Knowing the Narcissist : All In The Eyes
The eyes are one of our powerful weapons. I hear so many comments made about my eyes.
“I saw the world in your eyes.”
“Everything I ever wished for, I could see in your eyes.”
“I’ve never known anyone give me such a malevolent stare.”
“You are dead behind the eyes.”
“That hollow look you give me, chills me inside.”
“Your reptilian, empty stare always unnerved me.”
When we first engage with you, we are able to reflect back at you want you desperately want. Hope, optimism, desire and trust are all mirrored in our eyes. Do not be mistaken and think that we generate those looks. We do not. All we are doing is ensuring that you see what you want to see in order to ensnare you.
This mirroring serves two purposes. Firstly, it shows you what you crave for and makes us all the more attractive to you. Secondly, it masks the empty void that truly exists. Whilst my kind and me learn how to behave and act, we mimic the way in which we are expected to respond in the most favourable manner, we do not truly feel any of those things and we cannot generate it in our eyes.
Everything else we are able to simulate – the laugh, the smile, the look of surprise, the intonation of elation in our voices. We have carefully crafted these facsimiles of your emotions but managing to do so in our eyes has always eluded us. We cannot fall at the first hurdle however and have you see through our charade. Accordingly, we have managed to master the mirroring technique.
You want that love and hope so badly you will see it in us when you are really just seeing yourself. We hold your gaze for longer than anyone else. You are conned into thinking this is just demonstrating the intensity of our desire for you. It is not. We must look directly into your eyes to shine back at you that which you send towards us. Should we look way, the reflection may fail and we must always have you in our eye.
As with all of our pretence we are unable to maintain this deceit for long. The mirror breaks and the shards of reflection fall away leaving the chasm of emotionlessness behind. The barren hinterland beyond our eyes is all that is left, bereft of anything at all. That is why in the later stages you will see nothing when you look at us. We cannot generate those real emotions and our mirror has now failed. Our real gaze is all that is left, cold, empty and lifeless.
People often remark about how the eyes are the window to the soul. Our soul left long ago and that is why you look into dead, uncaring eyes. Even though our mouth is upturned in a smile, the crows feet at the sides crease and the brow rises, our eyes betray us. Glacial and sterile they show the reality of what we are; devoid of positive emotion and spiritually bankrupt.
All that we are able to muster is hatred. Our loathing of this unjust world is so intense that it will break through when we wish to direct that hatred against you. That is when the emptiness vanishes and instead you are subjected to our laser-like, pinpoint accurate malevolent stare. I mentioned in the recollection about the cookie jar, how I had practised my withering stare one summer.
This is the precursor to our malice, our antipathy and our scorn. With consummate ease we will call on it to intimidate you and signal our contempt for you. It is powerful, unwavering and unsettling. To be on the receiving end of our hateful stare is not a pleasant experience. We muster such power with our eyes, to seduce you and then to break you, but the reality is that we only have three settings. The mirror, the void and the hatred. There is nothing else. That is all that our eyes have.
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Some more examples of psychopathic “Hannibal Lecter Eyes”: Ted Bundy, Richard Ramirez, Muammar al Ghaddafi, El Chapo, Adolf H., Ivan the Terrible, Dennis Radar (“BTK”), Mary I. (“Bloody Mary”), Josef S., Benito, M., John Wayne Gacy, Elliott Rodger, Aileen Wuornos.
Speaking for eyes: Has anymone noticed that the eyes of narcs and psychopaths are empty and glassy? Totally emotionless. Some have even “evil eyes”, you can see the malice in their glance and some have “The Stare”. Look at pictures of people in power: Those glassy, empty emotionless eyes are very obvious and prominent in Vladimir (confirmed), Viktor (not confirmed), Recep (not confirmed), Bashar (not confirmed) and Justin (confirmed), while Vladimir and Olaf (not confirmed) have “evil eyes”. Their eyes are screming: “EVIL!!” – Not rating or judging any of those, just a neutral observation. You can have a win-win-situation with some of them or not.
Hi Leela,
I have noticed this, the dead look they have. I find it disturbing but also, once I believe them to be a narc, it is helpful on remembering how to deal with them if I have to for some reason. Keep it sorry, remember that whatever they do is just them being a narcissist and don’t take anything, good or bad, personal. It’s always about their prime aims.
I am super intrigued by the eyes Leela and AV. I noticed few people with dead eyes pre knowledge, mainly the obvious ones like Ryan giggs. Post knowledge i see it far more. But they seem to vary slightly, for some like gigs they look seriously evil and yet for others just a complete deadness in their eyes?
There’s a guy I knew of recently. He tried to make a big thing of his eyes. They were deader than dead but his intelligence led him to understand the importance of using your eyes. So he would make these odd attempts at either attempting to look upset or be seductive etc etc I recall this one time he tried to use seductive eyes on me and he just looked nuts! I said to him he looked a bit scary and he was mortally offended. He had no idea how odd he looks when trying to use them.
James Nesbit on the other hand has eyes to die for! They’re so expensive and seductive as a default. I would never be able to resist those eyes.
