Knowing the Narcissist : The Asylum of the Grotesque : Amelia
Winter had arrived. The world was silent beyond the walls of my property. Outside the air was bitterly cold, the ground hard and covered in snow. Within my domain it was warm, gently lit and conducive to conversation. Earlier that day Amelia and I had been for a walk.
The biting nip of winter cut through the air as we stepped out into the icy landscape. The world around us seemed still, frozen in time, and the coldness that engulfed every breath I took only intensified the sense of isolation.
The path ahead, once familiar and inviting, was now blanketed with a crisp layer of snow. Each gentle step resonated with a soft crunch, a constant reminder of the snow’s unyielding hold on the ground. The once vibrant colors of autumn had long since been replaced by a monochromatic palette of whites and grays.
As we walked further, I noticed that the trees stood tall and skeletal, their branches reaching out like jagged fingers clawing at the sky. Ice glistened upon their limbs, refracting the weak sunlight and turning them into glittering apparitions. The whole scene was draped in an ethereal beauty, folding nature into a desolate yet captivating spectacle.
The stillness of the air was interrupted only by the occasional gust of wind. It carried with it a chill that penetrated deep into my bones, reminding me of the unforgiving nature of winter. We encountered nobody else on our walk.
As we continued, , the frozen landscape seemed to swallow everything in its path. Streams that once flowed freely were now encapsulated by ice, their gurgling melodies silenced by the grip of winter’s frost. The world had been rendered motionless, almost eerie in its stillness, each element caught in suspended animation.
Time itself appeared to move slowly, as if the icy breath of winter had slowed its relentless march. Shadows stretched longer, painting a somber portrait against the pristine snow, highlighting the starkness of the season.
As we rounded a corner through the forest, Amelia let out a short cry of fright. Ahead of us was the corpse of a stag, a branch thrust through its throat. It had clearly charged headlong into this wooden lance which had pierced it and killed it. Amelia turned into me burying her head in my chest as I looked on at the scene. It had clearly happened some time ago as the stag was frozen, the drained blood partially hidden by fresh snowfall. I sought to move forward to look more closely, but Amelia pulled on me, face still hidden, trying to stop me.
“Can we go, please?” she asked. I consented and declared my agreement as I steered her away from the scene of death.
Hours later, ensconced in the warmth of my property, Amelia looked pensive. I rationalized the dead stag was playing on her mind.
“ You were not bothered by that stag, were you?” she asked me.
“ No, I wasn´t,” I confirmed.
“Why? Don´t dead things bother you? I hate it, I absolutely hate it. I cannot stand to see dead animals and watching someone on their death bed, like my uncle (her favourite uncle had died a few months ago) it´s just so horrible, so unnecessary,” she explained with a shudder.
“What goes through your mind when you see someone dying, I assume you´ve had that happen as some point?” she asked.
“You really want to know?” I queried.
She nodded her assent.
I drew in a breath and set down my glass as I turned towards her on the sofa we both shared.
“ Picture the scene, a person, at death´s door besides me. As I stand by the bedside of the dying individual, I observe the frailty of life slowly succumbing to the inevitability of death. The faded light of existence flickers within their weary eyes, as if a candle’s flame teetering on the edge of extinction
The room is permeated with a hushed stillness – a silence that seems to envelop the very essence of life slipping away. The corners of the room have become a testament to human vulnerability, adorned with the accouterments of medicine and a minutia of life preserved by artificial means. The subdued beeping of monitors intrudes, punctuating the foreboding silence that lingers.
I observe the patient’s loved ones, their visages lined with a palpable anguish. Their tears fall, tracing paths of sadness upon their worn cheeks. They hold hands, seeking solace within the fragile web of human connection. Gingerly, they search their souls for words of solace and bidding farewell. Yet, it is here that emotions become incongruous with my detached state – for I watch, but I do not feel.
As the final moments approach, I sigh with the acknowledgement that death is an impartial visitor to the realm of the living – it honors no boundaries of age or circumstance. It cares not for the memories created, the dreams unfulfilled, or the potential yet untapped. It is but a cessation of being, an end to the complex symphony of human existence.
With the gentle rise and fall of each breath, I observe the finality that pervades the room. It is as if time itself moves at a different pace in this circumstance, each passing moment pregnant with profound significance. And yet, paradoxically, it is also as if time stands still – suspended between the realms of life and death, teetering precariously on the threshold.
Occasionally, fleeting flickers of regret emanate from the dying soul’s eyes, as if in a desperate quest to reconcile with a lifetime’s transgressions. There are no second chances in death, no possibilities for redemption or change. The extinguishing flame neither absolves nor condemns, it simply vanishes into the ethereal abyss.
