He’s been working a lot lately and he’s tired (textbook as in HG’s examples).
Narc brother says: He’s been gone so long, maybe he’s in bed now and laughs. (I think he still wants to have a go at BiL).
I say: Well it’s getting late for this 3 yr old and we should get going so everyone can get their sleep.
My narc brother reluctantly agrees.
My sister looks relieved that we’re leaving but also shows concern (likely about dealing with her husband next).
Sorry for the lengthy moderation HG. I thought this might be a good example of:
A threat to a narcissist’s control (BiL not in spotlight).
My withdrawal (afforded my sister, where she recognizes that I could easily destroy him but do not, and she is grateful).
Narc on narc action (brother and BiL)
Narcissist’s assertion of control – withdrawal
Empath acknowledgment that something is wrong but offering textbook denial (sister).
Btw – she emailed me the next day to thank me for a gift I left her to discover when we left. There was no mention of the night before, but she did contact.
Note:
Control is such that she cannot receive pictures on her phone and when she calls, he is there and we are on speakerphone.
NA,
That was an entertaining little glimpse into your family life – thank-you for sharing. Isn’t it kind of fun when you can apply the learning here real time and in person if/when you have to be in the presence of a narc?
I hope, one day, your sister can see how you’ve been there, in her corner, wishing safety for her. She is very lucky to have you.
Regarding my friend – it doesn’t help that I have shared some of my own ex’s bizarre behaviors (towards the end of the ensnarement and in isolation in the woods etc.) so, any comparisons I make with her spouse cause her eyes to go a little wide with disbelief. (Since I don’t dwell on the past, I don’t reminisce about the golden period or when I thought my son’s father was “normal” too – ha!)
Sadly, I doubt any shifts in my friend’s life will occur until after the passing of her father.
NA, Sorry to read your sister married him. Now you get dinner theater, both comedy and tragedy haha. Thank you for sharing and your analysis, so spot on. I would also enjoy reading your destruction of the Ns as an alternate episode of dinner theater.
FYC – haha! Re: dinner theater. So apt.
@NA: Such a treasure you are! 💎
FYC,
You say, “Censorship is a form of manipulation and does not belong on this blog in any form (except as applied by HG for the betterment of the blog).”
Do you not think NA was trying to censor Rebecca and I when she said this:
“It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.”
How come when I defend an inaccuracy, it’s my ET. But when you defend an inaccuracy, it’s logical?
Leigh, No, I do not. She was clearly stating her view, much as you have repeatedly stated yours. Opinions and views are accurate in the eyes of the beholder and may be viewed as accurate by others who hold the same opinions and views. But the beauty of life is we all hold different views and opinions. We learn by sharing these views.
My concern for you is it feels as though there is something deeper for you, perhaps from your trauma, that has been triggered. I believe this influenced you to infer something from NA’s statement that was not implied. In trauma it is difficult to “sit” safely in our feelings and be curious and ask questions or offer clarification, before reacting instead of responding. This is normal during trauma, but I believe does more damage than good.
Everyone human has defenses, not just narcissists. As you can see by this blog exchange, anyone’s defenses can be triggered, but the only arbitor of intent is the communicator, not the recipient. Hope that helps clarify.
Hi Leigh.
I agree with you that NA’s post to Rebecca was worded in a way that was less than ideal and I’m not surprised you bristled at it – when I read it I also did a double take. But while NA can be very direct or very dry, it usually takes rudeness from another poster to push her to post a rude reply of her own. Rebecca had not been rude in any way do I assumed it was either directness or dry humour from NA.
I also think you were correct to address the phrasing in her post but your post unfortunately had elements in it that made it less effective as a response. That resulted in push back.
NA has been here for many years and is a popular member of the blog so criticism which is seen as incorrect will elicit defence or support. I agree she’s been given more support than you in the discussion. My post here is trying to rebalance that, so please bear with me.
You are exactly who should be on the blog. You’re an empath who is ensnared and who has been in this ensnarement a long time. ‘How to escape the narcissist’ is usually the top blog post on this site – for good reason. That you and Rebecca are looking to a narcissist free future (as much as is possible) is great even if it’s clear that making that change is going to be intimidating or involve stress.
You belong on this blog more than many others. But we can all contribute. My contributions are more about helping others because I’m not in a difficult position myself. I see my value as a contributor as an empath (with empath advantages as well as limitations) who is experienced in and who sees huge value in independence.
NA possibly sees herself in a similar way and it informs the way she posts.
It’s very hard to have low ET when living day to day amongst narcissists especially if those are close relationships. And we are naturally highly emotional people.
I think that NA wants to see both you and Rebecca free of your marriages. I want to see that as well. We know it will be hard to do. We recognise you are both entangled in those relationships.
You and Rebecca are wonderful supports for each other and can understand each others’ predicaments and feelings, which is really valuable.
What others can offer, though, is the perspective from outside entanglements. So that’s valuable too.
I enjoy your posts, Leigh, and your curiosity is evident in your questions and deep thinking. I want you to continue posting.
Voice of reason.
Leigh: been there when younger. I left a psychopath ( diagnosed ASD) and he was rich. I was educated in law but stayed home with the kids. I had a 4 and 6 year old. I was threatened with my life. I had to get a new home and job while he threatened to put me in the streets. He sued m for full child custody. So I had to fight. As his top handsomely paid lawyer said he never met a fighter like me. I won 80% custody. We never spoke again but my children turned out better than I can ever imagine. My point is to give you HOPE. Five years from now when you are out of the hell, it will get better. Looking back, i found out who my true loves were who stood by me. Not my mother who told me to get a good lawyer and psychologist and hung up on me. No money help. But my father who had no money but stood by my side and countless friends. I remember clearly lying in the floor of a 10,000 square foot mansion thinking no woman should worry about her life or safety of her children. But I made it through and so can you! This is a blog but you have family and friends lean on them. And most of all don’t forget your children not that you would. They are innocents that were brought to this Earth by you. Focus on their well being and the mutual love. HG can help guide you through the legalities but I promise it will be OKAY. Divorce is a majority allow less marry this day. I call it the worst: the 3 Ds. Death disease ( or bodily injury) and Divorce. Once you are past it, everything gets easier! Hugs! BTW my ex was a pauper on paper. The IRS crime fraud unit calling me was what prompted the divorce. All I got was m freedom! Amen!
Leigh,
At risk of prolonging the conversation, I am seeking clarification.
Perhaps I missed something – but was this, in your opinion, a “devaluing” statement:
“It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.”
In the interest of saving time, I’m going to address everyone in one comment. I did respond to NA directly.
WC/SP/FYC
Yes the comment that I found devaluing or minimizing was the comment you suggested, WC.
I know you ladies respect NA. I understand why you defended her. I have Savior too and jump in to defend all the time. But by blindly defending NA, you invalidated me.
I agree there shouldn’t be censorship on the blog. But by NA suggesting that I’m only having Mr. Tudor moderate my comments to foster a friendship is an attempt to muffle my words. I deserve a voice just like NA does and anyone else.
Did I throw a temper tantrum? Most definitely. But it was because I wasn’t being heard and that’s what made it unsafe. Had I been new to the blog, I probably would’ve been gone already.
AV,
Thank you for your support Lol! Work is cramping my style too! It’s funny. As I was cleaning I realized I do feel safe here. If I didn’t feel safe, I wouldn’t have said anything at all. I probably would’ve just skedaddled. My ET is a real pain in the ass.
Annaamel,
Like Mr. Tudor said, the voice of reason. Thank you. Your words really helped.
Contagious,
Thank you for your support. I appreciate it.
You have all been able to articulate your positions and air your views on this matter. We will now draw a line under it and therefore no further comments will be posted concerning this issue, otherwise this will go on and on.
I agree 100% Mr. Tudor. The comment you’re referring to was written before I realized it was a misunderstanding on my part and before I apologized to you and NA.
I would like to offer NA a further apology. I hope that’s ok.
NA, for what it’s worth, I do respect and value your opinion. If I didn’t care about your opinion of me, I wouldn’t have said anything at all.
I’m very sorry for this huge misunderstanding.
Not a problem, the matter now rests.
Hi FM1T,
Your comment made me think back also, there was a time I would not have stood up for myself on here either. I still wouldn’t in most situations. I might stand up for someone else before myself actually. Lol, that’s my savior showing!
I don’t know about the expansion thing, haven’t read back through comments enough to know. But, haha, they are my go to! And I’m not that much Geyser!
I appreciate reading your comment that we will reach know when it’s time for us to GOSO, no one can decide that for us. That is my feeling on it also. Though it is a victory when someone does make the move, a victory but also touch and go for a while. I will likely not be entirely free until my mom is gone but ANC is effective in my situation just if the time, I am very thankful for it.
Take care.
@narcangel
I can’t reply to your post but I’ve been thinking about the concept of empath being a disorder as well! Especially when you look at the addiction aspect of it, but it’s viewed as “positive” so why diagnose it. I do find it liberating to be able to take responsibility for how I contributed to certain dynamics though, and to know what aspects of myself could be exploited now that I’ve done the empath detector.
I feel we’re lucky in that we can learn to observe our emotions and choose to react from logic instead. Although the more often I do that, the more I find myself craving emotional intensity if I’m being honest. I’m currently working through the fact that I feel “better” when my emotional thinking is high. Even when my negative emotions were provoked, it felt good to be fully expressing myself. Most people try to fix or comfort when I cry, but narcissists just absorb it. I remember one of the first times my ex upset me… I was trying to hold back tears and he said, “If you’re going to cry, you should really just let it all out.” Now I see what was happening there.
I’d love to know if anyone else can relate to this. Or is it just a me thing 🙃
Victorious
Someone here on the blog once used the term: addicted to the chaos, and there was a discussion. So know you are not alone, whether or not you get a response to your question.
Hi Victorious,
I understand and agree with your thoughts on it being liberating to take responsibility for myself, as you state in your first paragraph. Realizing I have that ability has been huge in my recovery.
For me, when I’m craving emotional intensity, I recognize it as the addiction at work, when I actually give in to it, rare these days, I know my ET is elevated. Because it is rare these days, and I have learned to appreciate life on a whole new level, without all those emotional roller coasters, I no longer like when they happen. Acting on that addiction is what previously allowed me to feel anything, I do not need that anymore. But it was slow in coming and took a lot of hard work.
