The Psychopath Defends : Part 2
I continue my recollection of an event from a few years ago, where a group of drunken men has approached the table at which I and my then-girlfriend Tabitha, my intimate partner primary source, sit. They had earlier caused me to believe that there was a threat to my control as a consequence of an unheard comment, a leer and a pointed finger. This followed their attendance, turning up and all as a group coming towards our table. To understand my response to this you must first understand the machinery of my mind. I am not driven by fear nor in situations such as this am I clouded by anger. I can be given to rage, but it is extremely rare that it makes an appearance. Instead, my cold detachment of my psychopathy serves me well in the cold clinical logical assessment of what I am dealing with. I am not governed by an emotional response. I am governed by a logical one. In some instances, that might determine that I should depart the scene and leave the matters to others, for that would be what would best serve my interests. In others, an alternative response would be required.
Whilst I recognize there is a threat to my control, it does not leave me shaking. It does not leave me tremulous of voice. It does not generate a sensation of weakness that I have heard others experience when faced by threat. Instead I see the opportunity to assert dominance, an opportunity to harvest fuel, the most satisfying opportunity to dismantle my opponents with the precision of a watchmaker. In situations such as this my psychopathy is very much a superpower, a lack of empathy that frees me to behave without remorse, a heightened awareness that reads every micro-expression, every shift in posture, every tremor of doubt.
I am alive to these things, and I am the conductor. This group of fools that stands before me is the orchestra completely unaware that they are about to play my tune. Alpha speaks first. His voice is a gravelly taunt.
“Nice lady you got there mate, mind if we join you?” His tone is not one of a compliment, but is laced with mockery. He fixes his gaze with mine, and I recognise that he’s challenging me to react. Beta chuckles, leaning closer. I can detect the whiskey souring his breath. The others hover. Their laughter, however, denotes a nervous undercurrent. They’re waiting for the alpha to set the tempo. It may be the case that they are not entirely comfortable with the way that he behaves, or, it may be the case, that they have looked upon me and noticed that I have not responded in the way that typically those that the alpha seeks to bully do.
I have not put up my hands in way of a disarming gesture.I have not shrunk back from them. I have not sought to move. Instead, I have simply sat there, meeting each and every one of their gaze. I am regarding them, watching, waiting. I then decide a smile is called for, and I tilt my head, my smile unwavering, the calm before the strike.
“Gentlemen,” I reply, my voice smooth, my baritone distinct, my stentorian tones commanding,
“I’m afraid this table is reserved for those with a modicum of refinement. Perhaps you’d find the bar downstairs more suited to your exuberance.”
I can see the initial disappointment of the alpha whereby I have not come out physically swinging. He is itching of course for the fight. The words are a precise scalpel cutting at their egos. Even though words such as modicum, refinement and exuberance might be at the outer limits of their understanding, I can tell by the response that they do understand. The alpha’s eyes narrow, his jaw tightening, a tell-tale sign of wounded pride.
The Beta’s smirk falters, his confidence shaken by my refusal to cower. The followers shift uncomfortably, sensing the clear shift in power. I am not merely responding, I am seizing control. It is for I to dictate the terms of this engagement.
My first move is to disarm them. I have already decided that it is necessary for me to lull them into a false sense of security. The chameleon that I am, adept at mirroring the emotions that others expect, I lean back, my posture relaxed, my smile warm, but lace with condescension. Surely you’re not here to cause a scene, I say, my tone almost playful. This is a place for civilised conversation.
“Why don’t you tell me what brings you out tonight? A celebration perhaps,” I ask. I am confident, unruffled. The question, of course, is designed to shift their focus from aggression to explanation to catch them off guard.
Alpha hesitates, my composure befuddling him.
“Just having a laugh,” he mutters, but his voice lacks conviction. I note that. Beta, eager to reclaim ground, interjects,
“We saw your lady here, thought she might want some real company. ”
Tabitha tenses at her being involved in the conversation once again but I give her hand a gentle squeeze, signalling for her to not respond. My laughter is low, but hollow. It’s controlled, a sound that disarms and unnerves.
“Real company,” I repeat, my eyes locking onto those of the Beta. “I assure you she’s quite satisfied with the company she has, but now I’m intrigued. What makes you think you qualify?” I challenge him. At this the followers chuckle nervously which causes the Beta to round on them hissing at them. I am pleased already I have struck a note of dissension amongst the group. They are unsure whether to align with what Alpha and Beta have to say or if they would be better served, demonstrating some form of allegiance to me as a consequence of my unexpected confidence. I can see that the Alpha is getting angrier. His face has started to redden. His ego is certainly bruised, but I know that he’s not ready to back down. I decide that it is necessary for me to then provoke matters further. I’ve appeared to be friendly, to be charming, but now I’m going to alter my plan. I stand up. I’m taller than Alpha, by a good couple of inches. Although he is broader than me, I’m confident that I’d be able to take him in a physical fight. I get into his face and speak in a low tone.
“You talk a big game, pretty boy, ” I said. He doesn’t quite know how to take this compliment, for, to him, is it compliment or is it insult? He tries to speak, but the words aren’t forthcoming. “Confused are we? Do you not know what pretty means?” I say, mocking him. There is another peal oflaughter which is quickly stifled from one of the group. Beta again, acting as lieutenant to Alpha, rounding on them to keep them in line. But this is not a cohesive group and, what is quite clearto me, that it is now time to dismantle it. It is time to strike.
31 thoughts on “The Psychopath Defends : Part 2”
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It’s interesting to consider how and why people replied to my comments.
As far as I was concerned:
– I read a story;
– There were seven people in the story – one woman and six men;
– Each person in the story was described in specific ways;
– The location was described in a fairly specific way.