The fading pulse grows fainter – the steady staccato of a drumbeat retreating into the distant recesses of silence. The rhythm of life becomes a remnant of a symphony whose final movement looms. The inevitable grip of death starts its suffocating embrace, consuming the vitality of one who once held promise and purpose.
I am reminded of the fragile existence many lead. Most are but passengers on this journey through time, vulnerable to the whims of fate and circumstance. The cycles of life and death are forever entwined, an intricate dance where departure eventually becomes the reality for all.
For in this observation, devoid of overwhelming emotions, I perceive the fragility of life more acutely, the ephemeral nature of it all-consuming my senses. Every breath becomes a fragile melody, every heartbeat a delicate rhythm. It ignites a certain appreciation for the brevity of existence, an acceptance of the transient nature of being.
In the final moments, I am unburdened by sorrow or grief, I witness the culmination of a life’s journey – from the first gasps of infancy to the waning frailty of old age. And in this detached stance, I simply watch as the curtain falls on this mortal tale.”
As I finish I am returned to the room before me by the low and gentle sobbing of Amelia, her pretty face stained by the tears that fall for a person she never knew and never could know, such a fascinating connection she had created from the words I have spoken.ue
33 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : The Asylum of the Grotesque : Amelia”
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What do you think of Lord Byron?
His works?
His daughter Ada Lovelace?
Even thought of doing an analysis of the Byron family?
His treatment of his daughter Allegra?
An entertaining pervert.
Commendable.
No, although he would be worth analysing.
HG, would you rather shatter a woman’s faith in God, or would you prefer to give her new religion?
If she believes, shatter, if she does not, a new religion.
My son says to me, you often speak kumbaya to me, it annoys me. This isn’t about religion but religious undertones in speech.
1. Do you pick up on this even if a person or potential IPSS does not talk about her religion?
2. How do you shatter a person’s abstinence lute devotion to a faith?
3. How does you get an absolute lute believer to join a new faith?
4. Or do you walk away from absolute believers?
5. Can you detect a believer from a conversation or as my son would say Kumbaya speak? Ie. telling him that darkness never conquers darkness only the light conquers darkness or hate begets hate, only love conquers hate. ( Quoting MLK Jr. ) My son knows me and what I am saying without quoting the Bible.
1. Do I pick up on what? Religious undertones in speech? What do you mean by that?
2. Your question does not make sense.
3. Your question does not make sense.
4. Absolute believers can serve a purpose.
5. It is simple enough to determine that a person has some form of belief system, most people do (even when they profess not to), after all, there were no atheists in the trenches.
I love all your descriptions in this one. You are so gifted with words, Sir.
1. Have you shared conversations about death with many of your IPPSs?
You’ve chosen very different stories for each entry into the “Asylum of the Grotesque” series.
The story about the stag for Amelia. A story about the end of your divorce for Fiona. Drinking wine with Andrea. The one thread I see that is somewhat constant is a form of monologue delivered by you, even if just reading a letter to its writer.
2. When you add entries to this series, what leads to the selection of that particular memory?
3. Do you deliver many monologues throughout all your intimate relationships?
4. Do you often share the same musings about death, the destruction of humanity, etc with each IPPS at some point?
You don’t always include the reaction of others to your words.
5. Are there reasons why you don’t include their responses?
6. If yes to 5, what are the reasons?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. I have.
2. One that conveys an understanding of the dynamic, for you, showing differing aspects of it between instances.
3. Yes. People enjoy listening to me.
4. No.
5. I want the reader to consider the reaction.
Mr. Tudor–
HG: “Yes. People enjoy listening to me.”
Yes, they do. Lovely voice. Unique perspective. Extraordinary intelligence and awareness of yourself. It provides an experience no one else I’ve found can rival.
Your honesty/consistency with the Tudorites is a source of comfort to me. It’s part of what keeps me listening. At the beginning, I was certain that you would drop the ball and delve into the realms of other commentators regarding narcissism…but each time I saw a title that I thought would be that video, and I clicked it to wait for the bullspit to begin…you failed to deliver what I expected…instead, you said what was consistent with the rest of your work that I’d listened to at that point. It became a great relief…I could actually predict what you would say…based on your other videos…and the way you reiterate and demonstrate that what you say you’re not saying whether someone is good/bad…just that their behaviors demonstrate what they are. I have never felt like you were judging any of the people that you put under the Tudor-scope.
I think it would be interesting to learn more of your process as you are selecting the replacement IPPS. Particularly if there would be something where someone was not selected the first time they were a Candidate IPPS, but they were at a later point. Was it more a change in you and what you were looking for at that time or more that they worked harder for you or that they had changed in some way or whatever the circumstances are if that’s occurred. I recall you mentioning to me that some ladies had been candidate IPPSs more than once.
1. Is that something you think you might cover?
2. Does your expression of your views about circumstances most would find dire (death/destruction of humanity) get pruned to be what will garner the greatest reaction from those around you?