Hi A Victor,
So nice to hear that you could relate and are now in a different place! It’s inspiring to hear you could get past it and no longer need to act on the addiction, I’ll be following your lead. Thank you for validating how I’ve been feeling!
Victorious, glad if I could help. Here in the blog, under HG’s teaching, you are in a place for good success.
@Victorious
Even though I wouldn’t consider being an empath a disorder all together
I consider the aspect of being addicted to the narcissist a disorder because it causes harm to the empath and those in close connection to that empath
I consider codependency to be a disorder and I do wonder how many empaths are codependent even in small amounts
@witch,
That’s interesting, I see where you’re coming from! I was thinking the opposite because I was under the impression that codependency could be healed but being an empath/the addiction was for life. I believe most empaths have different levels of codependency—I’m significant minority codependent, something around 25%
Now I’m curious about something…
HG, are there codependents who aren’t empaths? Or is that just a narcissist?
Codependent is a school of empath.
An interesting point witch. I’m not CD at all yet an N has the power to make me feel that way, although my own defence mechanisms kick in pretty damn quick to reject that as I cannot stand to depend on anyone.
How do you feel when you feel co-dependent Alexis?
I was sure I hade co-d but came back with none. I do feel ‘needy’ but only ever with the N I’m in love with.
I can’t stand it Jasmin hahaha. I hate that feeling, so I won’t let it last long. A few weeks maybe (at most), then I have to shake it off and get out of there.
That sounds very good! Does this mean you have never been in a longer relationship with a narcissist?
I agree, Witch. I see an attachment to anyone who does not attach back as disordered behaviour. As to empaths all having some co-dependency even if small or not picked up by a detector – I think this is likely as well.
@Witch,
I’m 27% Codependent and I think it’s why I still was able to love my brother and mother even after their abuse of me. I simply had an attachment ,which was deep rooted and I didn’t, at the time, know how to emotionally pull away from them. It was a cause of a lot of ingrained pain in me, at least that’s what I’ve come to feel and believe. Xx
Needi g a “hit”, emotional intensity for neurotransmitters, is one thing, and not neing able. to rehlgulate it. Some. heightened emotions can be C-PTSD related.
But empathic means a much broader. spectrum and intensity of emotions, like… more colours..
My narc mother truly doesn’t understand, I know that as fact, it is like she sees everything in black and white and grey, and I have a full. color spectrum.
Also the ability to feel. for others.
I don’t evnn claim to understand other people, but I can deeply feel. for them.
I also learned that distinction the hard way in “love” relationships.
Yes, a lot might have to do with oxytocin, dopamine, etc., but there is another dimension, too, of wanting to truly feel and sense someone else.
And I know now that this difference when being with narc types, bwas, what brought so much peon they truly cannot feel the same, or want the same. It isn’t there.
Needing “romantic” gestures, as a “kick”, a “high” – that might be different.
It is complicated, but I don’t think it is a personality disorder to be aan empath
Altruism might be. Hypersensitivity in destructive forms might be.
Yes, I think a lot of mental issues are a result of trauma.
Sorry for mistakes, I can’t see at all on my phone what I am writing here.
I read a book about connections being the key to happiness. It is shown having love ❤️ n your life even a pet prolongs life. HG have you compared narcs life span to others?
I have found that Mid Range and above have above average life expectancies.
Any idea the average life expectancy of the IPPS? Or how many, on average, die prior to the narcissist?
The other day my oldest daughter unexpectedly expressed concern for my stress level, and long term health, after having lived with the stress of my ex for 25 years. It was touching but it was also a very real reminder that the stress does take a toll on us.
AV, stress levels are one factor for sure, but there are so many things at play. One of my aunts for example, probably the most anxious person I’ve ever known in my entire life so her stress levels would be raised even from having a brief but positive telephone conversation with someone outside of the immediate family. She also has a learning disability. She is 89 and outlived the narc she lived with all of their lives, and by a very long way. She is definitely not a narc. She has also since my grandmother died only ever eaten processed foods, nothing fresh at all (we always joke that she’s preserved herself).
Stress pays a factor of course it does. It’s awful whej you’re caught up in that fight or flight mode for a long period. And I know you will overcome it and live a long and happy life! You’re one of my favourite virtual people x
Moral of the story, if stress gets too much – pickle yourself hahaha
Alexissmith,
I didn’t get to this place to respond until after I had written back to you, hopefully you will find it. I will just reiterate that you made my day with this comment! Thank you!
Alexissmith,
Thank you for your words, I feel very special today because of them. And, very interesting, I have also seen in my family some of the effects of people who have effectively pickled themselves! Haha!! I like that idea! Thank you!
Hello Victorious,
I can totally relate to what you wrote about feeling better when your ET is high, and feeling good about fully expressing yourself. I am still working through the feeling that fighting ET is like fighting my real nature, and that living without much ET at all most of the time now, makes life seem bland.
Still, I keep in mind that ET took me to a very bad place once, and it is our health and sanity that are at stake here, and possibly our life too, if we continue to give in to ET. It is about accepting the bursts of passion fading out of our life, when it is this passion that makes us feel alive, a lot of us anyway, because of what we are.
It is about rearranging your life too, changing your outlook completely. I am very much a work in progress in that department.
All the best to you on this journey.
Isabelle, I love your comment here! I relate to it a lot. High ET, for me, made me feel alive! I think it really tapped, taps, into my addiction. The sense of “bland” with lower ET was very real for me also and has taken time to get used to. I sometimes have to remind myself that this is where I’m better off! I am also at the place of filling my time with positive and healthy things, it is a discovery process of who I am and what I enjoy. Some of it is rediscovery, things I liked before my ex came along. With him I put a lot on the back burner and forgot it was even there. It is good to know this process is typical and others are in it at some point or another also, it is less lonely that way! Best wishes as you work through this phase, I will be thinking of you as I work through it also. I have minor set backs if I have to spend too much time with my mother but ANC has been pretty effective. Thanks for your comment, it was helpful and encouraging to me!
Hello AV!
Thank you, glad my comment could was helpful. Yes, it is helpful to know that others experience the same, at first anyway (i.e, that sense of ‘bland’) when keeping away from ET. It does take some getting used to, I agree!
It is good to hear that ANC is working well with your mother.
Take care Xx
Victorious: love the name. First if you are an empath, embrace it, love it, it’s who you are! Second being an empath has many advantages professionally and personally. Think Dolly Parton. Love is a big commodity not just a feeling. All you need is love. Would the Beatles have sold this song if only narcs and psychopaths existed? And do you want a doctor with no empathy? A nurse? A lawyer? Yes we say we want results but they can get them too. Do we want friends with no empathy? I always KNOW what’s going on it’s not just cognitive.and I like it. It helps understand the world around me. Sex is great as a sport but when you love some one… and crying out of happiness or sadness is a RELEASE. Embrace it along with every part of you. Why we attract narcs we also attract LOVE. There are 9 billion on this planet and only a small percent narcs. With HG help and education you can move on to the wider world of opportunity. No downside being an empath!
HG, I’m mesmerized by your recently posted death cogitations.
I’m pleased you’re fascinated by them. There’s a small hardcore who have really tapped into that insight, the rest, well Harry’s Wife is of greater importance.
HG, it is interesting to consider that some people may find the subject of ‘death’ a taboo subject (as you suggested in your video), others are more open minded about it. I will share here what that MRN said (more than once), following his stroke (he recovered well from that), the words were “I have too much to do, so much to sort out” as if all those material things were more important and that he did not have time to die!!
Yes, your video series on the subject is very interesting and as for my own experiences, I think about it differently than some other people may do. It is also interesting to see others behaviours (what they say / do, whether there is any change in approach, or continued indifference) when they are informed of such experiences. It can lead to those who have the experiences to also ‘change’.
Well, that only demonstrates that your work is all for diversity, equity, and inclusion, Mr. Tudor.
I am terrified of death and found the series riveting. I wish it got a larger audience, both because it deserves a larger audience, and because I selfishly hope that HG continues to make similar videos. A great lecture series for the future Tudor University.
Thank you ISMW. It is repeatedly the case that works such as the one you describe do not receive the audience that they deserve because people would rather hear about Harry´s Wife or spend their time talking about some minutae. It reinforces why I have such contempt for so many people and also how so many people on this planet complain about their situation when the reality is, they do nothing because their marshmallow minds are so readily occupied with the proverbial bread and circuses of kitten videos and mindless celebrity reality television.
I may need to kidnap one of those mindless celebs and place them in the white room.
I definitely prefer all other videos to mad meg! I find her and almost all celebs utterly boring. With exception of James Nesbit of course. I don’t want a video on him though, I know he’s a narc but I want to pretend that he’s not hahha
HG,
Can we have a vote/poll on which celebrity you kidnap and put in the white room?? Xx
Dear Mr Tudor,
Would you kindly please direct me to your article on death which is being referred to?
I think for the purposes of narcissism the Harry n Wife saga is valued education seeing as they hog the limelight for all the wrong reasons.
No one I know wants to talk about them anymore. I too find celebrities (and rich people) another annoyance, like mosquitoes, they just won’t go away. You’re gonna need a bigger white room haha
Many thanks in anticipation.
Bubbles
Ps I saw a snippet of Queenmaker on Netflix and they referred to this female’s anger as “intermittent turbulent anger disorder”. I looked it up and found there’s a whole range of different angers, at least 10 Interestingly, “enraged” is the highest form of anger and you immediately came to mind. Hehe Is there further content on anger to be explored in your Tudor library that I may have missed?
Kind thanks
The Ease of Control on YouTube
We should all do what France is doing!
Dear Mr Tudor,
Many thanks for the referral to The Ease of Control videos
Kind regards
Bubbles
You are welcome.
“The Ease of Control on YouTube”
Brilliant series. I am so hooked on it.
Glad you are enjoying it.
HG, consider putting more intellectual material on a voice podcast, not just youtube. You have great material on the relationship between narcissism and politics, religion, medicine, academia and especially art and literature. People I know with advance degrees tend to listen to podcasts, while they commute or exercise. Nothing stops them from listening to youtube without watching (that’s what I do), but people get stuck in their ways. Or just give the kidnapped celebrity a kitten.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Your videos on The Ease of Control are fascinating and full of content. Congratulations.