After reading the story, I had an impression of the scene in terms of the location, the situation and the actions of each person.
Considering that I’m a woman, I thought about what my reactions would have been had I been in the same situation as the woman in the story.
I commented about the story according to my thoughts. What follows is a dissection of some aspects of the story. My thoughts about these aspects are then described.
1) HG and Tabitha are in a roof-top bar in a “glittering cosmopolitan city” with views of the city’s sparkling skyline. HG is wearing a tailored suit.
a) My thoughts: It is an outing in the evening between HG and his IPPS. The location is a roof-top bar in the centre of a large, major city. Such bars are usually trendy or expensive where people dress up and present themselves in a generally fashionable or polished way.
The outing is a ‘date’ in the sense that when a man and woman go on an outing together without anyone else in attendance, it’s usually described as a ‘date’.
2) Each of the five men are described with regard to their age (mid-thirties), size and posture/poise, drunkenness, and relation (or rank) with the other men in their group.
a) My thoughts: This is a specific group of five individual men. Each man is described in a way that tells me about his character and motivations.
After commenting and describing my thoughts about the story, the replies I received are interesting.
Apparently, my comments show the following:
– My general thoughts about all men in general with regard to the entire male population;
– My unspoken assumptions about whether the men in the story would date me;
– My attitudes to dressing up;
– My apparent quest to find a date;
– The most appropriate places for me to find a suitable date;
– My apparent quest to find a man who would love me for my soul regardless of what I look like;
– Whether or not I am sure of what my thoughts are (… ?);
– Another commenter mentioning the blog rules (… ?);
– Another commenter mentioning her “deep-seated aggression” and what she does to deal with it (… ?)
😳
… and here was I thinking I’d comment about a story I had just read …
It makes me think that there is a tendency for some to jump to unsubstantiated assumptions and conclusions, ready at all times for some imaginary battle that doesn’t exist.
It also makes me think that once a person is regarded as a scapegoat, that ‘role’ (for want of a better word) is set in stone.
The ‘scapegoat’ mantle is forever in place and will not shift no matter what else is said or not said.
It has made me seriously consider leaving the blog because it’s unfair, long-lasting, and has a detrimental effect on my thoughts and actions outside of the blog.
In the interests of learning and progress, though, I think it’s more helpful to talk about it.
Hello Wisernow,
I love your sarcasm.
Bar: yes, I agree with you, I found it too a bit suspicious. I’ve been to such high end roof top bars a few times, where just a cup of coffee would cost 40$. It seems unlikely to meet those type of men under described setting. But I believe, it’s not the point of the story. Details may vary from real ones.
“Apparently, my comments show the following:
…
– Another commenter mentioning her “deep-seated aggression” and what she does to deal with it (… ?)”
No, it’s not the case. My comment has nothing to do with you. I replied to TS, because, I think, she felt that I was discouraged by your reply. Though in reality I wasn’t. But she doesn’t know me and she has expressed an empathic attitude towards me for which I felt grateful and had an impulse to reciprocate and explain.
“It makes me think that there is a tendency for some to jump to unsubstantiated assumptions and conclusions, ready at all times for some imaginary battle that doesn’t exist.”
If by “some”, you are referring to me. Then yes, I do that.
“Scapegoat”. I assume and jump to a conclusion, that you are talking about yourself.
Not sure where this feeling came from. Me personally, not considering you that, not ignoring you and I enjoy reading your posts. I might agree or disagree with what you are saying, but it’s a secondary. No need to lock yourself up in a cave and think the whole HG blog is against you. Cause it’s not the case. You have a fallout with one of the blogger. She doesn’t like you. So what? I don’t think this blog is a popularity competition. Or whose post gets the most likes and replies.
“It has made me seriously consider leaving the blog because it’s unfair,..” what is unfair?
You are accusing some people of fighting imaginary battles, but are you sure that you are also not the one who are imagining things?
If it matters for you, I don’t want you to leave the blog. If doesn’t matter, well, life goes on.
WiserNow, today’s menu: challenge fuel. I know you prefer the positive, but try next door, please.
You were told to grow up after you have suggested that I’m HG, who, in your deluded mind, went after you since you’re a very special and important person who is worth the effort of the Ultra himself, to consider doing that.
It didn’t take long and in your common self-absorbed manner you hoovered on this article, now continue to whinge woe is me I’m leaving the blog wah wah wah and then suggest talking about ‘it’.
What you’re actually saying is: continue to give me the attention and continue to talk about me.
As you wish.
To be realistic: you’ll stay. It’s very unlikely for your narcissism to let go of the source where you acquire both, positive and challenge fuel.
You left in the past and returned after a week or so and happily hoovered the usual suspects.
Aside from that, no one wishes for you to leave, in my opinion, you’re too good of an example and some of the sleeping beauties like your cognitive empathy, which fair enough is not that bad, and you also learn from them, bolstering up your facade, understandably.
If you’re thinking that I want you to leave? No.
HG is fair and welcoming to everyone, including you and including the narcissists in the past, and the narcissists who even consult with him, and he moderates your comments, he answers your questions, he is THE man, the effective and adorable narcissistic psychopath, you subconsciously try to control and place yourself above. Like TOW subconsciously tries to place herself above the institution.
And “In the interests of learning and progress” I can’t wait to see which of the three assertions of control you’ll apply next!
Back to the evidence.
1. FIVE men approach an attractive couple. The Alpha wants what he has set his predatory gaze on: destroying the rival, acquiring the girl. FIVE men against ONE man.
