Knowing the Narcissist : Warning Letter
“Dear Victim.
Well here we are again. Or rather, here I am again. I referred to we because as I mentioned in my first letter to you, I do not really distinguish between you and all the others, so what is about to happen next seems to me as if it has happened with you, numerous times before. What is going to happen is something that I have done so many times before with so many other victims so one thing to keep at the forefront of your mind is that you are not alone in being subjected to what will come next.
It has been amazing so far hasn’t it? I told you I would love you like nobody else ever has and I delivered. Okay, I was actually loving your praise, love, admiration and adoration of me, but to you it felt like I loved you in a way which went beyond anything you had ever experienced before. That certainly kept you happy. You told me every day how happy you were. You told your friends, your family, your colleagues, the man at the hot dog stand, in fact anybody who would listen. I enjoyed watching you do that. It made me feel good. It made me feel powerful.
Here I was able to make you tell the world about our perfect love and goodness me have you loved me perfectly. You told me every day just how much you loved me. You cared for me, looked after me and helped me in so many ways. From letting me use your car when I crashed mine to scratching my back as I lay in bed at night ready to sleep. Of course it was not all one way. I gave you everything I could. I only did it though, to get your fuel. I give to receive. I do not know any other way. You sometimes told me about your love for me being without condition.
I didn’t understand what you meant. No, that is wrong. I understood what you meant but I struggled to imagine doing this. I love you with so many conditions, the chief one being that I only actually love you for the fuel that you give me. Not for who you are. It will take you a long time to understand this and even longer to accept that this is the case. This is why I am writing this letter so that you can keep reading and re-reading it in order to allow it to sink in. After all, nobody else is going to be able to tell you how it really is will they? Anyway, it has been brilliant so far. Ordinarily I would claim that that is all down to me, after all am I not brilliant? It is a fact however that you more than played your part. You gave me absolutely everything.
Your heart, your soul and you poured every essence of your being in to the concept of us. I know you did this because I could see you doing it. I had to because I needed that in order to sustain me. The more you gave, the more brilliant I became, so you gave even more in return. It was an upwards spiral. Two people working in magnificent harmony. You because you believed in us. Me because I needed your fuel. Not that you ever realised this. Why would you? I became the perfect partner, complimenting you, praising you and loving you in that oh so spectacular way. It was intense, it was scintillating and I made sure I became everything that you would want from a relationship. It was a great deal for us both. I made you feel ultra-special.
You gave me the ultra fuel that I need. Does it matter that what I provided to you was based on something else? I would say not, you still got what you wanted didn’t you? I should imagine you would argue that it did matter because you truly believed that I loved you for who you are and that should be the case. I can understand why you would think like that.
You are big on this love thing aren’t you? That is why I picked you of course, that and many other reasons as well, but that played a big part. I wonder though; if nothing altered, if I kept treating you the same way forever as I have done so far, even though it is predicated on a completely different basis to the one you think it is, would that trouble you? You wouldn’t know of course. All you would know is that I continuing to give you the apparent love you crave, in the manner that you have come to expect and in a fashion that makes you feel so special. I don’t suppose you would be particularly upset if that remained the case would you? The thing is though, that isn’t going to happen. Yes, you read that correctly.
What has happened so far, marvellous as it is, is effectively at an end. Oh, you will be allowed some glimpses of the person you thought I was, from time to time, in order to keep you with me, but to all intents and purposes this golden period of unparalleled love has come to an end. You won’t realise this because first of all you just cannot accept that something so wonderful could end in this manner. Second of all you will not realise because of what I am going to do. I am going to confuse you, bewilder you and befuddle you. I am going to make everything hazy, amorphous, nebulous, blurred and indistinct so you are not going to understand what is going on.
Why am I going to do this? Well something has changed. I would usually explain, if I ever felt that an explanation should be given (and I operate from the stance that I owe you no explanations because I am unaccountable) that as usual it is your fault. You have let me down. I do believe that to be the case. I wish it was not. I wish this wonderful period could have continued for the rest of our days together but it cannot. What once invigorated me and made me feel powerful just does not do so in the same way anymore.
