A Letter to the Narcissist : No. 6
Dear Narc,
I don’t know what to say to you anymore.
I can’t muster up the anger I once had and I definitely can’t muster up any love. You are becoming more and more of a memory that will hopefully be completely gone.
There was a time when I would have given you anything in the world, anything you asked for. I do wish you knew that. But you killed that person, that woman who thought she had at last found her soulmate. I’m more of a husk now I’m sorry to say, more of a hole, just like you.
You won because I won’t even try to find love anymore. I wish I could say I would. I’ve had it in the past and I know what it looks like but no, I won’t try.
I know you’ll keep trying to find what you think is love. I know you are desperately trying to find it now and it doesn’t hurt anymore. I just feel apathy.
I’m weary inside. I’m worn out. I’m dry and I have nothing to give which I guess is a good thing. I won’t even respond to any offers of love, not from anyone and definitely not from you.
You are not who I thought you were but I’m not who I was anymore. The smile has faded, my bones ache and there’s nothing here for you anymore. You said that I am lower than a homeless person and in many ways you are right. I have a lot in common with them because we both have nothing left to fight for anymore. Nevertheless, there is one thing which is on the bright side and that is the fact that I won’t be fighting for your love anymore either.
6 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist : No. 6”
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“Dear Narc” makes me cringe…I can envisage a face of Narc reading this, with only one response in his head : ” I don’t care”.
I have similar letters too, in my notes or mailbox I sent them to myself. From past and recent ones. I stumbled upon them, occasionally. They never reached the addressee. Related not to one man. I even laugh at myself reading them. Some of them are full of despair, pleading, begging, some are just anger and cursing. Everytime it’s an end of world, broken heart, f..k love, “not going to love anyone anymore ever!”…Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep the promise to myself. ..my inner voice “not again, stop”.. too late.
But I think, this time I would keep my promise. Love that I’ve always craved, just caused me hurt and actually doesn’t exist according to HG’s work. It’s fake. And real love, when someone cares about you, your well being, bring coffee, bring hot tea/medicine when you have a cold, red nose, no makeup, dirty hair,wrapped in blanket sitting on a coach with a grumpy face, buy gifts/flowers/tickets to your fav band with no occasion for that, just surprise you, holds your hair when you have too many drinks, always replies to your messages, makes sure you always come – that love/care over time bores you…and made you feel trapped. I don’t know why.
I guess rn, I have capacity only to love two people in my life – my kids. Though I don’t know if I’m giving them enough.
Nata,
You raise some very good points. I’m happy you love your children–that’s such a good thing. When it gets cold like this I start pining and wishing for arms around me, but then I always end up feeling the way I do when I’ve walked into a room to get something only to forget what I came in for.
Hello Alison,
Thank you for a warm message. I would hug you if I could. But myself, no, I don’t need hugs.
Or how about just having a real conversation with you, coping with life’s vicissitudes with maturity, caring about someone other than yourself, following the motto “ do no harm to others”… you know basic decency? 😉
Hello Contagious,
If the message is for me, oh, yes, I am selfish. And no, I don’t know anything about decency. Please enlighten me.
Until next time …