2. HG uses just his intelligence, just his power of words, just his presence, his innate and trained ability in order to defend his girlfriend and stand his ground. He destroys the intent of the five men who planned to bully the couple into submission, potentially harming both in various ways later.
3. The passive aggressive Middle-mid-range type B narcissist WiserNow arrives in the comment section and plays the ‘what if’ game and CHANGES the narrative about the awareness of herself as the IPPS (“*now* that I know about narcissism”) AND triangulates HG with the five man and her own *now* elevated grandiose self. She puts ALL men in the same category which allows her to invalidate HG by insinuation and triangulation, stating: — If I were your intimate partner primary source, HG, I’d dismiss you, I would walk away, because I’m a feminist, and how would I ever consider going out on a date with you – the disappointment. It’s futile to do my hair, makeup and dressing up for your ego-tripping male buffoonery, you’re so full of your ego, snide and self-absorbed. I can imagine how awful a date with you/five men would actually be. — You’re all the same, you’re below ME. (https://narcsite.com/2025/07/30/the-psychopath-defends-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-461661)
4. HG accurately observes that potentially neither of the men would be interested in her to begin with.
5. The grandiosity of the narcissist continues: — “a) as soon as I opened my mouth to speak and used a word with more than three syllables, their (HG and the five men) eyes would probably glaze over. and/or b) I have the wrong hair colour/dress size/body shape/height/etc.” — Complaining about not being perceived as attractive enough, pointing to more cerebral rather than somatic traits.
“c) there may be a reason one or more of the men in the story would want to date me: residual benefits.” — Insisting on her relevancy for HG and five men even though she dismissed them, they don’t matter, but she still does of course.
6. Arya accurately observes that predators would not let a prey walk away easily if they had set eyes on that prey and makes further accurate observations about the aloof behaviour the narcissist (WiserNow) demonstrated in her ‘what if’ game.
To which Arya receives an ignorant reply. — “Your comment is one long assumption. Keep learning, Arya, and be sure to say all the ‘right’ things.” — Dismissiveness, put down, invalidation, belittlement. The obvious hypocrisy as it was herself who started the ‘what if’ game assuming that she would end up being IPPS on that date to begin with. — Grandiosity.
7. TS accurately observes that such statements are both misleading (particularly to new readers) and wholly disingenuous. Given the fact that WiserNow enjoys full freedom in commenting as she wishes to but towards Arya she uses ignorance and accusation: “be sure to say all the ‘right’ things.” i.e. there’s a restriction going on here which doesn’t allow me (WiserNow) to speak my mind without being challenged on what I produce.
8. My own question to the narcissist was: “Where does a petty self-absorbed remark such as ‘None of the men in this story appeal to me’ even stand?” — Given the simple fact that HG demonstrated intelligence, logic, the power of words and his undefeatable presence — without needing to involve himself in a physical fight, he defended his girlfriend and won against five predators whose intent was about causing harm to the couple. But the narcissist WiserNow concludes that “none of the men” i.e. including HG, are not worthy to appeal to her. Which in fact is a petty and self-absorbed remark in comparison to HG’s motivation as a whole where he allows us to understand the various facets of his psychopathy and aspects of his narcissism with regard to the act of defence. Where WiserNow but decides that it’s appropriate to comment in such a way by ensuring to put HG down and elevate herself.
9. The narcissist then replies by changing the narrative, by deflecting, by dismissing the observations of others as false accusations and an attack upon her. She uses pity plays and seeks sympathy by continuing to put herself in the center of attention as the VICTIM who now threatens to leave the blog because she is wrongly put into a status of a scapegoat. Nevertheless she wants to discuss the matters further — continuation of attention seeking because after all it’s all about her, and the world is simply against her and she is holier than thou but in reality just a passive aggressive crybaby narcissist.
There is zero accountability for her own commenting towards others and the blog owner, whom she repeatedly invalidates using passive aggressive manipulations and provocations through her sense of entitlement masking it as — I just want to share what’s on my mind, it’s my right to do so, I’m entitled to it and if anybody questions me or make critical observations in relation to my comments — those people are wrongdoers and false accusers.
And then she runs to HG and demands: How dare you allow comments which are challenging ME?! And is it actually YOU – HG, who is pretending to be other readers, attacking me?!
Through and through deluded and entitled narcissist, provoking a reaction via the strand of manipulations her construct is equipped with. See the variety of manipulations of a Middle-Mid-Range Narcissist Type B. Mainly passive aggressive, self-absorbed, pity plays, sympathy symphonies, crybaby narcissist.
Hi Jordyguin,
It’s unclear to me why you felt the need to wade in to this thread.
The commentary here had nothing to do with you and your comments to me in previous threads suggested you wanted to stop interacting with me.
Although, your latest vitriolic and long winded rant has inadvertently made something more obvious to me about narcissism.
You have given me an insight into the effects of a vertical social structure, as follows:
1. Consider that a vertical social structure is the ‘system’ or ‘construct’ in place in a society;
2. The established social structure creates instantaneous judgements in the majority of individuals based on a superficial and unsubstantiated ‘forced’ social ranking system;
3. Individuals repress genuine emotional reactions while adopting normalised façades that are ‘learned’ as a result of being conditioned by the prevailing social structure;
4. Repressed genuine emotions fester and accumulate;
5. The forced social ‘status system’ limits and denies natural human reactions, will, and achievement for the majority;
6. Aggressive emotions increase due to 4 and 5 while empathy decreases in the majority of individuals;
7. Aggressive emotions need a release once triggered or when they reach unsustainable levels;
8. Aggression by those with little to no empathy is released on targeted individuals perceived by those with little to no empathy as weak or unable to retaliate;
9. Targeted individuals are scapegoated and systematically attacked and devalued in various ways;
9. Scapegoated targets are ‘demoted’ according to the established vertical social structure which includes political and legal sub-constructs. This ‘demotion’ is normalised as a result of the prevailing social system;
10. Aggression is rewarded because it is perceived to rank more highly according to the established vertical social structure;
11. Aggression is expressed in increasingly spurious ways most often through displays of wealth and social means predicated on wealth;
12. The pattern continues and the vertical social structure is reinforced.
13. The baseline level of collective genuine empathy is reduced.
Thank you for the insights, Jordyguin.
