Knowing the Narcissist : The Martyr Empath
14 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : The Martyr Empath”
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Hi all! I will give an example. My grandfather was from Friesland, Netherlands. He had 5 girls and one boy. They moved to upstate New York after Tarrytown. Home of the horseless headsman. My aunts had big families : 11, 9, 6, 5, 4 and my father had 3. One was a nurse, one was a social worker, the rest were housewives. All but one married a really kind man. My favorite Aunt had 11. She sewed their clothes, cleaned and cooked without servants. My uncle was rich for half as a tv director who lost his job. The second half of the kids lived humbly. By a lake. Nature. When the kids were grown all went to college and married, they moved.
My Aunt had brought not one material possession to the house save photographs. She never traveled. Wore no make up, or complained, criticized or gossiped. She went to church twice a week but never preached. When my uncle died they had been married 62 years and have 61 grandchildren children and great grand kids. In her old age there were so many volunteers to care for her that you could not count. Her servitude was never expressed but those she served loved her, were devoted to her and her life was filled with love. Did she wish for more??? I wonder. The twinkle in her eyes and her kind loving supportive smile never revealed anything more than a life worth living. I am and have always been in awe of her as although she is my role model, I do not possess her virtue.
There isn’t a lot of commentary on this thread about the martyr. My guess is it’s not as common as the other cadres. I think HG is correct but he describes a slice of martyrs in relationships. He doesn’t go into occupations or politics or religion. Maybe another video. A martyr whose ideal is family will fit the exact definition provided. She will do anything for her family even put up with that bully husband to nourish her children so they escape and thrive. I took on a psychopath ( diagnosed) and spent every last penny and represented myself in court eventually as I did better at it then my prior lawyers and win 80% custody. This was under his threat to kill me. He was far richer and very able but my children were worth it. Matyr. But what about politics and religion when you take a selfless silent willing to succumb to anything for your beliefs. Take it out of this video on domestic sacrifice for the family. This leads to classic matyrs. Those willing to die for their beliefs. I have written a lot about it but matyrs aren’t doormats. Not in any sense. They changed history: MLK, Harriett Tubman, Joan of Arc, Ghandi. I don’t think anyone of them gave a fig about fame or fortune nor were they saints or angelic figures. They are just the famous ones who became famous because their convictions made them so. And those women whose basic ideals are not so lofty serve a deep function. They selflessly endure because maybe they see no option but usually it’s the children. They create stability out of instability by example sometimes by putting the kids first. At all costs. Just like the unsung heroes they are my heroes. They may not have been executed for not denouncing God but by my guess many were, they are driven by a higher purpose called duty. A call to duty like soldiers who do their job without the expectation of praise or desire for it. Two things I dislike: 1. This idea of matyrs who scream “look what I have done for you! “ casting pity and guilt in innocent bystanders in their life. No acceptance for them. Then don’t do it, traitor. 2. This belief that a person who lives by duty to serve a higher purpose than himself or herself is somehow weak. Then you take the crusades medieval tortures and see if you can remain faithful to our Lord. Now some would say that this is stupid and not logical. Well… maybe this is so… history and the life after will prove who is right. Semper Fi. But it’s not fair to judge those you do not understand. To say we are doormats when our very souls are called to duty. 99.99% is a religious duty. A higher purpose that can harm us in many ways. We leave jobs over ethics losing money. We give to the poor when we don’t have it. We sacrifice for our children but never ever remind them for what we did. It goes to obscurity. Terrible teen years biting your tongue as it was your choice and not the point. Some champion causes that have no cause or lose their lives for a cause history won’t remember or go to some godforsaken country to serve God and end up harmed etc… some join the military and die etc…and some change history. See above. And of course their is Jesus for those who believe. And what did he do for us? I don’t know but I feel this cadre gets a weak rap when the truth is it takes terrible strength to put others before yourself for a duty, an ideal, a cause, a belief in God. And I know as I witnessed the mothers of large families who silently without expectation of praise served their children without complaint. They are my heroes. You try going without a vacation, without material possession, without worldly praise when you are “ just a mother” “ just a wife.” Yet they lived and died with so much love and appreciation from their families. You can’t buy that. Priceless.
Disregard. Consulted with HG. I get it now. Basically you can be a classic martyr with others but his definition is solely about narcs. Go ahead and pursue an ideal, help others like a martyr but narcs aren’t worth it. That’s the lesson learned. Thanks H.G. I will stop my pursuit as you explained it to Metz I finally get it;)
Memento Mori. Lol
HG, how can one downgrade Martyr to Carrier, or eliminate it? Thank you.
Thank you HG for providing these addictional information about empaths, I’ve been waiting a long time for you to explain exactly what “Martyr”, “Codependent”, “Standard” and “Contagion” are. Now I finally understood that Martyr is a cadre and the other three types are schools, but there is something that I still don’t understand: where shall we place the Dirty Empath (Infidelity and relationship breaker) and the Supernova Empath? Are they school, cadres or something else?
There is no Supernova empath. The Supernova is an event. Input Supernova in the search function to find the relevant article. For further information, the Platinum Collection in The Knowledge Vault explains the Supernova vs The Cliff fight back which is an important difference to understand.
Thank You Narc Angel, and what about the Dirty Empaths?
Once again, avail yourself of the search function – The Dirty Empath.
Hi Paola!
I have asked HG if DE is a cadre before, here: https://youtu.be/Oth0qxE-_rE
He awnsered:
“No, it is a class and is not always applicable. An empath will always have a school and cadre, Jasmin, but may not have the relevant class of Dirty Empath. There are various types of Dirty Empath but they are not always applicable to every empath.”
I hope this makes things clearer for you.
Thank you Jasmine, this has made the things clearer to me
As I got my ED result back I thought this aspect came from PatriNarc. Now I realise that it comes from my mother who sacrificed too much. I was against it, never understood why but yet I must have picked up some of it.
I escaped step PatriNarc at 7,5 years old and moved to PatriNarc instead. He future faked and promised change, but he was just drunk as before (alcoholic) so I lived mainly with my grandparents. I liked it there, however they weren’t up to being parents again (I understand that) and after 1,5 year I had to move back to my mother and step PatriNarc.
I saw step PatriNarc as mean and I absolutely hated him. I never hold his back. I warned friends and boyfriends. I told schoolnurse, at yearly healt control showing I was underweight, that he had said ‘school lunch is enough food for me’ but that I’m hungry when I get home from school. Of course she called home. I was back at dinner table and I felt some victory over him.
I saw PatriNarc as someone who suffered from disease. I worried about him and felt sorry for him. Yes, I remember these calls at my grandparents home. I heard the tones of their voices and I knew.
Poor souls must hate living so just take a whole heap of abuse.
Maybe some, but maybe others don’t feel allowed to live. They feel like and are seen as appliances, more than anyone else, IMO. Is anyone high martyr, without a narc parent / caregiver? I’d hate living, if it was just being controlled by a narc. Wouldn’t you?