Thank you
Glad you find that to be the case.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Mr Bubbles and I view our deaths as a bit of a joke. We tend to make fun of it, every one is to wear colour, our recycled cardboard coffins to be adorned in art with coloured markers instead of twiddling ones thumbs looking at serious family pics (ours will be candid funny face ones) whilst waiting for the waffle to start. The hilarious singalong songs we’d like played followed by a party at home in the back yard with the wine we selected to accompany the charcuterie board along with a bbq and pizza
Our ashes will fertilise our gorgeous capital pear trees
It will be a hoot, it’s just a pity we can’t be there haha
Luv Bubbles
Fake your deaths and turn up in disguise. Job done.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Great idea, thanks …..I feel a dress rehearsal in is order haha
Our daughter said “just by pass all that preliminary palaver, send the ashes home and go straight into the food n wine” …I’m in …..haha
I’m not big on funerals. Our dear ol friend didn’t have any of that nonsense and just had a “wake” at a rather lovely hotel venue …..so much more civilised and enjoyable.
Funeral and aged care businesses are just huge money spinners.
In so many words, I used to be terrified of death until I was around 30, then somehow I changed my whole mindset, and figured we all have to do it, everyone (except Andrew Tate apparently), so what’s the point of being scared about something which is inevitable at some stage or another. I don’t want to die, and I know I will likely be scared in any build up to it. That said I’ve had a couple of close shaves and didn’t feel scared. I don’t look forward to it, or any pain in the build up to it. But what is the point of being scared of something which will definitely happen anyway. I think mind set is hugely important.
Hi Alexissmith,
I had a similar change of mind, well after my 30s, my convince dissonance is so great that I didn’t think I would die! Haha! Well, I’m over that delusion now and like you, not scared, it’s inevitable. I do hope it’s pain free and fast though… 😳🤣
Alexissmith –
“With exception of James Nesbit of course. I don’t want a video on him though, I know he’s a narc but I want to pretend that he’s not hahha”
Ah, I am sad now – was it confirmed that James Nesbitt is a narcissist??
Who cares,
JN hasn’t been given the HG seal of narcissism but from my perspective he’s a very obvious one. I don’t know huge amounts about him, just that he has the naughtiest of eyes – mmmmmm but the way he treated his gf and some event a few years ago smacks of narcisssim.
AV
pleased to hear you’re not scared either. I hope its not too painful for any empath anywhere 🙂 fuck the Ns (except HG of course and not literally either).
Thanks Alexissmith.
Re: JN’s eyes – yes, that sparkle. Completely understand. I tried not to look up too much on him…didn’t want to burst my illusory idea of him as the most caring dwarf in The Hobbit. Total willful denial.
SP, is it death, a subject that you’d discuss with students, to get their views / opinions?
Not in particular, it comes up tangentially every now and then. It is a subject I am obsessed with, as I am not scared of death. I’m more scared of reincarnating in the body of the codependent IPPS of a Greater narcissist, for instance.
Thank you. That Greater you mention, not Elon, by any chance? -)
I wasn’t thinking of one in particular, Asp Emp, although I find Elon revolting enough to want to abort a reincarnation as his partner. I hope everyone realizes I’m just joking, in case any believer in reincarnation feels insulted, although given the latest news on the Buddhist front…
SP, I know exactly what you mean.
Good of you to consider the point you suggested about reincarnation.
Ha ha ha, SP – thank you for this comment. A great dose of accurate black humor! 🙂
Whatever you want to say about Elon…. He is Among the top twenty wealthiest in the world, he is a genus and I keep waiting for some save humanity invention beyond a car battery that lasts “ forever”. What will his next innovation be? I find his promotion of the world having not enough babies interesting and his position that depopulation is the greatest threat facing mankind and his “ devotion” to contribute himself. Elon plays both sides. He is a wild card. He is ASP. He is a modern day Einstein. He is known to not be a nice person in general. He refuses to discuss the loss of his child with his first wife and this helped lead to divorce. He owns no home and once when younger disciplined himself to live on a dollar a day. Unlike the other top twenty multi- billionaires my feeling is he is “ production” oriented. I don’t think he is a psychopath. HG? But he is goal oriented. His passion seems to be innovating, producing, creating…but unlike Einstein who had no interest in politics, Elon dips into everything. Elon wants to be a world leader, a shaper…a creator. He puts himself in the limelight. God? the purchase of Twitter was about control and power. I loved it when he revolted against Gavin Newson’s lockdown and opened his factory and said “ arrest me.” I don’t blame him for leaving tax heavy California, it was a great loss however. My hope is he goes to develop something to save humanity and not destroy it. I have friends who think he is an alien lol
Yes, well, I watched the series ‘Superhero or Supervillian?’ (BBC) and it revealed quite a bit, with contributions made by different sources of people, including, the man himself. I do not dispute his power via money, nor, his ‘aspirations’, nor, his characteristics, nor his mind, the level of intelligence. He may give the impression that he wants people (or expects them) to understand him, at the same time, not wanting people to know how his mind really works?
“He is Among the top twenty wealthiest in the world.” Enough for me. Here I am, battling my aversion to paperwork to create a scholarship that supports the financial costs of disadvantaged students while these grotesquely wealthy individuals are so bored of their piles of money that they can only think of making trips to the moon. I don’t criticize that they made their own money, or that they are smart to fool us all and get rich. But if that’s the end goal of your existence, I find you repulsive. Plus his fish mouth doesn’t help.
I also agree with him on AI regulation.
Elon helped create ChatGPT with Larry when it was a nonprofit. Elon claims Google owner wanted it to be God. Elon claims he was concerned of humanity. Larry called him a speciest. Let’s hope someone cares about humanity.
Not him.
Look at the robot dogs in NYC. It’s starting…
I’m guessing that you have not seen, or, heard of the ones in Japan, when such a pet (the robot dogs) malfunctions, they “attend” a funeral service and recycle as relevant.
What about the new concept of “silent luxury” to differentiate yourself from the common people that only eventually may be able to access expensive clothes, least those low scums of humanity may be confused with the elite? Do they really believe they are better for paying an exorbitant amount of money for a piece of clothing that looks like trash? I detest them. Eat the rich! Meanwhile, let’s laugh at them. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRTao63A/
That would be a fate worse than death SP! Goodness!
Right? “Always look on the bright side of death.”
Asp Emp, if you feel like it, please read Zhuangzi’s (also spelled Chuang-tzu) The Princess in Tears.” Beautiful reflection upon our fear of death.
SP, thank you for the recommendation. I have faced death in my real life (few years ago). There was no fear then, just acceptance. It was not until I came to KTN and started reading to understand and recognise (deal with) my ‘mindset’ that I had carried my whole life-time. I suppose I had quite a number of different types of ET to work through while I was here, not just narcissistic abuse / trauma of the past. I read the series of the Celestine Prophecy many years ago – without realising it was KTN that held the answer, so I knew I was ‘seeking’ something to assist me to unlock & release my ‘ghosts’ so to speak.
Joa, do you know what my students answered the first time I asked them to give me an example of black humor? “Chris Rock.”
Hippocrates would cringe.
I learned quickly I had to say “dark humor” in America.
I wouldn’t change what I was saying SP to accommodate the dimwittedness of the students, in fact I would kick them off the course.
Hahaha of course! Ah, but to be in your class…
Sweetest, I’ve always imagined HG’s class would be like in Raiders Of The Lost Arc, where 99.9 percent of Indiana’s class were female, clamoring at the door to see him.
‘Professor’ hit the nail on the head for sure.
Oh, KitKat, when “Professor” came out I told HG I could imagine his students like the one in the front row who had written “love you” in her eyelids so that when she closed her eyes Indi could see the message, hahaha!!!! I have a history of falling for those college professors that stimulated my intellect, if only platonically. So yes, I see the same image.
Ark. ARK, goshdarnit! ugggh I can’t stand typos.
SP, the response from the students… would have left me stunned.
In my country only say: “black humour”.
The word “dark” does not refer to emotions, but to things and phenomena.
It would be hard to replace this with something else 🙂
Joa, it is meant to be black humor and it is black humor everywhere else. The expression comes from the “humors” or bodily fluids that influence the health and temperament of a person: black bile, yellow bile, phlegm and blood, according to Hippocrates. It has nothing to do with ethnicity, in fact it goes way deeper than the superficial color of your skin (gallbladder). People with an excess of black bile were said to be melancholic, and it was transferred to having a taste for twisted and morbid humor. The spleen on the other hand produces yellow bile, associated with anger. “Vent your spleen,” which HG uses to encourage us to vent in the blog, comes from that same theory. It is fascinating if you want to read more about it!
SP, I know the humor theory. Empedocles, Hippocrates, Galen. Also common in Tudor times 🙂
Black bile, responsible for melancholy, flowed from the spleen. Yellow bile – choleric – came from the liver. A medical theory that related to human temperament. The basis of many theories and psychological personality tests used to this day 🙂
One of the 5-year fields of study I completed is – Philosophy (although in fact more history of philosophy – I lacked “depth”, “spark” and… a bit of place for my own inspiration, creativity).
—–
In my country, the topic was developed by psychologist Jan Strelau (he started by continuing after Ivan Pavlov, who used the Hippocratic typology).
He presented temperament – as a set “built in” a person, a base, a building block (genetically determined in about 40%) for shaping personality under the influence of upbringing/environment.
He interestingly described and compared, how gene expression changes under the influence of life experience and CHOICES – some are suppressed, others activated. You can’t go back (!)
The same characteristics of a relatively constant temperament also manifest themselves differently in different periods of the life of the same person.
Jana Strelau was certainly an emapta, a wonderful man, worthy of admiration (very interesting biography). He claimed that human life develops in time, but passion, desire to know and inquisitiveness are beyond time.
And what appealed to me most was his psychology of individual differences. Although I was never interested in terms and psychological sciences, but in same “human”. Strelau wrote very easily for a layman like me, who doesn’t want to delve into complicated terminology.
—–
The term black humor reminds me of “Anthology of Black Humor” – but I haven’t read it.
—–
Saying: “Vent Your Spleen” – I met on the HG blog. I understood immediately, although I don’t recognize it from anywhere else.
—–
Two weeks ago, my daughter received a personality test at school for professional development (obviously hippocratic etiology!). Out of curiosity, I solved it as well. Our results are almost IDENTICAL (differences in the range of 1-2%).