Don’t think you are alone in this happening. You are not. All the others let me down as well. It is as if you are not trying any longer. It is as if you have become bored with my brilliance and you see no reason to admire me and adore me in the way that you once did. That wounds me. Your actions or perhaps more accurately, your lack of actions makes me feel less than what I am. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel worthless and this infuriates me. I know that others have said to me in the past that nothing has changed in the way that they feel about me, that they love me just as much as they always have done.
Yet even though they tell me this it does not feel like that anymore to me. The power I felt when you showed me that love and admiration is either no longer there or not as strong. I cannot help it. That is the way that I feel. Since I have not changed in the way that I regard you, I can only reach the conclusion that this alteration in how I feel has been brought about as a consequence of you. Something in the way you act towards me has altered. You perhaps are not giving enough of yourself to me, you are not manifesting the love, the admiration and the adoration in the way that powers me.
It might be that sometimes it feels stale to me, that has happened, perhaps it is because you have become too familiar to me and therefore I do not derive the same reaction that I once did to the way you have behaved. I know that this has been suggested to me but I do not know if it is right. For so long you behaved the same way towards me, loving me in that wonderful way and it did not feel stale or jaded. I think, more likely, it is because you have begun to treat me differently. You are not performing at the level that I require and therefore to me this means you no longer regard me in the same light and this offends me.
I feel criticised by this behaviour of yours and therefore I have to protect myself. You see, I do not like criticism. In fact, I hate it and therefore I need to act promptly to defend myself against this criticism. That is why I have to do what comes next. I had hoped this would not happen. I had hoped that you would be The One so this could be avoided. I had hoped you would not let me down, that I had made the right choices and decisions so that our golden reign could continue forever.
I guess I got it wrong, although it is not something I would ever openly admit, I do not want to be seen as wrong because that suggests weakness and that is the last thing I want you to think I am. So, here I am again, about to protect myself from your implied criticism. Anybody else would say sorry for what is about to happen, but as you will soon find out, I do not do apologies. I am sorry for myself that it has come to this of course. I am full of self-pity when the need arises. So, that is the end of the golden period we had. I must do what I have done so many times before and bring the hurt. I will stop now as I have some other people to attend to, but I will write again. You might want to put your tin hat on and buckle up.
This is where it turns nasty.
Yours in disappointed fury
N. Arc
X”
13 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Warning Letter”
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Hello HG, could you please explain to me what it is like when your primary source’s fuel starts to go sour. How does it feel? I just cannot imagine what the feeling is like.
It creates a feeling of dislike, disdain, contempt and hatred.
“It creates a feeling of dislike, disdain, contempt and hatred.”
And love you again! You see — you’re the very evidence yourself — you’re here — prayers were heard. No 6th sense is necessary to experience God’s answers through you. Or through others, or through the song of a bird, or the ray of the sun, or the whisper of a wind, or the seasons of abundance ensuring the permanent beauty of life. All there before our eyes and ears. God speaks directly and efficiently. Through acts and gestures laying them out through the never ending grace through His creations. God’s knowledge is not shouted out via doctrines nor is it hidden in cryptic chambers. God’s language ensures that everyone can understand it. It’s universal. Understood through feelings. Conceptualised through the mind.
And when the IPPS’s fuel makes you understand through feeling that you do matter it’s also the voice of God telling you that you’re His son and you’re loved, no matter through whom in your fuel-matrix. And when the IPPS’s fuel starts to go sour and creates a feeling of dislike, disdain, contempt and hatred in you — it’s the knowledge through feeling — telling you that something went wrong where you lose the connection when you knew that you mattered which is your natural state as it makes you invincible as only God’s child would naturally feel, touched by the love, even briefly.
That little spark which connects you to God – turns to fury – telling you that you must return to that state of connection which appears to be so fragile and yet it’s never completely gone, that spark is too strong, always there, and even the emptiness cannot extinguish it. Your feelings will never betray you..! The mind is known to have that potential, though without it we would be incomplete as well. Our intentions give away what type of the energetic component (positive/negative) governs us in those moments and what tactic the mind offers in order to help us to regain that connection or to mislead. Our Free Will decides. No others are granted that privilege. God’s patience for us is another.
