Knowing the Narcissist : The Narcissist and Money

Money is one of the most obvious ways in which one can demonstrate one’s power. Money provides options, it reveals opportunities and provides chances where none might have existed previously. Money equates to power and power equates to money. We have a healthy attitude to the question of money. What we create is ours. Yours is ours also. I have written previously how the successful of our kind exhibit our success and our power through the accumulation of money. It may be the creation of a successful business, the climbing of the corporate ladder into well-paid positions of responsibility and it might be the production of items and services that others require. There are of course those of our kind who have not grasped the concept that there is an unique opportunity afforded by the way that we are to be successful and in turn earn substantial amounts of money. Those of our kin who have not harnessed our special attributes in that manner are quite frankly a disappointment and they shall forever remain lesser narcs. Yes they are narcs but quite frankly they are not in my league or that of my high-achieving counterparts. I must admit to having nothing but contempt for those our kind who have failed to apply our abilities in this manner. They are letting the side down. That, however, is a topic for another day. What our less able kind and those of us who have embraced success do have in common is the unfailing ability to drain you of your financial health. How does this manifest? Perhaps some of the following will be familiar to you?
  • Never paying for drinks and meals when out together
  • Never contributing to joint expenses and then spending a small fortune on something for ourselves
  • Borrowing money repeatedly with a convincing tale of woe attached. The money is never re-paid.
  • Taking out loans in your name which you only find about some time later when they are in default
  • Learning the house has been mortgaged to the hilt and the advanced funds have been frittered away
  • Expensive addictions to drink, drugs, prostitutes and/or gambling which we expect you to bail us out of
  • Straight forward theft
  • Failing to honour maintenance and child support arrangements
  • Selling your possessions
Why does this happen? Sometimes it is about instant gratification. We want something and we want it immediately. We have always been used to getting our own way so whyshould it be any different when it comes to the question of money? We do not recogniseany boundary that says we should not have your money. It is in play and up for grabs.We want something and you can pay for it. This of course reinforces our control overyou by seizing your finances and goods we have you beholden to what we want to do.We show that we are in control and of course we anticipate horror, howls or protest andanger when you learn of our activity. All of which is good fuel. There is also an elementof retribution. We may have been denied something and this in turn offends our sense ofentitlement. We feel criticised and we want to get rid of that sensation. One method is to assert our power by taking what belongs to you and using it to our benefit. Sometimeswe do this an expend your financial resource in a totally excessive fashion which justwastes the money. To us however there is no waste in such a step. It underlines ourimportance, it affirms our power and it keeps you under out control.The scale by which our kind engages in this sequestration of the money and assets ofothers can vary hugely in scale, even when perpetrated by the same person. In that veinI am reminded of the late Robert Maxwell. For those of you who are unfamiliar with thename, Maxwell was a Czech born media mogul who operated a publishing empire in the United Kingdom. He fell off his yacht in 1991 and drowned. There is little doubt that hewas one of our kind – plenty has been written about the man and his behaviours whichconfirms that. Maxwell plundered the company pension scheme stealing hundreds ofmillions of pounds from the pensions of the employees leaving thousands of people infinancial difficulty. There was the misappropriation of the money of others on a massivescale. Maxwell was also found on Christmas morning by his wife and childrensurrounded by torn wrapping paper. He had wanted to know what had been bought forthe children. Rather than ask his wife, he went ahead and opened all the wrapped gifts.He did not take the gifts but he certainly trampled over a boundary and appropriated thesurprise that was meant for his children. Nobody is beyond our sense of entitlement when it comes to money or assets.

Money is used as an Assertion of Control

An appliance controlled through money

One thought on “Knowing the Narcissist : The Narcissist and Money

  1. SSE says:

    My narc of a step-dad is jaw-droppingly stingy. For a man who is comfortably well off, he is tighter than a duck’s arse in a thunderstorm. The wealth he has accumulated is not due to any financial acumen, but simply down to a reluctance to spend any of his own money when there is any chance of palming off the costs onto someone else.

    Just a couple of examples spring to mind:

    There is a congestion charge payable when certain types of cars are driven on the roads. Rather than drive his own car, he will get someone else, namely his GC step-niece (my cousin), to drive him when he wants to go somewhere. Therefore the charge is payable by my cousin. My step-dad, in his generosity, offers to go halves with the cost of the charge. So, basically, my cousin has to pay half the charge out of her own pocket for the privilege of ferrying him around. Not all GCs have it easy, I guess. There are some advantages to being a SG after all.

    When he wants to make a phone call (from his landline, since he considers mobiles to be way too expensive), he will avoid paying for the cost of the call whenever he can. The simple trick he discovered is to ring the other person’s number, then quickly hang up before the person has a chance to answer. His number then shows up as a missed call on the other person’s phone. Naturally the other person will ring back, returning the call at their expense and my step-dad gets to talk for free.

    He eats, sleeps and breathes money. He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

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