It’s unclear to you why I commented? Well let’s put it this way; you’re not the sharpest tool in the box. The rest of your comment I didn’t read.
… now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’m interested to see how this story unfolds, HG.
Thank you for this series, HG. You have created an entertaining and thought-provoking scenario.
After considering each of the characters in the story, my thinking is that if I was Tabitha watching on as the situation unfolded, my instinctive reaction *now* that I know about narcissism would be:
– I’d stand up from the table;
– walk to the nearest waiter;
– make it known that I’d like the bill;
– pay for my share of the meal;
– order a taxi;
– make my way home alone;
– when I got home, I’d change into comfortable clothes and take my makeup off;
– then I’d make a cup of herbal tea and enjoy a home-made dessert in peace while I contemplated the futility of getting dressed up and spending time on my hair and makeup only to have a disappointing evening.
Honestly, who needs ego-tripping male buffoonery?
And who needs to be a flavour-of-the-month trophy in public and sex-toy in private?
None of the men in this story appeal to me. Each one is full of their own ego and sounds snide and self-absorbed in his own way. I can imagine what going on a date with any one of them would be like.
You are assuming they would date you.
Actually, HG, I wasn’t assuming anything. My comment was based on reading the story and thinking about it. Evocative story, by the way.
Now that you mention it, though, assuming I was in the appropriate age group of the men in the story …
I assume the men in the story would not want to date me.
This is because:
a) as soon as I opened my mouth to speak and used a word with more than three syllables, their eyes would probably glaze over; and/or
b) I have the wrong hair colour/dress size/body shape/height/etc.
Either way it would be a blessing in disguise.
… after giving my reply more thought, I am assuming there may be a reason one or more of the men in the story would want to date me: residual benefits.
You know Wisernow:
To me, I want to look good of course but as I age…. I want the man who loves me to love me for my soul. Yes find me attractive but truly love me. Our body is a vessel that ages. And a bunch of drunk letches at a bar would be putrid to me now, It would not be flattering. I want the man who I love to love me back. It’s only this person who matters. I know women who want male attention really and not even a particular man. I never understood that….what’s the point? Now I am not a magnet. I don’t like being the center of attention …I used to call myself a purist. I want a real conversation, a genuine connection, love. Whether it’s friendship love, intimate love or family. The rest is just nothing really. When I was on vacation this year… a few times these drunken men or once sober would walk up to me. Th funniest was this man who said he would rub my feet from all the walking I did … now I thought that was clever! ….but the one stranger that I recall is this nice man who said hello while walking his dog and he revealed he was in therapy and he had his heart broken over his ex girlfriend. I revealed I just got divorced and we had this meaningful supportive chat and wished each other well. Now that’s the kind of attention I like from utter strangers. Kindness. Kindness. Kindness. Meaning. And while I don ‘t depend on the kindness of strangers, it is refreshing and appreciated when we meet them. It doesn’t n ed to be a man either, it can be anyone;) I am certain all empaths feel this way!
By the way my comment was in general…. Not an analysis of the motivations in the series. I just never understood those type of men. It’s so meaningless and pointless in the scheme of things. But I haven’t used an internet dating service or met someone in a bar. I haven’t been on a date. I meet someone. Become friends and then end up years later. I am single now and sort of keeping my eyes open. Not ready yet but hoping I won’t be single forever. So many people say you must do this or that or get out….I honestly don’t know the future. We shall see but bars… not for me…. Dating sites…. Not for me. But if I bump into someone on a trip or a dog park 😊
Contagios,
You should try dating sites. It’s stimulating. You would learn a lot. Time consuming though. Replying to all these messages. Just don’t use filtered or too flattering pictures. No point if you are serious about meeting the one, who would love your soul.
Do not use dating sites.
Wisernow,
You won’t be able to get to a waiter, they would block your way, surrender you, start saying things etc. Not fun stuff. They are drunk and behave like animals.
Plus, a bit strange reaction to walk off from your partner like that. The assumption here that you have some feelings for him. Or, for an example, it’s your husband, so you just stand up tell him: “oh, my dear, I don’t want to get involved, I’m going home, see you there. Have fun”. That would be odd, don’t you agree?
Though here it seems the beginning of relationship cause this phrase ” Do not concern yourself, darling” to me is a bit extra (superfluous). Maybe Tabitha needed this reassurance. Seems off to me. In my cases, I didn’t hear that, cause it was obvious, he is my man and should protect me. If he can’t, why do I need him then?
It would be interesting to see how this story with HG and Tabitha unfolds. Usually after words exchange, those guys would ask to go outside to clear things out. Although, a fight might start inside a bar or a club. He needs only to deal with a leader, physically or verbally. The rest normally are just his pawns, following him. But a real fight till the end is rare, cause of security guys. Once I was in a situation, where it got completely out of control in a matter of minutes. It was a total mess. Quite scary.
“who needs to be a flavour-of-the-month trophy in public” I don’t understand, what do you suggest? To wear a hijab when go to a bar or club with your man? Kind of natural to me, that you want to look attractive for him. Plus, when you are young, you can get into such situations, not even dressed up, just wearing jeans and sneakers.