To become worthy of His patience and love he gives out unconditionally with each moment… That’s something I pray and aim for.
May your legacy continue to help many people around the world, providing the necessary pieces of the puzzle to regain their core!
Thank you.
Jordyguin,
Is it black smoke or white smoke you’re blowing up HG?
What a fantastic Freudian slip about yourself there, just as fantastic as your alias. A person who asserts control in the Now and who wants to be perceived as Wiser than others.
No more Challenge Fuel for you my dear. I think you had enough.
Wow Jordy beautiful. God makes no mistakes. And you explained it so well. How He works through narcs. The lifeline that is there. The light that is available to all who wish to believe. Yet what do we call it when instead there is physical, psychological, sexual, financial abuse of another. When a narc doesn’t grab the hem of the skirt of God and instead abuses others. Is it evil? Is it Satan ? Is it simply mental illness? And that question lingers throughout every thread of mankind. Was Ted Bundy evil? Or was he a narcissistic psychopath and sexual sadist? To be honest I don’t know. I know there is real darkness out there. That I know. Does it come from a fallen angel Satan? Is there hell? Or is man’s choice to create hell on earth? What is the DSM, the ICM but man’s categorization of man’s behavior that causes harm to individuals and society. My ex called it psychobabble. We are undisputed human. The diagnosis is supposed to identify treatment so that less harm occurs. I am not certain but open to proof that an exorcism cures narcissism or psychopathy. But why do exorcisms exist? What do they cure? The believer often believes evil exists. So? Is there a difference?
Thank you, love.
“Evil” is such a grand topic but as with everything — it is relative whilst there is a spectrum for what Evil is and where it originates and how it plays out.
I was listening to a program where the MK Ultra topic was discussed and the guest shared a story of a case where a therapist, who secretly worked for that programm, experimented on his own clients with hypnosis, drugs and all those subconscious techniques. He picked the clients who were sexualy abused as children. He applied some form of hypnosis to one of them, an ordinary man who then at one point caused a carnage at a playground. He perceived the child he saw at the playground as the person who abused him as a child and there were no holders in place in his psyche, so he went berserk on a child. When his awareness and consciousness returned he couldn’t explain what happened.
A form of Evil was performed by the therapist but what the therapist did fell also on an absorbing ground which had the capacity for further Evil, which on its part was originally locked away, but generated in that man’s childhood by another Evil. The cycle of Evil was factually caused by pain when a child was undignified and degraded physically and psychologically.
The interplay of all parts must be considered, I think, when it comes to seeking the answer.
From the energetic point of view, yes I’d say an energy of pure destruction exists, but in humans the bits of all energies are present at the same proportion — is my belief how God created us. The tinkering on the balance of those proportions is what causes the fall, when humanity begins to head towards annihilation. Step by step, basically infecting each other through the cycle of pain. Achieving a sort of resistance for pain which causes the diminishment of empathy for others, causing Evil to manifest towards all lifeforms.
Secondly, I had an aha moment when listening to Psychopath A Callous Heart and contemplating on the questions about Evil you posed.
The purpose of predators in nature is regulation of overpopulation. Predators maintain the balance of life and beauty on Earth. The claws, the jaws, the poisoned teeth prevent overpopulation of several other species under them. And I’m sure you can think of some examples where the predators went extinct and the overpopulation of “empathic” animals took over and destroyed the flora and fauna which cannot regenerate since. And humans, for instance, had to take on the role of a wolf in order to regulate the overpopulation of deers etc. And there are other examples of that kind of nonsense caused by human intervention based on a ruined predator-prey cycle. Predators have a purpose of balance in nature.
My cat is an adorable fluff but he is a “monster” who currently steals baby rabbits and baby birds from their nests and feeds on them. Yet in reality he takes care of the balance as prescribed by his purpose and role in the cycle of life. I wouldn’t want him to be something else because he is perfect in his role and also bestowing joy upon me simultaneously, whilst I don’t make a preference for loving him or the baby rabbit or the bird. They all can only exist and coexist if there is an interplay of balance among them.
