Psychopath : Saviour
I am both conqeueror and saviour. I enter a person´s world and set it ablaze, tearing apart everything that they recognize, I am the bringer of dark works and on certain occasions the implementation of my chaos engine has proven to be the saviour of more than one human being. Alastor, my gatherer of intelligence was so saved and recruited. I brought cold, clinical, pinpointed efficacy and tore down that which imprisoned her. From the carnage I emerge as rescuer. I am the destroyer. I am the saviour.
My psychopathy does not hinder my objective perception of the world to allow me to be of such effectiveness. So, when put in a situation where I have to save a human being from certain death, one might imagine that my response would be equally detached and analytical.
From my vantage point, I carefully observe the reactions of the person I am saving. Their wide-eyed panic, quickened breaths, and trembling limbs are evidence of the overwhelming fear that permeates their consciousness. I witness the way their face pales, muscles tense and their body language communicates a plea for help, seeking solace from their imminent demise.
Owing to my psychopathy, I am free from the constraints of feeling fear myself. Instead, my mind engages in a calculated exercise of strategy and analysis. I objectively evaluate the various options available, considering the most efficient and effective approach to rescue this individual from their precarious situation.
As I methodically anchor my mind to rationality, the heightened intensity surrounding the life-or-death scenario does not provoke a rise in my heart rate nor generate any adrenaline-fueled excitement. Rather, my focus narrows, and I carry out the necessary actions with stoic precision and measured movements.
While the person I am saving may cling to me in desperation, their trembling hands tightly clutching my arm, their pulse undoubtedly pounding with each passing second, I remain an impartial presence. There is no emotional bond or connection, I acknowledge their precarious state but viewing it as a problem to be solved rather than an experience to be shared.
From a purely observational standpoint, I notice the profound relief that washes over the individual once they are safely rescued. Their ragged breaths begin to slow, their body gradually relaxes, and I observe a wave of gratitude and vulnerability momentarily sweep over them. This is but a fleeting glimpse into a realm of emotion I can only observe from a distance – a realm that I will never enter.
My lack of emotional involvement allows me to analyze their gratitude, to assess its manifestations in their expression, gestures, and words. There is a fascination in witnessing the weight of their newly found lease on life, an understanding of the profound depth of gratitude experienced by a person awoken from the grasp of imminent danger.
As their saviour, I continue observing the aftermath of the rescue. The person I have just saved is now in a state of emotional flux, their demeanor shifting rapidly between relief and lingering distress. Their body language betrays the remnants of fear, as if they are still suspended in that moment of impending doom.
I notice the way their eyes dart around, scanning the surroundings as if searching for solace from the residual shock. Their pulse gradually stabilizes, but the quivering in their hands persists, a physical reminder of the intense adrenaline surge they experienced during their brush with death.
It is intriguing to analyze the person’s attempts to regain composure. Despite the lingering distress, they make valiant efforts to present a façade of gratitude and recovery, perhaps motivated by a desire to assure me of their inner strength and resilience. Their voice may waver slightly as they express gratitude, their tone infused with a mixture of relief, surprise, and lingering vulnerability.
I recognize the subtle hints of vulnerability that escape their composed demeanor. Casual glances and hesitant gestures betray a deep-rooted acknowledgement of their reliance on my intervention – a stark reminder that their life hung in an uncertain balance just moments ago. Yet, because of what I am, I am not affected by their vulnerability nor compelled to offer reassurances. Instead, I maintain my impartial stance, solace-seeking expressions remaining external to my own perspective. Nevertheless, I log their responses, filing them, registering them for assembly in understanding the behaviour of human beings so I amy better utilize it on the next occasion.
As the echoes of intense emotions gradually subside, the rescued individual seeks a renewed sense of control over their surroundings. They might glance back at the scene of their near-death experience, contemplating the precariousness of life and the fragility of their own mortality. This introspection is an opportunity for me to analyze how this person can transform such crises into catalysts for introspection.