I really feel sorry for her 🙂
Joa, thanks for adding your knowledge to my comment, I was not aware that ancient practice was still put to use in psychology. In my country it was mostly medieval Jewish physicians who developed practices akin to the Hippocratic theory of humors, however, I studied it from a very different field so I can’t add much on the scientific perspective. However, the anthology you refer to by French avant-garde artist André Breton, one of the founders of Surrealism, is resting on my office desk at this very moment, Anthologie de L’Humour Noir. Hahaha! Coincidence?
Stupid WordPress or jet lag or whatever this app is called! It took me forever to find your comment and now it sent mine while I was trying to format the title in italics. Anyway Joa, I wanted to ask you out of curiosity, what was the result of that personality test if you don’t mind sharing? Do they still use the same “melancholic” “phlegmatic” “choleric” divisions?
Regarding ‘Vent you spelen.’
I simply think of it as a fun synonym to ‘Spill your guts.’
A friend of mine used ‘Yell at me.’
on the comments section of his blog.
The cholerics, phlegmatics, sanguinians and that fourth category, melancholics? been a long time since I heard of those.
A bit like earth, wind, fire and water, you need 4, for symmetry😉
Fun comment AC. I love numerology too. Number 4 is very ubiquitous.
Never heard of The Celestine Prophecy, I’m looking it up, Asp Emp. If it’s New Ageish, I’ll like it. I’m a sucker for those things, I must admit. Thanks for bringing it up!
SP, I did enjoy reading them at the time. My then brother-in-law lent me them and suggested that I would find them interesting. He liked to talk about subjects like that, so did his best friend (male). Interesting as I was looking back and recalling my times with those people. Good times 🙂
Asp Emp, I got the first title and I’m gonna read it right now in front of my class as they are taking a test. Ha! I’ll let you know how I like it. Thanks again!
SP, thank you for sharing that 🙂 I’m glad it piqued you to obtain it 🙂 Enjoy!
I am enjoying it, Asp Emp. Honestly, the style is subpar and I scan most pages quickly (also because it’s the end of the academic year and I have so much more to read), but I find very attuned to the concepts, and many things are incredibly happening to me right now! In fact, this past week I met a new colleague, whom I adored and can’t wait to collaborate with, from…. Peru!!!!!!!!!!
SP, god, you made me laugh! A colleague from Peru! Hahahaha. I won’t go into Paddington 😉
I already see myself in Machu Picchu looking for the Manuscript, Asp Emp!
I can understand that, SP. It is one of the places I had wanted to visit because of the views and I get the impression that the area would have a profound impact on people who can relate to nature, the mysteries of the world etc. You know? You still making me laugh though 🙂 (thank you).
I’m going. I wanna be surrounded by the Inca halo of mystery, to the music of El Cóndor Pasa and chewing coca leaves to dodge the higher sickness. Dancing with alpacas (we are avoiding llamas after the recent Buddhist debacle). Ah, Cusco, wait for me! We got this mystery solved, Asp Emp. I’m going for the 9th Insight!
Hahahaha, SP. Yes, I can just imagine that!
Now, seriously, I am going. I’ve been dreaming of visiting Machu Picchu long ago. Asp Emp, I am finding this book very eye opening. Thank you!
SP, glad you’re enjoying this book 🙂
Yes, I understand SP, I read the series when I was younger and it did open my mind to looking at things differently, it was an education that did not occur at school.
I agree.
I’m joining. I am also very grateful for this topic. It’s something, that resonates strongly with me. One of the better things, HG.
Thank you.
SP
I am enjoying this series very much also. I am probably a minority but I just don’t care about H and M. I would love to see further videos like this, however I know H and M draw in more people which in the long run helps to get HG and his information out there.
The so-called minorities are the majority. Just saying…
RE: “I think when ET is low, we almost come across as ‘not as nice/ not as warm.’” I disagree, as not everyone is “we”. Prime example, Catherine, Princess of Wales, may have low ET and still comes across as really warm & nice in public, and probably, also at home / in private. I am not always “aloof” when I meet new people, it depends on, the environment and people in proximity, if any. I, personally, believe that someone can be “nice and warm” with low, or high ET, whether they are an aware, or, unaware empath. Considering whether someone is in sustained emotional empathy period, hence sustained reduced (not low) emotional empathy, so, will have sustained high narcissistic traits activated.
“Our core is still the same, the traits, drivers etc, but we present very differently” – yes, when ET / LT are ‘correctly’ balanced and depends on the environment and people in proximity, if any.
Again, other factors may need consideration ie whether present, co-morbidities, including neurological.
It is a well known fact, anyone’s empath / narcissistic traits can be instantly ‘switched’ on, ie sudden mood ‘changes’ because of external stressors (depends where that individual sits on the empath to narcissism spectrum).
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/comment-page-1/#comment-441657
Hey Asp,
Maybe some empaths do feel as warm with low ET as they do with high. I should perhaps have said, me and my friend rather than implying ‘we all’.
I know that I am not as warm and he is not as warm. Difficult to say with my dad, he remains with my mum so I haven’t seen him with low ET. I don’t mean in the sense of narcissistic traits flaring or not flaring, or a sudden standoffishness, just the general demeanour on a daily basis / the relationships with others don’t feel as warm. I see my friend 5 days a week, every week, sometimes 6 and I’ve seen him during ensnarement and post ensnarement. We have spoken about it and both of us agree, we feel less ‘empathic’ with lower ET. I accept others might well feel differently. Neither one of us sees it as a downside necessarily, although personally if I could choose, I’d prefer to feel the empathy I do with high ET but without the cloudiness, indecisiveness etc that goes with it.
Xx
TS,
As someone who has experienced your empathy, I call bullshit, lol!
You perceive yourself very differently than I perceive you. Warmth is exactly what I feel from you. Your genuine empathy for me and my situation radiates from you. I know, shudder the thought, lol. You’re warmer than you think you are!
Leigh,
You made me giggle there. Can I not be the kick ass, sword wielding, narc slaying, super duper Heyoka dark empath then?
I bought the t shirt ?
😘xx
Ah if you bought the t-shirt that must surely confirm what you are. But have you told the world via social media? That would seal the deal!
“But have you told the world via social media?”
Did you not see the plane fly over the Grand National yesterday? That was me, and my banner.
That´s not social media. Must try harder.
Ok. I’ll wear a Lei with my sword. I think it adds gravitas.
TS,
You might find the t shirt in the Tudor shop! 😂 😂 xx Who knows, they might even have a sword coffee mug for you. 😂 xx
Rebecca,
Haha! Can you imagine? Those t shirts need to be in that shop just to see how many buy them!
Xx
Lol! Absolutely!
TS,
😂 Every time someone bought one, HG would say, “There’s one indicator!” 😂 xx
I read your comment and reply to NA. When an individual may suggest they have low ET whereas someone else may view it as high ET from their perspective. It may become apparent whether someone has high, or, low ET within their communications with certain people, I think NA’s comment (as above) summarised it extremely well.
Hi Asp Emp,
Yes, my ET is a slippery customer, no doubt about it. The problem with ET I think, is that it manifests differently for different people, or seems to. Trait dependent. My ET might look similar to yours, it might look different, then you have the lense of people we are communicating with as you say. The key thing I think is that we understand what our own ET feels like, recognise it swiftly so we are better able to manage it for our own well-being.
Xx
“The key thing I think is that we understand what our own ET feels like, recognise it swiftly so we are better able to manage it for our own well-being” – there is a difference in ‘applying’ it inwardly (self) and outwardly (towards other people) because it results in different behaviours, similar to those of the 3 assertions of control for a narcissist? I think your ET ‘operates’ differently to that of my own ET because the ‘reasonings’ are different. As you suggest “trait dependent”, so the ‘criteria’ is not similar.
Hey Asp,
Yes the ‘reasoning’ can definitely be different. I’d probably add to that and say I don’t think my ET always chooses the same traits to corrupt. Looking back, I’d think with Narc 1 and 2, inwardly it went more for my narcissistic traits. With online narc it went solely for my empathic traits, probably why I was more damaged by online narc than the other two.
I’m not entirely sure how my ET shows itself outwardly towards others. No Geyser and very low anger comparative to my other traits. More melancholic probably, less logical, bit scatty haha! Don’t tell me, I’ll keep my head in the bucket for that one!
Xx
TS
Are you relating not being as warm with lowered ET with not giving as much of yourself as easily and as early as you may have previously with someone? Or something else?
NA,
I’ve always been selective in terms of how much I give of myself, so I don’t think that’s really changed.
I think it’s more a sense of feeling less connected with people when my ET is lower, less ‘in tune’ with them somehow, like I’m seeing the world in black and white, rather than in colour.
Xx
Re: Not coming across as nice or warm.
Well, I do know that I have certainly been seen (and commented on) as such. I try to be considerate and could write differently, be more complimentary etc, but am not concerned with people “liking” me. I say what I have to say and trust the intelligence of the reader to determine intent or ask for clarification. Not all general observation or thought on discussion needs to be emotional or resonate with the reader. In fact, that might be a good indicator of the level of emotional thinking involved. At the end of the day, it is all just information exchanged. It’s natural that some people will find a commonality over certain issues and gravitate to those individuals, but this is a blog run by a narcissist disseminating information about narcissism and he graciously invites conversation. It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.
For some, that will come across as logic, for others cold.
They are merely words/views. The reader applies emotion.
NA,
You might have hit on something there. “I’m not concerned with people liking me”. If I follow that idea I could add in (speaking for myself here) “I no longer walk on eggshells.” I’m happy to say what I have to say and that’s it. I don’t feel the need to defend my view. My view is my view, consider or don’t.
When my ET was high, when my friend’s ET was high, we had been walking on eggshells with our respective narcs. With that comes the over analysis of how things we say might be interpreted as something different than we intended. I’m still respectful of that but I’m not hyper vigilant over it either.
That might be part of it. As my ET has fallen and I am further from ensnarement where walking on eggshells was more automatic, I self moderate less. To me that might feel less considerate, less accommodating, less protective, therefore less nice and less warm.
I’m self evaluating my lack of self evaluation. Great!
Another part of it I think might actually be closer to me mirroring. You got me thinking about that with your comment about the narc and music. If ET is high, I’m confused and upset. This signals a need for support, compassion. Upon receipt of support and compassion I felt relief, I felt clearer and grateful for the reassurance. I felt warmth to those freely offering those things to me. Warmth towards me equalled warmth from me.
With low ET I don’t require those things in the same way, so the warmth response in gratitude doesn’t occur either. That might also be why I see myself and my friend sees himself as less warm. In a way I’m right, I don’t feel that common bond with others that I once did when ET was high. But it isn’t me or them that has changed. It’s my situation that changed.
