Knowing the Narcissist : Red Flag
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27 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Red Flag”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Why doesn’t anybody reply to me? Am I so disliked?
If you show you want to engage in conversation, the people here will reply to you quite readily.
Ok, Princess P, I am writing a reply…..some of your one-liners have been humorous, others, well, a bit porno type, or, highly provocative……. feel free to continue 🙂
Hello Asp Amp,
Your reply to Princess P made me smile. I like you direct way of replying 🙂
I haven’t been reading very much here lately so didn’t get the chance to see PP’s posts. I’ll keep an eye out!
Hope you are well, Asp Amp.
Edit: *your*, not “you”.
rrrrrrrrrrr, Isabelle 😉
Hi Isabelle, great to ‘see’ you 🙂 Yes, some of those posts were unbelievable (giggling).
I have just read your comment on the Questioning Me thread…… I can understand what you experienced over a sustained period of time. It is extremely difficult for some people to ‘let go’ of deeply ingrained emotions – especially of the types you explained – it can and does take some people far longer to navigate through / process the grieving period at the loss of a person despite what they were (a narcissist). I suppose I could suggest that I felt similar when my dog died because instinctively, not ‘registered’ as awareness, I knew that I had lost a companion that was loyal, unconditional etc and far easier to ‘connect’ to compared to a human being (only because of my life’s experiences of “relating” with people). I know there is no comparison when it comes to a dog and a narcissist.
Something triggered the pain to come “back in full force”. You used the words “emotional thinking”. Could your “something else” be considered PTSD? Recall what your EDC / TD results are – they are what forms you as a person.
It will take time for your thinking patterns to change as your ET (and the PTSD ?) – you have carried so much pain for many years and it is not like a light switch effect to be matter of fact about it all. Some people may experience mind block, or, even, emotional block. Some people may not be able to process that deep / far, some can.
You are just working through it. Thank you for sharing your experiences and it certainly will help other people. One thing for sure, you will keep going forward, despite stopping once in a while but you will never go back to where you were. Good to ‘see’ you, Isabelle xx
Thank you Asp Amp, I think you are on to something here, both when mentioning a trigger, and mentioning ptsd (the person I was talking about, who asked me what benefit I would lose by feeling better, is a professional I went to see to stop mourning, and she said she suspects she’ll have to help me with c-ptsd).
First, I can understand what you mean about the loss of your dog – sorry to hear that – did it happen recently? I remember reading what you wrote about you relating to people, and I think I can understand that too (as far as one person can really understand what another expereinces). In the case of your dog, it is quite understandable and even healthy to grieve the loss of a being that brought you only happiness.
Now, it is interesting that you mentioned a trigger. The only trigger I can think of has no recognisable link to the death of my daughter’s father; it is something that happened over the first four weeks of September, at work: a colleague that I like and know outside of work, was accused back in May of saying something racist to a pupil. I didn’t know it then, but it all came to a head when we went back to school (I teach) at the very beginning of September. I know my colleague, and I know there isn’t an ounce of racism in him. He had told a group of four 16 year-old pupils who were playing up in his class to “stop making animal noises, you’d think this was a zoo! You want me to bring you peanuts and dry bananas?” (don’t ask me why the bananas should be dry, but anyway…). Only one of the four kids was black, and he decided that was racist. Now my colleague is under threat because the mother has had the (distorted) facts published in two local newspapers, it’s on social media, and my colleague faces trial. If you have heard about Samuel Paty, that French teacher who was beheaded by an islamist on 16th October 2020, you’ll understand the situation (another teacher, Dominique Bernard, was assassinated by an islamist on 13th October 2023): absolutely all the same ingredients were there for the situation in my school to go terribly wrong, just replace the then accusation of “islamophobia” with ‘racism’. And what made my blood boil (and I couldn’t keep quiet…) was that around the end of September, two teachers in the staff room started denigrating our colleague – about things that have zero link with racism. The cowardice and the lack of solidarity – that was too much for me. The same happened in the case of Samuel Paty. And that is when I started feeling sad again about the death of my ex.
I can’t see the link. All I can think of is that the frightening level of violence throughout the world, and the ever rising level of criminal and political violence in my country, are taking a toll. Too many deaths everywhere, horrible deaths… So that maybe concentrating on one death and feeling sad over it makes more sense? Or feels more familiar than feeling overwhelmed by all those deaths that make us feel so powerless? I am thinking as I am writing. It might be a combination of several things.
That was a long post, thank you for reading.
I hope you are living a happy narc-free life, Asp Amp.