Sorry, totally went off on one leela and AV. What I’d be really interested to understand is why? Why is there this deadness? Clearly there is some kind of link between dead eyes and narcissism but why? Is it simply the lack of positive emotions? But then I see (rarely) some non Ns with dead eyes eg David Mitchel? And that makes no sense to me? Unless they’ve experienced extreme trauma or are a miserable non N? It really intrigued me though, to fully understand this connection.
Hi Alexissmith,
I am intrigued by the eyes also. And it’s so odd, it was there all the time but not seen until I knew. Actually, I did see something with my mom. Once, as an adult, I said something to my dad about her seeming to me to “play roles” but that I wondered if there was actually a real “her” in there anywhere. He dismissed this so I didn’t allow myself to consider it much again. Until I got to Narcsite. With her it isn’t just the eyes but also the lack of appropriate response, or delayed response time, and the lack of genuine emotion that I was picking up on.
The funny thing is my dad had the dead eyes also but he was a little more difficult to see it in. I think this goes to the type of narcissist they are, he was higher functioning, if I can put it that way. I think lessers often can’t hide the fury in their eyes and even the Lower Mid Range, which is my mom, and maybe the Lower Greater, which I think is why they can look like they have crazy eyes more. With my mom, as mainly a mid ranger, the fury is more contained more of the time so she just looks blank. I think the uppers have a little more ability to fake things so may seem like their eyes are more in play but if you know what to look for and watch them, they’re not really. Still dead. But some actors are very good at it. My dad wasn’t that good at it, unless he was “on”, charming people for some reason.
My theory as to why narcs look this way is that there is no true self which is allowed to show. So they are always acting at some level. Non-narcs can look this way, in my thinking, if they have any number of mental illness like PTSD or bi-polar possibly or even depression. Probably others also. I think with them it is often a serious sense of overwhelm that causes it, whatever the source may be. Probably often a narc.
Hi AV,
I think narcs have the dead eyes look because they’re not emotionally engaging in the conversation, they’re disassociated from everyone they are talking to. The dead eye look is their disconnect showing, sorta like dead air on a radio, nothing there to broadcast, no need to, no desire to really connect to anyone. Makes me sad just thinking about it. Xx
Hi A Victor,
I agree that some people who suffer from a mental illness can have a narc look in their eyes.
I have Complex PTSD as well as bi-polar, my adult kids, my husband and some of my friends can tell I’m struggling by the way my eyes look.
And many have told me I look like I’m feeling better because my eyes have their sparkle back.
I also believe that many people with mental illness have a lot of narc qualities come out when they are struggling.
It can be really hard to tell the difference sometimes. The people I know with mental health issues are some of the most kind and empathetic people I have ever known.
The qualifier is if they are taking their medication regularly.
Hi Rebecca, I agree, they are incapable of emotional engagement so there is nothing to show. I find it sad also but, they don’t, for them, just another day.
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Hi Sonya,
Yes, that’s what I meant. And you hit on an important piece, you can get your sparkle back! Narcissist cannot, they never have it. And, I agree, narc qualities will be exhibited more, probably in any person if they are struggling. And that people with mental illness are often some of the most kind and empathic people there are. Thank you for writing this, you expanded my thoughts.
Also ever notice how a person with high empathy has a warm welcoming soulful look or twinkle in their eyes? I think of Jim Caviezel ‘s eyes who HG says is an empath. They change when he strongly preaches, look harder. Less warmth. Perhaps that’s an empath eyes when narcissistic traits flair?
Hi Contagious,
I agree that an empath’s eyes can change some when or narcissist traits come out, we might look angry or passionate about something. But I don’t think we typically get that dead look narcs have even then, we’re still engaged, we still have us and know who we are, we’re not trying to figure out how we should respond in that moment, we just respond. The mental energy it must take narcissists to try to stay ahead of things, to maintain or regain their sense of control, is tiring to just think of.
Good question. Should look in the mirror at the next supernova. 😂 But at the moment I´m happy that I have found out that you have to click on this little arrow to answer a post. 😂😂 Was desperately looking for the option “answer” here on WordPress until I clicked on this arrow. Yaaay me! 🤪🤪🤪😂😂
Oops, keep interactions short, not sorry.
Hey AV! I see them as people with a serious brain damage! It´s not their fault, or course, but we gotta stay away from them, if we can. It´s just a horrible situation when you have exactly those people with exactly these brain damages in power!! And we have exactly THOSE! Getting away is a bit harder then, but trying to get home (to my native home country in Eastern Europe) probably (I´m an immigrant in Central/Western Europe). Let´s first hope for the next elections and then we´ll see….
Yes, having these people in power can be pretty awful, if their agenda is not in agreement with our own. I think at those times they’re agenda is in agreement with ours, it’s probably a lot different. I hope you make it home soon!
Either I make it home or there will be drastical changes here!