I don’t lash out with high ET. I’m exactly the opposite, more clingy, more loving because my main issue with high ET directly post escape was sadness, confusion and loss. I was never angry about it.
So I still would have liked to have kept the warmth I think, warmth as I see it, but that’s likely an emotional response rather than a logical one.
Thank you for your thoughts NA.
TS
You still exude plenty of warmth and I see that it is most appreciated here. I always felt that you were careful in your wording and how you chose to convey your messages as not to offend (and you later confirmed this to be the case). You still do, but I have noticed a verrrry small shift over time. One that has absolutely not changed your warmth, positivity, and relatability to others at all, but one that I was happy to note says that you embrace and consider your own needs and boundaries more as well. I’m not trying to be cryptic, but the example can not be given here without causing offence (real or imagined) to someone. I hope you know what I mean. I think you might. Just wanted you to know that I noticed.
Hi NA,
If it’s the situation with me that you’re referring to, no worries, I would not take offense. I have felt horrible about some things I said at the time to TS ever since, and have attempted to correct it but on a public blog did not know how it would be received if I were to apologize. With your comment here, I have the opportunity.
I also learned a few things from that exchange but do wish it had not had to happen for me to do so.
If it is not the exchange between TS and myself to which you refer, I still extend my apologies to TS for the unkind things I said so long ago, and also to you for stepping in here without cause.
NA,
Thank you for this. Your comment means a great deal to me, particularly because you have read me here from day one. You never fail to read between the lines and spot when I’m having a wobble. Your thoughts have always prompted me to reassess and find my own answers. Yes, I do know what you mean, thank you NA.
Xx
AV
It would have been more accurate for me to say that it might cause offence to a person, or persons (depending on how many might take offence) rather than using “someone” which I see now could be taken as singular. It was not, and I apologize for that making you feel singled out. The change I referred to has been as stated – over time, and involved more than the exchange I believe you are referring to, but yes, it was part of the equation. I would add that I am not making judgement on either of you or the opinions during that exchange. I only offered my observation to TS because there is/was an active conversation about her perception of lowered ET possibly affecting her overall warmth in interactions, which I did not find to be the case here on the blog.
You need never apologize to me for the opportunity in adding to a conversation AV.
AV,
Thank you for the apology. There is no need to concern yourself further, I have no ill will towards you at all.
We have coexisted successfully on the blog over the past year. We have exchanged brief comments here and there whilst maintaining a respectful and courteous distance from each other. I think this approach is appropriate and prefer not to engage in more detailed interaction.
Thank you for the reply TS. Likewise as to the boundary.
Thank you NA. Your comment (here) said it all really. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to it. I am not of the view that you are “condescending”. Why should you “change” the way you come across simply because of how some may feel “offended” by reading what you say to them through their own “lenses” so to speak.
NA, you are you, and I agree and respect that everyone has their own views, as you say, not everyone has to agree with what others may say. In my view, the blog is a place for discussion, healthy debate, educating, sharing, listening, speaking and observing.
I, personally, do not see you as “cold”, in my view, you are wise and logical. Thank you, once again :-).
Asp Emp
Your ability to see the benefit of diversity here is appreciated.
Thank you, NA.
I don’t perceive NA as cold either, but as dry. She tells you things as they are, without fluffy muffin mushy kissy BS. On many occasions she “punched” me with a comment that brought to light the darkness of my own idiocy, for example, when she asked me why are you meeting the UMRN for coffee? Is it because you want to feed your addiction? That made me go grrr and then I realized I got mad because I knew she was right and I was acting like a fucking addict. She was supportive when she saw my improvement in applying logic. I know she doesn’t give two fucks that I’m saying this about her but I wanted to so deal with it! Sending you puppies of love, NA.
SP
Oh I do love puppies, so I’ll take those! Thank you.
NA,
Why does it bother you if bloggers find a common thread and bond? What’s it to you? Mt. Tudor has said we can speak about whatever we want. If he doesn’t like what we’re saying, he can tell us to stop. Why do you think its your role to criticize and judge how people interact on the blog? If you don’t like my comments then don’t read them. I’m going to continue to comment, unless Mr. Tudor tells me to stop.
It’s called expressing an opinion I’d have thought, just as you are doing!
HG,
I appreciate that you allow us to voice our opinions and thoughts, as some of us have been interrupted, shut down, overtalked, ignored, and in other ways of silenced, in their life. It’s a relief and a blessing to be able to have a voice here. Thank you HG, thank you. Xx
I don’t understand this discussion. Let everyone take from here what he needs and give as he sees fit.
In my opinion, nothing speaks to people better, than real life examples.
I behave identically here as in my reality. I enjoy talking and reading here.
If the creator of the blog decides, that it does not suit him, because, for example, it is too little “scientific” (I don’t intend to make an effort, I’m not at work here, for me – it’s one of the places of rest and relaxation), I will leave and move on 🙂
I’ve learned so much already. Thank you all.
The old adage agree to disagree. An environment that is not safe to disagree in is not an environment focused on growth- it’s an environment focused on control. Lol. Anyone here knows This Blog is Safe!
And your opinions, Leigh, I find to be well said.
Leigh,
I acknowledged that certain people will naturally gravitate to others but that I didn’t view fostering friendships as the INTENT of the blog. I didn’t say you should stop. You are correct in that it is absolutely up to HG to decide.
I am not angry at all Leigh, but I wonder if you can see the double standard in what you have suggested. I could ask you the same. Why do you think it’s your role to criticize and judge the way I interact here? If you don’t like my comments, you also have the same option of not reading them do you not?
You appear to be quite comfortable and even entitled in giving your opinion of me publicly. That’s fine. I accept that. But ask yourself if you would be as accepting if it were I assessing you personally through your comments here.
Thank you for sharing that, NA. I appreciate it.
NA,
Yes, I was being judgemental and critical. I want to be very honest here. I feel that if we don’t comform to your narrative of being free from the narcissist, you don’t empathize with our situation.
That doesn’t mean I need you to sugar coat or even understand. It just means if you can’t empathize or understand or help, please don’t hurt.
Everyone sees you as a highly evolved empath yet you only show empathy to those who are free. How come an empath who isn’t free doesn’t deserve your empathy?
Hi NarcAngel,
I need to tell you, I appreciate your logical thinking and advice, I’ve told you previously I admire your logical thinking. I just wanted to say, if I annoyed you not getting the question was rhetorical, I’m sorry for my ignorance. We’re all on here fighting our own personal battles in our life and learning from HG and each other on here. Please can we not fight over this anymore?? Can we please agree it’s done and over with, please??
Leigh,
Thank you for being supportive and your defense of me, I appreciate your kinship and friendship. Xx Please let’s put it behind us. Everyone said their peace, let’s move on, please?? Xx
HG,
I’m sorry my misunderstanding caused all this dispute and I hope I haven’t overstepped you, by my comments here. Thanks for moderating my comments and sharing your knowledge, I appreciate you. Xx
Rebecca,
I’m very sorry I’ve upset you. You’re not the only reason I said something to NA. I feel she is critical of me and my situation as well.
Sometimes I’m like a dog with a bone. Again, I apologize. You have it rough enough already. You don’t need me adding to your stress. I’ll let it go now.
Leigh
You FEEL is key to the rest of your comment.
Example:
“Everyone sees you as a highly evolved empath”
I find this a ridiculous statement manufactured by ET to bolster your argument. There is no evidence to support this. It is your feeling. The same with asserting that in the 6 or more years that I have been here and commented, that I have only had empathy for those who are free.
Your feelings are yours but do not equate to truth for everyone else. I believe I understand why you responded in the manner that you did and want you to know that despite your assessment of my participation here, that I am not carrying any ill feeling toward you moving forward.
Rebecca
There is no fight as far as I am concerned. I saw your confusion. I responded with explanation of my meaning vs how it appeared you read it (a second time when it appeared you were still confused). It was pointing to possibly your reading hastily vs accurately and therefore responding with a comprehensive reply where one was not required. I am not annoyed with you, and as with Leigh, have no ill feeling toward you moving forward.
FM1T
Haha, I just smile when you use those emojis and exclamations because I know why! True, I am not known as warm and fuzzy, and I’m okay with that. Part of what we learn here is to not conform so readily to the expectation of others. That didn’t work out so hot with our narcissists now did it? I hope you are doing well and am glad of you popping in once and awhile to say hello. Hello! (used an exclamation but had to draw the line at emoji).
NA,
I got carried away in my comment. You are 100% correct that my ET isn’t low. I’m still not free yet and until I’m free, my ET won’t be low. I apologize for the “highly evolved empath” comment. That was passive aggressive and unnecessary.
My original point was why does it bother you so much that I have a voice on this blog? Doesn’t my voice need to be heard? Aren’t there thousands of empaths out there that are still ensnared? Don’t they need to see that they’re not alone? Hearing mine and Rebecca’s story might help them see that they’re not crazy, that its not just them.
You commented that this blog isn’t meant to forge friendships. I agree with that statement. I like the bloggers very much. Many have helped me. Including you. But if you really think logically about it, how can I forge a true friendship with anyone, when I’m not even sharing my real name?
NarcAngel and Leigh,
I’m relieved things seemed to have gotten resolved, again I’m sorry for my misunderstanding.
NarcAngel, I was reading hastily through your comments, I tend to speed up when stressed and I’ve been stressing a lot lately, and i think my ET level is a core problem.
Leigh, I think we’ve both been stressing and it’s understandable, it’s why I asked for the arguments to stop…we’re already stressing enough as it is, no need to add more to our plate. Xx I understand why you got upset and these things will happen. I got upset and then I got more upset, when it got bigger and it just needed to get resolved. Everyone said their peace, everyone had a voice and now it’s in the past.
I appreciate the both of you, for what you bring to this blog and I really appreciate it when we all support each other, give advice and help each other through it. The blog is supposed to be, and correct me if I’m wrong, about education about narcissism, empaths, now psychopathy, HG’s works, sharing our stories and supporting each other….it’s what I got from the blog’s purpose. I come here to learn, grow in knowledge, share my experiences, find comfort in the kinship here, find people to relate to and share with, because at the end of your day, you’re alone in your own head, might as well have the feeling you’re not the only one overthinking at midnight again, about the same thing…again..xx
Hi Rebecca,
I’m very sorry. I couldn’t let it go. I’m like a dog with a bone, lol. I don’t want you to blame yourself. I needed to defend myself as well.