Throughout this entire process, my emotionless disposition remains steadfast. I find solace, not in empathy or sympathy, but rather in the intellectual exercise of observing human reactions and responses to perilous situations. It is, quite paradoxically, in this detachment that I find a sense nearing fulfillment, charting the intricate map of emotions in others while mine remain untouched.
T save a human being from certain death, I remain unburdened by the emotional response that would accompany such a harrowing situation for others. Instead, I maintain a detached demeanor, executing the necessary actions with precision and focus. My observant gaze captures the raw and visceral reactions of the person I’ve saved – their fear, their vulnerability, and their boundless gratitude – engaging in an analytical observation devoid of any personal emotional involvement.
In a world governed by emotions, where most individuals are reigned by their urges and passions, I stand as a dispassionate observer. Saving a person from certain death becomes an opportunity for dissecting the human experience and comprehending the intricacies of emotions that I will never experience.
That is why I am both destroyer and saviour. The shaper of the world around me. The bringer of retribution and salvation.
23 thoughts on “Psychopath : Saviour”
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Save me.
I immagine you as a fireman who resecues people.
Are you one HG?
I’m a fire starter, twisted fire starter, woo woo, woo woo!
HG,
I imagine you holding a match, with a small grin on your face, antiscipating dropping the match….wooosssshhhh…goes the flames, higher.. higher….you look on with satisfaction and a glint in your eyes! Xx
Great. Another earworm for me.
Yes, you are right, the singer looks a bit Psycho 😀
Actually a bit like The Joker in Batman. Do you agree?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmin5WkOuPw
FireStarter & FireSaviour, in your case for me there is no contradiction
I would make a comment about HG, a holy mountain, ten commandments, and my burning bush, but I won’t. Because that would be naughty.
The four big “F’s” of the GREAT HG TUDOR:
— Firestarter – Fire FIGHTER – Firesaviour —
Because his heart is burning…
Rammstein: Mein Herz brennt (My heart is burning):
Grace,
I remember that song, but the video had a little girl in it, the one who says, HEY! They must have made two videos for the same song….not the first time.
Reminds me of John Orr, a fire captain and arson investigator who himself was discovered to be a serial arsonist responsible for upwards of 2,000 fires in a 30-year arson spree. Many times he was a member of the team investigating his own fires.
That’s a man who took the saying “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life” to his flaming little heart.
That would be likely.
Last week I had mandatory occupational health and safety classes. This time it was led by the Fire Chief from a town near my city.
I am a very closed-off person, with many high walls – when it comes to any physical contact with strangers.
The Fire Chief dealt with me in about 3-4 hours, before my blocks were released and I started actively collaborating. Very direct, a bit commanding.
I was: made to laugh, extremely interested, stressed, made to laugh again, scared, ashamed, forced, praised + intense visual impact on the imagination. The effect was, that for the next hours, I was happy to follow instructions such as: mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, resuscitation through compression sequences, dressing wounds, playing dead, extinguishing a real fire with various types of fire extinguishers, crawling near walls in case of fire and many others. Even my hair was used in resuscitation, pfff 🙂
Wow! We participate in such training every two years and no one has ever managed to persuade me (I wanted to…) to have so much close physical contact.
It was an ultraquick breaking of my boundaries, an intrusion inside and creating an atmosphere of dependence and a kind of intimacy, that occurs between a rescuer and the rescued person.
He was able to use every part of his own body, which was embarrassing and shocking to me at first.
Excellent educational work – in addition to continuing to be very active professionally in leading life-saving groups. I acquired a lot of knowledge. And it sticks deep in my mind.
I am incredibly grateful to such people for the work they do. And he was super handsome, oh 🙂
PS And while attending this training, I also thought about HG. It would fit in such a place – although in a different space – perfectly.
“Very direct, a bit commanding.”