3. Are conversations about death something you try to orchestrate with IPPSs in general, or something you allow to occur ‘naturally?’ You’ve said that it is a marvelous way to control people in your lovely series, “The Ease of Control.”
4. What topics (if any) do you find give you the best ammunition for later in an interaction with someone? Are there go-to questions that you cover over the first few interactions to determine if someone is worthy of promoting?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciation as always.
1. Yes.
2. No.
3. Death is everywhere, so the opportunity to raise and discuss it appears naturally.
4. Past relationships, vulnerabilities (although I do not ask about them directly, I weed them out carefully), attitudes to money, relationships with family, creating the air of confiding in me.
Thank you, sir.
I’m looking forward to the articles/videos that talk more about how you personally go about selecting a new IPPS.
Re: Best ammunition…
HG says: “Past relationships, vulnerabilities (although I do not ask about them directly, I weed them out carefully), attitudes to money, relationships with family, creating the air of confiding in me.”
1. When you go about using these experiences of theirs against them, do you take a certain approach? e.g. with someone very sensitive and tight with cash, do you typically copy that trait or fountain with the opposite?
Assuming the person in the following is your IPPS who just hit devaluation…
2. Are those all pellets in a shot gun or do you have a pistol, bow/arrow, a throwing knife, etc?
3. If there are multiple vulnerabilities but of varying strengths, are you more likely to build up to aiming at the heart?
4. What factors influence the manner in which you select the vulnerability that you target?
5. Have the vulnerabilities of some victims been more enticing to you and you selected that victim for it because you wanted to unravel it? (I can’t remember who it was…but you have an article…and the vulnerability for this former IPPS was asking, “what do you think?” or something along those lines.)
6. Does the amount of time spent finding a vulnerability play in role in the amount of “pleasure” you (or a greater) get in firing it?
7. What are you experiencing when it takes longer, generally speaking?From what I recall of the former IPPS mentioned in 5, you were expressing that you found her non-reactions to things like you admiring other women or smashing things to be a source of intrigue. You wanted to know what made her tick. You’ve shown that you aren’t the type to give up.
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. See Sitting Target.
2. Guns, lots of guns.
3. Torturing the individual would be apt.
4. The response of the victim.
5. Yes.
6. The greater the search the more satisfying the execution.
7. I like it when they fight.
Btw great questions and interesting answers.
H.G.:
1. Doesn’t the subject of death often lead to religious discussions?
2. Do you enjoy discussing religion?
3. Was your uncle Peter religious? Connecting science to religion?
4. If not, Dr any parent have a religious belief or practice. As I recall you went to a religious school as a child but some people do that for educational purposes not for installing a faith.
5. Any of your siblings have a religious belief? If so, who? What belief?
6. My ex diagnosed ASPD found my religious absolve as a fascination with death. Would you agree with him?
7. Do you ever attend church or fake a religious belief to woe an IPSS?
8. Do you avoid women who are religious?
9. Is an IPSS devotion to God ( put any higher power belief in its place) a challenge to your control as you see yourself as God-like, correct?
It’s Easter afterall:) Thanks !
1. Not always.
2. Yes, especially where the other individual gets worked up.
3. Not particularly.
4. My father.
5. My sister, Church of England. My brother, Jedi.
6. No.
7. Yes.
8. No, they tend to be screamers which is marvellous.
9. It can be a threat to control.
Thank you H.G. for responding!
1. Is your brother a Guru of Jedi? Or a follower.
2. Which one?
3. Did he start his religious devotion in the 70s as a child when it first came out and carried on.
4. How does your father react to the non-believers in the family?
5. Was your mother part of any religion from her family?
6. Did she join her husbands faith?
7. Did she participate or did she provide the alternative view of atheism dividing the family and trumping her husband’s desires?
8 what was Peter’s religion?
9. What are your beliefs? You say you feel chosen by God in some writings
.10. Do you really believe that? That would mean you believe there is a God.
11. If you have belief is it Anglican?
12. Do you really believe if there is a God that you are his equal?
12. If you believe in an Anglican God, how do you feel about his son? 14. You said Jesus is an empath.
Ever thinking of ensnaring him?
15. How do narcs in general view the teachings of Christ
16. Could a rejection of any Faith be a black flag of a narc?
17. I would guess the answer to 16 could be maybe. If so can you give an example of an atheist empath?
1. A follower.
2. N/A
3. No.
4. He does not, he is dead.
5. No.
6. She attended church.
7. He was not prescriptive with regard to religion therefore it did not pose a threat to her control.
8. Anglican.
9. I believe in myself.
10. See 9.
11. If I express belief it would be pursuant to Anglicanism.
12. N/A
15. Too detailed to address in a blog comment.
16. No.
Thank you so much for answering!