Please excuse my intrusion. I love who you are NA. Would not change a thing. Always surprises me some empaths do not feel what lies beneath. Hope all is well with you.
@Leigh,
It’s OK, none of us are perfect. Xx I had my part to play in things, so it’s not just you. Xx Thanks for the support xx
I would like to elaborate further on this comment from NA:
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/comment-page-2/#comment-441804
In the “About” section of this blog, Mr Tudor has explained:
“I welcome enquiring minds and those who want answers. I will give them to you. You will not gain understanding like this from anywhere else. I encourage you to read my articles and extensive collection of books which can be found on Amazon. I encourage you to contribute, ask questions and offer your own views.”
While this does not state that it is not allowed to go on and on and on for hours talking about yourself and your traits and EDC, nor to engage in friendships or small talk, however, I interpret this as an invitation to talk about the blog articles and books and express your opinions and views about that subject matter.
How many of the contributions here actually handle the articles or the books as such?
Yes, a rhetorical question.
But I will prove my feeling with evidence of the last few days:
We see you as an object: 2 comments (On April 18, 22.00)
https://narcsite.com/2023/04/17/knowing-the-narcissist-we-see-you-as-an-object/
You say no, we hear yes: 1 comment (On April 18, 22.00)
https://narcsite.com/2023/04/16/knowing-the-narcissist-you-say-no-we-hear-yes/
The Treatment: 3 comments (On April 18, 22.00)
https://narcsite.com/2023/04/16/knowing-the-narcisisst-the-treatment/
The Three letter love trap: 0 comments (On April 18, 22.00)
https://narcsite.com/2023/04/15/knowing-the-narcissist-the-three-letter-love-trap/
Blameshifter:0 comments (On April 18, 22.00)
https://narcsite.com/2023/04/15/knowing-the-narcissist-blameshifter/
The narcissists twin lines of defence: 0 comments (On April 18, 22.00)
https://narcsite.com/2023/04/14/knowing-the-narcissist-the-narcissists-twin-lines-of-defence/
I understand Mr Tudor has agreed with how the blog now runs, and will start a series about empaths, upon continuing request.
As so many, i will also look forward to that, but as it shows, the focus on narcissism, or differently expressed: the focus on the content of the blog articles, in the comment section, will slowly but steadily disappear.
We, the empaths (or: non-narcissists), are of course in the majority on this blog, and therefore Mr Tudor as the Narcissist stands alone to navigate the conversations in one direction or the other.
There are so many articles that I look forward to reading the view of readers, to educate myself further in narcissism, and when I open the article: there is nothing.
Or valuable comments stay unnoticed in the fog.
Not to dismiss that there are indeed very intellectual rewarding discussions on some threads, and that I very much enjoyed to participate at. (The JD thread for instance)
Z,
You make a valid point. I have also been concerned about the seemingly dwindling number of comments on the articles. I am concerned because I believe the articles are some of HG’s best work, so it is sad to see newcomers appearing not to avail themselves of them. It is thought provoking to read what other readers think upon reading them. And also because it concerns me regarding the blogs future, if there continues to be waning interest in commenting, which indicates to me waning interest in reading.
I was one of the very worst about commenting about personal things, though HG said that if he didn’t want to moderate, he would not. He did post them, and I felt condoned my proliferation by doing so. I have tried to rein that in for a while now. I still see the blog as a place people can get support but the flavor of the blog has changed even since I began.
It is all about the learning and maybe different “waves” of Empaths, different “generations”, regardless of physical age, each do things a bit differently, each learn a bit differently.
With YT, so much has become easy to just watch and feel like it’s well understood. Some of the nuance and subtlety of the written word may be overlooked as a result.
Anyway, your comment was interesting and along the lines of some things I have also considered. No real point to my reply except to process and tell you thank you for your comment.
FYC
Thank you, the feeling is mutual. Always happy to see you here and find that you are well.
.. so we have some “highly evolved empaths” in our midst .. okay!
If there is a hierarchy I’m not aware of please enlighten me .. because I sure want to know about that! 😎 Is it a gold star system? ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Z, Thank you for communicating those observations so eloquently.
Z
I appreciate your acknowledgment of the comment I provided (days ago) offering further clarification about my comment being a view on INTENT and not censure, and for adding your own personal views on the subject. I have always felt that you read with the goal of understanding and I admire that trait in you.
Hello A Victor,
Thank you for your time and effort to respond to me.
Let me first of all clarify that I am not opposed to people asking each other ‘how are you’ and have a little talk about a court hearing that is coming, co-parenting battles and things like that.
Also, when you told about what happened to your daughter last year, it is absolutely normal that blog life was only involved around you and how you and your family could go further from that point on. At moments like that, the world stops turning and I don’t think anyone would prefer talking about narcissism or having intellectual discussions about the topic.
As Mr Tudor says, if you don’t want to read certain comments. then don’t.
And that is what I find myself doing for some time now.
I have other places where there are more and better discussions about narcissism than here. And in my opinion, this should not be so. This should be the one and only place to learn about narcissism. I don’t want to go to other channels, but I felt I had to, because of a certain poverty in topics here dealing with narcissism.
There are so many interesting topics occurring at this moment.
There was the Murdaugh trial.
This could have been a wealth of material to talk about. Everyday 4 hours trial in the morning, 4 hours trial in the afternoon, and late night discussions on so many channels. A netflix documentary. A mountain of evidence. Hours and hours of material to learn from. Here on narcsite: nothing.
At this moment the Lori Vallow Daybell trial is going on. Again 4 hours morning trial is streamed, and 4 hours in the afternoon. Late night chats on so many channels. A Netflix documentary. On narcsite: nothing.
It would have been so interesting to practise our knowledge on these people: what is Lori, did she get manipulated or is she the manipulator. What about Chad? Is he the manipulator of manipulated? And what about Heather, the sister in law? Is she a super empath who just would not eat this shit, or a narcissist asserting control by not accepting Chad and Lori’s story?
And everything is there, hours and hours and hours of information, YT videos, phone calls, interviews, … A mountain of evidence to go through.
Since there is no talk here (which is an absolute shame, as a blog about narcissism and psychopathy), I had to “flee” to other channels, where there is also a good coverage of the narcissism involved. Albeit, nothing will ever beat this blog and Mr Tudor, and it would have been such a treat to have discussions here about those cases. It pains my heart to say so.
We don’t always need to wait slavishly for Mr Tudor, as we know he is limited in time. We can easily bring this topics by ourselves, and I know for a fact Mr Tudor would only welcome such a group effort coming from us.
That is what triggered my reaction, and my wish to elaborate further on what NA touched upon.
Z,
You make some interesting points. As I read your comment I realized that much of my interest in narcissism has shifted to observing the behaviours in practical life situations and discussing with a rl friend who follows HG’s work (we also talk about his videos, etc.) Other than that I just dip in here and there to discussions on Narcsite and YT.
You’re welcome and thank you to you for your reply Z. The things you have spoken of in your reply are things I have considered also. I have recently (feeling very guilty for this) also read his on other sites regarding narcissism…not that I have plans to not be here but I agree, the discussions have been limited.
Thank you for your kind words about personal situations that arise and the support we offer each other here, that is of very high value in my thinking also.
Some fun is also as it lightens a difficult and heavy topic.
I have come to see challenging bloggers as people I can learn from also, how HG and Empaths respond, how I sometimes want to respond, or sometimes even do.
I also don’t read a lot of comments at this point, due to time restraints and other factors.
I do read those which pertain to narcissism and what HG has written about psychopathy. I try very hard to view the narcissism ones through the lens of what he has taught us. Sometimes that is difficult. That has been the times I have looked elsewhere actually. I need sometimes to have things reinforced as he has stated.
Yes, many topics that could be discussed to our benefit, I agree. I have found it sad and frustrating that Harry’s wife is so important to so many and some other things seem to have no value placed on them when they are, in my mind, often much bigger pieces to investigate. I do understand the value in the numbers though also, so I don’t fault anyone for that.
Thank you again. Very much.
Z
I have also observed that Knowing the Narcissist has turned into Knowing the Empath in the comment section. I have been tempted at times to ask for someone to alert me when a discussion on narcissism breaks out. It has been touched on here and there that there are reasons for this. It is not only a blog, but a business and part of HG’s legacy after all. My belief to this point is that the that the coffee club aspect has more tolerated than encouraged (thus my comment about intent) due to the traffic and numbers the comments generate, and that is important for many reasons. This feeling further amplified for me in this recent comment by Mr Tudor:
“It is repeatedly the case that works such as the one you describe do not receive the audience that they deserve because people would rather hear about Harry’s Wife or spend their time talking about some minutae. It reinforces why I have such contempt for so many people…”
I know he was referring to there to YT videos of HW vs his serious works on narcissism, but I wondered would that not also be the case for a narcissist moderating a large percentage of the comments section here? Boredom, and boredom is never a good thing where a narcissist is concerned. No wonder YT videos get so much attention. They are effective in their delivery, we get to hear his voice, comments are brief, mostly focused on narcissism and the brilliance of HG and his work, and with very little drama (and the moderation that goes with that). If it were strictly for his interest, and not for the other benefits to HG in keeping it as part of the brand, I wonder if this blog would still be here.
I have been told is is none of my business, and I agree. But that is my opinion.
Your opinion holds force.
‘I have other places where there are more and better discussions about narcissism than here.’
I certainly access material about narcissism elsewhere. Not to discuss it – I don’t have need or desire to discuss it. But I am interested in the topic and I think there are other resources out there that are valuable. I think it’s unwise to only access one source of information on any topic. I doubt that HG approaches learning in that way because he’s an intellectual. I have read books, watched videos and read articles, from those who’ve been diagnosed, who’ve researched professionally or treated those with the diagnosis. It all contributes to my understanding.
‘And in my opinion, this should not be so. This should be the one and only place to learn about narcissism.’
From my comment above it’s evident I will disagree with this.
‘I don’t want to go to other channels’
I can appreciate that.
‘but I felt I had to, because of a certain poverty in topics here dealing with narcissism.’
It would be hard for one blog by one person with one perspective to cover every aspect of narcissism.
‘There are so many interesting topics occurring at this moment.
There was the Murdaugh trial.’
