Knowing the Narcissist : Crazed
“We need to talk. Well actually, I need to talk and you need to listen. Here, sit down, there, okay, this isn’t easy and I know you are not going to accept what I am going to say but you must understand that I am doing this for you, for us. I am concerned about well actually it is not just me but I am the one who has noticed more than anybody else, but I guess that is because I am the one who cares the most and also since I am with you more than anybody else.
I am not the only one, indeed it is because more people have expressed their concerns to me that I have felt moved to do something. It is a difficult subject to broach with you because I know you won’t accept what I have to tell you. I have been doing some reading actually in order to help me to help you because after all it is your best interests which I have at heart.
This really troubles me to have to raise this with you and I have nearly done it a few times but I have told myself that I had to give you time and that you might work things out yourself. You have no idea how hard it is to stand to one side and watch the person that you love behaving in this way. I can see you are confused and I should come to the point, it is just difficult to have to do this.
Okay, I have become increasingly concerned at your behaviours, as I say, chiefly I have, but so have your family and friends and even a few people at work. It is okay, don’t worry and no, please, don’t interrupt me, you need to hear me out. Nobody is judging you. We all want to help you. We want to give you all the support you need. Sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I? I suppose even now I am hoping that the light will shine and you will tell me that you understand and you know that you need help. There, I have said it. I think you need some help.”
“I can see you don’t understand what I mean and your silence then when I said that speaks volumes. Okay, I am going to have to spell it out. It is your behaviour towards me and other people. It is not acceptable. You know me, I said I would always stand by you and I will but I cannot stand by and do nothing when I see you destroying yourself and your relationship with me, your friends and your family.
I can tell you are struggling. We all can. I am not sure what is behind it, I am after all, not a doctor, but I have been doing some reading and spoken to other people and I guess you must be losing your mind or having some kind of breakdown. I know by that shake of the head this isn’t sinking in so I am sorry but I am going to have to just give you the brutal truth.
I had hoped this would not be necessary and that you would work with me on this, you know, a partnership to save what we have, but the books did say that you would probably not be able to recognise what is happening to you. That apparently is one of the first things that goes when your mental health is affected, you cannot see the problem yourself and that is why you keep doing as you do.”
” It is not your fault, well it is because you are the one who is doing it, but it isn’t because I am sure you don’t mean for these things to happen. I know you are a good person, I have seen that and what has been happening recently must be a consequence of some kind of stress or something.
I do know the drinking doesn’t help though. Look, it is no good narrowing your eyes and shaking your head when I mention that. I checked the recycling bin and I counted at least 20 bottles of wine for this fortnight and there were three vodka bottles in there. No, don’t point at me, I barely drink, maybe the odd glass of wine with dinner but you have been caning it. What’s that? I put the bottles there? Don’t be silly, why would I do that?
Why would I waste good wine by emptying bottles and putting them in the recycling? That doesn’t make any sense does it? No, you have been drinking them. I can see you are struggling to remember and that is part of the problem. Whatever it is that is wrong with you it affects your memory. I have seen it.
How many times have you asked me where your car keys are or where the remote control for the television is? Hmm. Numerous times and they are always in the same place. Always. We keep this house tidy don’t we and yet you are asking me where something is when it is always in the same place. I can imagine that must be a bit frightening, but don’t worry I am going to look after you. We all will. ”
“You see I have already met with your two best friends and our family and we agreed that you should spend some time in hospital. Money isn’t an issue as we want the best possible care for you and I suspect that the good doctors will know what to do with you and if you have to stay there for a while, well don’t worry, I will keep this ship sailing.
I have plenty of people who will rally around and give me a hand so I don’t want you to worry. It is for the best. You see, you have been losing your temper so readily and turning into someone I do not know. This rage. I don’t know where it comes from but all of sudden you just explode and then you start trying to blame me for things that you have done. It isn’t very nice and I try to brush it off but after a while there is only so much a person can deal with.
Do you remember last week when you accused me of switching off the oven when you were making some food but then you realised that you had never switched it on? Yes, I can see in your eyes that you remember now. You accused me repeatedly of doing it and even though I explained how it could not have been me because I was busy on a call in the study, you insisted that I had done it. On and on you went, jabbing your finger at me and all because you are losing your mind.
I try not blame you for the horrible things you say, I do think you become someone else and you do not realise what you are doing because you never say sorry afterwards and that hurts. Your friends say you are distant with them, they feel like they do not know you anymore and they are more worried about you, well and hurt as well, but once I began explaining to them your catalogue of domestic misdemeanours well they were very understanding and sympathetic.
They agreed something needed to be done and they have supported me making enquiries about where we can get you treated. It is fine honestly, don’t worry about so many people knowing about what has happened, there isn’t the same stigma these days with such problems. Everybody has been most supportive of me.
They understand how difficult it has been for me in dealing with you these past few months and they have said that if I need anything I am only to ask. It is so good to know that you have that support network in place. Your family are worried, about us both actually, but they know that I am only doing the best that I can for you and that sometimes one has to show some tough love. I don’t know how long it will be for but they will assess you first of all which will probably take a couple of weeks and we shall see where you go from there.
No, no I don’t think you are crazy, goodness me, not at all, it is just something temporary I am sure, but it has gone too far after well, I suppose the less said about that incident last Friday the better. What incident? Really? You know when you broke all the window panes in the green house.
No, that wasn’t me, it was you. Hey look, I am trying to help, there is no need to become aggressive, do you see, that is exactly what I am talking about, I am trying to help you and you start reacting. Look I will ring Lee up shall I? He saw you and helped me sort you out. Do I have to ring him, you know he will back up what I am saying don’t you, after all it is the truth.
Just calm down, Jesus, this is why I haven’t raised this with you sooner because of how you would react but to be frank, I have had enough and it is precisely this aggression and nastiness and your complete failure to ever admit that you are wrong which has been driving me to despair. Just calm down will you. It wasn’t me. It was you. Stop shifting the blame on to me, that isn’t fair.
If you keep going on I am going to call people and do you really want to put on another performance for them? What do I mean another one? You just don’t get it do you? Maybe you are worse than even I realised. Good God, do you really not remember what you did at the party? It was so embarrassing. I would rather not think about it.
I did not know where to put myself and neither did the person you were all over. I tried to smooth over it, blame it on medication and such like but the looks I got told me all I needed to know. What do you mean it was the other way around? Please will you stop doing this. You have to accept responsibility for your actions this has gone on for too long. Far too long.
Ah, there is the doorbell, that will be the people from the hospital. I have packed a bag for you.
Don’t look so alarmed they are here to help you and to give me a break from all this crazy.
It is going to be alright, I promise, just promise me one thing that you will try to get better for both our sake’s yes? I don’t want to be driven crazy too.”