Hi Isabelle, thank you for your response. I believe it is possible to have both PTSD an CPTSD as they are both different yet similar – the complex one tends to be more along the lines of what our addiction to narcissism does until you break the cycle of the repeated manipulations / abuse. The PTSD could be considered as a catalyst because of the one-off trauma and there could be more than one in your life time.
RE: my dog, thank you for understanding. It was a few years ago yet she was in my life for 14 years.
Thank you for sharing that story about your colleague. It is a terribly difficult situation. I am sorry to read how you were impacted by that too. Have you seen HG’s video ‘Tudor Case File – The Principal Narcissist’? – I know it is not quite the same scenario yet it is educational institution environment. I can only imagine what your colleague is experiencing during this difficult time. I am glad you are there for your colleague. I can understand why this may trigger your own responses / reactions in your own personal circumstances – maybe the ‘link’ could be of the injustice, lack of understanding (empathy) and probably support? Such circumstances can lead to feeling more isolated?
Yes, I agree. There is so much upheaval and conflict going on around the world that may impact some people more than others. I think the sadness part may be partly about how much humanity has changed (or, become more obvious because of the increased awareness of such possible behaviours).
Thank you for reading / listening. I appreciate it. I hope you find it getting easier as time goes by. I think understanding the difference between PTSD and CPTSD and utilising HG’s work as a parallel made such a difference for me. xx
Thank you Asp Amp for giving the difference between ptsd and c-ptsd. I have the flashbacks (I keep fighting the flashbacks, but I simply want them to stop), and the dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night.
I must say about my colleague that he apologised to the family and pupil, twice (once on the phone and once face to face), but that wasn’t good enough for them because he maintained that he did not say what he did in a racist way (it was not ‘nice’, but not racist. Those kids, no matter what colour, were real pains in the backside). I’ll have a look at “The Principal Narcissist”, though in our case, our principal is more the “mustn’t rock the boat” style, so with him the pupils and their parents are always right not matter what… Fortunately, other teachers support my colleague too.
Thank you for your thoughts in your previous messages, much appreciated.
Hi Isabelle. Thank you for your reply. I used to have nightmares when I was a child / young teenager, somehow, I ‘trained’ myself to wake up before the ending of the dream appeared before the nightmares stopped altogether. Nobody explained to me how that worked, I just ‘learnt’ it. I wonder whether this method may assist you (as the dreams are subconscious) and if the flashbacks tend to occur when awake, maybe once the dreams stop, the flashbacks may be easier to ‘control’ and therefore reduce in impact in time?
It is difficult when there are different perceptions of what may have been said / done when people may perceive it from what they may have previously learned compared to what they may not have learned about (ie not seen it before, or, experienced it before). Interesting about the principal, not surprising either, I can understand that. I’m glad that your colleague has the support he needs.
I’m glad to have assisted you in some way. You will be able to navigate through it as you are here (the blog / HG’s work).
Hi Asp Emp,
It’s probably TOW disguised under a new pseudonym haha
Bubbles!! Tiny Bubbles!
Hi gorgeous Allison,
…the fantastic great Don Ho !!!!
Hello Bubbles 🙂
Yes, probably.
Nice to ‘see’ you x
Dearest Asp Emp,
Thank you lovely one.
Trust you’ve been well and thriving.
Hi Bubbles, I’ve been struggling for some time. Past few days full of a virus that I’d picked up early last week, the fatigue does not help, so I’ve been hibernating. I’ve not informed anyone locally as it is not as if they’d visit with some hot soup or TLC. Thank you, Bubbles. Love to you & Mr Bubbles xx
Dear Asp,
Awww that’s so sad 😞
I’d check on you. We’ve come this far, we can overcome anything !
Take care precious and stay just as fabulous even under the weather ❤️
Love Bubbles xx
Ah. Thank you so much for that, Bubbles, it means a lot to me. You ‘shine’ so much despite having difficult experiences of your own. Thank you, for being you, Bubbles xx
Hi Asp,
I’m sorry you feel under the weather. Hope you feel better soon.xx Chicken noodle soup and a warm bath….relax and watch your favorite movie. Take care of yourself, Asp Xx
Thank you for that, Rebecca xx
Hi Bubbles, nice to see you again! Xx
Dear Rebecca,
Thank you sweetness, likewise to everyone xx
Dear Rebecca,
Thank you! Always wonderful to catch up with you lovelies xx
This book is such an eye-opener! A great book to start with if you are beginning your education on narcissism.
Everyone should learn about the red flags. Forewarned is forearmed indeed.
Thank you for the endorsement.
Hi Isabelle–
I just got it this weekend during the promotion. He mentioned it in the Quick Calm about finding someone normal, so I got it and the Black Flag one. Can’t wait to dive in.