Leela: some people call it dead eyes or crazy eyes. You see it when there is a serial murder and they post a pic of the perpetrator… I saw it live at the DA office where I worked once. I called it “ goat eyes.” I think what you describe as malice is this energy beneath the goat eyes. It’s different. Some it’shate ir makice, some it’s emptiness, some it’s furtive ( the pedophile seemed very hungry all the time like a rat in a maze) some it feels chaotic… you see this in the crazy dead eyes that look like dead people about to get hit by a car. Those seem to be schizos. None are warm or kind. But behind those blank dead eyes … something is there. I once had a drug dealer murderer in a preliminary hearing. His eyes were dead. His body never moved but I felt this pressure of get out of my way if you want to live. I met this woman in a female prison who put a knife in her lovers head, she was so pretty and demure but goat eyes. Hers were like a a cyclone to look into…. Like she couldn’t focus yet spoke eloquently. Most have this dead but intensity. Like “ look at what I see! Damn it!” One scared me. His goat eyes were dangerous and evil, I felt raped or naked under them. Everytime my curiosity got to me, I would look into them then yield … wanting to run out of the room but I had to stay with this monster. He was a Mexican mob criminal lawyer. I have a neighbor and his eyes are goat eyes but the energy is just liked he released a fart and hope it smells. I think goat eyes are a tell but there is a specific type of malice behind it. Try it. Look up killers online and see if you notice more. Sometimes I think you need to see them live to know…?
Hey, “dead eyes” describe this very well. They look like robots with inserted glass eyes. You can see the brain damage pretty well in the eyes. Glad that my father does not have those eyes 😂He can fake emotions extremely well and he always gets it right! But yeah, normally, when you meet those people live, you just wanna RUN!!! You just wanna RUN for the hills and never look back.
Also Leela, I have an old neighbor with the dead or goat eyes but looks like a car will hit me eyes. Kind of crazy eyes. Like a cyclone behind them. Manic? . He spends each hour of each day focused on the HOA and writes me a lot about it as I am a lawyer and he has questions about the Davis-Stirling Act. He writes long conspiracy theories about the HIA members. They steal for example. On the take from vendors, they put spam in his in box. . He is defiant and constantly challenges our HOA at meetings. He’s been banned a few times. He once challenged a board president a fist fight. He is in his late 70s. . I thought well he is lonely in retirement, a firmer fireman and I call him G for general of the community to boast his ego. Problem is board members have found him “ dangerous” as he shows up making accusations and spies on them. He also leaves me gifts sometimes on the holidays. I thank him but there is never anything romantic in them. I write him off as similar to the lead in “Every Decreasung Curcke” a TV show in UK… but I sometimes wonder. Is he harmless? I have known him 20 years…
Be careful. Such people may be “harmless” as long as you serve them for some purpose. We have such people in power here at the moment, it is VERY obvious WHAT they are, one of them has that “stare” too. Without going into more details, because that won´t change a thing, let´s just say: Hoping and praying for the next elections here 🙏🙏🙏 or else ………. I GO HOME!! back to where I came from. 😉
Oh wait Leela, I think I misunderstood, you are hoping to stay where you are? Well, I hope that works out then! 😃
I don´t know, AV! Either drastic changes with a completely new government, whose agenda is a Win-Win-situation with the people, or if nothing changes, I try to GOSO, which means: make it back home or to another country. My ancestors were nomads and so am I. 😂
The other night I watched a show about Robert Fratta. There was one shot from a family video where he was at some sort of celebration sitting at the head of the dinner table. Good Lord. The look in his eyes as he grinned into the camera. Astoundingly, it appeared the corners of his mouth were about to reach his ears, his “smile” some awful, mocking mask. There was that Uncanny Valley effect, and I shudder to think maybe his wife was holding the camera.
I used to babysit a ball python, and even though that stare is often described as reptilian, I think that’s an insult against snakes.
That´s why I use to call the eyes of narcs and psychopaths “Hannibal Lecter Eyes”
Agreed very much on the reptilian stare. Reptiles have much in their eyes, once you get to know them.
I was just thinking about this reading an older article that referenced “shark eyes.” Have people actually looked at a shark’s eyes? Sharks have cute, silly eyes. Even when they are attacking, those fish eyes look silly. Imagining someone glaring in fury with the equivalent is strange.
Would it be right to say that dead eyes are the eyes of extreme dissociation?
She was a very sweet snake. We became good friends over a summer. I was responsible for sitting under a skylight and letting her coil on me while she got some sun. I was her out-of-aquarium heat rock. She really liked coiling around my neck but she never took things too far. Holding a gaze with her was really nice. Her eyes were gorgeous.
Took care of a ball python for a while. Snakes are nearly blind, they have this gaze, because they don´t see very well, they mainly rely on their smell and their tongue, because they´re also deaf. That ball phython is a mommy now 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Allison, Leela_Z,
It sounds very lovely interacting with pythons. I could never get past feeding them (or most reptiles), so, my treasured snake gaze memory is only with a wild snake. I was a child exploring the woods with other people when a blue racer “stood” up out of a large patch of tall grass very close to me and stared square at me at eye level; it held my gaze for a little while before it was scared off by the other people tramping around. It was so cute; definitely very expressive eyes.