Knowing the Narcissist : Ten Tells of Triangulation by the Narcissist




Triangulation is a staple manipulative device in our arsenal. Triangulation is a convenient way to describe an affair, having a bit on the side, flirting, playing away, investing in a new prospect, having a form of distraction, a plaything and so on. The reality is that triangulation offends the principles of why two people are in a relationship and is a method of manipulation which is used to gain fuel, cause confusion and exert control.

The principle reason that we engage in it is because we are able to derive two sources of fuel from two different appliances. Sometimes the fuel is doubly positive and others both positive and negative. This is edifying and invigorating. You may be triangulated with a person or an object.

There may be triangles operating within triangles. Triangulation provides fuel but also allows us to generate confusion and engage in distraction tactics whereby you and the other person attack one another, failing to realise (or perhaps not wanting to be seen to realise for fear of being regarded as losing out) that is us that has caused the triangulation.

Usually you will not be aware that you are being triangulated with the other person. It is easier to keep you and the other person separated and we enjoy our time with them and then our time with you. We draw fuel from you both and neither of you know about the other.

We see no problem in behaving like this. We are never accountable; we are entitled to do as we like. We do not distinguish between you because you are just appliances to us and therefore entirely interchangeable. Before we decide to up the ante and reveal your opponent to you, thus heightening your reactions and responses, you may actually be able to ascertain that you are being triangulated as there are certain tells which exist.

These are more obvious amongst the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind as they may lack the higher function to remember things that they have done or said and occasionally slip up, thereby revealing the tell.

If you confront us with this tell we will spin some yarn, persuade you that there is nothing in it, this person is a friend, there is a glitch with the ‘phone, somebody else did it, you are imagining things, you are over-reacting and in our time-honoured fashion we will deny and deflect and even go on the attack if need be in order to protect our investment in both you and the other person. If you do see these tells, do not challenge us about them.

You are only giving us a chance to draw fuel from you, confuse you and worm our way out of it. If you see these tells you now know what they mean. You are being triangulated.  Here are ten of those tells.

  1. Our mobile ‘phone will have duplicate messages. We send the same message to you and the other person, often within seconds of the first message.
  2. We will buy you a duplicate gift having already given it to you a week or so ago.
  3. We will tell you something that we have already told you before, more or less word for word.
  4. We will make reference to something you said even though you have not said it (it was the other person who said it).
  5. We will make reference to something we apparently did together which you will not remember. (This is because we did it with the other person).
  6. We will call you by someone else’s name.
  7. You may hear us say things under our breath such as “She wouldn’t do this” or “she would agree to do it”.
  8. We will fail to acknowledge you doing something for us thinking it was done by the other person, for instance a surprise gift.
  9. We will remark we don’t want to do something again even though we have never done it with you. (We did it with the other person).
  10. We will ask a question which is out of context. For instance, asking how your dad is recovering when there is nothing wrong with him. (It is of course the other person’s dad who is ill).

6 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Ten Tells of Triangulation by the Narcissist

  1. Heidi says:

    My brother and I experienced triangulation by our mother. He is the golden; I am the scapegoat. It was not until she became very ill that we started communicating after about 7 years of estrangement. This was borne out of necessity, but as we worked together to coordinate her care before end of life, I came to discover the extent to which she had triangulated.
    My brother is mostly unaware.
    Since our mother’s death, we have established a close relationship that we have not had in about 2 decades.
    I still do not understand why a parent does this, but your blog is helpful to gain hold of the thinking behind narcissism in general.

    1. Heidi, I am estranged from both my siblings due to my mother’s manipulations. They thrive on dividing and conquering. The only things that explains it is narcissism, because anyone with an ounce of empathy would not put children they love through this. Glad you shared.

      1. Heidi says:

        Hi LET — sorry to hear you are estranged from your siblings. It is such a burden. It plagued my thoughts every day that I was not in communication with my brother.
        My mother passed about 6 months ago and it is amazing how my brother and I are now in almost daily contact. Everything is back to where it was. The triangulation is so destructive and insidious.
        I hope someday you are also able to re-establish your relationships with your sibs. It is a gift when it happens.

  2. Antonia says:

    Does the third person need to be realtor could she also be made up?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They may be made up and can even be an imaginary estate agent.

  3. AITHERIOUS..💫 says:

    Hello HG.💫

    We haven’t met formally, although I have been using your guide on all things narcissistic. And the relevant schools that apply.

    I have been a member with the Twitter for approximately 4.5 months.

    I follow Matt Taibbi.
    I’ve been a fan of his quality of journalism for some time.

    I’m also choosy on to whom I listen and follow to on the Twitter for many reasons.

    The Twitter files and the things that came about since Elon Musk purchased the Twitter has been very refreshing.

    May I say thank you for your allowing me to follow along with you.

    Also forwarding your material to my account on certain evenings for certain reasons has gotten my account looked at so to speak.

    I can’t say exactly how, although on a certain afternoon after posting Miss Swift’s information on narcissism I had my iPhone locked out

    Meaning I’ve had this iPhone for nine work purposes for sometime. Never had an issue until that evening and then the following two days.

    Sorry for being sporadic and cryptic or however you may read this.

    But it is quite obvious you need to pick your battles wisely. And I made reference to the material was for non-judgmental reasons, this was material designed for those who want to be educated on what it is all things narcissistic.
    The journalism that takes place primarily on the Twitter can be so hateful and so ill-informed.

    and then there are those that are just looking for clicks in a payoff so they can jack their egos off.

    when I think of triangulation and journalism it is sickening.

    You are much more than any word describing a thing. You’re not a journalist you’re all encompassing, you’re not a physician. You’re smarter than them. You don’t necessarily have to be anything other than what you are. And this Hg, is what matters the most to me. And I presume many others who love you.
    Thanks to you.

    I gave credit where credit is due and I will always continue to do so.

    As far as triangulation and this topic you’re writing on, I have not read your post as of yet, but now you may understand as to why I post your materials on the Twitter. For those who were able to find it.

    I spoke on journalism several times in the recent past on other formats and how most journalist sit on their hands tell their computer to simply paste and copy.

    I’ve seen this for so long now because of who they work for. Most journalism has been previously bought and paid for by those that you are well aware of in the media and Pharma.

    I went on to mention that most journalist in my opinion, are satisfied with themselves if they can create an opinion rather than Report the news.

    One of your fellow authors a beautiful blonde lady that lives in a castle had mentioned this and I 100% agree.

    Triangulation is simple.
    It’s predictably boring and easy to figure out.
    At least for me and has been since I was this many.. i’m holding up three fingers.😊😏.

    I’m driving and texting forgive any punctuation or tone or inflection that may be misinterpreted.

    Either way if you receive this or not I’m happy to say that I’m sharing your material with those who matter. At least in my opinion they matter. Perhaps the mask family or somebody will get you on a Twitter file for an hour or so. Why not, you don’t need to be seen. You need to be heard.

    I suppose there are many who are digging to find out your identity.
    I figured you were an honest human who has zero malice in his heart. And that’s good enough for me.

    Thank you for listening and reading this post.
    I’m not proofreading it I’m sending it so take it for what it is.

    Thank you again HG.💫

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.