Dr E was asking me about my relationships and how they always fall. Within this discussion, he wanted to know what happened when I decided that I was no longer interested in somebody. Through our frequent discussions, it is fair to state that there comes a point in all of my relationships (be they lovers, friends, colleagues and so on) that something happens where I lose interest and instead feel an overriding need to demean and belittle. Dr E wanted me to identify what it was that brought about this volte face.
I actually gave this quite a bit of consideration. I was thinking for so long that the silence clearly got to Dr E as he started to question me. Is it because I am no longer getting attention from that particular person? No. Often they are showing me the usual levels of adoration and attention. Moreover they will increase that once they sense I am losing interest. Try all they might they cannot rekindle my enthusiasm. Perhaps it is because they do or say something that you dislike? No. They often do this but this tends to happen after I have lost the passion for them, it is not the cause. Dr E groped around. Maybe then that it is because something more interesting comes along (notice how he said something rather than someone – he is starting to learn my vocabulary now). Again, no. Admittedly this often happens but it is not the cause. Dr E tapped his notebook with his pen.
“Do you know what it is then or perhaps you just don’t?” he asked.
I don’t like him suggesting I don’t know. I know everything.
“I do know,” I replied.
“It is because I can.”