Your comment is one long assumption. And HG accused me of assuming.
Keep learning, Arya, and be sure to say all the ‘right’ things.
Wisernow,
Are u sure? I kind of like you, actually.
Hello Arya,
I have been commenting on the Narcsite blog for several years now. The blog is an excellent resource for furthering your understanding of narcissists, empaths and the dynamic between the two. In addition, we now have psychopathy to learn about, which I personally find fascinating. For many people, commenting is an important part of the learning process. As a new arrival to the blog I would never want you to feel as though you could only comment in agreement with other readers or with HG.
This is not my experience of the blog. I have previously disagreed with both HG and other commenters and have not been penalised for doing so. There is no requirement to say the ‘right’ thing at all and I regard such statements as being both misleading (particularly to new readers such as yourself) and wholly disingenuous.
It is useful for new readers to familiarise themselves with the blog rules laid out on the home page, those rules are there for the benefit of us all. Then I would say, “Just fill your boots and enjoy the blog!”
Hello TS 😊,
Thank you for your comment. Tbh, when someone is expressing a kind attitude towards me, I don’t know how to react properly. It disarms me way more than insults or attacks on me.
I’m not quite a new reader. I have been commenting probably starting December last year. So it’s about 8 months I’m here. I have changed my name a few times, therefore it might have caused some confusion. I won’t do it again, I will keep this one.
” I would never want you to feel as though you could only comment in agreement with other readers or with HG.” – thank you 💕 and no, it’s not exactly what I feel, I’m affraid of a different thing. I can be impulsive, and may lash out at a person for no reason. And as I recall, I have already done this a few times at this blog, but fortunately, it was moderated by HG, a big thanks to him.
I have a deep seated aggression inside me, I don’t know how to get rid of that. Sport and a good sex helps a bit, but it remains there. Maybe this blog would help me to find an answer how to deal with it. If not, then still I enjoy reading posts and articles here. Though some HG’s articles make me either really angry or sick to the stomach.
Arya,
I can relate to what you say about people showing kindness towards you and you finding it disarming.
When I was at my lowest after online narc, I went out to work, was on top of family and social commitments, turned it all on, took pride in the fact that not a single person knew how I was really feeling. If at that point, someone had gently asked me, “TS, how are you doing really? How do you feel?” I think I might have crumpled, lost my grip. To function, be normal, play at being me was far easier. I can keep that up for ages, just run and run that whole persona that is the expected ‘me.’ Really though, I only started to heal when I stopped pretending to be me.
I think if I was to advise myself now, I would ask myself to try to schedule a little time each day to really think about what happened. Do it alone, maybe when walking the dog, without distraction or concern that someone might walk in. Think about it only during the allotted time, not beyond it and accept that thinking about it will hurt, but it is part of the healing process. To play act at being me indefinitely only ever delays the process, it doesn’t result in me not having to work through it.
To you and your anger! In my experience, many people lash out when they are hurt. Some people, not all of course. I view the lashing out as the pain escaping. Ensnarement is a wholly overwhelming experience and I think what some of us go through afterwards is very similar to the grieving process. Some stages of that process seem to pass more readily than others. I got stuck in the sadness phase, really stuck, but seemed to pass over the anger phase. Different empaths, different traits I suppose.
I have lashed out on the blog before now though, not long after arriving actually. I wouldn’t say it was impulsive. I knew what I was doing and who I was targeting but I went ahead and did it anyway. I apologised once I had calmed down. I felt awful. I didn’t go full cray cray but I did regret what I had said and it was definitely a case of the pain getting away from me. I’m glad HG moderated your comments appropriately. I think he knows when something is out of character, that helps.
Thanks for the heads up by the way. I’ll know to suit up and go full shield if disagreeing with you! Haha! I’m glad you decided to keep your name this time, building relationships with people who get it, who have experienced similar, is important I think. You can only do that effectively if you hang on to your name.
Arya, hi! Your other names were Nata and Lilu, right? Lilu reminded me of Leeloo from Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element, I loved that! Arya is a very beautiful name too and also fits your personality! Arya – like Arya Stark from Game of Thrones, and the name’s origin in Sanskrit is also lit!
TS has put it neatly – “Commenting is an important part of the learning process.” – And the blog’s purpose after all is the exchange about the themes in it, which as a whole process is unparalleled, if you compare it with other platforms or forums. And – “There is no requirement to say the ‘right’ thing” – is on point and nor is it truly possible. We come from different backgrounds with differing opinions, predilections, tastes, differing personality types in how we share and engage, and through that engagement learn about each other. And if not it’s not an issue either. There are differences and there are similarities and it’s particularly interesting where we compare the empaths’ school/cadre and their drivers and the same goes for the narcissists and their classifications…
You wrote: “I’m affraid of a different thing. I can be impulsive, and may lash out at a person for no reason. I have a deep seated aggression inside me, I don’t know how to get rid of that.”
For no reason, I don’t think such a thing exists. There must be a reason. And also the responsibility might not always lie within you or your interpretation of the situation. If you will be provoked directly or indirectly or there is a stark disagreement of thoughts and opinions it may trigger the anger and the reaction which you describe, which is legitimate.
How to get rid of that? Why do you want to get rid of it? Would it be practical in all situations?
Perhaps you don’t need to get rid of it in certain situations. In other situations you may need to because you want to.
What will it give you? What will be the benefit? (for you and others). If the benefit outweighs – you’re getting closer to finding a solution of how to reduce the anger.
In other situations – let anger rule – if it’s in an appropriate amount and safe i.e. you’re not running a risk of being harmed or harm others. Or you might want to join a Karate club or dig in the dirt, or climb trees (you must know yourself and find out what works for you) to channel the energy of anger. And if you make a mistake in your anger management – let the mistake rule and recognise the ineffectiveness of certain mistakes.