Yes. HG intimated he was going to cover it but maybe the initial engagement didn’t prompt him to do so. He made that choice.
‘This could have been a wealth of material to talk about. Everyday 4 hours trial in the morning, 4 hours trial in the afternoon, and late night discussions on so many channels. A netflix documentary. A mountain of evidence. Hours and hours of material to learn from. Here on narcsite: nothing. ..’.
I added comments on this topic after reading this post. It’s had no engagement. This is partly because the structure of this site makes finding posts which are not the most immediate difficult. I put the Murdaugh comment under a post on narcissistic lying.
‘At this moment the Lori Vallow Daybell trial is going on. Again 4 hours morning trial is streamed, and 4 hours in the afternoon. Late night chats on so many channels. A Netflix documentary. On narcsite: nothing.’
I commented on this as well. I put it under ‘the holy narcissist’ but it could’ve fit with different topics. It has also had no engagement. Had you initiated a discussion on this topic I’d have responded.
‘Since there is no talk here (which is an absolute shame, as a blog about narcissism and psychopathy), I had to “flee” to other channels,’
I’d write this differently Z. I’d say since no-one initiated these topics either in posts or in reply sections these topics that interested you were not discussed. You then chose to visit other sites where presumably others had already initiated discussions.
‘Albeit, nothing will ever beat this blog and Mr Tudor, and it would have been such a treat to have discussions here about those cases.’
I agree any comments that HG would make on these cases would be very interesting. I don’t agree his comments are unbeatable (I don’t use phrases like that), but they’re certainly valuable.
.It pains my heart to say so..’
I’m hoping this is just the way you’ve put it into English and your heart is not pained because this site or HG is not covering these topics. But I realise you’d love it if he were.
‘We don’t always need to wait slavishly for Mr Tudor, as we know he is limited in time. We can easily bring this topics by ourselves, and I know for a fact Mr Tudor would only welcome such a group effort coming from us.’
I’m going to assume that ‘knowing for a fact’ means he’s said this to you or to an audience at some point. I’d have to see evidence of it to believe it. I’d have to see others bringing in interesting discussion topics and him either engaging with those topics to lend them some validation or publish those discussions in such a way as to give them some visibility.
As I have made clear on many occasions, if there is a topic relating to narcissism, you are welcome to discuss it and debate it, even if I have not specifically made a blog post or video about it. There are many topics to address and I receive many emails every day asking me to address certain topics however I will only do so where it is a worthwhile application of my time. I am not always in a position to engage with those topics to give them validity because of the demands on my time.
There are lots of threads on this site that go right off their original topic. Empaths are a chatty bunch. Perhaps women are chatty. This site often looks like my workplace. And it’s not just talking about empathy in narcissism threads. I’ve given up getting much out of the contagion thread or contributing to it and it’s a post on empathy. It’s hard to find reply buttons, specific questions go unanswered, and it’s hard work looking for diamonds in that rough. The Grimoire mentions conversational narcissism where regardless of the topic, some repeatedly bring the discussion back to themselves. There’s a bit of that on here.
„I think there are other resources out there that are valuable.“ — My ass, there are😂 Nothing beats HG’s methodology, sorry guys. My current playlist on HG’s videos on narcissism consist of 435 videos and continue growing. Diamonds and pearls these are!!! No other sources come even close to the accuracy and unique manner, displayed here and on YT!
Discussion wise — readers dynamics are changing all the time. People come and go and discuss at where they are in their knowledge of the topic, or are currently in their personal experience, they seek clarity for. Nothing wrong with that, you know. You can assist and help them if you see they’re loosing the ground under their feet by circling around the same point. It is a very delicate job to accomplish. Very difficult in fact to help someone, so they can help themselves in the way they see fit.
NA
You have never been warm and fuzzy on here. You have stated a few times in the past that the thought of cuddling makes you want to vomit! I love to tease you at the end of my comments to you with a 🤗 and 😘 just because I can. Haha. Seriously you are the one I not only gravitated to, you are also the one person on here I could always count on to come through with help and logic. You don’t sugar coat anything, you are simply honest and straight to the point. I personally wouldn’t want you any other way. Thank you NA. 🤗😘 I just can’t help myself! Haha! Take care.
FM1T! Long time no see! And honestly I am not here as much as before for a variety of reasons. How are you? Do you still visit the ponies? I hope all is well for you.
FYC!!! Yay! Im doing quite well, thank you for asking. How are you? I like to try and drop in once in awhile, but unfortunately I can’t as much as I use to do. This is foal season for the ponies and there has been two born in the last month or so. My son and his family have moved close to Assateague and so when I visit them I always make sure to visit the ponies. In fact he thinks I visit him just so I can go see the ponies, there actually might be some truth to that? Haha. I actually am hoping to go in May for a few days.
I’m very happy you dropped in FYC, I hope you find sometime to come back again soon. Please take care of yourself Dear FYC. 🥰xx
FYC – I see FM1T has the whole lot of us using exclamation marks.
Hope you are keeping well!
Hi WC, good to see you; the exclamations were authentic as I was happy to see her on blog. With me being away for so long it is nice to catch up with the folks I originally connected with, yourself included. I hope all is great with you too.
FM1T, So lovely to hear you are doing well and now have such an excellent excuse, er, I meant reason, to be see the ponies when you can, haha 😉 One day I must go there wearing a KTN tee. I hope to see you here again soon too, but if I don’t, please know you are a dear soul who has overcome a lot and left a beautiful mark on all of our hearts.
FYC
Thank you for the kind words you seem to always have for me. I hope all is well with you? I would love for you to see the ponies and feel the peace that special place brings to you. Your logic, kindness, and generosity ( especially to the Angel fund) will never be forgotten. Please take care of yourself, and thank you for being you FYC!!! 😘❤️
FM1T, With you it is easy. I’m grateful you are you too. The ponies are on my list. I have not been able to travel for a couple of years, but hope to again soon.
FYC
I am so happy you found the time to drop in. I always look for comments from a few on here that mean the world to me, you are one of those few. Please take care of yourself, I will say hello to the ponies for you! Had to get at least one exclamation point in there. Hahaha! ❤️xx
FM1T,
“This is foal season for the ponies and there has been two born in the last month or so. My son and his family have moved close to Assateague and so when I visit them I always make sure to visit the ponies.”
So envious!
WC, NA, FYC, SP
You ladies should really learn to control your emotions. So many exclamation marks!! Hahaha 🤪 xx
What????!!!!!!!!
NA, you said, “It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.”
My interpretation is that I don’t have anything valuable to say. All I’m doing is wasting Mr. Tudor’s time by having him moderate my comments in order to foster a friendship.
Do you not see the judgment in that? Do you not see the lack of empathy?
I will pipe in. I just think people have choices. It would be natural if interested in narcissism to look at many sources. I did. I just found HG’s work the best and think it should be part of psychology curriculum in truly understanding narcissism. If you have followed this blog or YouTube for awhile, you are eager for new material like his psychopathy. I too want to hear more on contagion empath and many subjects like psychopathy. But I always find something new. I feel this way about streaming. I am always waiting for the next stream to keep me up all night. So I switch to other channels than Netflix and find them limited too after a few streams. The point is it is natural to indulge and enjoy any source of information or entertainment and want the nonstop thrill but it’s not realistic. The audience is broad and varied. But if you find one you like, it will come. Patience:)
NA,
NA says, “It is not (in my view) a place where considerable time in moderation takes place with the intent for targets to foster friendships.”
I need to correct an inaccuracy here. That line is what’s bothering me the most because it inaccurate. You’ve said it to me two other times in past and so I found the need to address it.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve asked Mr. Tudor several questions. He’s answered all of them. He even pointed other bloggers to two of the responses he gave me. There must be some value in my questions since not only is he posting them, he’s answering them.
As to fostering friendships, I’m supporting another blogger that’s in need of support. I see value in that.
I know you want to blame my ET. Feel free to do so.
I agree, eroded ET is what makes me cold and less nice. When my ET is low, I’m at my best towards everyone. My daughter, the CoD with strong Geyser acts out in the most terrible ways when her ET is high/eroded, toward many people. I tend to act out towards the narc specifically when mine is eroded, but am more cold and less friendly in general also.
Shoot, got the term wrong, eroded empathy, is that right? High ET. Anyway, hopefully it makes sense.
Thank you, AV, good to read what you say 🙂
AV, interesting. It’s different than for me, maybe because she’s younger. In my youth, I often exploded sharply.
When I am bursting with geyser energy and hyperactive – I usually love all people and the whole world, I laugh like crazy and even accost and “infect” strangers on the street. A state more or less like after drinking a bottle of champagne 😀
Of course, with age, I learned to control it enough not to be considered crazy 🙂 However, I let it go freely and give these outbursts to my loved ones. My daughter loves when I’m “on the wave”. We like to laugh and joke together (although she is a more subdued and stiff person, than I am, and sometimes I have to make a little effort to “soften” her up to let her get carried away).
Joa, I read: “Of course, with age, I learned to control it enough to be considered crazy🙂” ….the NOT got lost…..I thought wooaa Joa is FUCKALL so cool…🤣😘
Joa, you doing so much like my daughter when she is in her healthy, good place! She has been called effervescent and sparkling because of her joy for life! She seldom, if ever, acts out anymore, since she got her EDC results, she really grew up! It helped her understand herself! We have a lot of fun together.
AV, life is hard and very short. It’s worth laughing 🙂 There are so many beautiful things, that make me smile and so many, that just make me laugh 🙂
At least I save on alcohol and drugs. I never needed it. I have my own production facilities 🙂
For me I’m more selective with whom I share my warmth and niceness with, with low ET. With high ET I’m often stupidly nice even with the assholes..
Thank you, Jasmin, I can relate 🙂
Hi Jasmin,
I thought of this also, having low ET gives me choices as to how I respond to things, high ET, I feel closed off to people, distrusting and not in control, not as safe.
Hi AV,
Yes, the clear mind makes it easier to make the right choice!
I did see your post in the “questioning me” thread. It took my a couple of days to finish the response and when I did, I couldn’t find your post again.. Then I didn’t find you, one of the most loyal like button – hitters on the blog!
I have posted it in Empath Detector April 3, 2023.
Oh Jasmin! Sorry to have dropped my loyal “liking” just when someone was wanting to find me! I think I had decided I’ve liked all the articles so many times, maybe I can be a bit more selective this time through.