1. Do you frequently (intentionally or incidentally) leave your victims with increased sensitivity regarding the vulnerabilities they entered the relationship with you experiencing? i.e. It would take less work, even a year or two of very low or no contact later, for a lower echelon narcissist to get the same responses from that victim.
2. Do you seek to increase the number of vulnerabilities in your victims? e.g. Victim fears dogs, but likes cats. You want them to fear cats, too. If no, is it a common collateral consequence?
3. Regarding: Torturing the individual would be apt. What circumstances prompt you to go for the jugular at the beginning? Is it related more to outside circumstances or more to the level of betrayal you experience at their failure or something else?
4. Do narcissists who aren’t psychopaths or sadistic vary from your typical m.o. in the case of torturing, drawing it out?
5. Has satisfying your curiosity about what makes someone tick ever taken precedence in choosing an IPPS if they don’t fountain with the same amount of fuel (and the other prime aims are roughly balanced between one person and the other candidate(s))? (You have many pipelines.)
5 is question 1,000 on the blog, by my counting and given a margin of error, sir. Thank you so much for everything. Whenever I see your responses, I’m really excited to read and digest it. Onward!
6. Do I have any comments in moderation? I sent some questions I’m exceptionally curious about, but I’m not sure if they made it through. A few were longer comments.
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated and looking forward to whatever is next that you share with us.
1. Some, yes.
2. Depends on how many vulnerabilities they already have. Sometimes there is no need to add more, it would spoil the broth.
3. Too detailed to address in a blog comment.
4. Yes.
5. Yes.
6. You have two comments awaiting moderation.
Dani, question 1 and 2 from April 24 (11:17) were excellent. Thank you.
Dani, You continue to render me gobsmacked by the nonstop, high-caliber quantity of questions you come up with. You have a talent for taking us on a tour of HG’s psyche, and it seems as if HG also enjoys the intellectual stimulation that your queries pose. His replies are crafted with obvious care and consideration.
I’ve praised you about this before, and I’m going to keep on praising you every time I‘m dazzled, so get used to it!!
Thanks to you, HG, for taking the time to answer her questions with earnest.
Hi K,
I agree with you, Dani does ask excellent questions to HG. I enjoy reading HG’s replies too. Xx
Thank you, K@.
Hello K,
I have to agree with you, I always look forward to seeing Dani’s questions to HG, the mind is something that fascinates me and Dani appears to have a very inquisitive one, asking great questions.
Thank you HG, for taking the time to respond to Dani’s questions, I am sure that we all appreciate reading the response you give.
HG, I do have a question in relation to Dani’s March 20 set of questions,
1. With regards to the vulnerabilities of your IPPS and IPSS, has there ever been a time when you were unable to ascertain what their particular vulnerabilities or fears were?
I have said before that I would never reveal my fears to you (or anyone for that matter).
2. How much effort would you put into trying to work it out, would it be something that you would allow to consume your time in order to accomplish the end goal?
Thank you HG ❤️
1. No.
2. It never takes a lot of effort, it is the second greatest urge to confess to another.
Mr. Tudor,
With regards to fear being the second greatest urge to confess to another, what’s the greatest urge? Is it love?
That is something I’m keeping to myself. A man must have some secrets you know!
LOL! That just intrigues me more. Fair enough though.
Leigh,
I think the greatest urge is to have that which is forbidden.
Think about when you have been on a diet!
“ No cake for you. I have this lovely green salad prepared especially for you.”
“ Don’t want salad. WANT CAKE!”
Xx
@Leigh, your exchange with HG was fun. It made me think, what is my greatest urge to confess to another? For me it would not be love. Repulsion maybe? Delight?
Carole, you don’t have to reveal anything, and it won’t require any effort from the other person. Weak spots develop and emerge from dozens of statements and micro-decisions, and become all too visible.
The same works the other way around – although Narcissus is more camouflaged, covered with feathers of half-truths, deception, copying and charm. Just wait and look between the feathers.
It can be helpful to observe people, who have known the Narcissist for years – their interaction style.
—–
Nothing will happen to you if you accept your own weaknesses.
Hi AV & TS!
It’s so nice to see the both of you!
When I asked Mr. Tudor, I was thinking with regards to one of his intimate partners. What would an intimate partner want to confess to Mr. Tudor? Love? Desire? Adoration?
My confessions would be very different.
AV, most definitely, for some it would be repulsion.
TS, yes, sometimes it would be about the forbidden fruit.
Other times it might just be me wanting to confess the truth, whatever that truth may be in the moment.
Great questions Dani!
@Dani,
Regarding number 5, because there is no reaction filled in, I always consider how I react/reacted to things the narcs in my life did. That has helped me tie various aspects of my interactions with them together, it has been helpful even if painful at times.