HG often mentions the ‘effectiveness’ and the evaluation of ‘does it serve a purpose, yes or no?’ – this is what we can learn from our Ultra when we analyse our behaviour.
“Sport and a good sex helps a bit, but it remains there.” – Yes, the two are first aid and the fastest route in order to reduce stress, to release endorphins and oxytocin. But the tension returns rather quickly and remains, as you say. Your body keeps you in an alert mode over the top, where potentially it’s no longer necessary. Adrenalin, cortisol and noradrenaline help you to adapt in stressful situations but when they begin to circulate in your body as a chronic cycle – they form the addiction to stress. The chronic cycle of these hormonal releases was put in place to keep you in a habitual fight or flight mode when you were a child and your body adapted to this form of survival. It became a habit without your consent. By being an ACON (a child of a narcissist) you had to survive in the presence of a narcissist who kept you on your toes without you having a proper mechanism of how to deal with the threatening circumstances. These neural pathways were weaved into a thick rope. To unweave this rope – one could begin by understanding how emotional thinking ticks and how one is triggered by narcissists in your day to day life and also through your circulating thoughts – where you fight scenarios in your head…
As you already mentioned – the blog/YT-channel/books will help you to find answers and that might automatically solve the inner turmoil for particular inner conflicts and questions which surface in a form of anger.
Do you have a favourite article or articles/series at the moment or since you came on the blog?
What aspect of the information was particularly enlightening to you?
What aspects do you feel you need to know more about?
Hello Jordyguin 😊,
Yes, you got it right 🤗 Actually, I was recently thinking about changing it again to Lucy. There is a movie Lucy with Scarlett Johanssen, not a high brainer, but I enjoy movies like this one, with action. So there is a moment there, where she kisses a French police man, after he asked why she needs him. She replied: “as a reminder”. That’s how I feel when I’m looking at/interacting with the men recently. I think, I have finally found my second half. It’s Me. But anyway, I will keep Arya.
This blog and commenting.
Yes, I agree. This blog is unique. I even get a feeling, like I somehow was sucked to be here. “Drawn to” for a better word, by an invisible force. I wonder sometimes, why I’m commenting here. I don’t usually do this at any other platforms with such frequency. Mostly observing. It seems a bit like an addiction, which is not good. Maybe I should stop. What am I looking for by being here?
“I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields..” ..
“We come from different backgrounds ….” Totally agree. I love all people here. Even if someone says smth nasty/unpleasant to me, it would probably spoil my mood for 15 minutes, and next day, I wouldn’t care. The only exception is HG. It would take me 20 minutes to recover))
On aggression: actually, over last several months I’ve noticed it is slowly subsiding.
Yes, it helps when fighting narcs during devaluation, but in general, it’s not helpful at all. The one that causes me the most damage is relationship at work, when I lash out during important meetings at someone after their incompetent comment.
Potential for self-harming. As you correctly described about adrenaline, one way to reduce anger is through taking a risk. Many ways to express it. One simple example is speeding. I was speeding like a nut case at some point in my life, when I was alone in the car. Got me into trouble occasionally. Skydiving, rollercoasters etc. But recently, I don’t need that anymore and I don’t speed almost.
What you say after a word ” sport..” is very true. Made me pause to think. About the cause for that. Thank you.
I do cardio, high heel dance. Downhill ski is over for me, once I flew about a kilometer downhill with one ski not came off, raptured my strains and partially menisque. Miracously, I didn’t break anything. But I got a fear after that for high steep slopes. Only green ones now. Martial arts/box – I tried, I don’t like it, it breaks my manicure. And in general, I don’t like to hit people for no reason.
“Do you have a favourite article or articles/series at the moment or since you came on the blog? What aspect of the information was particularly enlightening to you?”.
In terms of HG’s materials, his books are the most mind blowing and evoked a lot of various reaction in me. Videos are more soft. Helped me to put many puzzles together for behaviors and situations in my past, present and myself. And ofc, that’s why I ran away from my husband in February, and divorced, though another narc led me here. Lost a lot in the process, but, I’m free now and a freedom tastes very good. Many other things happened since I came here last year. And still happening. I have no idea where and what is going to be with me in one year, tbh. Future is unclear to me right now. Maybe I would end up homeless, sleeping near McDonald’s in Argentina, but still with iPhone, commenting on this blog. Who knows. Maybe I die.
I’m reading “loved and loathed” book last several days.
Favorite article, I haven’t read all them yet. Hmm… The ones spring to mind and the most sickening/triggering ones for me are “the rise and fall of the empire”, “buried alive”, “let’s pretend” and the one where HG is a judge, about smearing. Don’t remember the name. I love all educational articles, where HG explains what the words or actions of narcissists actually mean, and why they do this. All articles are great and interesting. But if it’s needed to pick one favorite, I would probably go for “Prayer”. Maybe because I don’t believe in GOD and don’t pray. I’m my own savior. From a recent videos – my favorite one is about a creature. What about yours? Which ones are yours favorite?
“What aspects do you feel you need to know more about?” – about Empaths. I have already got some questions answered by him during consultations. But still other questions remain. Cause, for example, I’m majority super 67%, but I have 19% codependent. So how does it manifest? I sometimes draw the line and sometimes don’t? It depends on what? A bit confusing. But I did draw several lines in my life, that’s for sure.
And it would be great to hear the ending to : Tom Hardy conclusion, Ensnared series (would poor Ian escapes Ashleigh or not), Narc Island. Hope it’s not gonna be like with George Martin, I have been waiting for the winds of winter book for a decade. And it seems it’s not going to be finished ever. Probably, George Martin is a narcissist.
