For Better and For Worse

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You will recall saying this when we got married. You said this as a vow. A binding contract witnessed by God. You agreed to it. So, when it all goes wrong (as it will invariably will) what will happen? I won’t divorce you. You can be sure of that. That will take too much of my time and energy and I also want to keep you connected to me (see Fantastic Elastic) . If you decide to divorce me then you will face my full wrath. How dare you have the audacity to take such a step? You are alleging that I have done something wrong when we all know the reason was that you imagined we had problems in our marriage. Admittedly, I had the grounds to divorce you, based on your unreasonable behaviour in moaning, questioning and nagging me, but I persevered. I would not let the institution of marriage be sullied by your behaviour and I ploughed on. Now you have chosen, on false grounds, to divorce me. How could you? I have done nothing wrong. I gave you everything (in the beginning) and now you suggest that I am inferior in some way that you wish to part from me. Not a chance in hell.

If you thought being married to me was torture, try divorcing me. I will evade service of papers repeatedly so the process is slowed down. I will repeatedly change lawyers (because they don’t say what I want to hear and thus they are incompetent) and seek adjournments (continuances) based on those changes. I will reach an agreement with you and then deny I ever did. I will reach an agreement then breach it. I will dig up every and I mean EVERY sleight you cast in my direction and use it against you. You will be staggered at my recall of such (imagined) events which I will list and detail. I will up my charm offensive over your lawyer (who clearly fancies me by the way – he or she) and also over the judge. I will pay lip service in court to orders and soft soap the judge who will be taken in by my façade of calm, pleasant reasonableness (seen this before perhaps?) and you will be the one churning with rage as another hearing is delayed or goes against you. My assets will be hidden. I will not make support payments. I will deny the existence of assets. I will hound you. I will harass you and if you involve the police I shall switch to my charming self again in an effort to paint you as the aggressor. I will strain every sinew and muster every brain cell to outflank you in the hope that you will give up or concede ground to what I want. Divorce me and you will understand the concept of TOTAL war.

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8 thoughts on “For Better and For Worse”

  1. Why not just divorce and move on to your next victim instead of fighting a battle that you probably won’t win? That is wasting time.. Is your time not VALUEABLE?

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  2. Reading through your blogs.. and this is spot on. I went through each and every torture you describe and then some. I quite literally was so completely done in and just ‘done’ I was nearly talked into signing away rights to our children so I could ‘do him the favour of walking away and ending my life’. That played better in his head and of course would cement that fact that I was as crazy as he told everyone I was.

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  3. I did the unthinkable…I not only divorced the narc, but I left him for another man! One who earns less than he does, but is wealthy in other ways. One who has less formal education than him, but who is far more intelligent.

    Yeah. That happened.

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  4. I just found this blog and I have no idea if its ok to comment on past subjects( but are new to me as I read all the archives). I am reading through H.G.’s books. My heart is with all empath’s who post. I am looking for H.G.’s wisdom regarding my minor children learning these tactics.

    Married 20 plus years to physically/ emotionally violent Narc. Four children. I learned through trial and error ( broken bones, broken mind, broken spirit) how to survive. “N” told me the only way we would break up was by way of a coffin.

    So I played the game. ( H.G. ‘s game IS THE GAME) Play the game while you plan. Play the game until there is no love left. Play the game until you are ready for war.

    Narc’s have to sleep, H.G. you are justified in being scared of losing your kingdom when your eyes close.

    The marriage was horrific, the divorce was BRUTAL. My divorce was final less then a year ago. The divorce took over a year. If my children and I got him out of our daily lives I would have still considered it worth it.

    H.G- every tactic you wrote was utilized, again you hit the bullseye.
    But…..
    I WON! I won custody, I won more the 50% of assets, I won his hidden 401K., I won being paid back the joint assets he spent on his women, I won the highest child support allowed, I won him paying 70% of all medical, I won him paying insurance, I won him paying taxes, I won him having to take ALL his debt. I won the house and all its contents. I won back my self respect. He got the clothes on his back and a few peices of furniture.

    In December he was found guilty of contempt and had to pay my attorney fees…again.

    In addition, I took his balls and I keep them in my purse.

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    1. You are always welcome to comment on older articles all I look for is the comment to be relevant. You clearly had an excellent lawyer and/or a judge who was not fooled, combined with your own indefatigable spirit. I would hazard a guess that your ballsy attitude means you hail from Texas or at least the south somewhere. Of course, having been roundly defeated in court he will no doubt just seek to recover these losses by moving to another hunting ground and taking it out on someone else, but that is not your problem nor concern. I am sure he will want his balls backs at some point as well !

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      1. Ahhhhh… I’m in the fight of my life..year 5 in divorce, it was final as of 11/27/2015 but alas he has appealed the division of assets..the same assets which he says he doesn’t have. It’s normal to fight for something you don’t have, isn’t it? We have two boys 13/10, they have his number, they are brilliant…the judge on the other hand can’t get it together, ex has violated every single order and no contempt.

        He has now started another case against me for contempt ..all while being on house arrest with an ankle monitor, Fed case by jury coming in May.

        I’ve filed for a protection order from abuse for the boys and I in Feb. this year, still no court date. The guardian ad litem quit, the psychologist quit all from threats of their livelihood from none other than his attorney…every single solitary description is right on..I AM from Texas, currently living in Alabama…thank you for this!!! He won’t get his balls back either…

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