“Even my hair was used in resuscitation…”
“…to have so much close physical contact.”
“He was able to use every part of his own body, which was embarrassing and shocking to me at first.”
“And it sticks deep in my mind.”
Mee-ow, mama…
Oh yes, it can be shocking, when this kind of man suddenly, while talking to you – while looking you straight in the eye – puts his entire index finger into his mouth. Everything is justified and within the scope of education.
This was the only moment, when I had to lower my eyes for a second – damn it – and pretend I was reaching for something in my handbag 🙂
It sounds vulgar, but he was a very intelligent man. And I will always remember, how to properly check which direction the wind is blowing from and how to predict the spread of fire.
It was the most effective training in this field in my life.
Surprising and amazing.
Mr. Tudor–
1. Was observing people in life threatening situations something one of the primary interests for you taking up the line of work described above?
2. What were the motivators for you in choosing this particular type of profession?
3. Do you think any of the people you rescued (outside narcsite, who need not guess) ever guessed that you are a narcissist/psychopath hybrid?
4. Do you think, outside narcsite, that you’ve been saviour to people of all four of your classifications?
5. Have you ever been injured during one of these missions?
6. Is yes to 4, did they help you?
7. Have you ever hoovered any of these people several years later? (Alastor is the known exception to this. She works for you.)
8. If yes to 7, what circumstances arose that caused that hoover to occur?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciation.
1. No.
2. I am not answering that.
3. No.
4. Yes.
5. Yes.
6. They have.
7. Yes.
8. I am not answering that.
Thank you so much, sir.
1. When you have been injured during rescue missions, were you helped by both narcissists and empaths?
2. Did you try to conceal the injury, if you were able?
3. In situations such as the one in this article, do you prefer rescuing empaths and normals to rescuing the narc and narcissistics?
4. Were there major differences in the way that those with higher narcissistic traits were able to deal with the life or death situation they were in?
5. Is yes to 5, is that something you might discuss in time?
6. Did you find all the classifications equally easy to direct in these kinds of situations?
7. Did you face threats to control from those you were rescuing while the rescues were in progress?
8. In what way (if any) did external circumstances (the life or death situation) impact the way in which you chose to regain control over those you were rescuing if there were threats?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciation.
1. Yes.
2. Depends on circumstances.
3. I have no preference, there are different gains from different categories.
4. They dealt with the situation differently.
5. Unlikely.
6. Fear is a great leveller.
7. No.
Thank you so much for answering.
1. Do any of the rescues stand out from the others?
2. Was that more about the person you rescued or the people you had to outwit to accomplish the mission or was it something else?
Dani: Did you find all the classifications equally easy to direct in these kinds of situations?
HG: Fear is a great leveller.
3. Did any of them have any moments of apparent fearlessness?
4. If yes to 3, what were your thoughts regarding actions they took?
5. Did any of them ever get paralyzed by the fear?
6. If yes to 5, how did you deal with that?
7. If yes to 5, what were your thoughts upon seeing it?
Thank you so much for your time, sir. Much appreciated.
This gets more compelling and beautiful every time. Now I’m seeing relevant parts as descriptive of my own experience of escape. Amazing how the facets of your writing change and sparkle in the light.
Hi Allison,
I’ve had some things going in my personal life that have taken my time away from the blog. I’m still reading the comments but I don’t have much time to add my own comments. I’ve seen a couple of times you’ve mentioned that you escaped. Do you want to share your experience at all? Where did you go? Did you serve papers first? Are you in no contact? Has he tried to reach out? If you don’t want to share, I understand. Either way, I hope its going well for you.
Hi, Leigh–
I can’t answer some of the questions, but I can state that I’m safe. I’ll be sharing aspects of the experience as I’m able and as I feel it might be helpful to others. I’m currently operating an effective No Contact regime. All is well.
Hi Allison,
Good to hear and I’m happy for you. Xx
I’m glad to hear you’re safe and all is well!