Hi TS, 😊
What you described about the anger is very accurate. Regarding hiding emotions – I think it’s good you can do that. I’m, actually, experiencing difficulties with that. My emotions are on display. I’m easy to read in that regard.
“think I might have crumpled, lost my grip” – yes, I know what you mean.
It did happen once to me, last year ( I was a total a mental and emotional mess), at work, when a good colleague of mine approached me with a really concerned face, and asked if everything is okay with me, and I burst in tears. He didn’t judge or question me, just advised to go home and not worry about work, he would handle. He is a kind person.
“I have lashed out on the blog before now though, not long after arriving actually. I wouldn’t say it was impulsive. I knew what I was doing and who I was targeting but I went ahead and did it anyway. I apologised once I had calmed down. I felt awful. I didn’t go full cray cray but I did regret what I had said and it was definitely a case of the pain getting away from me.”
I can easily relate to that. And maybe many are behaving like that (lashing out) when they get here for the first time. Because of the abuse. Recent one or ongoing. Pain seeks the outlet. Imagine how many comments have never seen a light 😅 And it’s good. Ignorance is bliss sometimes. We don’t need negative fuel.
Thank you again for your reply💕
Hi Ary! Hi Lucy! I LUV that name and the film of course!!! Luc Besson is one of my favorite directors. Léon, Lucy, Anna, Nikita/Nina, The Messenger, 5th Element, Malavita The Family — are amongst my all time favorites. Did you know Lucy2 is coming! Like WHAT??? What can you come up with after Lucy1? I imagine time travel??? Going through the center of the galaxy, black hole, universe??? I agree about the exquisite action sequences and Besson’s vision is unmatched! Oh yes, I get what you mean “as the reminder” lol. Even though action plays a necessary major part in your energetic constitution, which is amazing, I love that, but you’re also moving towards new realisations about life and yourself in a Lucy-style transformation! Do you remember the scene when she went overboard in her empathy culmination a la Contagion but the further her potential grew she also then switched to absolute effectiveness to achieve her goal. She calculated ahead of time till the last millisecond where the last bullet was about to end it all. Goosebumps! Hahaha Besson knows what he’s doing! That’s what reminds me of HG’s teachings — we don’t need to switch off our empathy but we need to acquire logic, critical thinking and evidence based approach to life, which will make us effective! It’s not something empaths were used to, for centuries. Emotional thinking outweighed our logic for quite long and the consequences arose from that. Time to evolve.
“This blog is unique. I even get a feeling, like I somehow was sucked to be here. “Drawn to” for a better word, by an invisible force.” — Hehe I have a meme for you a reader in the past has made about the blog, it’s so apt! I hope the link works:
https://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/b567/Flick216/75498374_zpsd1o89ztc.jpg
“…smth nasty/unpleasant…The only exception is HG. It would take me 20 minutes to recover))” — Lol. HG doesn’t do nasty towards his readership, as you know he is not led by emotional thinking or irrationality a la people which you may clash with on the blog potentially. And if you do, then try of course to get your own emotional thinking down as much as possible, it’ll work out, I have faith in you, assassin bug! You have the same Super percentage as JK Rowling, same potential to deal with stuff efficiently – Lumos!
“Work lashings out” — Damn that sounds rather difficult. There may be narc players involved. You gotta find out to exclude that possibility first and analyse the situation from different angles.
“..it breaks my manicure” — Lmao I hear you! Use just your toes, eyelashes, bottocks, find a way, girl!
“Many other things happened since I came here last year…Maybe I die.” — Maybe… If your time’s up, it’s up. If not, it’s all up to you. You have enough energy and potential to come through any difficulty in life which you’re facing at the moment. And you have the best advisor one can wish for should you need help — HG Tudor (consultation).
“Which ones are yours favorite?” — Most recently I’ve listened for hours to “What Haunts The Narcissist? The Creature” – it’s only 14 minutes long but the information in it is endless. I feel a la Lucy my brain expanding in understanding when listening to it. It’s one of my favorites! Articles; Humanity, Stupidity, Boredom, Emptiness, Dominion, The World I See, The Beauty of Detachment. And I love when HG sings and laughs in the TOW series, I have an album of “HG sings” by now.
“About Empaths” — Did you find all the videos about the schools and cadres? If not, I can post the link for you.
“I sometimes draw the line and sometimes don’t? It depends on what? A bit confusing.” — Could you give examples where you feel like you don’t draw the line? So we can dissect it for clarity if it has to do with the 19% or if it’s something else?
Hi Arya,
The ability to hide emotions, to draw them into oneself is both a blessing and a curse, it depends on the situation. If it’s any consolation I quite admire the heart on the sleeve approach, it just isn’t part of my own make up.
It sounds like your work colleague is a kind soul and also quite perceptive, you never know, he might actually be an empath hiding in plain sight! Either way, he did the right thing for you there.
Haha yes, the moderation window would be very interesting to see although I think HG’s inbox might just have the edge!
Robert Greene has stated that anger is the most self defeating emotion as it prevents logical thought. I’m not sure I agree with him there, I think any heightened emotion can interfere with logical decision making. Controlled anger can be a motivator, so it’s highly likely that you could use your anger to advantage, you just might need to rein it in a bit. I don’t know, I haven’t seen it but I imagine that over time as your ET falls further, you will find it easier to wield!
Hello Jordy, 😊
Yeah the meme with Sean Bean is on point. And though it’s funny, I do feel consumed. I probably need a break. This is not good, when I’m taking a priority for posting here over various people who message me, wanting my reply and attention. I have a lot of things to sort out in my life right now.