Psychopath A Callous Heart and other videos tell us about HG and that he is capable of going places where none of us can. In order to regulate what otherwise would extinct us, I believe.
And in order to do that he must be the perfect predator otherwise it would be impossible.
Of course he is a human being like us but he is also very different from us, the proportion of what he is made of is different, multifaceted in his own way, energetic, fearless, curious, hyper focused, intelligent and all other things he mentions which generate the drive by which he functions in order to be stimulated and fulfill his purpose.
If you knew that there is an overpopulation of a kind which causes destruction on a massive scale, you would want exactly the perfect predator who is capable of balancing it out. A predator who can extinct the predators when they begin to overpopulate.
That’s why it’s impossible to label HG as Evil if you zoom out and look from a vaster perspective.
“If God exists why didn’t he protect me from being abused?”
When you were born and a baby, you had very little time to bless your creators, your mother and father, with happiness and joy. To grant your mother a bliss and awaken her love she was meant to experience from your unconditional untainted presence you shone upon her. And yet she didn’t see it. It wasn’t your fault nor failure. Caught up in her own pain, misbelief and ignorance not only did she not see it, she also did hurt you and allowed others to hurt you. But no matter how monstrous the behaviour they meted out against you — you never lost your awareness. And whilst you turned into absence, separation and coldness and all which resulted from that — you never lost your awareness!
Your twin left when her mission was accomplished as she made you a gift of time. It changes a child forever if he or she becomes a witness to a dead child or the death of another child. It changes their priorities early on and makes them aware not to waste time because they know how in an instant a life-time can stop, even for a child.
Remember how you were cradled in safety when you hid in your tree? And when you escaped and played outside in your forest, the fields and shore. All places and spaces where God speaks the clearest and tells you that you’re strong and there’s nothing to fear.
And later on no matter how many hearts you broke, God never interfered in your path as He knew that you’ll come out of it through your awareness. Now sharing your experience and the truth about — that it was never a victim’s fault, when their partner or friend, or their parents made them believe that they’ve failed. Failed in their effort to love them.
The fault cannot be placed on victims or perpetrators as both are created within environments which are created by every single person and their complexity through the passage of time and lifetimes.
But who is responsible? The one who doesn’t understand or the one who doesn’t find the right words and actions to explain?
As there can be no mistakes when one learns by Free Will, God doesn’t interfere in human choices. But He supports us through his marvelous creations which are visible for all and bear the dialogue with God through their simplicity they demonstrate. To understand that He created his children in His own image means to realise that, by design, they are capable of winning the battles they choose. As Death is a momentary pause where a new battle is chosen, or whatever other name for the journey of awareness one wishes to give.
Very beautiful and true but it doesn’t end with he cycle of abuse … take what you write. Present it to a narc parent, spouse etc…. Does it help stop abuse?
Here’s what helps:
1. Education. Thank you HG.
2. Law civil court or criminal, police
3. Leave: no contact
4. Boundaries: if you can’t leave, you can limit harm
5. prayer… yes with God everything is possible but God is not protecting the 14,000 babies from starvation in the next 48 hours … will he save you from a narc? Maybe but go to 1-4. Just in case God decides to address your prayers after death.
Also HG:
We will consult. I have decided not to see my ex in UK and just wash my hands of him. The tough part as he was sectioned and lost his mind. And tbh it made me feel guilty as I did nothing to help. And I asked for a divorce which he eventually did. I think. I am not sure as done online and I have signed nothing nor received anything. But online it shows a date the divorce was to be final and it passed. I have a barrister in London I am seeing so I will know soon BUT we will talk in July but what is confusing to me was utter breakdown. He went bat shit crazy after a fight with his mum. He could not function, paranoia set in deep, threatened police, me, his few friends and out in loony tune basis. Aliens, replacement theory, accused me and his best friend I never met who is married and living in uk. Nuts nuts nuts.
1. Is this what happens when a narc loses fuel? Becomes bat shit crazy?
2. Is this something else?
Talk soon…;)
1. See the Fuel Crisis.