Sadly I don’t remember which post in the Questioning Me thread, so many go by so quickly, but I will find it on the Empathy Detector thread and hopefully remember! Thank you!
That’s cool, I just thought you had a busy week!
Re likes Jasmin, I’m unable to like from my phone – ever? My laptop used to permit me to like other comments, but no more? So sadly I can’t like and just don’t always have the time to reply, I believe others are affected from time to time too. I’m also unable to see who has liked my comments. So I don’t pay too much mind to it.
I am kind, warm, caring and smiling to those, who are good to me or we don’t bother each other (most people).
I can be cold or unpleasant to those, who put pressure on me (any kind) or tire me with lack of progress.
Cunning, manipulative, and even aggressive, if you hurt anyone around me or take a fight with me.
—–
Be good to me – I’ll be good to you.
—–
And it has nothing to do with ET. Whereas, ET affects my energy level. ET is a turboboost 🙂
Be good to me – I’ll be good to you.
That’s how it should be in my opinion.
With regard to ET being a turboboost, is it that way for you even in devaluation?
Jasmin – although this claim can also be dangerous – if I only looked through my selfish prism. And probably used equally by Narcissists.
Unfortunately yes. In devaluation, my energy is at a much higher level. And I must admit that it is a very… life-giving energy. Yes! Attack me, hurt me, hard, harder, fucking harder! Then life pulsates in me with great power, and my senses are so wonderfully sharpened.
Sometimes I miss this energy… sometimes I provoke it – from a distance … but I surrender to it only for a moment (a few hours – a few days), and then I utilize it, by going down to my peaceful underground.
I guess that’s why I’m not in a relationship with a “normal”, gentle man. I wouldn’t be able to stop this longing to achieve this kind of high energy states… I would feel sorry for him 🙂
Secondly, I am a mother. And as a mother, I didn’t want my daughter to grow up in such an environment. High blood pressure hurts.
I’ve softened with age, but unfortunately I’m still not a sheep… 🙂
Jasmin,
That made me chuckle 🙂
Xx
Hi TS,
I’m glad it did.
At the time it caused lot if frustration. I replay my interactions with people afterwards and when I did, I found that I didn’t act properly.
Now I’m doing better. Not long ago I was at the gasoline station to fill my bicycle tires. One car before me and soon one behind me. When it was my turn the car behind drove up beside me, the man got out of the car and said rudely -‘ Hurry up so I can fill my deck today’.
There is is this very short discomfort (I suspect I can’t do anything about it in unexpected situations) but very soon I’m getting my emotions under control and I just ignored him, filled my tires calmly whilst imaging filling this man up with air, seing him getting blow up and drifting away like a balloon..
I might be bit psyco but I very much perfer this over smiling and saying -‘Oh are you hurried, you can fill your deck before me’, (🤢) when he actually been speaking to me in a rude manner.
Hi Jasmin,
Good for you! I agree, there is a flutter in a situation like that. We feel hurt by the comment, want to be out of the situation yet we can see that they are being rude. Gas stations and supermarkets are the worst for encounters like these.
I was in my local shop the other day waiting in line. My basket was full and heavy, and I was next to the checkout. Just then a young guy arrived behind me, he was just buying one item so I suggested he went ahead as I had my full basket and a parcel to collect. He thanked me and went ahead. A second later a woman arrived behind me with a toddler in tow, same deal, one item, so I thought (with aching arm), “ I can’t let the guy go ahead and not let woman and toddler go ahead as well.” So she thanked me too and went ahead. Then I thought “ If someone else shows up now, I’m going to keep my place or I’ll be here all night.” Fortunately they didn’t so I wasn’t tested a third time. My point is, that we naturally think about it. We’re aware of what might be going on with other people and often try to accommodate.
If your petrol station guy had been behind me in line, and told me to hurry up I’d go the opposite way though. I’d be slow on purpose, take my time finding my wallet in my bag, little chit chat with the shop assistant haha! I’d think that he deserved it, so I’d be ok doing it. I don’t relish situations like that though, I’ll still get that flutter but I’ll force it down for the greater good haha!
Xx
Hi TS!
I agree about supermarket and gas stations but also the recycling station. ‘Lee the lesser’ often works there.. Best to be prepared!
I’m actually not very attentive to my surroundings. Perfect robbery victim!
I could do as you described with the ‘gas station guy’ but that would only happen in maybe 10% of the cases, likely if I already in a bad mood/stressed myself.
I have in the back of my mind that you are a super empath? (Correct me if I’m wrong). Do you think that your ‘being slow on purpose’ to in effect piss him of sit within your super?
Hi Jasmin,
Noted, watch out for Lee at the recycling centre! I have really old guys working at mine actually and they are very sweet. They take the heavy items off me so I don’t need to carry them to the container. No Lees there currently I don’t think.
Yes, you’re correct with my majority school. I’m not sure my ‘go slow’ behaviour is characteristic of my school or not. To me it’s probably just stubbornness. My mum used to call it ‘being awkward’. “ Oh now you are just doing that to be awkward.” At the time, I’d think to myself,
“ You mean you’re frustrated that I’m not doing what you want.” Then I’d dig my heels in and entrench further. Understanding now that my mum is a LMR I’d amend that to “You mean you just got challenge fuel and now you’re struggling to bring me under control.” Haha! So I was along the right lines when younger, I just didn’t have the correct terminology for it all.
In answer to your question I think I’d do it to piss him off in part, but also in my own way to ‘teach him a lesson.’ That sounds haughty doesn’t it but if I’m honest that’s the first reason that sprang to mind.
Xx
Hi TS,
I’m sorry to hear about your mum. At the same time it is better to know. You can now understand why she acted like she did and why you responded and felt as you did towards her.
I remember that you were considering if your mum is MMRB and I a bit curious, as she came back as LMR, if she often uses heated fury?
Is she somatic or elite? (All in on gifts).
I don’t think that it sounds haughty at all. Some people just deserv it. I do have little expectation for them to actually ‘learn the lesson’ though.
Hello Jasmin,
Yes, I did think my mum was MMRB. It’s the playing the victim card that sticks out to me most of all. It irritates me like raw nerve and part of that is due to the protectiveness I have for my dad, who worked his heart out to provide and look after us.
So the result kind of surprised me at first, but, as usual, looking at her more objectively, HG is definitely right, she’s definitely LMR and yes she does show heated fury. Strange as it sounds, that impacted me less. Heated fury is obvious, it’s an enemy you can see, if I can see you then I can defend against you.
My mum showed heated fury more when I was younger. She shouted a lot, she put people down a lot. She wasn’t physical often, but she threatened it fairly regularly. The red mist would descend and she would chase me upstairs, that kind of thing. I was slapped not beaten, very Mid Range.
As I got older, taller and stronger that subsided. The shouting continued but I learned the art of the ‘blank face’. The more I wore it, the more angry she would get. A losing move in my eyes. The angrier she got, the more she shouted, the more I laughed inwardly. I won, she lost.
As an adult instances of heated fury were vastly reduced. They stopped pretty much when I moved out at around 19. They started again when I moved to the US. I flew my parents out to visit 3 times a year. They stayed in my home for two to three weeks each time. I found that tough, invasion of space is my mum’s specialty, lack of boundary recognition makes my skin crawl and it was done repeatedly.
I remember one visit when we lived in Tennessee, my mum was coming down the stairs, I could see her from the sink where I was washing glasses. She wanted to go to visit Gracelands. A couple of hours drive away. My children were five and six. My sons birthday was two days away and I was sorting last minute things for his party. Putting the kids in the car two hours each way with Gracelands in between would have been tough so I said, no and suggested an alternative. She started on a rant, “Oh, you think you have it so hard just because you have two kids etc etc.” she stomped straight by me, belittling. We were separated by a granite countertop (open plan kitchen) and as she passed in front of me, I didn’t say anything, but I lost a hold of that temper of mine. I can count on one hand how many times that has happened, but living in the same house had worn me down I think. I threw a full glass of water over her. The look was priceless, shock and fury rolled into one. A second later she reached over the counter to take a swipe at my face, I blocked and stepped back. At this point my daughter (age 5) jumped up from her seat at the table, came to my right side, snarling, leaning forward, her little hands clenched up tight and screamed, “Don’t you touch my mummy!” My mum deflated in an instant, the shock at the speed and venom from my daughter did it I think. Switch to pity play “Yes, that’s right, you must always stand up for your mummy.”
Dumb move on my part. You can’t win with them that way, I knew that, but just in that moment, she just caught me wrong there and I let go of my anger.
So, yes and no to the heated fury really. I do think what I register as heated fury and what a non ACON would register is likely different. I think you kind of don’t register it after a while. You defend, play your hand without necessarily registering exactly what it is you just defended against. That’s the beauty of the NDC. HG isn’t up close, detached from it he gets the clear view to see what we miss. He doesn’t make mistakes. I didn’t even put that story on my NDC, and HG still got her exactly right.
Yes, it’s always better to know. Totally agree Jasmin. In my case, it didn’t change anything obvious, my behaviour towards my mum is the same, but that niggling voice that made me wonder if ‘it was me’ that was somehow in the wrong or the ‘bad daughter’ was silenced. That’s worth its weight in gold. Now, I still go through the motions, I’ll never see harm come to my mum, but, that’s for me, because it’s who I am, it has nothing whatsoever to do with her.
Thank you for remembering me and my dilemma about my mum at the time, that’s kind of you to remember. I’m at ease with it all now, not angry, not sad, not anything, just at peace with it.
Xx
Oops, forgot your second question. Mum is Somatic, yes it ties in with the gift buying 🙂
Xx
TS
Re: Slow on purpose.
This reminds me of a meme that I saw:
“Someone honked at me while backing out of a parking spot and now I have to sit here until one of us leaves or dies. Sigh.”
Makes me laugh when I hear a car horn. Your response relatable.
NA,
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Haha!
Dearest NarcAngel,
Have you seen Beef on Netflix ? It all starts with road rage!
Some adults just won’t grow up haha
Narcangel! I laugh! I do the same. I find honking so rude unless completely justified. But there’s so much anger people will honk even if they think you won’t go. I like to pull up next to them point at the stop light and laugh. They get it.
Dear HG Tudor, Love your writing as much as your voice. Entertaining at times, calming at others and always enlightening. Of course, the predator is made for capturing prey. Fortunate that I’m addicted to an ultra in this manner. Thanks!
You’re welcome