That said, let me post again.
Yes, I love Luc Besson’s movies, though, for example, I also love David Lynch. Different experience. I love many genres, excluding melodrama. That gives me headache. Only with a few exceptions, like Revolutionary Road.
You have described Lucy movie so passionately, made me want to rewatch it)). No, I don’t have a list of names, which I choose from for avatar. It’s random. Just pops in my mind, that’s how I feel now, and then I decide to change to that. And you are right about the brain. That’s why I thought about her, not only “a reminder” part. My memory is improving, as well as my focus and analytical skills are slowly coming back. I was for sure, gaslighted during a marriage, heavily. Now I can see that. Even with simple things like disappearing cups/things, it was him. It was driving me insane.
Yes, the creature. I saved to my favorites.I love those articles too. Especially, Humanity.
“Did you find all the videos about the schools and cadres? If not, I can post the link for you.” Yes, I did. In addition, I have recently re-listened the ones, which are attached to the mail with EDC results. When I first time received it, I had no clue about schools and cadres, I just wanted to check if I’m a Narcissist or not. So those videos didn’t register in my head. But they are very good, and clarified some aspects better for me than YT ones (they are also great, just different).
I’m hybrid on cadres, and one of them is Carrier. YT explanation didn’t fit me much. But the short one, with clear examples, made me realized that I was in a full blown Carrier mode during my first marriage. I was doing almost everything, what HG described there. I even was taking his car to washing center every other weekend, cause I couldn’t see all these garbage he threw inside such a beautiful car (it was bright blue BMW). I have empathy for beautiful cars, as well, I guess :). So Carrier does fit me, too.
On drawing the lines.
What I meant, I do draw them, it’s just unfortunately, it takes time. I wish I did it earlier. I wasted years.
The way I imagine the combination of super and Co-ed is this. There is a scale (the one Lady Justice holds). So here comes a Narc to my life and puts 3 huge heavy golden rocks to the left side. Right side is empty. Then devaluation comes. And I’m starting to put small black rocks to the right side, one by one, slowly. Then those black rocks might get bigger in size. And sometimes a narc also puts small golden rocks to the left side, when he sees his side is lifting too high. So here we go, slowly right side is dropping. But there is a problem. My side has a hole. It’s 19% in area comparing to the whole cup area. So those small black rocks slip throw them all the time. Making my side to hit the bottom and create a boom bang longer in time. Or potentially never hit a bottom, if black rocks fit the hole and the rate of loading is too slow. Or he is a sly narc who puts golden rocks fast enough.
Clear examples from my real life would be my both marriages. I don’t have proof, that my 1st husband was a narc, but I’m 95% sure he was. Too many indicators. Especially, when I was reading HG material, it has dawned on me that my 1st husband was cheating on me, and not once, with many women, and he had lovers, long term ones. It is like a puzzle gets finally complete, it explained many things, really a lot of what happened and why. I was blind. I had never caught him or even suspected, despite many indirect evidence. I dismissed them. But if I did find out at that time, like with a hard proof, I would have leave him immediately. It would have been one hell of a huge black rock, which would cause those golden rocks fly to the sky from a scale like missiles, when right side hits the bottom.
Anyway, a second one was MMRA Elite, though I did a narc detector after a divorce, intentionally, because I was affraid if it shows that he wasn’t a narc, my resolution to leave might falter. So in my both marriages, I woke up one day and told myself: “it’s enough, I want a divorce”. But from that first moment till actual divorce , a few years had passed. I lost time. This 19% f..g Co-ed hole prevented me to draw the line earlier.
Also it seems like narcs are able to feel when you make a decision (only in your head, without saying or doing anything) to leave them. Really, they have a sixth sense or smth. They then suddenly do/say certain things (very pleasant ones) to prevent you from escaping and you stay, believing that things get better. They know the moment when to put another golden rock.
Ary, the temporary icon though, what beautiful handwriting you have lmao!! You know what, the sixth sense of the narcissist is sooo often mentioned. Exactly as you described it. There’s something to it!
Revolutionary Road was intense! And oh David Lynch was really just a friendly alien, wasn’t he!? Funny enough I found his conversations about art and film inspirational but have watched only one of his works, Mulholland Drive, and it threw me apart which meant that I would not be able to stomach his other works potentially. I had to draw the line with Mr. Lynch lol. But I still have followed a YT channel for a while where they forever analyse Twin Peaks. I cannot watch TP, the trailer already sets me in an alternate reality state but I was interested in the analysis of the discussion group. It was very much about the dreamy stuff and complexity of this particular storytelling type and characters…
I see now what you mean, the imagery was a good way of describing it! So basically you need just one huge black rock from the beginning to bam that scale to kiss the floor and send Lady Justice on vacation.
After you’ve realised and you’ve seen the indicators or unpleasant behaviour – each little golden rock is buying your excuse so to speak for another second chance and a third chance and a fourth and so on. When in reality you just need to pay attention to a couple little black rocks and turn around not giving any new chances at all anymore. I think the red flags HG speaks about will be very helpful to draw the line much earlier now. Maybe you need a new number of chances you’ll be willing to give out should the situation arise where you’re not sure to draw the line or not? Like a rule or something -Lucy/Ary only gives two chances. Upon the first disrespect you only give one more chance to ensure that you were not mistaken and if the disrespect occurs a second time – you know that it will only go downhill from that moment on.
Please more. Please. So cruel to deprive us of a deliciously satisfying conclusion.
Your voice just melts me, taking me into the world you’re sharing. You’re truly a master of storytelling.
I very much enjoy this format of learning.
I really enjoyed this story…please continue your story? Xx