Knowing the Narcissist : A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 40
Hello Dear, you were one of my best friends in high school although we never hooked up back then I always respected and cared about you but never imagined I could love you not like this anyway.
I looked past your flaws, imperfections and shortcomings and seen a man that could accomplish anything. I thought I knew you. Never in a million years would I have predicted we would start seeing each other 30 years after high school. None the less I was so happy with you, just being in the same room with you was enough but when you held me it was heaven.
It just felt so right, I felt safe and thought I finally fit in somewhere. I felt complete, everything just made sense.
Then they came along a string of crack whores young and old. I pleaded with you to stop but it’s like I was encouraging you. You refused, not caring about me just taking me for granted. I cant believe I put up with it as long as I did. I didn’t want to lose you because honestly I don’t know what or how to live without you. I still don’t. from the very beginning you knew you didn’t love me, your intentions were evil and wicked.
Little by little you stripped everything from me. first my friends, I lost my friends the moment I decided to date you. Then my family, my finances, my children, my vehicles, jewelry, anything I owned that was nice or name brand, my credit, my job and possibly my house.
You did not stop there you set me up so I am currently tangled in court , my dignity , my privacy, my karma I even lost the sparkle in my eye. You call me names and make me out to be this really bad person. Everything you call me or accuse me of is what you are. Yet I defend you, for what? So you can drive her around in my car taking her out to eat, giving her money, buying her gifts making sure her bills are paid. While I am at work with no money, no cigarettes, no groceries in the home, sometimes no electricity or running water.
Let’s not forget the kicks in the stomach with your size 13 foot, 3 in a row and not one tear. The 8 stiches on my busted lip, the ladies in the car behind us called the police because I jumped out while the car was still moving. Remember what you said to me when the blood was gushing. You are bleeding all over everything, you are doing it on purpose. SWALLOW THAT BLOOD! But yet I still defended you, I told the police I hit my mouth on the dash when you hit the brake. You promised you would never hit me again. You lied! This time I did not even get an apology, not even a fake one, you just denied it ever happened but I had bruises everywhere.
Every time you hit me was for the same reason one bitch or another you know the ones I make up in my psychotic mind out of thin air. Some how they manage to call and text you and I eventually knock on their front door to confront them. My psychotic mind must be pretty powerful. How could I be so dumb? No wonder everyone is so frustrated with me.
No more! I am tired of being used and this is where I draw the line. I now know what EVIL looks like, it looks just like you. You pretend to like and care about me to my face but the moment my back is turned you are working on some sort of plan to destroy or sabotage me. You literally want to cause me harm, you want to crush and destroy me. I would not doubt if you’re goal is to see me dead. God only knows.I left a lot of things out of this letter just because I cant even begin to explain it without sounding crazy. For example the video taping and recording me, the skits that you manage to get people to act out like they are real life. The people you have following me where ever I go. The times you drugged my soda or laced my cigarettes, hacked my phone, the gas lighting. Planting drugs on me when you thought I was going to call the police. Getting my son arrested, the many times you left me stranded without my phone or purse. Lets not forget all the games, you know the ones I don’t know I’m playing until its over and you manage to look like the hero when in fact you are the villain and I am made out to look like a crazy or bad person. All the mind Fucks made my brain hurt. You never contributed to the household, did not pay any bills, buy groceries or pay rent. Heck you would take my car and debit card in the middle of the night to the casino while I slept leaving your phone behind so I could not contact you. You did all theses things while making me feel like I’m not good enough, Could you believe I am still not positive that you are really a narcissist. Remember the day you were taking a nap, I seen you asleep and just starting swinging at you I told you I can’t believe you did this to me, then took off running to my car. You sent me a text that said “How dare you hit me you stupid thing, just wait til you get home”. That statement should have confirmed it. I guess I do not know you do I. How could I when you don’t even know who you are, you are just a fake nothing that always wants to be first. I do not know how long it will take for me to get over these past 6 years but I know I will. By the way, I do not owe you a damn thing, on the contrary you owe me so much. Don’t think you got away with all the shit you did to me because you haven’t. You will eventually pay you see my dear you reap what you sow. If you sow evil you will reap evil.